Busted!! 

It had now been nearly month since my mom had passed away. For over a year now, my husband and I had been talking about leasing a new truck. My car payment was up in March 2017 and so my husband thought up this idea that he’d take my car and we’d lease a new truck for me to be used as a family car. He had scoped out the car, and so one night while I was out, I decided to go take it for a test drive. I had just left the dealership when I get a text from my mom’s neighbor telling me that Satan’s car was at my mom’s house and she was carrying out boxes and putting them in the back of her car. She told me she didn’t see my brother and so as soon as I got the text, I immediately started heading to the house. If it was justSatan  in the house when I got there, there was going to be a huge fucking problem. The last time I spoke to my brother, when I confronted him about the emails I saw on my mom’s phone, he flat out told me that I should NOT be taking anything from the house until the will was settled. Now here was his wife carrying boxes out of my mom’s house. That’s a little fucked up for them to say. 
I was just about on the expressway when I got the text, and so I gunned it past the next four exits, heading to my mom’s house. I had been trying to catch them there for months now, but I was always too late. I called my husband up and was on the phone with him until I pulled up to the house. Finally, I saw their truck in the driveway. My husband told me to pull behind Satan to block her in because if she was indeed alone there, she was trespassing and stealing. I parked my car parallel to the street, blocking the driveway. 
I sat there in my car for a few second and tried to scope out the situation, but I couldn’t really see much, so I got out of my car and slowly walked up to the house. As I got up to the house, I see my brother walking by the big picture window in the living room. I walked up to the front door and try to open it but the door was locked. I grabbed my keys and quietly unlocked the door. I walked in to see two rows of garbage bags, lined up, stretching across my mom’s living room. There had to be at least 16 bags in there, full of what, I didn’t know. 
I can hear the noise of packing tape being torn off the roll and so I followed the sound to this small home office that my dad had built years ago, when he owned his own business. He split up our garage and made the one half his office and the other a small garage area for storage. I walked up and leaned against the door frame with my hand on my hip and said, “Oh hey, what are you guys doing here?”. My brother answered my question with the very same question for me. I replied with, “oh I was just in the neighborhood and decided to stop in…….so what are you doing here?”. First he claimed to had been there to clean out the food from the fridge and stuff. I looked over to see Satan standing there, holding the baby and nervously pacing back and forth. I knew she was biting her tongue. Next to her were two piles of boxes stacked almost as high as her head. I then said to my brother, “Well what are you putting in these boxes then?” and at that moment he snapped back and told me that he was, “taking all of his old toys and stuff from the attic.”. Again I looked over at the boxes next to Satan and next to the two piles was my mom’s Christmas tree. When I finally moved out, to live with my husband, my mom had stopped putting up her big tree. Instead, she brought this 3-4ft tall fiber optic Christmas tree. My brother hated that thing. I knew he wasn’t the one who decided to take it and so I asked him, “oh, so is that Christmas tree one of your old toys?”. That’s when he really got pissed and told my to “mind my own fucking business” and that he can, take whatever the fuck he wants.”. I looked at him and told him that he was a money hungry, greedy piece of shit and I reminded him how he told me not to take anything from the house. Before he could even answer, Satan jumped in and says to him, “Don’t talk to her anymore, she’s crazy!”, and that was when I completely lost my shit! 
It had been three years in the making. Over the past three years I had only gotten into exactly ONE verbal confrontation with her, and that was when she showed up at my house, unexpectedly at 10:00 at night. The last few years,  but especially the last two months, came flying out of me in the most vile of ways. I yelled at her, “Shut your fucking mouth you dumb fucking twat! You dumb fucking twat, shut the fuck up!”. I think I called her every nasty name my imagination could conjour up. Finally, my brother told me to leave and I snapped back, “I’m not fucking going anywhere! I have just as much of a right to be here as you. I’ll sit right the fuck down and put my feet up on the coffee table.”. That’s when I heard Satan say, “I’m calling the cops.”. I walked back in the room and shouted, “Good! Go ahead and call the cops because you’re only going to make yourself look like a fucking idiot, because you are trespassing on the property!”. “As a matter of fact…”, I said, “I’ll call the cops too.”. I dialed 911, but I was bluffing, or so I thought, I wanted to see if she actually called them first but as I said it I accidentally hit the call button on my phone. A few seconds later I heard a voice and hung up. Then moments after that I get a call back from 911. I answer the phone and tell the officer what’s going on.
I walked through the house which had random items scattered all over the place. As I talked to the dispatcher I decided it would probably be best if I just waited outside until the cops came. I didn’t want to scare my brothers 18 month old kid anymore. The sad part is, the kid didn’t seem the least bit upset or scared with all the yelling. It must be a normal occurrence in their home, and she’s been desensitized to it. 
I was outside for all of about two minutes when suddenly I hear the front door flying open. I look up and out comes Satan with the baby in her arms and she walks down the porch steps and says to me, “you need to move your car.”. As I watch her walk by, I turned and told her, “I’m not moving shit! You called the cops and now you’re going to wait until they get here.”. She huffed and puffed her way to the car and put the baby in her car seat. My brother followed a few seconds later. 
As my brother walked by I asked him why he went to a lawyer and lied about my mom having a will. He didn’t answer and so I asked again. Finally he turned around and said, “because you stole the will!”. I told him, “no you fucking asshole, I never had the will. I had to get it from the lawyer and I have the letter and the envelope to prove it.”. That’s when he said one of the most fucked up accusations of all, that I forged a document. When the lawyer sent me both of my parents’ wills, he also sent a cover letter that said he sent the wills at my request, and he dated and signed the letter. My brother was accusing me of forging the letter! If I was going to take my chances forging the letter, why wouldn’t I forge the entire will then and leave all the money to myself?! I never heard such stupid bullshit in my life but I was really fucking angry. My brother has known me my whole life and knows what kind of person I am. I don’t know who made up this psychotic version of me but I have my guesses. 
He walked back into the house briefly and came back out. In that time I had pulled up a photo of the letter and I showed it to him and asked, “This? You think I forged this?”. You have to be fucking kidding me…. I have the fedex envelope at home, I can prove it to you.”. He looked up and dead into my eyes and said, “I don’t believe you!”. I yelled back, “you are so fucked up! What happened to you?”, and then I asked, “where’s your integrity?”. 
The whole time all of this is going on, their kid is sitting in the car in the complete darkness. They didn’t even bother to start the car. It was December 17th and it was freezing that night. There was about an inch of snow covering the ground. Despite that though, Satan was walking around in this sleeveless, shirt with ruffles on the shoulders, like it was the middle of July! I guess when you’re cold blooded the winter doesn’t bother you as much? 
At this point there was so much commotion, my mom’s neighbors slowly started coming outside to see what was going on. My brother  and Satan are in and out of the house carrying things back and forth. Him and Satan are trying to lock me out of the house and it got ugly. At one point, my brother and I got into a screaming match, right on the front porch. Satan is trying to lock me out the house, but I pulled the door back open. She sticks her head up and started yelling in my face, “I will have you arrested and locked away for a long time!”, like she’s the sheriffs daughter or something.  “I told her to shut the fuck up!”. More of her psychotic threats. My brother is about 2 inches away from my face with his fist clenched and his arm up and cocked back in the air like he’s going to hit me. Satan yells out, “don’t hit her! That’s what she came here for.” 
Let’s just let that soak in for a second. I think that last statement is a testament to how truly fucked up her mind is. Why on earth would I come there with the sole purpose of having my brother punch me in the face? My mind would never Think that way. Obviously since she is the one who said it, that’s the way her mind operates. I’m not into setting people up like that. Only a psychopath wound think of or do such a thing.
As my brother is holding up his fist I was screaming, “go ahead, hit me! Hit me!”. I knew he wouldn’t. Suddenly without any notice Satan come out of the door and fully launches herself between me and my brother. My instincts kicked in and as she came towards me, with the back of my arms, I shoved her. I am not exaggerating when I say the very second my arm came into contact with her body, she flew back a second and started screaming, “She hit me! I’m pressing charges!”. I swear over my son, she then took her hand and lifted up the ruffles on her shirt saying that I left marks while trying to scratch herself so there were visible marks! She did it several times! I watched her. I couldn’t even believe what I was seeing! If nothing else in this blog has convinced you that this girl is a full fledged psychopath, this should! 
Things escalated so quickly that I cannot remember every detail in its exact order, but I do remember at some point I asked them which one of them stole the pain killers. They both looked like two deers caught in the headlights. Neither of them denied it. They just told me I was crazy (deflection). Had they not taken them they would’ve probably said something like, “what pills?”, or “where were there pain killers?”. I also asked them the million dollar question, a question a have asked my brother SEVERAL times since my mom’s passing, “where were you when she was alive?”. Neither of them ever answer that question when it’s posed, and sometimes it’s the lack of an answer that tells you everything you need to know. 
Things cooled down a bit after the screaming match on the front porch. My brother and Satan went back into the house and I stayed outside. I stood there smoking a cigarette, pacing up and down my mom’s walkway. I could see my brother and Satan standing in my mom’s living room just a few feet away from the large window. Satan is frantically going through her phone, dialing numbers and putting the phone up to her ear. My brother was just standing there still, staring off into space with this look on his face like he was thinking, “this is not good!”. I really do wonder at times if my brother realizes how much he has let this girl fuck up his life. I also wonder if he’s even upset that my mom passed or that him and I no longer have a relationship. Sometimes I wonder if there is any part of the brother I once knew, in existence. 
My husband called as I was standing out there and I had explained everything that had happened up until that point. Suddenly I hear the door opening behind me and out comes Satan and a few seconds later, my brother. Satan walks right past me and gets into her car. I’m giving my husband the play by play, “oh here they come now, they’re getting in the car! She’s starting the car……where the fuck are they going? They called the cops!…….oh she is putting her seatbelt on…..what the fuck?…… she’s backing up!…….she better not hit my car!…….what is this crazy bitch doing?……she better not hit my car ……..she’s going into drive……where the fuck is she going?….she’s…..holy shit! She’s…..she fucking driving across my mom’s front lawn! HOLY SHIT!!!!!

Yes, this crazy bitch some how did some Austin Powers maneuver and managed to get her car which was parked, sandwiched behind behind my mom’s and mine, and she fucking drove across the lawn! She then peeled out into the street and drove out of sight. God blessed us with snow that night so I could capture a nice photo of the tire tracks going across the lawn. 

By this point in time all of the neighbors are outside and they’re all just standing there completely dumbfounded, and then one says, “What the fuck was that all about?”. I yell back across the street, “you got me!”. 
She wasn’t even gone a minute and finally the police officer arrives. He opens his window and asks, what’s going on. I turned around and pointed to the tire tracks on my mom’s front lawn and said, “well for starters, that’s what’s going on.”. Some of the neighbors crept over and listened in as I explained the situation to the cop. As I’m talking, I suddenly hear what sounds like a car skidding out. I look down to the end of the block and see Satan stopped on the middle of the road that crosses over my mom’s street. She throws the car in reverse and turns down the block with her tires screeching the whole way. She pulls over and her and my brother come out of the car all calm and collected like nothing has happened and they start explaining their side of the story, of course making themselves seem like the innocent victims. 
The cop was kind of an asshole and didn’t seem like he even wanted to be bothered with this situation. Satan was doing all of the talking, explaining how she talked to the “executors”, (aunt Bea and Aunt Debbie) and they said that they could take whatever the fuck the wanted, but all they were taking was my brother’s old Star Wars figures from the attic. I explained to the cop how they told me not to remove any items from the house and then they are there doing exactly that. I also explained how no executors had been appointed yet and so no one should be telling them to take anything. The cops then asks me if I really care that my brother is taking his stuff from the house and I explained to him that he was taking more stuff than what was his and that I couldn’t see what was in the boxes. The cop asks e if I care that he’s taking “his” stuff. I said no, but I argued back that if we go that route, I can say that anything in the house is “my stuff” and that I can take it. Technically ifits in her house it’s her property. I also told him that his wife shouldn’t be in there taking anything either because it’s not her mother’s house. I think he kind of understood at that point and so he told us we should all just lock up the house and leave. My brother asked if he could go back in the house to clean up and bring the garbage bags out and so the cop said ok, but only him. I stood out there and explained to the cop that I was sorry for being so agitated and hostile. I explained  that they were never around when my mom was alive, but that they now had no problem going through all of her stuff. Satan then walked back over and starts going on again about how I left marks on her. She was walking over to the car with her arm out, trying to show the cop the invisible marks on her arms. I looked down and told her they were freckles and that she needed to look in a mirror. She started going on about how she was going to go down to the precinct and press charges on me. She must be a professional at falsely accusing people of shit since she knew that you must go down to the precinct to do so. The cop turned to her and said, “That shit ain’t gonna fly here honey, just go sit in your car and wait.”. She walks away mumbling some shit about me being crazy and needing to be medicated and so I asked her, “oh you mean like the medication you stole from my mom?”. She finally turned around and threw her hands up and said, “I don’t even know what you’re talking about.”. That’s another one of her favorite lines when she’s confront by something that’s irrefutable. 
Finally I realized the cop was going to be no help and so I asked him if I could just leave. I pulled down the block into the convenience store parking lot and waited. I was going to go in the house after they left to see what they took. That’s when I noticed another set of headlights coming down the block and stopping in front of my mom’s house. After a minute, I realized that it was my husband and so I pulled down the block again and got out. My husband later told me that as soon he got out of the car, Satan came running up to him with her arm out yelling, “look what your wife did to me!”. She was telling my husband that she was going to press charges and my husband said to her, “Satan, please stop. You want to go press charges, go ahead because my wife can g press charges because you are trespassing on the property.”. My brother jumped in to remind my husband that she was his wife, (which he also said to me when I pointed out the same thing) but the cop interjected by saying, “you should listen to your brother in law, (my husband) he’s right.”. My husband told them that He and Satan should step aside and let me brother and I handle things, but Satan wouldn’t allow it. He told them how ridiculous this whole thing was And a conversation started about the will and how my brother thought I had it and we thought he had it. My brother started explaining how they tried to contact the lawyer who drafted the will, but before he could finish, Satan jumped in and said, “don’t tell him anything.”. With that, she grabbed my brother’s arm and they got in the car and they left. That was the last time I saw or spoke with my brother. 

So….how long does she have? 

My mom ended up spending almost an entire month in the hospital. I brought her in on Aug 1st and she was discharged Aug. 28th. It was one of the longest months of my life. I picked her up from the hospital sometime in the afternoon. I knew from this point on I was going to have to be vigilant about helping her with her day to day tasks.
This hospital stay brought with it a lot of bad news. One being that her cancer had spread to her stomach. The other being that her kidney function, of her transplanted kidney was not doing so good and that she would inevitably end up on dialysis in the near future. In fact before she left the hospital the doctors decided it would be best to do a fistula in her arm. A fistula is when they connect a large vein to an artery so a patient can receive dialysis through it. If you’re not familiar with dialysis, it’s a life saving “treatment” for people with chronic kidney failure. Basically you are connected to a machine by two (very large) needles. Your blood exits your body through one needle and gets cycled through a machine (dialysis machine) where it’s filtered, sometimes nutrients are added and then it’s cycled back into your body by the other needle. While it’s a life saving treatment, it’s not a permanent solution. Your quality of life suffers as you must be tethered to this machine for four hours at a time, usually 3 times a week. When my mom did it back in the early 90’s when her kidneys originally failed, she also worked a full time job. It takes a lot out of you. You also must follow a very strict diet. It’s not fun and my mom was dreading it. 
I picked my mom up in the late afternoon that day. Before we went home, she asked if I could stop at the pharmacy to pick up the laundry list of medications she was prescribed. We drove to Kmart where also used to work. I asked if she wanted to wait in the car with my son but she told me no. She wanted to come in and see some of her old co-workers. Oddly enough she kept complaining about this pain in her butt that also went into her leg. I asked her if she had mentioned it to the nurses or doctors before she was discharged and she told me that they said it could be from being in the hospital bed for so long and that it should subside shortly. 
She was leaning on the shopping cart all the way through the store and she kept asking me to stop every so often so she could sit down and rest. Something wasn’t right. It took us over an hour and a half to do a complete circle around the store and it was worrying me. Everyday when I came up to the hospital, I encouraged her to do a few laps around the hallways with me and I didn’t recall her complaining about the pain although thinking back, I do recall her complaining a little about numbness in her butt cheek. We got her prescriptions and headed back to her house where I cleaned out her fridge which still had food in it from before she went into the hospital. She made me a list and I ran to the grocery store to grab some stuff so she’d have things to eat. I also grabbed her a slice of pizza and helped her get settled in for the night. I was really worried now about her being alone. 
Over the next two weeks the pain started to get worse. She did a search and diagnosed herself through doctor google with a bad case of sciatica. It was time to see the oncologist to talk about a treatment for her cancer. She had already seen one oncologist and went for her followup scans and this time we were seeing a different one who was affiliated with the hospital she had just stayed at which was much closer to where we lived. In fact it’s only 4 miles from my house. 
I was the one taking her to all her follow up visits but my brother asked to tag along to see the oncologist. It was the first doctor visit he had attended since he brought her for the second opinion back in the late winter. Since his job was right across the street from the hospital, I drove her there and he met up with us later on. We got into the office and the doctor started explaining how he wanted to try a medication that was fairly new to the market that was made to target her specific type of cancer. My brother started asking a lot of questions. Most of them were good but most them were questions that had he been an active participant in her healthcare, he would’ve already knew the answers to. My mom mentioned the pain in her butt and leg and the doctor prescribed her a fentanyl patch to take along with pain killers she already was on. 
We were wrapping up the appointment and waiting on the nurse to bring in a kit that gave us information about the chemotherapy drugs my mom was going to be taking when the doctor asked if we had anymore questions. My brother who was on his phone for most of the visit blurts out, “so, like how long does she have to live?”. Immediately my mom and I swung our heads around and looked at one another with these shocked looks. I couldn’t believe my brother would ask such a blunt question. I watched my mom’s eyes rapidly fill up with water and before the doctor could answer I screamed out, “Why would you even ask such a thing!?”. There was an awkward silence as in the room as I watched tears roll down my mom’s face. I turned to the doctor and told him, “She clearly doesn’t want to know that…” and I asked him to please not answer the question. My brother tried to back peddle by saying, “well, what’s the prognosis?”. I looked back over at my mom who was still shaking her head in disbelief and trying to choke back her tears. The doctor cut in with a very professional answer. He explained to my brother that he doesn’t like to give his patients expirations dates. That each person’s body is different and that it was all dependent on various factors. I was relieved to hear the doctors explanation but I was so angry with my brother. How could he ask that kind of question right in front of her? 
There was an obvious tension throughout the rest of the doctors visit. My brother kept his mouth shut and his eyes glued to his phone until the nurse came back in with some literature on the medication. My brother asked my mom if he could see it and he scanned it into this document scanner app that he had on his phone. When my mom asked what he was doing he explained to her that he was keeping track of all of her medical documents in his phone. My mom again shot me a puzzled look probably wondering like I was, how he had access to any of her medical documents prior to this visit. I didn’t want to say, but he probably found them while he and his wife were snooping through my mom’s mail and personal paperwork at her house. 
A week or so later we learned that my mom’s insurance had rejected coverage of the medication that she was supposed to get and so the doctor decided to try a different medication. Now it would be another few weeks before my mom received the next medication. In the meanwhile her pain was getting worse. She had started the 12mg fentanyl patch and it didn’t seem to be giving her any relief. I asked a friend of mine who was a nurse and she told me that she needed to give it a few days to work through her system. A few days passed and the patch still wasn’t helping and so I put in a call to the oncologists office and was told by the nurse that my mom had to take the pain pills in conjunction with the patch, which she wasn’t doing. Once she started doing that she got some relief. 
It was now mid September. My mom and all her sisters and brothers had planned a big party for my grandmother who was turning 90. Aunt Bea of course was the one in charge. Earlier in the summer she had sent out “save the date” invites on Facebook. I received that one but I wasn’t on the list for the actual invite, for some reason. She sent it to my husband, but not me. I really didn’t want to go. By this point in time I had not spoken to Aunt Bea, Aunt Debbie, their daughters or anyone else really in my family. I felt really uncomfortable about going but seeing that it was such a monumental birthday, I had to suck it up. 
At this point in time, my mom was getting fed up with her family. My son had started nursery school and I had posted pics of his first day of school, ever, on my Facebook page and not one person from my family (except my mom’s youngest sister) commented or hit the like button. My mom was really hurt by it and so she left a comment saying “I guess no one in my family cares that my grandson started school today.”. 

She asked me if I would be attending my grandmother’s party and I told that I was but I was doing so reluctantly. She told me she didn’t really want to go either but that we had to. I explained to her that I never even got a real invite. As upset with her sisters my mom would become, at times, she never believed that they’d purposely leave me out. I when to show her the invite requests that I had on my phone and I how I only had the one for the original save the date and not the actual party. 
Later that night I got home and suddenly I get this nasty text from my mom saying that she was so ashamed of me and couldn’t believe I wasn’t going to my grandmother’s party! A few minutes I get another nasty text from her youngest sister, my aunt Dana, telling me that she couldn’t believe I wasn’t going to my grandmother’s party and how she told her kids that she would disown them if they didn’t come and all this crazy shit! I had no clue why either of them were saying this and so I finally asked my aunt who informed me that she got a notification on Facebook saying I wasn’t attending the party! Sure enough I figured out that as I was searching my invites, I had accidentally hit the, “not attending” button on the save the date. I told them both to cool their tits and that it was a mistake. I also made a public post to let everyone know it was a mistake, so I could calm down all the gossip that I knew would take place but no one even responded. 
My place as the family “black sheep” had been solidified. I realized in the preceding years that my family was somewhat like a mini-Mafia and Aunt Bea was the boss and Aunt Debbie was the underboss and of you went against them or tried to break up their delusions of a perfect family, you were bound to be come rejected, outcasted and shunned by all. That’s exactly how I felt…..
(To be continued in my next post) 

To tell or not to tell, that is the question. 

I caught my brother and Satan going through my mom’s safe while she was in the hospital and the receipt I found on the floor that had fallen from the pile of papers had confirmed to me 100%! I call that divine intervention right there. What most likely happened was that they were looking at my mom’s will and they brought all the papers into her kitchen and spread them all out onto her counter. When they went to put them away, they probably accidentally grabbed the receipt and stuffed it in there. 
My husband and I left. He got in his car, I got in mine to head up to the hospital. I started to think back to that day when they went to my mom’s house and it hit me. My brother called me earlier on that day. I remember thinking it was extremely weird that he called me. At that point in time it had been months since I had physically spoken on the phone. In fact the last time was my birthday, all the way back in March. We hardly communicated at all but when we did it was always via text. I thought back to the conversation and how strange it was and I remembered that it seemed like there was no real purpose to the call. My brother is not very good at this kind of shit. The whole conversation was basically him trying to find out what I was doing that day, if and when I was going to the hospital, etc. I remembered hanging up with him thinking, “that was fucking weird! “. That’s when the lightbulb went off, “Holy shit.” He called that day to make sure I wasn’t going to be at my mom’s house! I knew something was up that day and there was more to that call.
The more I thought about everything the more angry I became. This was NOT my brother. It was not him going through my mom’s mail. It was not him going through her financial statements. It was not him looking for her will in the safe. I just could not see my brother masterminding any of this shit. While my brother is very intelligent, he is just not that guy who’s going to step up to the plate and take charge. He never was like that. He was always very unsure of himself. He couldn’t even walk into a family function by himself. He would always call me and see if I was coming and sometimes he’d even wait outside for me. When my cousin’s father in law died, I made plans to drive to his wake and my brother had to call me up and ask if I was going before he made a decision. There is just no way in hell I would ever believe he came up with this idea of calling me up to make sure I’m not in the area, going to my mom’s house, opening all of her mail, under the guise of helping her do bills and stuff and especially the laundry part. I mean he has NEVER done anything even close to that before. It’s just not him. My mom practically had to beg for him to help her with things. There’s no way. 
I had to decide whether or not I would tell my mom. I really didn’t want to upset her or hurt her. As much as I knew talks about her wishes would have to happen one day, I was very uncomfortable bringing this stuff up with her. I didn’t want to scare or upset her. She was already terrified. Satan was counting my mom’s money. That’s what she was doing. She wanted to see how hard she had to work on her investment. 
Ultimately I decided my mom needed to know. I got to the hospital that day and made sure she was ok before I settled in and started to talk about it. I believe she brought them up. I asked her what their reasoning was for going to her house that day and she said she really didn’t know but they said it was to do laundry and bring her clean pajamas. I pointed out her that they had only washed three pairs of pajamas and ended up buying her new ones anyway. So why did they bother washing the old ones if they were just going to buy new ones? I asked her if she knew what else they did while they were there and she said she didn’t know and so finally I told her. She was angry and ready to call them up and confront them. I told her to wait. I also told her that they had opened all her mail and went through her papers. She was pissed. She told me to hide the combination to the safe next time I went there. She too knew it wasn’t my brother. It’s just not stuff he would do and knowing that, it made her even more upset. I told her not to say anything and to play it cool until we saw they did something else or if they mentioned to her that they went through her safe 
The next day she told me she talked to them and there was no mention of them going in the safe but my brothers wife told her she went through all the mail and through out the things that she thought was unimportant. I would never. I have known my inlaws for a decade and I would never feel comfortable enough to go into their home while they weren’t there and start opening up mail. I didn’t even feel comfortable opening my own mother’s mail. Satan had a story to explain everything. The baby moved the basket near the safe. The baby ate the food. The baby did it all! She covered all grounds but none of it was making sense. It was still very weird that they hadn’t helped much with ANYTHING and now the one thing they do want to help with is my mom’s finances??? Something was up and from that point on I knew I needed to keep a close eye on them and what they were doing.
Satan’s life revolves around money. It’s all she talks about. Once she realized that she’d be inheriting almost a half a million dollars, my mom became and investment to her. For three years she completely disregarded my mom and her feelings. She had no relationship with her but once she went through her bills and financial statements and had an idea of where my mom stood financially, she befriended my mom. My mom was now an investment to her and the ass kissing started real hard at that point on. 

(To be continued in my next post)

Safe keepings 

My brother and Satan were putting in more effort during this hospital stay. They came to visit more often. Sure one can say they realized my mom had cancer and they saw that they were wrong for treating her like a piece of dog shit for the past three years and they may be right, but I have to question why someone who previously had absolutely no empathy for my mom, suddenly started to treat her like a real human being. Not only did she start acting as if she cared for my mom but at some point she actually took over all communication with my mom, for my brother. If they were coming to the hospital, Satan would be the one to call my mom and make the arrangements. No matter what it was, she would be the one who communicated. 
It was about 3 weeks into my mom’s hospital stay when my girlfriend, well my best friend, Toni came to town. She had moved out of state right after high school and never came back. We still remain friends. Anyway, I hadn’t seen her in a while and so we made plans to meet up in the city. I felt really weird leaving my mom for the day knowing I wouldn’t see her until the next day but she assured me it was ok. I had asked her if I could borrow a small purse from her because I didn’t want to lug around my big purse in the city all day. She told me to go to her house and look in either her closet or my old closet and there would be one. 
I took a ride to her house, about 11:30pm the night before my city trip. I dropped off a bag of dirty pajamas on the counter that I had brought home from the hospital because my mom thought she was being discharged the next day. I went in her room but couldn’t find the bag I was looking for and so I decided to search the closet in my old bedroom. Since I moved out about ten years ago, my room has become a junk room where my mom throughs things she has no room for elsewhere. It was also the toy room. My mom had tons of toys in there for my son to play with. As soon as I walked in the room I know something was off. The toys were all kept in one corner my mom kept them in two wicker barrels and whatever toys didn’t fit in those, she piled in front of them. The one wicker barrel was moved to the complete opposite side of the room. It was weird because I was at her house the day prior, my son was in that room and played with some of the toys but I cleaned it all up before we left and I specifically remembered putting that barrel back in its place but I started to second guess myself because it’s possible I forgot. Regardless I picked it up and put it back in it’s place. 
Two days later my mom calls me and tells me that Satan called her and asked her if she needed anything from her house. My mom told her no and that I was going there at some point in the next 24 hours. My mom told me that she seemed really eager to go to her house and of course it raised an eyebrow for me too. My brother and her never really went to my mom’s house when she wasn’t home, before. My brother may have been there to do something one other time earlier that summer. In fact, for almost a year straight my brother didn’t even have a key to her house. My mom broke her key off in the lock and had to replace the lock the previous summer. She had just given it back him. 
I asked my mom why they wanted to go there and she said she really didn’t know. They said they were going to do some laundry for her but she didn’t really have anything that needed cleaning that bad. As we are talking about it, my brother and Satan come strolling into my mom’s hospital room. Satan is carrying a plastic Target bag. She drops it on the foot of the bed and pulls out a brand new pair of pajamas. She goes on to explain that she and my brother went did her laundry but they only stuck around long enough to to switch the clothes over to the dryer. She then tells my mom that my brother had to get a hair cut and her the baby were stuck waiting in the car for an hour. After that they went to target and got her a new pair of pajamas. 
As I’m sitting there looking down at my phone and trying my hardest not to get caught rolling my eyes, I get a text from the neighbor who was looking after my mom’s dog’s. She tells me that someone had opened all of my mom’s mail and threw some of it away. Immediately my heart starts pumping and I start getting that weird feeling in my gut. I wait a few minutes and then tell my mom I have to leave. I say goodbye and I race right over to my mom’s house to see what they were doing. I just had a very weird feeling.
I get to the house and notice this neat stack of folded up papers sitting on the table where a large pile of mail, flyers and newspapers once sat. My mom was in the hospital for 3 weeks at that point and had accumulated quite a decent amount of mail. The pile was way too neat. The edges of each sheet of paper was perfectly aligned. I know it wasn’t my brother who left it that way, it was Satan. Something just didn’t sit right with me about her going through my mom’s mail. I don’t even touch my mom’s mail. That is her business, not mine. 
My mom sued her doctor for malpractice when her kidneys failed back in the early 90’s. The doctor completely glossed over a simple blood result that could’ve got her diagnosed sooner and possibly saved her kidneys. In stead he had her running around from doctor to doctor, and convincing her that the symptoms she was experiencing were a result of aging. She did that for an entire year. They settled out of court for half a million dollars. My mom and dad obviously spent some of it on things we needed but she put the bulk of it in mutual funds and annuities. She got quarterly statements mailed to her house and she opens them and put them in a pile on her stove along with other documents. That pile also had been gone through and was neatened up. 
The bags I brought home from the hospital were also ransacked. I had put some of the snacks that people got my mom inside and some of the snacks were opened and eaten. I went downstairs to check the laundry. There were exactly THREE pairs of pajamas in there. It made no sense. I then went upstairs and called my husband who happened to be in his way home from work. He comes by my mom’s house and as I’m showing him all the stuff that was moved, we are scratching our heads trying to figure out why they’d be going through her mail and stuff. It was then that I told my husband about the wicker basket being moved across the room that day, and how I thought I was losing my mind because I really thought I put it back. We walk into my old bedroom so I can show him where it was and low and behold it was moved across the room again.
That wicker basket was sitting right in front of my mom’s safe. I turned to my husband and said, “can it be? Were they in her safe?”. I went into the office and got the combination. We all knew where the combo was kept as we all had things in that safe when we lived at home. Things like jewelry and important documents were stored in there. I did the combination and opened the safe and right away I could tell it was a complete mess! My mom kept it relatively neat throughout the years and it looked like someone had taken everything out and carelessly shoved it back in. I started removing items to see if anything was noticeably missing. I didn’t see anything and so I started looking through the documents and there it was, my mom and my dad’s wills. 
I opened them up and looked at them. They stated that should my dad survive my mom he wound be the beneficiary. Should they both be deceased it named my two aunts, Aunt Bea and Aunt Debbie as executors. I was shocked to see their names there. For the past three years my mom kept telling me it was my brother as the executor and she wanted to put me on it as the executor. It wasn’t anything real personal against my brother it’s just that she knew who wore the pants over there and it wasn’t my brother and my mom did NOT want his wife having any say in her affairs. 
I didn’t want to look at it anymore. My husband and I both concluded that that was most likely why they were in her safe to begin with. I folded all the papers back up and put them back in the ziplock bags my mom had stored them in. I put everything back in when suddenly I realized I forgot a piece of paper. I picked up the small piece of paper and started to read it. It was a receipt for a frigidaire a/c unit. For a second I felt a bit out of sorts. I thought maybe this was the receipt for the old A/C that had just crapped out on her. Then I looked at the date and sure enough it was dated from the beginning of August. It was the receipt that I had left on my mom’s kitchen counter in the weeks prior. There’s only one way that receipt could’ve gotten in there… 
(To be continued in my next post) 

You could lead a horse to water….

I know what I wrote to my Aunt Debbie was harsh. I knew I may have gone a little overboard but I was just done. I couldn’t take the bullshit anymore and I wanted her and everyone else to know. I knew she was going to show my Aunt Bea that letter. I have a theory in life. If you don’t want people to know what you said, don’t say it at all! I knew she would most likely share it and I didn’t care. I was taking a stand for myself. They no longer were going to control me or my feelings anymore. 
I made a very conscious decision not to tell my mom about these letters and the fact that I was keeping my distance from my family. I knew she’d be upset that I was telling people she was depressed but she couldn’t deny it at that point. She would say those very words to me. More so than that I didn’t want her to see how shitty her sisters really were. It would all fall on meI knew my mom and what a sensitive person she was and I knew to see how they reacted to my words it would hurt her on a very deep level. She was already upset with Aunt Bea who continued to kiss Satan’s ass on social media. I decided that telling her would be detrimental to her health and so I tried to keep it from her for as long as I could. 

My mom wasn’t stupid though, she started to notice something was up. I would post photos and stuff of my son on social media and no one from my family would like or comment on them. She would ask me why but I would just tell her I didn’t know. 
It was now the summer. My mom’s condition seemed to be getting worse. It was the beginning of July and she started having trouble breathing. She went and saw a lung doctor back in June who put her on and inhaler and a nebulizer treatment. After a a few weeks though her breathing seemed to get worse. She told me she couldn’t even bend down to pick up her dog’s bowls to feed them. I knew something more was going on. 
My brothers kid turned one in early April but they didn’t have a birthday party for her at that time because they had put their house on the market and bought a newer, more expensive home. I couldn’t understand why they even needed to buy a new home. As much as I hate to admit it, The house they lived in was already nice. They had a huge swimming pool in the yard, a nice piece of property on a cul de sac and the house was completely renovated and updated. They were also in one of the best school districts in our county. I guess it wasn’t enough for Satan. 
I remember reading somewhere that psychopaths and their cluster B counterparts get bored easily. They have a constant need for excitement in their lives. That was certainly true for Satan. It seemed like she could never just stop and smell the roses. She constantly had to be planning the next big thing in her life. She did the engagement, the wedding, the baby and now she needed the big thing in life to keep her busy, a new house. Idle hands are the devils playground I suppose. 
They moved into their house sometime in June and so Satan must’ve gotten bored and so she decided to plan a 1st birthday party for her kid who was now nearly one and a half years old. Most people probably would’ve called it a wash by then. I know I would’ve felt a little strange throwing a party for my son four months after his birthday but to each their own I guess. Either way, she had the entire summer at that point and could’ve had the party on any day but she choose my mom’s birthday, at the end of July to have it. 
It was the first time since before their wedding that I was actually invited to a party. I hadn’t seen my brother since we brought our kids to my mom’s house that day back in March and we hadn’t really spoken since he brought my mom for the second opinion at Sloan Kettering. They hadn’t helped with my mom since then either. My husband didn’t want to go to their house. He was pretty pissed off at this point too. Our entire lives were turned upside down since the day after Christmas 2015. We were the ones who were helping my mom with everything. If something broke in her house my husband was the one who’d be over there fixing it. My brother always had an excuse. I really didn’t want to go to their house either as I was also annoyed. Also there was the whole issue with my aunts. My husband didn’t want them to see my son and I felt the same way and so together we both decided that we weren’t going to attend the birthday party. As a parent, I don’t want my son to think it’s ok to treat other people like shit. 
At this point in time I hadn’t spoken to anyone in my family. Not even my supposed “sister” Tina. She just stopped talking to me one day and I had no idea why. I also didn’t want to see Aunt Bea or Aunt Debbie. I was still pretty upset with both of them. I didn’t know how I was going to break this news to my mom. I really didn’t have any other excuse for not going. After everything happened between my cousins I had extreme anxiety about going to family parties for a very long time. I had just started to get over that and now I felt like it was back again. I was having bad anxiety in general with everything that was going on with my mom too. For the last decade I forced myself to go to family functions out of respect for my mom but I was just at a point where I was really fed up. I had written my aunt Sue and apology for snapping at her and she never acknowledged it. I felt awkward around her too. I just had no desire to be around any of my aunts and uncles and to be quite honest, I still felt very awkward with my brother and Satan. Our reconciliation was a complete farce. They only invited us when their was an audience. They went out for my brothers birthday earlier in July and we weren’t invited but now that the whole family was going to be there, they decided to invite us? 
Also, to be honest I thought it was bullshit that they were even having a party for their daughter this many months after her birthday and I also thought it was bullshit that they choose my mom’s Birthday of all days to do it. My mom had hands down the hardest year of her life. She had been through hell and was still going through hell. I thought of that birthday was going to be her last, then she deserves a day that’s all about HER. She shouldn’t be over shadowed by a one year old. 
I had to tell my mom and the more I put it off, the worse it was going to be and so one day on the phone I finally came out with it. She was pissed….like really pissed. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt her but I explained to her that I just felt awkward at my brother’s house. I also told her I’d do the right thing. I’d politely say I had other plans that day and send a gift for the baby. She didn’t want to hear it and so finally at that moment, everything just kind of hit me and I started to cry. I told her that I was extremely worried about her and that I reached out to my aunts to get them to help me and they turned it into an argument. She was demanding I show her the letters but I made a conscience decision not to show her. I didn’t care. She didn’t need to see them and she didn’t need yet another reason to be upset. She was so angry that she hung up the phone on me. Later that night I wrote her an email and explained myself, my feelings about my brother and my aunts. Once I laid it all out in a way she could understand, she got it and just told me to make sure I let them know I wasn’t coming. 

Ever since everything went down with my cousins, I somehow got painted as the family big mouth. I was honestly fine with it. They’re right, I do have a big mouth and when someone is being treated wrong or unfairly, you’re damn skippy I’m going to say something to you about it. If sticking up for the truth makes me the bad guy, then fine. 
AIt was the day before the party when my mom called me and told me her breathing was getting really, really bad again. She told me that she could not bend down at all. If she did she would get really winded and she would have a really hard time catching her breath. I was strongly urging her to go to the ER again but she kept saying she was fine, she could wait, it’s not that bad ALL of the time, only when she’d bend down. She was really avoiding the doctors at all costs and I knew exactly why. She knew her kidney was failing but she didn’t want to face it. I also think she was scared to tell my brother and Satan she was going to miss their party. I told her, if they’re normal human beings that they will understand that her health was more important. I could hear how bad her breathing was just by talking to her. She was gasping for air in between every word and it was seriously scaring the shit out of me. I kept saying it over and over that she should go to the ER but she said all she wanted to do was sleep. When we hung up I did a google search for “out of breath while bending down.” And something came up about heart failure and so I sent it to her in a text message with the intention of scaring her into letting me take her to the ER 
It was about 11:30pm that same night when my phone was ringing. I answer the phone and it’s her and she’s screaming, [my name] get over here!!!! I can’t breathe!!!!.” I didn’t even ask her what was going on. I told her I was calling 911 and heading over. I literally ran right out of my house and started heading over there. I called 911 while I was driving. I was crying. I was really scared. I really thought I was going to get there and find her lying dead on the floor and I was all by myself. 
I got up to the house and the ambulance was there already which completely shocked me. My ride there was less than ten minutes. What ended up happening was that she must’ve had a panic attack. She said she felt as if she couldn’t breathe in bed and she was lying there focused on the breathing when suddenly she got an excruciating cramp in her leg, she jumped out of bed and lost her footing, hit her collarbone on the dresser and went down like a ton of bricks, that’s when she called me.
 I walked into her living room and she is seated in her oversized chair talking to the EMT’s. The EMT told her she just had a panic attack. He was almost trying to convince her that she didn’t need to go to the hospital and so I explained that her hemocrit was low, she was swelled up, she couldn’t breathe and he was making excuses. Blaming the hot summer air, the fact she had asthma and COPD. I was kind of annoyed with him to be honest. In fact at one point I said, “well she has a lot of things going on…she has a complex medical history.” He responded to me by saying, “we all have a medical history. That doesn’t mean we have to run to the emergency room, every time something happens.”. 
Eventually my mom let the guy talk her out of going even though she was complaining about the pain in her collarbone. The EMT’s packed it up and left. I was really annoyed with my mom. Clearly she wasn’t in good shape. I again tried to plead with her and told her I could still take her to the ER, that I didn’t care how late it was. She refused and told me she just wanted to go to bed and sleep. You can lead a horse to water…
I left my mom’s house that night with a very, very bad feeling. There was something all too familiar about this all. I felt like I was reliving the last months of my dad’s life. I had no idea how bad things….EVERYTHING…was going to get….

To be continued in my next post. 

That one phone call…

(Please see my previous posts so the story will make sense)

My mom ended up in the hospital again in early march and I was feeling very overwhelmed. I know my family was trying to help us out with all this “second opinion” stuff but it was getting to be too much. My brother seemed to suddenly jump into action and start setting up the appointment for the second opinion at Sloan Kettering about my mom’s cancer. My mom didn’t want to go because she didn’t feel well enough to go and I could tell but she was feeling pressured. 

I know I’m going to sound like some paranoid crazy freak here but I found my brother and Satan’s sudden interest in my mom’s health kind of strange. I mean they literally went from doing nothing to planning her trip to Sloan kettering. I was a little annoyed because my brother wasn’t communicating with me about it at all. I was also annoyed at the way my aunt Bea had gone about informing my brother and the fact that phone call she had with Satan really bothered me too. It was just arranged how they went from completely unconcerned to very concerned over night. We had known she was sick and struggling for months now with this cancer and it wasn’t until that phone call with my aunt that they finally started to show concern for my mom. 
I wasn’t alone. My husband also found it strange and so one day in conversation, me and my husband realized that we had both been thinking the same exact thing. As I said many times here on this blog, my mom was very depressed and angry over the fact that me and my brother were estranged. She went from not being crazy about Satan, to loathing her as if she were some type of pariah. It had to be a year or so before she even got sick, me and my mom were talking about her cousin Kara that lived in Florida. My mom was her god mother and even though there was so many miles between them, my mom and her remained close. Kara’s father had passed away when she was around 25. Her mother started going to parents without partners meetings and eventually she met this guy named Bob. Bob happened to be loaded! He was a real estate investor and had made himself quite a bit of money. He had different houses up and down the east coast and her mother and him were constantly traveling. Bob and her got married but eventually he passed away. He had kids but they didn’t speak to him and so he decided to leave his small fortune to Kara’s mom. Well it was probably the same year that my brother and Satan met, Kara’s mom also sadly passed away. She was down in Florida with Kara when she passed. Kara also had a sister named Lola who still lived here. When someone passes and has a will they most notify all next of kin that the will has been submitted to probate. Lola received her notification and to her surprise she had been completely cut out of the will which meant that Kara . No one knows for sure why their mom would’ve cut Lola from the will but I’m sure she had good reasons. 
Anyway during my conversation with my mom my mom comes out and says, “I’m telling you, at first I didn’t understand how my aunt could’ve done that to her daughter but she was at the point that she was seriously considering taking your brother off of my will too because I don’t want his wife having any of my money.”. I told my mom she was crazy, a) for even worrying about her will but B) because of she did that she’d be guaranteeing that my brother and I never speak again. I told her if she did that I would give him half anyway because I am not going to want to have any problems with him. I watch enough Dateline and 48 hours to know what money and greed drives people to do. My mom then told me that at the very least, she wanted to put me as executor of her will because she didn’t trust Satan and didn’t want her in her affairs. My mom would go on to tell this to just about everyone she talked to in the next few years. 
So going back to the conversation that my husband and I had about Satan, her phone call with my aunt Bea and my brother’s and her sudden interest in her healthcare, we speculated that my aunt Bea had warned my brother that my mom was thinking of disinheriting him and that he should step it up and start taking a more active roll in her healthcare to ensure that didn’t happen. We could’ve been totally wrong about it but given the circumstances over the past two and a half years, it was just very odd. Up until that point they hardly even asked how she was. My mom would go weeks at a time not hearing from my brother. They would come for the rare obligatory visits in the hospital by beyond that, they offered no help whatsoever. Everything fell on me. 
I wrote to my Aunt Sue and sort of vented about Aunt Bea to her. This wasn’t the first time she had done some weird and kind of shady shit behind my back. My aunt Sue who’s one of the few women in my family who’s opinion I truly respect wrote back to me and sort of made it seem like a was crazy for thinking my Aunt Bea was conspiring against me. She was trying to give me advice but at the time my head was too fucked up to handle it because I had so much of it coming my way that I took at as she was saying that I wasn’t doing what I should’ve been doing for my mom and that I wasn’t understanding how serious her illness was. I got angry and kind of snapped back at her because I felt like all I was doing was trying to help her and take care of her. I took my anger out on her and it wasn’t right. She was the only one truly trying to help me. 
At this point in time, I was starting to feel like I was living in some twilight zone. I was doing everything in my power to help my mom and yet my family was talking to me as if I wasn’t doing enough or it was my fault she was getting worse. I felt like every time I vented about my brother not helping or being there, l was told that I was focusing on the wrong things and that I needed to focus on my mom. Meanwhile I was focused on my mom but I was also getting extremely stressed being the only one who was really there and physically helping. It took me a long time to see this but I realized that I had every right to worry about, be upset about or be hurt about what was going on. My family was trying to control my feelings and tell me I was crazy for feeling the way I did and I was just sick of it. It was my life and I had to live it and I had no choice but to deal with the things that god gave me. 

Time for a second opinion. 

My mom was released from the hospital and I brought her home and helped her get set up. She could hardly walk and even though she had a state of the art, adjustable bed at home complete with massaging features, a remote control and led lights to light so you can find your slippers in the middle of the night, she was having a lot of trouble getting into and out of her bed. For the first few weeks I was there everyday helping her out. I had to help her make food, do laundry, run errands and shower. She couldn’t bend down which meant she couldn’t wash the lower half of her body and so I had to do that for her. I was angry that they even allowed her to go home alone in the condition she was in. Perhaps a rehab center would’ve been a better choice but o did not know about those until much later on. The social worker on her floor was a total, useless Bitch. 
My brother didn’t come by at all or offer to help with anything and either did my aunts. About a month after the surgery my mom had to see an oncologist. I wanted to go with her to the appointment but Aunt Bea and Aunt Debbie already volunteered. They hadn’t done anything else up until that point to help and so I guess it was the least they could’ve done. I asked my mom if she still wanted me to come and she was really giving me the hint that she didn’t want me there. She kept insisting that my aunts were bringing her and that I should just stay home with my son. Looking back I think my mom didn’t want me to know exactly what was going on because she didn’t want to face what was going on. She knew if I was made aware I’d be on her about it and constantly nagging her to make sure she was following through with everything she needed to do. To this day I regret that I didn’t go to that one appointment with her. I went to almost every other appointment she had and I miss one of the most important ones? So stupid. 
Anyway, my mom calls me later that night and tells me that, that morning she woke up to a feeling of wetness in her bed. She lifts the blankets to see that her sheet is completely saturated with blood. It ends up she popped open the top inch of the large incision on her lower belly. She sat in blood soaked clothing until my aunts got there and helped her clean up. They put bandages on the wound to stop the bleeding, on the advice of her doctor. I was so mad that she didn’t tell me when it happened. I would’ve come by and helped her. My mom was very independent and especially so since my dad died. She didn’t like to burden people or seem needy always asking for help. I had to remind her all of the time that I didn’t care what time it was or what I was doing, that she could call me anytime if she needed anything. She always said she didn’t want to bother me. 
The doctor looked at he wound when she got there and he told her it looked ok and just to keep on top of it. Since my mom couldn’t even see the wound, I was the one who had to all the dirty work. I had to go there everyday to clean it out and change the bandage. Typically I am not the type of person who could deal with that kind of stuff but I had no choice. No one else was going to do it. It was disgusting to look at. I could see about a half inch of flesh. I could throw up just thinking about it but it had healed nicely. 
The oncologist didn’t have the best of news. He had gotten back the pathology report and it was determined that my mom had a rare and aggressive form of kidney cancer called papillary type two. That was really scary news. The cancer had also spread to some of the lymph nodes and so doctor who did the surgery removed whatever he could along with then adrenal gland that sat atop her kidney. I knew that once cancer had spread from the spot it had originated from, it wasn’t a good thing. I watched my dad die from cancer and I knew all too well what cancer could do to a person yet I tried to remain helpful. 

A few days prior to my mom’s appointment with the oncologist, my aunt Sue who was married to my mom’s oldest brother reached out to me one day. We had a nice discussion about my mom, her diagnosis, her reluctance to follow up on things, and most importantly her denial and depression and what role it played in her caring for herself. My aunt had done some research and had posed an idea to me. She was not happy that the doctors were waiting three months to do follow up scans. She suggested my mom get a second opinion from one of the top cancer hospitals in the country, Sloan Kettering. I thought it was a great idea and I was so appreciative that she took the time out to do that research. She had reached out to doctors and got names and numbers. She explained that she wasn’t pressuring me and that she was just telling me that when my mom was ready and up to it, she should seriously consider going. 
I agreed but being that I was the one helping to care for her on a day to day basis; I didn’t not think she was ready for a long car ride to the city. She couldn’t even take the ride to the doctors office or to the lab. 
I mentioned it to my mom one day. She sounded interested and thought it was a good idea but told me she wasn’t quite ready to go. She wanted a break from all of this. I didn’t pressure her. I figured I’d wait a week or two and mention it again. I was more focused on her trying to heal from the surgery. She had been through a lot in the past few months. The one day my mother calls me to tell me that my brother and Satan had stopped by. While they were there Satan hands my mom a piece of paper and tells her that she’s been doing research and she had gotten in touch with these doctors at Sloan Kettering and she thinks it’s a great idea that my mom gets a second opinion. My mom actually thought Satan was trying to help but I explained to my mom that Satan actually wasn’t the one who did all the work, that aunt Sue did. 
My mom was disappointed but not too surprised. This is what Satan and her other, personality disordered counterparts do. They love taking credit for other people’s work and ideas. So long as it puts them in the spotlight it’s ok. I wondered how Satan even heard about this whole second opinion thing. We had a connection at Sloan Kettering in our family. My mom’s cousin’s daughter worked there. Aunt Bea decided to get in touch with her to get more info about how to get an appointment there. My aunt forwarded the email to me, Aunt Sue and Aunt Debbie. I wrote to Aunt Sue and asked her if she told my brother and she told me that she didn’t but my Aunt Bea forwarded him the email. When I looked at who was Cc’d on the email, his name wasn’t there and so that mean he got his own special email from Aunt Bea, about it. 
I was annoyed. My aunt Bea had no place stepping in and informing him and if she really felt the need to, who wasn’t he CC’d on the same email as us? At the end of the day, it wasn’t her place to inform my brother. I didn’t inform him about it because I didn’t think my mom was ready to go just yet and I figured when she was, she would tell him when she was. Everyone thought it was crazy that my mom was told to go for a follow up scan three months from her first one. What they didn’t understand is that, waiting is standard procedure. There is a logical reason for it. They need to have something to compare their scans too. I assume that even the most aggressive forms of cancer don’t grow a substantial enough amount in 3 months time. 
I was on the phone with Aunt Debbie one day talking about all this nonsense and I was telling her what Aunt Bea did and she agreed it was weird. As we were talking she mentioned that my Aunt Bea and Satan had a whole phone call about my mom. I’m sorry but I just found it weird. She knew how uncomfortable my mom was with her being that cozy with Satan. Again, it made her feel like Aunt Bea was saying well I know my sister is an asshole to you but I’ll be your friend. It was just wrong. My mom didn’t have phone conversations with her daughter’s or son’s significant others. I wish I could’ve been a fly on the wall during that conversation though because after that day, something changed with my brother and Satan….

(To be continued)

Just get her some cold cuts…

(Please see my previous posts so the story makes more sense) 
We are finally catching up to more current times. This part of the story is going to be very hard for me to talk about but I think it’s important to tell it. The ultimate goal here is to help not only myself, but other people who may be going through the same thing or something similar. If you have been reading my story so far, thank you. I need to get this all out. Please feel free to comment and ask questions. I am more than happy to help. 
My mom was released from the hospital after about a week or so being in there. She had to reschedule her surgery and it was set for February 10th, 2016. Before they could do the surgery they needed to put in a IVC filter which would prevent any other blood clots from breaking off and going into her heart or lungs again. We were all really nervous but I don’t think anyone wanted to say it. By this point in time we knew my mom had a cancerous mass on her kidney we just didn’t know what kind of cancer it was and how bad it had spread if at all. The doctor did say that a few of the surrounding lymph nodes may be infected but we would know more after the surgery when we’d get back the pathology report. 
My mom really seemed completely fine up until Christmas Day. The only complaints I remember her having previous to that day was that she was tired sometimes and that she felt the discomfort under her sternum. Beyond that I don’t remember her saying much. It seemed like as soon as we found out about the mass she started to not feel well. I sometimes wonder if our minds make us more sick. It seems once we find out these things we start to realize our pain more. I don’t know. 
It was a few days before her surgery. She had the IVC filter put in about two weeks prior to the surgery. I was on FaceTime talking to her and she was laying it bed. It was early, around 8:30-9:00pm. She was complaining about a pain in her back and it seemed she couldn’t get comfortable. I was really concerned about her. I had heard some scary stories about IVC filters. In fact these lawyers even had a commercial looking for people who suffered complications from these filters such as them poking through your arteries and/Or puncturing other organs like your lungs. I began fearing that my mom was experiencing this pain because of that. I told her that I thought it would be a good idea to take her to the emergency room. She didn’t want to go because she didn’t want her surgery being postponed again. Last time I took her to a local hospital which was about 4 miles away from my home but this time I told her I’d bring her to the hospital that she was having the surgery done in, which was about 30 miles away. She told me she didn’t want to go and that she couldn’t even talk anymore. She just wanted to lie down and try to get to sleep and so we ended our FaceTime call. 
I took a screen shot of her lying in her bed and sent it to my aunt Debbie. At the time my aunt Debbie was the only other person who seemed to be as concerned as I was. She took my mom to a few of her doctors appointments early on. I don’t know why but that night I decided to reach out to my brother and let him know what was going on so I sent him a text. I told him that I was worried about our mom and that she was in really bad pain. Instead of replying to me, he decides to call my mother. A few minutes after hanging up with my mom I see she’s calling me back. I answered it in hopes that we she changed her mind and wanted to go to the ER. That wasn’t what she wanted. Instead, she was screaming at me for calling my brother and she told me that if I called any doctors or somehow fucked up her surgery, that’s she would kill me! I thought her reaction was a little over the top but I got it. She was going through a lot both mentally and physically. I think it’s understandable. I know if she was in her rational state of mind she would’ve have cared. I apologized and told her I was just trying to help because I’m worried about her. She understood and told me that she again, just wanted to get some sleep. 
I called my Aunt Debbie up and explained to her what happened. I was so mad at my brother, that he couldn’t just reply to my text and instead called my mom and got her upset. There was a reason I was reaching out to him, he’s my brother and we should both know what’s going on with my mom. When someone in your family is sick like this, you put all the other bullshit aside and be there for the person who’s suffering. My brother didn’t seem to share in those beliefs. My aunt Debbie was angry about it too. There was no reason to get my mom all upset when he could’ve just answered me. I was the one telling him stuff, not my mom. My aunt Debbie called him to try to talk some sense into, him but she ended up calling me up a few minutes later and she was really upset. It turns out my brother, like he always had been doing since Satan came around, started getting defensive and was screaming at my aunt. My aunt said she’s never felt so disrespected by anyone in her own family. She was shocked by the way my brother spoke to her. She now experienced first hand what me and my mom were dealing with whenever we tried to talk to him. She was appalled at his behavior and so from that point on we decided it was best if we don’t volunteer information to him. 
My mom’s surgery was scheduled for around 5:30-6:00am, two days later. My husband took off work to watch my son and I slept over her house so we could wake up and go. The pain in her back had subsided and so we hung out and watched tv. My mom went to bed early but I couldn’t really sleep. By time I finally closed my eyes it was time to wake up and get ready. I believe I may have gotten just about two hours in. We arrived at the hospital around 5am. My aunts Bea and Debbie met is around 5:30. It felt like the longest day of my life. The surgery ended up taking much longer than they expected because they had to make a bigger incision in order to get the mass out. They cut my mom 8 or so inches down from her belly button almost to the top of her pubic bone. robotic arms did all the work and so in total, she had three incisions. Two small ones for the robotic arms and one large one to get the kidney out of. 
Layer on in the day my mom’s youngest sister and her husband came down to be there for support. I did not here a peep from my brother all day. Finally around 4:00 the doctor called us in and told is my mom was in the recovery room. We all went in to see her. She was really out of it from all the anesthesia. My aunts and uncle hung around for a few minutes more and they all went home. I wanted to leave too but I just couldn’t leave her all alone. I finally get a text from my brother. Instead of asking how my mom is, he asked if she had gotten admitted into a room because him and Satan wanted to send some flowers. Smoke was coming out of my ears. Flowers were so unimportant. How about coming to the hospital so I can go home and relax after a really long day? How about showing your face so your mother can think you give a shit about her? That was all Satan. Any chance e to butter someone up, she will take it. My brother informed me that he would be coming but it wouldn’t be until much later. I stayed with my mom until they got her up in a room. My brother asked me for the room number when he got there. I gave it to him and got my stuff and left. 
I believe my mom was in the hospital for around ten days. After the surgery they had to get her back on the blood thinners and it takes some times for the levels to balance out in your body. Of those ten days my brother came twice to see her, both for less than an hour a piece. I went there every night except for two. My husband would get home from work and I’d leave and make the 40 minute drive from my house and I’d stay with her until she went to sleep at night. 
She had a pretty serious surgery and when the doctors said they were ready to discharge her, I was worried. Throughout the surgery and all I had made a group text message and included in all my family. In that message I voiced my concern about my mom being discharged in that message. I didn’t go up to the hospital the second to last night but my Aunt Debbie and her daughter did. My aunt Debbie argued with me that the doctors wouldn’t release her if they didn’t think she was ready. She insisted that my mom was doing great on the second to last night. I was there the night prior and from what I can see, she didn’t seem to be in any type of condition to be released. I wondered how she would make herself food, eat, shower, do laundry, or even get into and out of bed. I remembered having trouble after having my c-section but I had my husband here to help me. My mom was completely alone. Of course I planned on helping her as much as I possibly could but I had to also be realistic and I couldn’t be there all of the time. I voiced this in the message to my family and told them I wanted to speak to the social worker about possibly getting an nurse or something to help her. I had a feeling my on had lied to the doctors and told them she had round the clock help at home. She just wanted to get out of hospital and so she said whatever she could to make that happen. My aunt Debbie continued to antagonize me about it and I’m or even sure why. 
I didn’t notice this until much later when my mom’s cousin pointed it out but when I was voicing my concerns she said she was appalled at the replies I got from my mom’s two closest sisters. Instead of offering to help me, they suggested I go pick up easy to make meals and pick up things like cold cuts. She said, “here it is your mom comes from this big, close-knot Italian family with a bunch of women who cook really well and they tell you to get cold cuts?”, she pointed out that they could’ve offered to cook something or bring by some leftovers. My family purports this image of closeness and always being there for one another but the truth is, they aren’t really there and in the next few months I’d learn what a facade that image was…..
To be continued in my next post. 

Taking a stand…

(Please see my previous posts so the story makes sense)
My mom got her closure. You may think it was wrong that my mom recorded Satan and let me listen to it and under normal circumstances I’d agree. As I said in my previous post, I don’t think she had ill intent. I think my mom believed she was actually going to get through to Satan and she knew that if she did, she would need proof to show me. It’s kind of how I sent the gift to the shower to prove that it wasn’t me. It was them who just couldn’t let go. 
For me, the recording confirmed everything I believed about Satan. I admit I listened to it several times and analyzed it quite thoroughly. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t angry about what she had to say about me. Even though I know it was all lies, it bothered me that she was trying to convince my mom that I was keeping things from her or not telling her the whole story. What bothered me most was that she told my mom I had threatened to do something to disrupt their wedding. I mean that was a flat out lie. I know my mom knew that wasn’t the truth. She read every email, text, etc that I had sent my brother during that time. That’s the kind of relationship we had. Even more than that though, the thing that made me really angry was the way she talked to my mom. I could NEVER talk to my mother in law in that way. I mean it wasn’t just what she was saying to her but the tone in which she said it. 
Once thing I could never figure out during this whole thing is that her and my mom had gotten into several battles over the course of that year and a half. I, on the other hand had only gotten into it with her the one time she came to my house and a short text exchange after she had a fight with my cousin, his girlfriend and subsequently my mom. Other than that any words I said were always to my brother, yet she seemed to have some willingness to allow my brother to have a relationship with my mom. I didn’t understand what it was about me that she was so adamantly against. I mean they got into a battle after the wedding and my mom straight up told her that she ruined our family and even after that, she still allowed that relationship. She still had restrictions on my mom and brother but she allowed it. I always wondered why that was? Did even she know that mother’s are sacred? I never understood it, but then one day it dawned on me. My mother has more to offer than I do. Really what could she get from me? I also think she thought my mother was a bit more pliable and forgiving than I was. At the same time, she knew she had to give a little in order to keep my brother compliant.  
My mom had reached the end of her rope. She now got the answers she needed but she wasn’t ready to give up the fight just yet. My brother and Satan planned to christen the baby. My mom was so fed up at this point in time and I think she was starting to lose it a little bit and so she decided that she wasn’t going to attend the christening. My brother and Satan choose the god parents. The god father was my brothers friend who was also the best man in his wedding and the god mother…..well it wasn’t going to be me. They chose Satan’s other daughter to be the god mother. Of course I wasn’t going to be part of my niece’s christening. My mom was really disgusted at this point and felt that since my brother and Satan had no regard for her feelings, she had none for theirs. 
Following the fight with Satan, my brother had threatened my mom that if she didn’t “get on board” with his wife, she wasn’t going to see her granddaughter. My mom was fed up and I guess desperate times called for desperate measures. She wanted to teach them a lesson. She didn’t want to jump aboard the Satan train. I appreciated taking a stand but I told her to not do it on a count of me. At this point I was totally fine with not being invited to the christening. She told me she wasn’t doing it for me, she was doing it for herself but still I didn’t think it was a very good idea. I didn’t think my mom would actually go through with her plan. I was trying really hard to talk sense into her. I told her she’s letting Satan win by not going to the christening and so eventually she changed her plan. 
The day of the christening came and I was still trying to convince my mom to just go to the christening. It wasn’t going to accomplish anything. All it was going to do is make things worse. My mom knew Satan had something seriously wrong with her on a clinical level but I don’t think she fully understood what type of person we were dealing with her. She doesn’t play by the rules. In fact she doesn’t play by any rules. She’s the game master. She makes the rules and can change them at anytime, without prior notice. My mom got dressed and went to the church. I honestly didn’t expect to hear from her for the rest of the day. I thought that once her family got to her, she’d change her mind and just go to the party afterwards. That didn’t happen. About an hour later I see her car pulling up in my driveway. She actually did it! I was shocked. 
The next day she was told by my aunts that my brother was very hurt. She tried to justify her actions by saying, “good, now he knows how I feel and my daughter feels.” Still they didn’t think it was right. My brother called her and asked why she did what she did and of course that turned into a huge argument and he ended up hanging up on him. She called me up crying. I knew that was going to happen. She was so upset and so I calmed her down and told her that she owed my brother a sincere and heartfelt apology. It wasn’t right for her to use the baby’s day to make a statement. She called my brother and apologized. 
At this point in time I decided that enough was enough already. I hade made several attempts to fix things and my mom made even more. If what we were doing was going to work, it would’ve worked by now. We were only a few months shy of two years. I wanted to fix the situation so bad and the only reason I did so was because I just couldn’t take seeing what this was doing to her. It had changed her. It made her angry and bitter. She became deeply depressed. Every holiday, birthday and special occasion she was sad and felt like she couldn’t celebrate. The only thing that seemed to bring her any type of joy was my son. I wished so badly that I could take her pain but I couldn’t. I cannot force my brother to want a relationship with me and since I couldn’t do that, the only other way to help her move forward was by putting the blame on myself. 
I had a long talk with my mom one day. I explained to her that so much has happened over the span of the last year and a half and that so many lines were crossed and bridges burned that I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to fix things anymore. I told her she needed to respect my decision as I am now a grown woman and can make my own choices in life. I also pointed out to her that she at least had her foot in the door and that since they were willing to have some form of a relationship with them, she needed to work on fixing that. I told her I’d try my hardest not to get upset when she talked to them or told me stuff about the baby. 
I admit it was hard for me to comprehend the fact that she was always so willing to forgive my brother. That’s the dynamic of their relationship ever since we were kids. My mom always gave in to him. My brother was a huge tantrum thrower. If he didn’t get his way he’d, whine, cry, scream and kick until he got it. He did it as a toddler and all through out his teen years. I remember my dad saying to me, shortly before he died that my mom screwed my brother up as a kid because she spoiled him and always gave in. My dad always viewed my brother as a whiney little pussy and I used to get mad at him but I finally understood what he was talking about. He was right. My mom always let my brother walk all over her and here at 36 years old, he was still trying to do it. 
Th next few months of our lives were relatively quiet after that when it came to them and I was perfectly fine with things but we were about to get the shock of a lifetime…..
(To be continued in my next post)

Closure

(Please see my previous blogs so the story makes sense!) 
This post is going to be a long one. I want to illustrate what it’s like to argue with a narcissist. They have a special way of arguing. One that almost makes no sense and it’s important to understand the tactics they use so that you know not to get sucked into their traps. 

The baby had been born and my mom finally got to meet her. She was happy yet sad at the same time. She knew how hurtful it was for me not to get to meet my new niece. My whole family was trying to remain positive that this baby would somehow magically fix things and would evoke some human emotion into Satan, but it didn’t happen. My mom is a fixer by nature. I take after her to some degree. I can’t fault her for it. I think after the baby was born and a few months went by, my mom realized she wasn’t going to be able to fix it. I think she finally realized she had to accept things the way they were and move on but in order to do so, she needed closure. 

My mom and I had gotten into it one day. I admit it was my own fault. I didn’t want to hear about my brother’s kid. My mom saw the baby one or two times in the first few months of her life. She called me up after her second visit with the baby and caught me at a bad time. She started going on and on, gushing about the baby and how cute it was. I felt bad but I kind of had to tell her to stop. She didn’t understand, it was very upsetting for me. That was my brother’s first kid. It was my first real niece. I have two other nieces from my half sisters but this was my own brother who shared both the same parents as me. I never lived with my sisters and they are much older than me. It hurt me to know that I was never going to see or hold her as a baby. I would never have a bond with her. I was pretty hurt by the lack of response to the gift I got the baby. Hearing about the baby also reminded me how my brother hadn’t seen my son, except for at that one family party, in over a year. In retrospect, I should’ve sucked it up and listened to her. It was unfair of me to get angry at her. She did nothing wrong. 
We didn’t speak for a day (which was very unusual for us given the fact we’d speak at least once a day) and when that happened one of us would usually give in and call the other. This time it was her. I answered the phone and she tells me, “you’re never going to believe what just happened…..”. I asked her what had happened and she responds by telling me she is so pissed off. She goes on to tell me that she just cannot take having the division in our family anymore and so she decided to take action. For the past year and a half she and my brother got into many verbal battles about it, we both did, but she had finally realized that my brother no longer had control over his own life. Even if there was a willingness on his end, it wasn’t going to happen. We both know my brother and what type of person he is, and the person he had been for the last year and a half is NOT him! My brother isn’t a grudge holder. He knows how to resolve issues. In my household growing up when someone had issues we sat down and discussed them, that’s how we moved past things. Every time we tried to discuss this with my brother, he would get very defensive, right off the bat. We were raised to love family unconditionally and to forgive. I have to add here also that my brother didn’t seem to understand that it was HIS job to bridge the gap between us and his wife. Whenever we’d try to fix things he’d point us to his wife and say if we had a problem with her to deal with her directly. He didn’t get that we didn’t invite this person onto our lives. He brought her in. It’s his job to make the connection between her and his family. It’s his job to bring her around and allow time for bonds to be built. He knew how to do it with past girlfriends, so why all of the sudden did he have amnesia? 
With that said, my mom knew talking to him was futile. It was a complete waste of time and so this time she went straight to the source, Satan herself. I have to say I was shocked. That took some balls. After hearing that first fight that my mom had recorded, plus the argument I had with her on my porch, I knew that me talking to her directly was not a good idea. I have no patience for someone like her who talks over you and doesn’t listen to a word you say. Speaking of recordings, my mom recorded this phone call as well. ( I have to note here that I don’t think my mom was recording her with any malicious intent. I think my mom was hoping maybe her family was right, and that after the baby was born, she would be more open to fixing things. One would think you’d have to be a pretty cruel person to keep your husband from sharing his first and only child with his family). 
My mom wasted no time and she played the recording for me. It starts off nicely. Satan answers and she is saying goodbye to my brother who is supposedly going off to the gym. She gets back on and apologizes to my mom and so my mom again wasted no time. There was no chit chat, no small talk, she cut to the chase. Her voice shaking a bit she tells Satan that she’s been trying to talk to my brother for a while now about this and it just seems like she isn’t getting anywhere. The reason it’s not getting anywhere is because she doesn’t think HE is the one who she needs to be talking to. Satan lets out a very hesitant, ok and my mom comes right out with it, “do you ever think there’s going to be a day that you can find it in your heart to let my son, heal his relationship with his sister….that all of you can heal your relationships?”. Satan gets defensive and starts stumbling and stuttering, “I’m, I’m not, NOT letting him do anything.”. My mom says in a nervous way, “well I’m not saying you’re not letting him, but do you ever think you’ll encourage it?” Satan now starts getting angry and says, “I’m not encouraging it, I’m not discouraging it, honestly it’s not a topic of conversation that I’m having with him.”. My mom responds, “well that’s what I’m wondering, maybe it could be a topic of conversation one day?”. Satan replies with, “listen he’s a 36 or 30 whatever year old man, if he wants to fix things he’d have to do it himself, you know what I mean?” My mom says, “even though you say you don’t discourage it, I think you kind of do in a way.” She laughed nervously at the end there, and Satan asks my mom how she’s discouraging it. My mom went on to give her an example of how she is in fact discouraging it and she does so by stating the fact that I brought her a gift for the baby shower. Satan plays dumb and says, “okay???”, and my mom goes on to say, “if you were in anyway encouraging it, you would’ve thanked her or [my brother] would’ve thanked her.”. Satan comes back, ” I did, I said if you can send her a thank you…..he didn’t, not my choice!”. 
My brother told my mom that some of the thank you’s got lost in the mail, now the truth comes out! They both vehemently deny that Satan has any control over him. She pretty much showed all her cards by saying that she told him he can send a thank you. First off that shows how controlling she is. Why does he need her permission to thank me? Second, I think any normal person regardless of how they felt, would’ve sent a thank you or like I did, thanked them and gave them the gift back if they didn’t feel comfortable accepting it. 
Now what happens next is something that Satan does often. She is being backed into a corner. My mom is playing it cool and saying, “oh ok, so he had a choice and he didn’t take it?”. Satan didn’t know how to reply to that and so she starts to stutter and stumble. She can’t organize her thoughts and so what does she do? She blame-shifts and diverts the convo away from her and says, “now go on the other foot, the reason why your son didn’t go to your party is because I wasn’t invited”. What does my mom’s party have to do with anything? Why bring it up? My mom wasn’t talking about her party that took place almost 7 months prior to this conversation. She was asking why I wasn’t thanked for the gift I sent. This is what these people do when they argue. They try to confuse you and so they repeatedly change the subject. This is where my mom failed a bit. She remained calm but at times, she fell for it. When Satan tried doing that to me, I kept her focused. I wouldn’t allow her to change the subject and that’s why she ended up getting up and walking away. 
My mom responds and tells her there were so many things I wasn’t invited to but Satan is over-talking her saying, “don’t put it all on me! Don’t put it all on me!”. Narcissists will do ANYTHING to escape taking responsibility for their misdeeds. When that didn’t work she starts giving my mom an excuse for why she didn’t come to her party. They were going to get pregnant that day and it was the only day they could do it. Satan than Stupidly asks what I wasn’t invited to and my mom says, “Well she wasn’t invited to your wedding!”. Satan had an answer for that, “I had the invitation, I went to her house, she didn’t like what I said and so she slammed the door in my face! That’s HER choice! She made choices!” (Obviously not the real story there) My mom basically explains that she could’ve basically taken the high road and still invited me. Satan comes back with the most ridiculous shit ever, “not after what she wrote to your son and what she said she was going to do if I invited her!”. My mom says, “she didn’t say she wasn’t going to do anything and [my brother] knows she wouldn’t do anything.”. I can say with 10000000% certainty that I NEVER said I was going to do anything at their wedding nor anything close to it! That was a complete and utter bullshit lie. Normally I can see where she twisted her words from but that one got me. She completely made that one up. She offers to read it to my mom and once my mom accepts the offer, what does she do? Of course, she changes the subject! She knew she had nothing to read to my mom. She goes on and says, “I’m not going to fight about this with you…”. Narcissistic Translation, “unless I’m right, and you accept I’m right, I don’t want to discuss this!”
Then she goes on, “you don’t want to read the letter? You think I’m the one sitting here going, don’t call your sister, don’t do this, don’t to that….”, my mom cuts her off and says, “to tell you the truth, [my brother] can’t even come to my house unattended.” Satan yells, “what do you mean unattended?!”. My mom clarifies, “alone.”. Satan knew the jig was up and again she starts to stutter, ” I, I, I, don’t know what he does….I, I, would have to ask him if he’s ever been to your house alone…I’m pretty sure he’s been to your house alone… I don’t know….” my mom tells her, “maybe once to pick up some mail.”. That was it. In the year and a half that he was with Satan he went to my mom’s house exactly one time alone to pick up mail and he was in and out. 
My mom now took control of the convo and says, “in the long and short of it worse things happen to people.” Mind you Satan is trying to over talk her every time she says anything and so my mom says, “listen you made a mistake….” before she finishes Satan starts getting really angry and yells, “no, no, no, conversations over…RIGHT NOW!! I did not make any mistakes!”. My mom jumps in, “you all made mistakes.” Satan replies, “then the conversation is over, THAT’S IT!”. She then states that she didn’t make any mistakes and she asks my mom what mistake she made. My mom then explains that she made the mistake of coming into our family and insisted I change my dress for their wedding, but as usual, Satan denies it, “I NEVER, insisted on anything…. that’s what you seem to not get is that this goes backwards….if you actually speak to your son and ask your son; I told him NOT to say anything about the dress.” This was the first time we were hearing this defense that not only was it not her but she even tried to stop my brother from saying anything about my dress! Little did she know, my brother had already told me and my mom during his brief moment of clarity, a few months prior that it was all her fault! My mom reminded her that back when she had that fight with them, she was the one saying things like, “well you know what, it’s my wedding too, if I want to tell her to wear this….YOU SAID IT to me! You told me that she could have carte Blanche to change into a different dress one for the ceremony and one for the party….” Satan was talking the whole time but it’s hard to hear her. She comes in clearly saying, “and we’re never going to have this conversation again…you are saying things that are completely false!” They weren’t even slightly false. Those are her exact words, verbatim! She absolutely cannot deny it! They are her words and they are on tape. Again more lies. She then tries to gaslight my mom by telling her that she doesn’t want to listen and that she only wants to say what she wants to say, and then she’s back to blaming my brother and her telling him NOT to say anything to me! She just couldn’t accept the responsibility. She went back into her original story about how she wasn’t even here, she was in the city, at work…..blah, blah, blah. It’s my brothers problem and not hers. My mom then got her good, she asks her, “how come that day when I came to your house, why didn’t you just say, tell your sister to wear whatever she wants to wear?”. Once again Satan is confronted with a very valid point in which she cannot refute and so she changes the subject. 
She tells her she gets it, I’m her daughter… my mom says, “it’s my daughter and my son! It’s my daughter and my son!” Hearing her say that to this day breaks my heart. I would think any normal person would’ve just gave in by now and said they’d try, but no, not Satan. She couldn’t. She had keep going and so started the smear campaign against me. She starts telling my mom that she’s blind to a lot of the things I do. What exactly those things are, I don’t know. The problem here is that she cannot understand the kind of relationship we had. She doesn’t have an open and honest relationship with anyone, let alone her mother. More narcissistic gaslighting but my mom wasn’t going to let her get away with it. She told Satan that she’s actually the blind one because she doesn’t even know me, that she had only met me a handful of times before everything happened. Again, Satan is backed into a corner and so she must change the subject by saying, “I don’t know her, that’s great….I don’t know what that even means.” My mom kept going, “you have a preconceived notion about her, you don’t even know who she is….” but Satan keeps talking and tells her, “don’t cause drama around me, that’s it. You want to cause drama go somewhere else…I’m not doing drama…I’m telling you right now, I’m not doing it!”. My mom remains calm and says, “ok don’t do drama. I thought I could talk to you but I kind knew this was the way it was going to turn out, and it is the way it turned out.” 
Satan couldn’t find any good defenses this day. My mom totally caught her off guard. She comes back with yet another subject change, “I don’t even know what you’re talking about at this point…you’re calling me up out of nowhere….”. She goes on to explain to my mom that they the previous day when my mom hung out with them that they had no intentions of inviting her before my mom called my brother. She had to point out that us was HER idea to invite my mom along with them. In reality though my mom hadn’t heard from my brother in weeks. She called because she wanted to see how the baby was and they decided at the last minute to invite her to go to a fair with them. She says to my mom, “you’re saying I’m actually doing these things but I’m actually trying so you see your son and see your granddaughter.”. The reality is, she wasn’t trying anything. My mom acknowledged that she was trying but went on to say that she knows Satan is tying to blame it exclusively on my brother but she knows it’s not all my brother. She explained to her how my dad didn’t talk to his brother for over 30 years and that my mom never even met his brother but because of the sense of family she had, she always encouraged my dad to try to make amends with his brother. Satan can’t understand positive things like that and so she asks my mom if she encouraged my dad to do it everyday! I mean really? Then she explains, “it’s not my daily chore to do this!” My mom tells her, “I’m not saying it’s your daily chore but you could’ve taken a step forward and said it was nice of your sister to get something for the baby….” Satan cuts her off, “how do you know I didn’t?”. My mom replies, “well you didn’t do anything to thank her…”. Here’s where I really have to laugh, Satan comes back with, “it’s not MY sister, it’s HIS sister….and I can go get him right now, put him on the phone and he can tell you I said to him, you want to send a thank you, there they are.” My mom replies to her, “well that’s like saying if you want to do it, I’m not doing it!”. Satan says, “exactly, I wasn’t going to do it! If he wanted to do it he could’ve done it!”. My mom tries to appease her by saying “you’re right I’m not going to put it all on you, I just thought you would help in some way but…”. Satan is over talking her, “you don’t know what I’ve done.” but my mom kept going, “you can both remain thick about it.”
What doesn’t make sense here is that she’s telling my mom it’s not her problem, it’s not her choice, it’s not her, my brother had a choice but in the next breath she is telling my mom she, “assumes a lot of things. She doesn’t know what’s she’s done and hasn’t done.” (To help the situation, I assume). My mom tells her that maybe she is assuming, maybe it’s all my brother and if it is she’s so disappointed in him and of course, Satan has to push the blame on me and says, “well maybe you should be disappointed in your daughter as well.”. It’s all about blame for her. She tells my mom to “stop putting everything on me and [my brother] and put some of it on [me].” “My mom explains that she’s not disappointed in my because she knows how I feel. She knows what’s in my heart because I tell her how I feel. So Satan starts asking my mom why she doesn’t tell me to say hi to my brother at parties and such. My mom explains that I made several attempts to try and fix things but my brother always squashes them by either ignoring me or being nasty. Satan pretends that she doesn’t know about any attempts to reconcile and only knows about nasty letters I wrote to him and whatnot. 
We never knew for sure if my brother showed her the letters I wrote him after my mom’s party. She apparently didn’t see them because there was a slight confusion. Satan is talking about letters I wrote but she was talking about ones I wrote when everything first happened. My mom was talking about the letters I had written more recently trying to fix things and Satan said she didn’t see them until way after. Again she starts with the, “what do you want me to do, harass my husband everyday and ask if he talked to his sister?”. My mom explains to her, “no” and Satan asks, “well what do you want me to do?”. My mom then goes on to say, “both of you are horrible to eachother, you’re both very selfish, you’re in your own little world, which is great but he doesn’t care that you’re not talking to your sister, you don’t care that he isn’t talking to his….there are people in your life that have cared about you your whole life and if you can close them out for the rest of your life, more power to you!”. At this point Satan gets really nasty and defensive. She tells my mom, “you don’t know why I don’t talk to my sister….”. She’s right we don’t know the real reason. Back when my mom had that first fight with them she told my mom it was because her sister’s husband “tried to kill her”. Then weeks later it changed to “he threatened to kill her.”. We knew it had something to do with the sister’s husband but we didn’t know exactly what. The guy ended up committing suicide and guess what? She STILL doesn’t talk to her sister! In this conversation though she told my mom, “it’s none of your business whether I do talk to my sister, whether I don’t talk to my sister, it’s none of your business!”. My mom says, “you’re right, it is none of my business, do what you want.”. Satan says, “you’re right, it’s none of your business, I don’t care if you like it, if you don’t like it, you don’t HAVE to like it, my family is none of your business!.” My mom was agreeing with her that it was not her business and that she didn’t need an explanation for why she didn’t talk to her sister but yet Satan kept arguing with her about it and asks her again as she laughed, “really, what do you expect me to do?” My mom tells her, “I have no expectations, really….I should’ve known that it was going to turn into an argument because I see [my daughter] is a very sore subject with you…” she goes on, “for someone that came into a family and makes all these demands about what people should wear after only meeting them 6 or 7 times, I would’ve told my husband, what are you doing? Tell your sister to wear whatever she wants”. Satan says, “how am I supposed to know what goes on in their family? I don’t know if they fight.”. I’m not even sure what she meant by that? What does it matter if we fight or not?” My mom told her it doesn’t matter, she would NEVER step foot into a family and act the way Satan acted. She would never make the demands she made. Satan is denying it again but my mom kept going and again reminded her that even though she is denying it, she still told my mom that I can have “carte Blanche” to the bridal suite and o can change into a different dress….” Satan again being backed into a corner and so she must deflect the convo away from her and she does so by telling my mom that I said, “this is what [Satan] gets for not putting me in her bridal party!”. That’s not what I said at all. What I said was, “if she wanted to control what I wore, she should’ve put me in her bridal party.” That’s what narcissists do. She turned my statement into a threat. Again she offers up her “proof” and asks my mom if she wants her to send the email. My mom takes her up on the offer and so while they’re on the phone she is acting like she’s looking for the email and sending it to my mom. My mom never received the email. My mom begs, “please, I need to see that because I never saw it.”. When she finally realizes that no such email exists she asks my mom if she ever saw the text messages she sent to me. She never sent me any text messages. I text her at one point and so she finds the messages in her phone and starts to read them off to my mom. They say, “hope your happy. You got my brother where you want him. Isolated and totally dependent on you.” She replies to me, “we are very happy together.” and I reply, “you’re so cute.” After she reads them my mom says, “ok what does that have to do with anything?”. She was trying to make it as if she had “reached out” to me at some point and I think in her head she believed her own lie. She NEVER reached out to me aside from showing up at my house unannounced. She went on to tell my mom, that she has reached out and when my mom said she doesn’t know of her ever reaching out, she tried to convince my mom it’s because I don’t tell her! Again, no concept of the type of relationship me and my mom had and how deeply we discuss things like this. My mom knew EVERYTHING! I told her exactly what happened every step of the way. My mom asks her if she wants her to go back and read texts that she sent to her that weren’t so nice and again when Satan is backed into a corner, she flips the blame onto my mom and says, “after the way you treat me, you expect me to be nice? I’m trying to make sure, so you actually have a relationship with your son and granddaughter but I’m telling you right now, you doing this, it’s not helping!”. 
That’s the crazy part again, it’s not her, my brother makes his own choices but then she says that she’s trying to “make sure” my brother has a relationship with my mom. She contradicts herself once again though and tells my mom that it’s my brother’s choice. My mom is done at this point and says, “you’re right, it’s his choice, we aren’t going to discuss this anymore.”‘and Satan comes back with, “you’re right, we’re not….it’s insane that I’m even getting this phone call right now.” My mom says, “you know what I didn’t even expect it to get like this….” Satan still talking, “you called me….you tell me….” my mom cuts her off, “I asked you if you can find it in your heart and you started arguing with me.” Satan asks her, “what am I trying to find in my heart? To make him do something? I can’t make him do something”. I mean she really doesn’t know? She doesn’t get it because she is a sociopath. This conversation confirmed it for me. My brother’s wife is a narcopath! She controls EVERYTHING he does and in my up coming posts, you will see just how serious I am about it. 
Suddenly my brother’s voice can be heard in the background. I guess he wasn’t really at the gym. He’s asking her what’s going on and she starts to explain that my mom called her up and started to fight with her. (Lies). My mom says to her, “the anger behind it shows that you don’t even want it to happen and that’s fine….this is what I needed to know and I know it now.” Satan comes back laughing and says, “I don’t even know what you’re talking about at this point and to be honest, I don’t even care, because you’re calling me up with this ridiculous stuff because you only want to hear what you want to hear. Your putting everything on me and [my brother], really you really need to go put something on [me].” She goes on to say that I am part of the problem the. She says, “you just said to me, [me] would say hi to him in a heartbeat, but you told me you told her to say hi to him and she doesn’t, you see you’re only contradicting yourself….”. My mom explains again, “[me] doesn’t want to be slapped down again by [my brother], he did it several times….he slapped her down several times….”. We never knew if Satan ever found out that my brother came to my house that day but if she didn’t know, she was about to find out because my mom explained, “he came to her house one day, I don’t know if he ever told you about it but since you read the letters [me] wrote then you know that he came to her house one day, said he wanted to make up and did but he wanted to keep it a secret from you, and then [me] never heard from him again so she doesn’t want to do it unless he’s willing.” There was a deafening silence from Satan… she then turns to my brother and says, “your mom is saying you went to her house and wanted to keep it a secret from me…..” after a long pause you hear my brother say., “well…….yeah.”. Satan says, “well I’m just telling you what your mother is telling me.” She gets back on the phone with my mom and says, “well I’m gonna go, I was just in the middle of powerwashing my windows!”. My mom says, “go ahead, go powerwash your windows.” You hear Satan go, “I am and I am telling you….” but my mom hung up the phone. 
His secret was out. We assumed she knew about that by now but clearly she didn’t. I can only imagine the lashing my brother got after my mom hung up on her. I’m surprised he was able to talk his way out of that one. She was clearly pissed. My mom got her answer and from that day forward, she started the process of acceptance…..
To be continued in my next post….