Settling the estate Part 7: little sister is watching

My Brother’s wife was not happy that I was not complying with her ridiculous demands. I was fighting back and letting her know that I was not going to lay down and let her walk all over me the way my brother lets her. At this point in time I had all the proof I needed to know that my brother was not the one authoring these emails to me. Although my brother’s behavior changed immensely the more indoctrinated he became in Satan’s world, there are some fundamental things about a person that don’t change no matter what they go through in life. My brother has never been a leader nor has he had a “take charge” personality. In fact, my brother has always been someone who’s unsure, indecisive, and kind of needs to be told what to do in certain situations. In the past, there were many times my brother would call me seeking out advice or approval for a decision he was making. This is probably why women like Satan prey upon men like him. Now suddenly I was to believe my brother was the person coming up with all these crazy plans, making lists and spreadsheets, and throwing orders and demands around? No. The new him was the polar opposite of the old him. This was to be believed by me in addition to the fact that “he” demanded we only speak via email, coupled with the fact that he refused to meet in person and had me blocked on his phone, and insisted I only call his home phone, even during the day while he was at work, which made no sense. I was forced to leave messages on his answering machine in which he’s retrieve periodically, throughout the day, while working at his “demanding” web developer job! As my mom always used to say, “if it walks like a duck, and talks like a duck, it’s a duck!”, but in this case it was a vulture whom I liked to refer to as Satan.

At this point in time I knew that she was the one writing the emails and I had proof that validated it 100% to me, but in court, I could not use that proof and so I needed another way to prove it was her writing the emails. I was so sick of the condescending tone of her emails. I was desperate to prove it was her. You see when we signed the agreement in the very beginning it was clear to me and my attorneys that my brother was going to give us a hard time. Our plan was, or at least my attorneys made it seem like it was, to have my brother knocked out as executor for misconduct. My attorneys told me to keep records in which I did. I knew I’d have to show them some type of proof that my brother was breaking the agreement he signed by allowing his wife to assume his identity, and email not only me, but everyone else involved in the estate. She used the email to communicate with the banks, loan companies, utilities, whatever. I had proof of this, but the proof I had could not be used. Let’s just say the way I got the proof wasn’t a way in which I was comfortable sharing. It was so frustrating because I knew for 100% fact that she was operating the email. I knew for 100% fact that they were lying to my face. I needed to find a way to prove it that I can give to my attorneys, and so I signed up on this message board where people discussed topics like this. That was when I got a suggestion from someone to use this thing called an email tracker.

The email tracker is totally legal and legit. Companies use similar trackers for marketing purposes. This is how it works…

you have to sign up on the website, www.whoreadme.com. It’s completely free. You use their email interface (although there is a way you can use your regular email provider, i.e., Gmail; outlook, yahoo, etc.) to send your emails. The interface adds a small invisible image the size of one pixel that cannot be seen by the recipient. When you send your email through this tracker it looks as if it’s just a regular email coming from your email address, to the average recipient. When the email is opened by the recipient, the pixel sized image in the email somehow records data from the recipient. How it does that, I don’t know, but it does! As soon as the email is opened, you will receive a report from http://www.whoreadme.com. Below is a sample report.

A sample of the report you get from whoreadme that gives information about the recipient such as their IP address, ISP, etc.

As you can see the report contains various types of information, like the IP address of the recipient, their location, their ISP (internet service provider, i.e., Comcast, Verizon, road runner, etc) how long they read the email or had it opened, what type of browser they were using to read the email (i.e., google chrome, safari, gmail etc), their operating system, and what type of device they’re using to view the email, (i.e., iPhone, Android, iPad, windows computer, etc.)

My last regular email to my brother was sent on August 30th, 2016 11:42am, after leaving him a voicemail on his home phone.

Ps I called twice yesterday, left a voicemail, text you and emailed you twice, no answer. Please provide me with the name of the additional life insurance policy on my mom. Also the [investment account] email and password was changed. Please provide me with it. Thank you.

Thank you.

Sent from my iPhone

I got a prompt reply from my “brother” who was at “work” at his demanding job, exactly 5 minutes later at 11:47am.

I will get you this information when I get home. I am at work now. 

I didn’t do anything on [investment account]. I received an email from them asking me to accept online access, and I did. Since I completed my form with separate contact information, I assumed that I would have separate access. I see no reason why this wouldn’t be the case, as we will have separate online access to [bank in which estate account was at]. 

I suggest you contact [investment firm] for assistance in setting up online access. This will likely be a moot point since we are just going to make a full withdrawal and deposit it to [estate account]. 

I sent my first email using the email tracker on August 31, 2017 to let him know I was trying to get in contact with him. I sent this email to his new email account only. It was 6:08pm and so my brother was not at work at that time.

My email read:

I tried to text you today twice. This is the fifth or so time I am asking. Please give me the name of the other life insurance policy.

have a great day.

I anxiously awaited to get my first report from the tracker. From that report I could see someone using an IPhone was reading the email, but it looked to be that they were home. At 8:09pm I got this as a reply:

I will send you the documents in a timely manner. I don’t have them with me. 

Have you contacted the realtor regarding listing my mom’s house yet?

Has your attorney provided my attorney with a breakdown of the reimbursements you are claiming yet?  Again, I will need to review them before signing the check. 

Going forward, expenses should not be paid out-of-pocket with the expectation that the Estate will reimburse them, as an Estate account has been opened. 

I also called the town to find out of there is a CO for the porch at my mom’s house and found out that there is not. The realtor had asked about this. We will need to start the process of obtaining one. This includes applying for one, having the home inspected after providing the survey and building plans. Then, a list of deficiencies will be issued if necessary. If there are no deficiencies, the CO can be issued. This can be a time-consuming process. 

If you are having trouble reaching me, I can be reached at the contact information below. 

Via mail:

[she wrote out their home address]

Via phone:

(Xxx) XXX-XXXX

[she gave me their HOME phone number]

Via email:

[she gave me the email address to the new email account in which I obviously already knew!]

I have to point out that this was all part Satan’s little game that she played with me. It was obvious she thought she was smarter than me, and that I was some type of clueless housewife that doesn’t understand how adult life works, but once she realized that I did have a grasp she kept adding information to try to overwhelm me. This is typical of narcissists. They are habitual “one uppers”. They need to make people feel as if they know everything and you are beneath them. All I asked for in my email was the information about the life insurance policy in which I had asked about several times, and she kept evading giving me the information, for whatever reason. There was no need to bring up the CO (certificate of occupancy) for my mom’s porch, the list of reimbursements in (which I had already told her several times that I gave it to my attorney), and all the other things. Also, take note of how she had to control the communication between me and my brother by telling me that if I wanted to contact him it had to be by regular USPS snail mail, their home phone number (not my brother’s cell phone) and the email address in which she already knew I had because we were speaking through it!

Speaking of the CO for my mom’s porch, the mention of it and her lecture about how you get one rang a bell in my head. A week or so before my mom died, she started to say things to me that let me know my brother and his wife were trying to manipulate her, the same way they tried to manipulate my husband into thinking I’m incompetent and clueless. After years of telling me that she wanted me (and just about everyone else she talked to) to take care of her affairs when she died, my mom suddenly started to doubt me and told me that she “didn’t know if I could handle it all by myself.”. When I asked her what she meant by that, she told me that she was worried that I wouldn’t ask my brother for help if I needed it, and she specifically used the CO for her porch as an example. Prior to then, my Mom NEVER doubted me, EVER. My mom knew I was very capable and that if I didn’t know how to do something I would figure it out. My mom used to joke around to her friends and family and tell them that I was the “son she never had”. I was sickened when I came to this realization. It sickened me enough my brother and his wife relentlessly hounded her about getting her affairs, as she lied there dying, but to try to manipulate someone against the closest person to them, so they could reap the benefits, it enraged me. Just think of what type of sick fuck you need to be, to take advantage of someone while they’re lying in the most vulnerable of positions that a human being can be in! She is a demon with absolutely NO moral compass. This along with many things that I wondered about while my mom was still alive, came to light during this process, because Satan would unknowingly give herself up.

I didn’t bother to respond to her email that night, in fact I don’t even know if I saw it that night. The next day was the 1st of September, and the Thursday before Labor Day. At 11:06am I logged into the tracker’s website and replied to her email. To make it look like a legit reply that was coming from my email, I added “re:” to the subject line and copied the previous correspondence in the body of the email. I typed up my letter and pressed send. Again I only had sent this one the new email address. It read:

• I don’t need documents.  A name and policy number will be fine.

•  I’ll call the real estate agent in a timely manner. I know [real estate agent], he was friends with my ex. Thanks for picking him.

• Don’t worry about signing my check right now. I’m not in a rush for it.

• Ok, I haven’t paid anything except for the landscaper, which I will continue to pay because it’s easier.

• I’m well aware of the lack of CO for my mom’s porch.  I grew up there for my entire life.

• Oh is your cell phone is broken or something? That’s so weird that you can’t to talk to me when you are alone and can only talk from your house phone, or through this new email. It’s almost as if  someone is monitoring your interaction with with me. Hope everything is ok.

You should probably get your cell phone looked at though, because it would be in the best interest of the estate, that I could get in contact with you at ALL TIMES, not just when you are home.  Maybe you have the, “my phone works for email but nothing else virus”. I would get that looked at asap.

As for other things. IF you happen to go by my mom’s house tonight, please don’t leave another mess.  I am bringing my [grandmother] there tomorrow to look at the bed.  It will be upsetting enough that the house is vacant and still a mess from last time. There’s no need to further upset her.  Oh and to answer your question about the delivery charge to the estate, I’d never do that. It’s my [grandmother]. I don’t need to be reimbursed with my own money for her. I can pay out of pocket, but thanks.

[me]

After hitting the send button on my

Email I went straight to my inbox to get the report…… I had struck GOLD!!!!

The first report I got back telling me that My brother’s wife was at the very least, accessing my brother’s emails!

There it was, plain as day. The report came back saying that the email was accessed by someone using an iPhone, who was connected to Allstate Insurance’s ( *company name has been changed for privacy reasons) which is where my brother’s wife works! Finally, I had something I could legally use in court to show my attorney, but not before I got a few more reports to assure it was her, because I knew she’d make up some type of excuse that my brother was there for some stupid reason. At the same time this confirmed what I already knew, along with everything else, that I was 100% sure my brother’s wife was the person I was speaking with this whole time.

Almost a half an hour later, @ 11:29 am I received this reply.

Glad you know [real estate agent]. Let me know when you speak with him.

If you insist in paying for the landscaper out of your pocket, save the bills and payment receipts for reimbursement. 

Since you already know about the CO, you know how difficult and time-consuming it can be to remedy. Have you taken any steps to start the process yet?

My cell phone is fully functional. I have a very demanding job, like most executors. As I’ve stated numerous times, I use my lunch break to handle Estate matters. Just because I am co-executor, that does not mean that I have to be available to you 24/7. The contact information I’ve provided is more than sufficient to get a timely response from me. 

I was already well aware that you are bringing [my grandmother] to the house. As for the mess you say I left, I saw your pictures and they were nonsense. It would have taken less time to pick up the one paper and leaf than it did to snap pictures. We both know your old bedroom has been a mess since before mom passed away. And I don’t even know what I’m looking at with the hamper and bedroom. This is the last time I’ll address this. 

She absolutely hated that I was giving right back to her, what she was dishing out to me! Satan was not going to tell me how things were going to be done and I wanted her to know it. Once again she is giving me instructions as if I was a child of hers. Again, she asks about the CO and now wants to know if I had taken any steps. This was another one of her tactics she used where she tried to make me look stupid and incompetent. There was so much to do before obtaining a CO for my mom’s porch,and I had asked my attorney who was on the zoning board for my mom’s town for over 2 decades, and he advised me to wait until the house was listed to see if it was even needed. If so, he then advised me that we would need to hire an expediter to obtain one. Once again, at this point in time I had only had the papers that legally allowed me to do any of this stuff, for 9 days. As a mother of a 3 year old who was starting preschool for the first time that year, I could only do so much in a week and two days.

Like most narcissists, Satan’s biggest downfall in situations like these is thinking she’s smarter than everyone, and that no one else thinks beyond the words she is saying. She believes that just because she puts something in writing, it’s the gospel truth. Here she is pretending to be my brother and stating that he “has a very demanding job”, yet he is writing these lengthy emails and replying within minutes of me sending them. She also needs to throw in the veiled insult towards me by saying “like most executors do”, to I guess say that I’m less worthy because I chose to stay home with my son. This was one of many jabs she’d take at me, about it. The funny part is, I specifically remember the second time I met her which was the first time she had ever been to my house; where she sat at my kitchen table and told me how when she was married to her ex (her second ex-husband, that is) that she had quit her job and stayed home. In fact, She was bragging about how she lived in this huge house and was home alone all day and would just sit there and spend all his money. That was one of the many things she said that made me side eye her.

The part about this email that I found most infuriating was the last part where she has the nerve to tell me that it would’ve taken less time to clean up HER mess, than it would to take a photo! When she denied knowing what mess I was referring to in an earlier email, I sent pictures along with my reply. This says a lot about who she is and really shows her complete lack of empathy, respect and consideration for other people. It’s disgusting. She also tries to justify it by saying the “room was a mess since before my mom passed”. Yes the room was cluttered and wasn’t the most organized room in my mom’s house, due to the fact it was a spare room that no one lived in, but the toys in there were all in the baskets. Thar doesn’t mean to disrespect it and make it WORSE! They picked out toys their daughter wanted and left the rest for me to clean. On a side note, I found it odd that my brother left his first train set behind. I would think he would’ve wanted it for sentimental value.

Also note the last sentence there where she tells me that this will be the “last time” she addresses the issue. That is because like all narcissists, she cannot accept responsibility for anything, and when narcissists are confronted with their wrongdoing, this is one of the many ways in which they control the conversation so they can evade it. Satan’s need for complete control is insatiable.

After exchanging those emails it hit me that while this was almost 100% full proof that she was at least reading the emails, I also needed to prove that my brother wasn’t reading them, and so from that point in time I started to send every email to both my brother’s regular account and the one Satan was operating. I needed to send another email and so I made up a reason to send one. So at 11:20am I sent a p.s. email to my brother’s regular email that was one sentence long, just so I can see if he was opening the emails from a different location on his email account. As soon as it was opened on the other end I got a report back from the tracking website and to my surprise the email sent to my brother’s regular email account, was also opened up by someone at *Allstate insurance. Then I remembered that a few days earlier my brother said he was going to redirect any emails I sent to his regular account to the new one. With that said, I tried to send him an email to his work email address so I can prove her was at work while he wife was accessing emails but I guess security is super tight where he works because their email server rejected the email.

A portion of an email sent to me from my brother that states he will forward any emails that I send to his regular account, to the new account that his wife was operating.

Saturday Sept 2nd was the beginning of the Labor Day weekend and I knew I was going to have wait to collect more evidence that I could show my attorneys. I continued emailing back and forth with my brother throughout the weekend using the tracker and sending all emails to both accounts. Since both my brother and his wife were connected to WiFi and the 4G networks on their phones, and their IP addresses were changing constantly depending on where they were and what service they were using, and it wasn’t much help. I knew I’d have to wait until work started the following week, but I soon found out that evil didn’t stop working on Labor Day Weekend….

To be continued….

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Settling the estate part 5 this is unsettling.

I was FURIOUS after receiving that “follow up” email from my brother. It was just completely unnecessary to send that to me. I can tell Satan, (my brother’s wife) was getting angry that I wasn’t just lying back and letting her push me around like she does with everyone else in her life. I was sick of her telling me how things were going to be done and what was in the “best interest of the estate”. Trust me when I say, NOTHING they wanted to do was in the best interest of the “estate”. Everything was in their THEIR best interest. That’s all they were concerned about from day one. Satan did not give one flying fuck that my mom had passed away, that I was grieving, that this was extremely hard for me. She just wanted that money, and she wanted it A.S.A.P.! I didn’t even reply to her email.

I finally got my corrected copies of the Letters of Administration in August 23, 2017. After over 8 months of fighting I was able to prove I was an executor of my mother’s estate. It was bittersweet. I knew my mom would’ve been happy to know that at least one person cared to carry out her wishes in the way she wanted. I thank god I fought for it. I can’t even imagine how things would’ve went had I not been involved at all. The one and only thing I wanted from day one was to be able to go through her house and preserve what little was left of my family. People will often say they are just objects but when you lose both of your parents and you and your sibling are split apart, those things become extremely invaluable. My mom was very sentimental, as am I, and I knew there were items in her home that she wouldn’t want to be just tossed away like they were worthless.

In the meanwhile my brother had gone to the bank without me and started the process of opening the estate account, which he shouldn’t have done. He didn’t tell me he had gone there until afterwards. He also went to my mom’s Bank and closed out her account and took all the money without telling me. There was nothing he could do with the checks but still, it was wrong of him to go without me and inform me AFTER he did it. My brother would not compromise with me whatsoever it was either his way or no way.

He sent me this email on August 24, 2017 at 2:35pm in the afternoon (while he was at his “demanding job”)

[me]:

I’ve gone to BNB and signed what I need to sign in order to open the Estate account. I’ve also provided an original Death Certificate.

The only things that they now need to open the account are the original, corrected Letters Testamentary and your information and signature. Please to provide the corrected letters when you go to the Bank.

If you complete and send over the attached form in advance of going to [the bank], you should be in and out of the bank in five minutes as I was.

Please let me know once you’ve been able to go to the bank to complete the opening of the account.

[brother]

I was so annoyed. Once again my “brother” thought he was just going to railroad me. He thought I was clueless and completely incompetent and so I wanted to surprise him that I was being proactive about the estate and doing what had to be done, so

I sent my “brother” this email later that night, on August 24th, but I REFUSED to send it to the new fake email address that I knew his wife was wife was operating, and so instead I sent it to the email address I had known my brother to have for the last few years. It was the same email address he had emailed me from earlier in the year before we were executors. I had already told him I knew I wasn’t talking to him over that email. My email read:

From: [me]

[mailto: [my emailaddress.net]

Sent: Thursday, August 24, 2017 10:27 PM

To: [mybrother’s regular email address]

Subject: Estate Progress Report

[brother],

I got your email the other day. I’ve been busy working on things that must be done for the estate.

• I went to [investment firm #1] today and began the process of opening an estate account. You need to go there and provide them with your social security number and signature.

• thank you for ordering mommy’s health records, but that isn’t necessary. I already have the proper documentation needed in order to file her [cancer insurance]claim.

• spoke with [bank personnel] at [a different investment firm] and provided my information for her to send me documents.

• we will need to speak about consolidating all accounts into one where both signatures are required for any transactions.

• as per my attorney’s advice, I opened a PO box and had mommy’s mail forwarded to it. You can have a key. I listed you as someone who can also access the box if need be.

• I spoke to [car company] about the $9000 check that was delivered to [his attorney’s address] where your attorney’s old office was, prior to the decision his federal case. Whomever supplied a letter to [car loan holder] that your attorney was representing the estate way back when I filed my objection, they need to call them and tell them that there is another attorney and executor whom is allowed to retain info for the estate.

• as per our conversation on 8/22, I have started to clear out and clean the house. I will provide you with a list of any items I have removed, please provide me with yours too. If you go there please do not remove anymore packing and/or cleaning supplies.

•I have contacted 2 home appraisers as you previously requested. I do not think it’s necessary to pay for  four separate appraisals as two is more than enough. I also contacted an agent and real estate attorney. My attorney strongly advised against selling the house privately as it is NOT in the best interest of the estate.

• I have contacted various family members about giving [our grandmother] mommy’s bed if you are still on with that.  I have pick up and delivery arranged for when the time comes.

• just for your records, I got in touch with [human resources person] regarding mommy’s 401, her profit sharing and group life insurance. As you are, I am waiting for his reply

• I went to chase and got printout statements for all four of her accounts

• I paid the outstanding balance for her Landscaping.

• I am in touch with General Utilities regarding her outstanding balance with them.

• I will be paying part of the the PSEG bill since there hasn’t been a payment since Since June and I would rather not see the electric turned off.

Please see the two attached lists I have included. I am still working on preparing detailed lists and figures with my attorney, including my reimbursements with receipts and supporting bank statements.

With Regards,
[me]

I wanted my brother and his wife to know that although they tried very hard to keep me in the dark about my mother’s finances, I was well informed about them and I was doing my homework. One of the things I discovered not about them, but about their attorney was quite shocking and I discovered it totally by accident. My attorney was trying to get in touch with him and he wasn’t hearing back. I was just curious one day so I typed their attorney’s name into google. I was shocked when the first result to pop up was a .pdf of a legal document where he was the defendant. Apparently he and a few of his buddies got involved in some type of supplement business and they decided to pull a Ponzi scheme of sorts where they sold bogus stocks for a bogus company to people. It seemed he was in hot shit with the Federal Trade Commission and had to pay restitution in the tune of 4 MILLION dollars! You can’t make this shit up! I later found out Satan of course was the one who retained this scumbag. Birds of a feather flock together I suppose.

I didn’t get a response to my email but instead two days later on August 26th, at 9:00am on a Saturday morning, I got another email from my brother that read:

[me],

Advising again that I have already completed my portion for [the bank] to open up the estate account. Since Saturday is the only day you can go I would assume it would be completed today.

Thank you for going to [bank my mom had her accounts at] first it made me obtaining the certified checks very quick and easy.  It was just over $26K. Once you have notified me that the estate account is open at [bank], I will process a for deposit only for these checks. They will clear in one day. Please provide me with the account #.

I will follow up later regarding other estate issues.

[brother]

First off, I never said Saturday was the only day I could go. I just said it was more convenient for me. I offered to go after work hours one day during the week but that wasn’t good enough for them because Satan cannot allow my brother to go anywhere without her, that doesn’t have a definitive time limit. God forbid him and I spoke to one another.

I woke up late and missed the Bank that Saturday morning. The next day was Sunday, August 27th, and so I didn’t bother to respond to her. Later that night however I received an email from her. I’m going to share a portion of the email in screen shots because I want you to see exactly how she formatted it…. the beginning portion read…

[me]

I’ve only just received this email as you are sending it to an account that I no longer use.  Please send it to the [fake email account ran by Satan] account as this is my active account.  Going forward, your emails will be redirected to that account so that I don’t miss them.

First let me address some main issues:

• ­I did not request that you get an appraisal on the house.  I requested that you get two comps/market analysis on the house, as I am getting comps on the house as well (See my prior email of 8/22).  A market analysis is something that a realtor will give you to estimate an appropriate listing price for a house based on recent sales (comps) and listings of similar houses in the similar neighborhoods.  These are free!!  An appraisal will cost upwards of around $400.00. The buyer of the house will pay for an appraisal as a part of getting a mortgage to buy the house. The Estate should not, and won’t cover the cost of an appraisal.  Please cancel your appointment and make appointments with realtors to get comps.  If you insist on getting an appraisal instead of a comp, that will be a cost that will come out of your pocket.

• As per your email you are stating that you refuse to proceed to open an estate account unless I drop off checks at your house.  That is completely unacceptable.  Please consult with your attorney immediately.  If you refuse to conduct estate business in a timely matter, we will leave it up to the court to decide.  There is no need to have those checks in your possession prior to opening an estate account.  When you plan on going to [the bank], please advise of date and time and I will bring signed checks to the teller at that point.  Once again, if you continue to refuse to conduct estate business timely, I will request it be taken out of your hands.  An estate account is of utmost importance at this time.

• I have already contacted 2 real estate agents which both suggest listing at $349,000.  One of which offered a reduced commission of 3% instead of the standard 4%.  Please be advised that any delay on your part would also be considered refusal or delay of estate business.  The house needs to be listed ASAP.  It does not need to be emptied first.  Please remember this is in the best interest of the estate.

• If you would like to use your choice of attorney and my choice of agent, that could be a fair compromise.  Consult with your attorney.

**Please see my comments below in red.

Thank you,

[“my brother”]

Below is how she addressed the things I wrote in my email…

Clearly she was IRATE that I had been taking action to start settling the estate. This is coming from someone who was trying to get her hands on my mom’s money 3 days after she passed. To say I was fucking infuriated after reading this email, was an understatement. There was NO NEED WHATSOEVER to speak to me like this. For starters, if my email went to an address that was no longer used, how the fuck did you see it? Take note that she tells me my emails are going to be forwarded to the “other” account because it will be relevant in the future. She did request I get an appraisal and so I contacted an appraiser. The condescending tone this whole entire email is just so not my brother. It’s just not how he speaks AT ALL, even when he’s angry. The threats to take “estate business out of my hands”; they way she marked up my email like she is some sort of teacher, the demands that I “contact my attorney IMMEDIATELY”, all of it had HER written all over it. She was obviously very, very upset that I am not a pussy like my brother is. I had to laugh too at some of the stuff she was saying because she was completely clueless. The “rejection” letters she got, those were MONTHS old. While my mom was in the hospital during her last month of life, she asked me to file a claim for her with her cancer insurance company because she wanted to have money to pay bills since she was not working, and not collecting any type of disability. I tried to file the claims online but the company’s website was giving me trouble. That is why, she got the rejection letters. I eventually was able to fax my mom’s claim and clearly since my Brother and his wife were collecting all her mail, they could see in her bank statements that the claim did in fact, go through, and money was deposited in her account from the insurance company. Also, the rejection letters clearly state when the claim was filed and they could clearly see it was from before my mom passed. This was something Satan, the narcissist did throughout the whole process of settling this estate. She would try to create this narrative that I was completely incompetent. I guess so she had “proof” to show the court?

Her need for control and malignant, overt narcissism was really starting to shine. I want you to also take note of how she tells me to “mail the key for the P.O. Box” and proceeds to give me their home address. They live 7.5 miles away from me. It’s about a 10-15 minute ride. My brother’s job is 3 miles away from me. I easily could drop the key off to him at work, or driven to their house, like NORMAL siblings would do, and vice versa, but she was insisting I waste time and money mailing it to them. I mean it’s just so ridiculous. She denies that she controls my brother yet she can’t even let us meet at the Bank or exchange a key, for fucks sake!

The last thing I want you to take note of is the mention of the “additional life insurance policy.”. The day my mom died and I was forced by them to go immediately to the funeral home to plan her wake services, I was told by my brother’s wife who was unfortunately there, that my mom had three life insurance policies and all but one had lapsed due to non-payment. The next day they called my husband and told him to tell me that I should take as much money out of my mom’s account because all three policies had now lapsed and that we weren’t going to have money to pay her funeral. In my vulnerable state I went against my better judgement, because I had a feeling they were lying and I took $1600 out of my mom’s account through the ATM. Then magically the next day, it was, oops we were wrong! The one policy didn’t lapse. As you can see; she even mentions it and that it paid for the funeral so you can imagine how surprised I was that I was now being told there was an “additional life insurance policy”. This was the third mention of it too. It was mentioned it once in the very first email to me and again in the second. She just had to point out how I was “wrong” too. As you will see in the next few posts, she used this information to torture me.

I was fed up at this point in time. Realistically we were only a few days into settling this estate and already it was a fucking nightmare.

To be continued….

Settling the estate, Part 3 lies, lies and alibis

Prior to receiving our letters of administration to be executors of my mother’s estate, my brother signed an agreement, as did I, that read:

“That all business is to be transacted by the EXECUTORS in their PERSONAL capacity, and NO surrogate shall have the authority to ACT IN PLACE of one or the other executor…”.

This did not include the help of professionals like attorneys, accountants, realtors, etc. my attorneys added this specifically to make Satan’s power of Attorney over my brother completely useless in this context but of course like all narcissists, Satan doesn’t like playing by the rules.

The agreement signed by both me, my brother and my aunts. All identifying info has been redacted.

People have a certain way about them when they express themselves that can be detected even in writing. I know how my brother talks and articulates himself. I know how he acts. I know how he is. I know there are certain things I can say to him that will trigger him. I know that the person I was talking to via this new email address was not him.

Starting the day after my mom’s wake every single place I called in regards to my mother would tell me that they had already spoken to Satan. I called her bank, her money market accounts, her cell phone provider, etc., and everyone said they had already spoken to Satan and they called her by name. Even though she never legally took my brother’s last name, she was conveniently using it to make these calls so it sounded like she was the child of my mother. Why was this stranger calling up on my mom’s behalf? The most sickening part of all of this was that my so-called Aunts were WELL AWARE of the fact that my mom did not want my brother’s wife involved in her affairs, yet they all sat there and supported her being involved. Not only did they support her but they actually encouraged it.

My attorneys were aware of my concerns that my brother had made a new email address and that I didn’t think I was speaking to him, and so their advice to me was to wait until we had received the letters of administration, and to ask him if we can meet up somewhere to discuss the estate. Although I didn’t have the letters yet, I did not want to be accused of not communicating, and so I wrote back suggesting we meet up somewhere in order to discuss things, and in response to my email this is what I got back.

“I will be unavailable to meet person as I will be handling most of the estate via email and/or my attorney. Per my attorney, I will only be needed in person to open the bank account and to attend the closing. 

I have twice sent you copies of bills that I’ve paid and bills that need to be paid. Please send me the same from your end. If email isn’t good for you, you can send them to me via USPS.  

Please email me your questions and or concerns that you wanted to discuss. I will review them and consult my attorney if needed, then send you my response.”

At this point it was becoming more and more clear that my brother was not the person in whom I was speaking with. The fact I can tell by the way he was speaking, coupled with his refusal meet with me in person or talk on the phone, strongly suggested that it was Satan who was acting as a wizard of oz,of sorts, hiding behind the curtain of a fake email address. I printed my brother’s email and took it to my attorney’s office and on August 18th 2017, I sent my brother this email.

[brother], 

I just sat down with my attorney who called your attorney while I was there. Your attorney agreed that we need to meet up to discuss how this estate is going to be settled as CO-executors. I already asked you when you can meet up and was told you would be “unavailable” and your attorney advised you that you’d only need to be present to open the bank account and for the closing. That is not what he just told my attorney on the phone. He also informed us that you received ten official copies of the letters yet you never responded to my email where I told you I didn’t have copies. You never informed me that you had copies. I just want to remind you that you signed an agreement. Please pay close attention to numbers 2 & 3 on that agreement. We HAVE to do this together and communicate. If you are looking to save money by not hiring a real estate agent and wanted to get money off the last months insurance, your refusal to communicate with me is going to cost more than any amount we can save. We are both on the letters. Let’s not waste mom’s hard earned money on lawyer’s, as you said when you emailed me back in March. I have a pretty flexible schedule so please let me know when you can meet up so we can start settling this estate the right way and get it done in a timely manner so we can move on with our lives.

P.s If you want to talk you can also call me. (XXX) XXX-XXXX that is much easier for me as I do not check my emails often. 

[me]

I had expressed in an earlier emailthat I had never received the copies of the letters that my attorneys had ordered. This was a whole other mess I had to investigate on my own. My brother sent me his first email on July 31st. I never replied. On August 9th he resent the same email only he edited the first paragraph from, “I spoke with my attorney this past week. He advised that all surrogate court is waiting for is your original signature on

the settlement agreement, which your lawyer stated you would be signing shortly. The papers will be issued shortly after they get it, I assume” to vaguely say, “The court has all the papers and everything is set to go now.”. The fact that he had edited the first paragraph made me question why he did so and so I decided to call the surrogates court myself and I found out that ten copies of the letters had been sent to my brother’s attorney by accident, instead of mine. I had sent an email to my brother stating that I didn’t have the letters yet and my “brother” opted not to tell me that he had received them. Instead he vaguely wrote that everything was “set to go”. After that I had to go on a wild goose chase to get myself copies of the papers. I realized my name was spelled incorrectly, and so I had to make multiple trips back and fourth to the surrogates court in order to get that corrected. When I told my brother his copies were no good he refused to turn them in. He told me he had already given them out to some bill collectors but he wouldn’t tell me exactly who.

In my email I also pointed out numbers 2&3 of the agreement (see above)which were the paragraph I pasted above about each executor having to do all transactions in their own capacity, and another paragraph in which stated that we were both responsible for our own legal fees. This means that the money we paid to our attorneys came out of our pockets and not the estate. I was trying to point out that every time we had to call our attorneys for stupid nonsense like my brother’s refusal to speak to me, we were being charged for it. My brother did not seem to care however. In response to my email I received this from my “brother”….

“[me],

Yesterday, I received the certificates I requested. I would assume you would have requested your own copies. I will bring one for the bank and an extra one for you when we meet at [the bank] to open up an estate account. I will make an appointment at the [the bank] near my office, as I will be doing this on my lunch break. Once again, please send me the bills that need to be paid and also an itemized bill for what you have paid for the estate to date. I have sent you my copies twice. 

For the mail, I suggest we do change-of-addresses on all known accounts and creditors. Then, we can do a mail forward for everything else. We can either get a P.O. Box, or just have it forwarded to your address. 

Since most of the bills already come to my address and you have online access to those accounts, I’ll continue to receive them. You can have all the investments go to yours and provide me with online access. Feel free to call the investments and change address.

I would suggest meeting at the bank to open the estate account and get the bills paid, then we can take it from there. Paying the outstanding balances is the most pressing matter. 

Again please send me the list you have including address, account numbers and amounts due. I will write out envelopes for each and the bank can issue checks that day. Once I have your list, I will make the appropriate appointment. 

Thank you,

[my brother]”

Ugh, reading these emails again is getting my blood boiling. As you can see he was evading the whole part where I said that his attorney said that we needed to discuss these matters in person. He completely glazed right past it. The business like, robotic manner that this letter is written in is so bizarre, in and of itself. That is not the way my brother speaks or writes. This is the way in which all these emails were written. There was absolutely no emotion involved.

My brother was being very pushy. He was demanding that I give him a list of bills in which I paid and other bills that needed to be paid, meanwhile they had all the mail. My attorney’s advised me to go over all bills before paying them to make sure the claims are valid. I had no access to the bills since my brother was illegally stealing the mail since the day my mom passed. He was going online, pretending to be my mom, and doing illegal mail holds , and then authorizing himself to retrieve the mail at the post office. Basically he was impersonating my mom. He never informed the post office that my mom had passed. My attorney advised opening a PO box that we would both have access to. At first my brother fought it but now he was suddenly saying open it and have the mail forwarded there. This was a constant theme throughout the estate. “He” would say one thing and then completely change his mind days later. He even admits most of the bills were already coming to his house, which they shouldn’t have been. My brother was also demanding we pay the outstanding bills the same day we opened the bank account. He couldn’t even wait for the account to be opened and for the checks to come in the mail. He wanted the Bank to give us a few handwritten “starter checks”. I didn’t have any lists to give him at that point and my attorneys advised that there was no need for me to give them anything, especially since I still didn’t have my letters, and that they would take care of it. As far as my “online” access, I only had online access to my mom’s accounts because she gave me her email and passwords. I was not about to give them to these two sneaky liars. They were already in her mail. That was all they needed.

I knew my brother was not behind this email. My brother would never offer to write envelopes out and bring them to the bank! It was so ridiculous and completely unnecessary to do. This email has Satan written all over it. It’s written as if she’s the boss who is delegating tasks. This is a typical narcissist move. She’s telling me what I can do and what she is going to do. She has complete control although she’s trying to make it appear as if it equal by telling me I’m welcome to do, x,y,and z. She was basically assigning all the remedial tasks to me in an attempt to keep me busy and make me feel like I’m doing something. I don’t know what my brother told Satan about me but in the next few weeks I could see that she had no idea what type of person I am. She was about to see.

To be continued in the next post…..

Settling the Estate, part 2

Once again it has been some time since I last updated this blog. In a nut shell, since the day I received letters of administration, from that point on, my life became an absolute and utter living fucking hell. I thought caring for my mom was stressful and it was……extremely, but settling an estate with a person like my brother’s wife who completely lacks empathy, compassion, humility, integrity, honesty and a moral compass, was complete and utter torture. I much rather be waterboarded than to ever have to deal with that demon again.

I had always thought since day one that my brother’s wife was a narcissist, but after all I’ve been through, I am now convinced that she is a full blown, legitimate, certified, clinical psychopath, with heavy narcissistic traits, and my brother has been fully indoctrinated into her sick, twisted and sadistic world. Years ago I saw him as a poor defenseless and naive victim, but now my empathy for him is completely lost. I have done extensive reading about personality disorders, co-dependents, enabling, toxic people, high conflict people, etc etc and I now understand that my brother in some way is responsible for the abuse, because he allows it to continue. When I look back to 2 months after his wedding when he showed up unannounced on my front door step, while in the midst of psychotic, shit-storm of an argument with his wife, and confessed to me that he thought she had borderline personality disorder, and had been “researching” it for weeks, I realize that he at that point in time had choice. Due to the timing of all of this, being only 2 months after they officially and legally became a committed union, I assume that this was the time you read about in so many articles about emotional abusers, that the mask finally slipped, and Satan started showing her true colors. At that point in time, even though she caused all that drama before their wedding, he wasn’t still fully engulfed in the fog and for whatever reason, he had a brief moment of clarity and acknowledged that there was something deeply wrong with her that he couldn’t handle. Sure enough though, as all narcissists do, she somehow sweet talked him with the promise to change and to see a marriage counselor (of her choosing of course) she “Hoovered” him back in, but there was an acknowledgement of her illness and that’s my whole point here. At that point in time while it would’ve been completely inconvenient, he could’ve easily got out of the marriage, and even possibly had it annulled. Sure he would’ve had to start all over, but it would’ve been a lot easier. He had more support, there were no real financial ties except his car, and most importantly no children. His heart would’ve been broken but he would’ve healed. Instead of walking away though, he made a clear and conscious CHOICE to not only try to work things out with her, but to actively start trying to have a child with her…..because you know, that solves everything. He decided to take an already unhealthy, toxic and messy situation and make it even more messy by adding an innocent child into the mix. He guaranteed himself that this woman is going to run his life on some level; for the rest of his life, even if she leaves him. Their poor kid didn’t ask to be born into this shit and shame on my brother for forcing it upon her.

When my brother told me that he believed his wife had Borderline personality disorder right away I started to read up on it to maybe gain some type of understanding of why things happened the way they did. The bulk of articles on the subject warn the reader, who is most likely the victim of their abuse, to run and run fast and to not look back. I found very few articles where there was empathy towards this person. In the end, Bordelines, Narcissists, sociopaths, psychopaths etc, all fall under the same category in the DSM (the book psychologists use to diagnose) and they all have overlapping traits, with slight variations from one other. The label itself doesn’t matter, because when you read about being in intimate relationships with any of them, the consensus is the same. You are looking towards a future of gaslighting, splitting, manipulation, taking all of the blame and worst of all, intense emotional abuse. My brother read all of this shit and for some reason decided to stick it out. That’s is why my sympathy for him is non-existent. My brother clearly has his own issues. What exactly they are, I don’t know, but I do know the one thing that probably drives him into controlling relationships with emotionally unstable women is that he is insecure with himself and feels he cannot do any better than what he can get. In other words, his expectations of women are low because his self-esteem is low. My brother, in my opinion is in an extremely emotionally and psychologically abusive relationship and due to the stigma that is attached to men being the victims, he is in complete denial about it. It’s a shame because men are afraid to reach out for help and admit that they are being browbeat by an abusive woman. Satan has fully altered his reality and the sickest part is that my brother actually still believes that he is in full control of his life.

My family only reinforces his delusional beliefs by ignoring and enabling him and his wife, by sitting on the sidelines quietly. (While some actively encourage the toxic behavior). What they fail to understand though is that I saw things, heard things and even witnessed things that were red flags, right from the beginning. What they feel to realize is that all abusers and all victims share a set characteristics that can be noticed by the outside world. I saw a lot of them from day one. I too was in a similar relationship and there were certain things my brother would do in the first few months of their relationship that I recognized myself doing when I was in that relationship. I saw a stark change in my brother’s overall behavior and demeanor whenever she was around. Even when she wasn’t around I could still detect something was wrong. My brother is very quiet when there’s something bothering him. I can tell when something is wrong with him within seconds of seeing him. I know what worry, fear and anxiety look like on his face. I know when he feels uncomfortable. Hell I can even tell when he’s trying to fake that everything is ok. After a lifetime of being around someone you don’t even need them to speak or express themselves to know something isn’t right. Their facial expressions and body language say it all.

The times I did see my brother during the first 6 months of his relationship while she wasn’t around, I could tell he was fighting with her. He’d be glued to his phone texting back and forth with her, all quiet and off in his own little world. Other ways I could tell something was off was that my brother started trying to sensor me too. He would ask me not to discuss certain topics or to hide things from her. That is not normal. He feared her reaction to things and seemed to be always walking on eggshells to avoid confrontation. Watching my brother change in these ways was scary to me. After a while he stated sounding like he was joining a cult. He no longer expressed his own ideas and opinions. Everything was, “well Satan says this is a good idea..”, or “Satan says i should do this.”, or “Satan knows because she’s been there and done that.”. That was all part of him being indoctrinated and brainwashed into thinking she knew best in every situation, always.

I don’t know how my family expects me not to feel a certain type of way about his wife. What they don’t get is that it wasn’t one or two little things. It’s a compilation of many different factors that made me worry about him and caused a complete lack of trust in his wife. When you see someone completely losing control, freedom and isolating themselves it is a scary thing to witness. I don’t know if maybe even with them they don’t get how a woman can be abusive. Maybe it’s because both my aunt Debbie and my Aunt Bea share in some of these toxic and abusive traits that Satan possesses, themselves and they fail to recognize that they are indeed abusive.

I don’t know but what I do know is that I don’t have to put up with toxic and abusive behavior from ANYONE. What I do know is that everything I believed was happening when my mom was sick, was really happening and that’s why my family refuses to face me. Facing me means facing the truth. Facing me means facing their own wrongdoings. It means facing that their lies and with that said, I will never talk to any of them, ever again.

The road to Freedom part 6 of 6. 

If you haven’t already, read parts one, two, three, four and five of this series. 

My lawyer called me with good news finally. My Aunts had decided to renounce their roles as executors of my mom’s estate. I sincerely couldn’t believe it. I wanted to jump up and click my heels in celebration. This meant two less assholes I had to deal with. It also meant a lot more, which I’ll get to in a bit. 
How it was going to work was, my lawyer was going to write up the agreement that would state that my aunts were going to resign. Then it would request me and my brother would become co-executors….but there was one more thing. My lawyer was going to also add in a stipulation that no one could stand in place of me or my brother. This meant Satan could shove her power of attorney form for my brother, up her ass. It is completely useless here. 
It was now the late may. My lawyer wrote up the agreement and I went down to his office to sign it. After that we waited weeks. I started to get nervous that they weren’t going to sign. Finally I found out that my couldn’t seem to get in contact with their lawyer. He wasn’t returning calls. After several times of me asking for updates, and so I wondered if that was just my lawyer making excuses or if that was really the case. I know this sounds crazy but, I was going to try to call their lawyers office and see if I could get him on the phone. I wasn’t going to talk to him . I searched his name on google so I could get his number. As I’m looking I see this PDF in my search results, with his name on it. I opened it up and found the biggest surprise I can imagine. Apparently their lawyer and some of his buddies of his decided it would be a good idea to come up with a fake medical marijuana company and sell fake stocks to people! All in all they made over $8 million dollars! I shit you not. This guy is in some pretty deep shit and owes the Feds over $4million, so he may be a bit of trouble. A few days later I decided to drive by his office and I had realized that his law practice was no longer in business. Upon further investigating, I found that he was working for some other law firm. 
Later that week my lawyer finally spoke to him and he promised to have the signed contracts over to him by the end of the week and by the end of the week he had finally sent it over. I hadn’t heard from my attorney and I started to wonder if everything was going ok. Our court dates were nearing and so last week reached out to my attorney to find out what was going on. Apparently their asshole lawyer, convinced my lawyer that it was ok to submit copies to the surrogates court. That’s not the case. The court wants original signatures and so that’s what we are waiting on today. 
As I have written this last series of posts, I look back and realize how differently I feel today as opposed to just 7 months ago. Going no contact with the people who’ve I depended on for my whole entire life hasn’t been easy. At the same time, I have realized how strong I am. I have made it through the hardest thing in my life, with basically no support except for my cousin Nikki, who has become an amazing friend and source of strength for me. Even though their paperwork hasn’t been fully accepted and admitted to the courts, I find myself feeling this calming sense of relief, just knowing it’s in the works. A HUGE weight has been lifted off my shoulders. For the past seven months I haven’t really been able to deal with my grief how can I with all this bullshit going on in my life? 
I know my mom would be terribly upset with the way things have turned out. I promised her on her last night here in earth that I’d fix things. I know one of her biggest worries was me being alone and having no one support me. On the other side, I think if my mom could see things from where she is, she would not only understand my choices but she’d support them. I hope she knows I’m ok. That I am going to survive and that going no contact with almost half of my family, was the best decision I’ve ever made. 
When you step outside of a situation you gain a better perspective. I have built my own, new little support system. I see a grief counselor and only surround myself with those who will listen and validate me. Through those channels, I have realized that the way my “family” operates isn’t healthy. In fact it’s very toxic. Normal families are not up in one another’s business like this. In real life I refuse to dignify my aunts and uncle with those titles anymore. My “aunts”, especially my aunt Debbie, display some serious characteristics of someone with a personality disorder. She is a stalker and continued to stalk not only me but the many other people she has harshly and cruelly x’d out of her life. I cannot associate myself with someone like that. 
I’d like to end this post off by talking about how I have evolved over the last seven months. I was so angry for so long. I mean I have carried anger towards my aunts and parts of my family now for over a decade. This goes all the way back to when Aunt Bea’s son molested my other cousin. I realize now that my Aunt Debbie and Aunt Bea played the biggest roles in that situation and I blame them for the way everything turned out. My Aunt Debbie had always disliked the victim’s mother and so she used her daughters molestation as a way to fuel her hate campaign against her. That’s what aunt Debbie does. When she doesn’t like someone, she can’t just quietly dislike them by herself. She needs to build up an army to go against them. She brainwashes everyone around her. That’s exactly what she did to the victim’s mother and it’s exactly what she was trying to do to me, however it backfired in her face, this time.
Anyway, i veered off there but I was so angry with them for soooo long and I was anxiously waiting for the day that I could expose them for the hideous creatures they are. I had so many plans in mind like, writing them nasty letters or making a video about all the crazy shit they did, and posting it on Facebook. I felt like I needed to publicly expose them for the frauds they are, but as time went on, I realized that I didn’t need to do any of that. Their own actions and words to other people made them look more like assholes than my words ever could. 
I have lost the desire to “get back at them”. Ultimately I realized they aren’t worth my time. You cannot make deaf people listen. Telling someone off and letting them know exactly what you think about them, involves a small amount of care. You have to care what those people think. I don’t give a rats ass anymore. I don’t care enough about them to let them know what I think. They thrive on drama and attention and I’m not giving them either. That is part of why I created this blog. It gives me an outlet to vent and get out my feelings about them without them even knowing. It’s all anonymous and there’s a better chance of being struck by lightening than there is a narcissist trying to understand themselves and other human beings. This type of blog simply wouldn’t captivate their attention. 

The road to freedom part 4 of 6

If you didn’t read parts 1,2 & 3 I would suggest doing so before reading here, here and here



My brother and Aunts were doing everything in their power to try to get me to drop my objection to my aunts being the executors of my mom’s will. Clearly they were worried about something.
It was only three days after I got my brother’s letter that I received a text from my mom’s neighbor telling me that there was a flatbed truck in my mom’s driveway, and her car was being repossessed. For whatever reason, I didn’t see the text right away, and by time I did the car was long gone. The neighbor however, was kind and thoughtful enough to ask the driver if she can get the personal belongings from the inside of the car and he allowed her to do so. 
As anyone can imagine, I was confused. Back in early December my brother sent me a letter where he stated that he would be paying all the bills until an estate account was established. He specifically named the “car note” amongst others things, and said he was paying them.  That’s when a lightbulb went off and I went back to his most recent letter where he wrote that the car was going to be repossessed. I raised an eyebrow to that when I had originally read the letter. How is the car getting repossessed if he was paying it and also, how did he even know the car was about to get repossessed? Also why was there a $600 balance with the oil company when he said he was paying for the oil? 
This all raised a lot more questions and so I decided to seriously start looking into things. I started off with my mom’s car and called the loan company. I wanted to know where it was, if and how we can get it back, as well as when the last time a payment was made towards it. After giving my mom’s info,  the man answered my question by telling me that I needed to speak to Satan, my brother’s wife, because she had all of the info, and he couldn’t tell me anything. I don’t know if I could adequately articulate how infuriating that was to hear. I started to get a little emotional on the phone and I asked the guy how she, who’s an in-law, was able to get the info, but me, her flesh and blood daughter, who owns half of the car, can’t get any info. He told me that she supplied some type of documentation, either a power of attorney or proof that she was the  executor. I started getting even more angry because if they received any such documents, they were false. I explained to him that there was no executors or anyone for the estate, and so no one should be able to talk to them. 
I was so angry when I hung up the phone that day. I tried to call back and speak to a different person…..four different people actually…….in four separate calls, and eventually I was able to find out that since my brother’s name is on the death certificate, they could speak with him, so she, Satan,  supplied her “power of attorney” over my brother. Quite honestly I was hoping they had forged documents. It would’ve put an end to them doing anymore shady shit. 
I was really frustrated at this point with the lack of answers I was getting, and then I suddenly realized that I could possibly view her bill online. My mom let me use her email and passwords sometimes for some subscriptions services she has and so I tried those on the loan company’s website. I gained access to her account, but since it was now in collections, none of the info was displayed. The only thing I was able view was her profile information and that’s when I noticed that someone had changed the billing address from my mom’s address to my brother’s and Aunts’ attorney’s  office. I couldn’t even believe it. Their lawyer was receiving her mail and illegally giving it to them to open. 
For months I also wondered where all of her mail was going. It was still coming to the house for a few weeks after she passed, but one day it just suddenly stopped. Technically no one should be allowed to forward the mail. I wondered if it was just in hold at the post office, but when I went to the post office, I hit another dead end where they couldn’t give me any info. I should’ve known better than to trust my brother’s word that he was taking care of everything, but since they were hiding the mail, I was unable to see anything. That same week I got a collection call from my mom’s oil company. The man that called was actually very nice and easy to talk to. He informed me that my brother gave him my number and told him I am taking care of all the bills!. It was just more manipulation, bullying and pressuring for me to drop my objection. I also got a call from another loan company looking for money. I now knew that I had to look into every account my brother said he was paying and sure enough, NONE were paid since the beginning of November and those payments were made by my mom, herself. As far as I was able to tell, he may have paid one month of homeowners insurance and gave the electric company (who is very lenient) $100 or so to keep the lights on. At the most, he laid out a couple of hundred dollars. More lies from him and Satan. 

I didn’t respond to either of the two letters I received. Since they couldn’t get a reaction out of me that way, they tried a different route. They tried manipulating my aunt Dana, my mom’s youngest sister,  instead because they knew her and I still had a good relationship. At that time my aunt Dana was dealing with enough of her own personal bullshit. She had a lot of really serious shit going on in her household. Worst of all was my uncle’s health issues. He had a stroke earlier in the year and he was having all sorts of other problems. He was getting a double hip replacement the day after Easter, but that didn’t stop aunt Debbie from calling my aunt Dana and arguing with her about me and all this other petty nonsense, like aunt Dana’s daughter, unfriending Aunt Bea, Aunt Debbie and a few others on Facebook. They were trying to use aunt Dana to manipulate and scare me, and so every time her and I spoke, I was hearing more and more bullshit.
Again, none of this shit was ANYONE else’s business. My Aunt Debbie was going crazy because she thought my mom’s personal belongings were still in the car. She was also freaking out because I had the keys to my mom’s car, at my house. I took the keys back when she first died because I figured if someone broke into the house, they could steal her car too. It’s called, protecting the assets. She was telling my aunt Dana that the car was getting auctioned off during the first week of April and that it was going to cost us tons of money for the lost keys and stuff. She also told my aunt that my mom’s house was going to go into foreclosure because of some (small) home equity loan she had out. I mean there was just so much bullshit going on, it wasn’t even funny. 

The biggest problem was that both my brother and my aunts completely underestimate me. They think I am just some dumb ass, stay at home mom who has no idea what goes on in the grown up world. They couldn’t be more wrong about me. I knew most of what they were saying was bullshit. First off I had all the personal stuff from my mom’s car and it was all useless crap. Second, there was absolutely nothing I could do to stop the car from being auctioned off. She thought it was going to cost us money. I knew my mom had very little left on her loan and if anything we’d break even. As for her house foreclosing, that wasn’t going to happen! My mom owned her home free and clear. She had paid off her mortgage after my dad passed in 2006. She took out a small home equity loan a few years ago to remodel her bathroom. It was less than $10,000 and she had paid at least half off. A small home equity loan wouldn’t cause her house to “foreclose”. A lien would be placed on the property until the loan was paid off. She also brought up the taxes. My mom had paid half her yearly taxes and we had three years before we got penalized. It was all bullshit and scare tactics in an attempt to manipulate me, once again into dropping my objection. 
A month or so had passed since my objection was filed and they were really starting to wear on my nerves. I have to say, I am pretty damn proud of myself for not reacting to their shit or adding anymore fuel to the fire. It was extremely hard for me to bite my tongue and not tell them what disgraceful assholes they really were. The old me definitely would’ve went ballistic and ripped them to shreds by now, but I have taken on a new approach to dealing with these toxic assholes. I am no longer going to be their supply. The best part in all of this was that I really didn’t have to say anything to anyone about them. They were doing a pretty good job at showing people how ugly they were, all on their own. 
One day my aunt Dana called me to tell me that my grandmothers bed was broken. Back when my died and we were at her house between the viewings for her wake, without thinking it would be a problem, I told her she could have my mother’s bed. I sincerely didn’t think my brother would want to sleep in her bed, and I wasn’t giving up my king sized mattress for a queen, and so I didn’t see the problem. After all, I can say with almost 100% certainty that my mom would want my grandmother to have it. A few days later my brother told me that I can’t just be “giving things away.”. He also told my husband that “everything has a price tag” including the bed. He is a sick fuck. 

Then after my brother lied and tried to bypass my mom’s will by improperly filing for letters of administration, he wrote me a letter and acted as if it was his idea to give my grandmother the bed. Again, sick fuck. 

My aunt Dana asked me if I could write a letter giving permission for my grandmother to take the bed, and she told me she was going to ask my brother to do the same. I hung up with her and wrote her a letter, but I tried to make it sound as “lawyer like” as I could. I would agree to the bed being given away so long as my brother agreed too, and I would need his consent before fully agreeing. I didn’t want him to try to find any loops holes where he could later claim I stole the bed and owe him money or something…..although how much do used beds go for these days? Well surprise, surprise, my brother didn’t respond to my aunt. It took him a few days and when he finally did talk to her he told her that since I was holding everything up in court, he wasn’t going to give his permission to let my grandmother take the bed. Another manipulative move to try and use my grandmother to guilt me into dropping my objection. What kind of asshole punishes their grandmother like that? Well, I guess the same asshole who threatens their mother that she won’t see her grandchild unless she kisses his crazy wife’s ass. 
At this point in time I have to admit. They all started to get to me. They were non-stop harassing my aunt Dana, and I think that’s what was pissing me off more than anything. Aunt Dana was trying to care for her ailing husband amongst other very serious issues, and they had absolutely no respect for her. They just kept at it. Calling her up, talking shit about me, fighting with her and arguing with her. I know EXACTLY what it’s like because they did the same thing to me to me when I was trying to care for my dying mother. I wanted and needed to put a stop to it. 
Please see part 5 for the rest of the story. 

The road to Freedom part 3 of 6

If you didn’t read Part one and Part two of this series, I would suggest you do before reading this one. If you didn’t, I’ll catch you up. My brother had finally found out that I was objecting to my aunts being appointed as executors of my mom’s estate and he sent me (and other family members) a manipulative letter to try and scare, guilt and bully me into dropping my objection. I will discuss that further in my next post. 
A day or so after I got my brother’s letter, I also received a letter from my Aunt Bea. Of all people I don’t know why she or any of them thought she was going to be the “voice of reason” to me, because it’s no secret that she isn’t my favorite family member. It’s so ridiculous that it’s almost not worth sharing here, but since I shared my brother’s letter, I should share hers too because it is another load of useless horse shit and it shows how manipulative these people are. I’ve explained this before, but my aunt Bea is sort of an invalid. She’s not the brightest bulb in the box. She sort of lives in a bubble of her own creation. She lives in a world where everything is perfect, and people are dancing on rainbows and riding unicorns. She does not live in reality like the rest of us. She would never be able to handle independently managing her own life, let alone trying to settle an estate. She’s one of those women who relies way too heavily on her husband. He does just about everything to for. I will never forget a few years ago having a conversation with her about this store that’s in the next county over from us and she told me she’d have to wait for my uncle to bring her there because she has never driven on the main highway where we live. We live on a small island and that highway is the pretty much the main artery to get where you’re going. I couldn’t believe she has never driven on it by herself in the 35+ years she’s lived here. With that said, I wasn’t expecting her to be doing much as the executor of my mom’s will and so she wrote me this letter, which was a really (really, really, really) dumbed down version of my brother’s letter. 

“[my name] 

I’m writing you to assure you that everything is going to be alright.

I understand that you have suddenly objected to Aunt Debbie and I being the executors of your Mom’s will. When you submitted the will you showed confidence that our intentions were to carry out her will and wishes. You were right. We loved your Mom. There isn’t anything we wouldn’t have done for her when she was here. She loved you both and it was her will to have US handle her estate. This is our last chance to do something that really matters for her.

Your Mom worked so hard for what she had in life. She didn’t want to give up work….even at the very end! She amazed the hell out of me! She never took the easy way out. She would want to see you bothenjoy that hard earned money. I don’t think she would be too keen on unnecessarily hiring someone to carry out her wishes. Just know too that the people you are looking to hire don’t have any love invested and the end result wouldn’t change.


Trust in the loyalty we have to our family. Both Aunt Debbie and I would never treat you unfairly…nor do we have the power to. We will always be connected whether we want to be or not. Just remember we all have one thing in common. We Love your Mom very much and we are ALL broken hearted that she has left us. 

Aunt Bea”



There is so much to say about this short letter. First off, I love how she thinks I’m actually going to feel “assured” solely by her words. I hadn’t talked to her or any of them in over 5 months, at this point in time. I had reached out quite a few times, but they ignored me each time. Suddenly when I got you buy the balls, you want to talk? Also, I don’t know how me entering my mom’s will “showed confidence” in her and my Aunt Debbie. I entered the will, ummmmm, because that’s what you do when someone dies and they have a will! I also entered the will because it was a legal document that stated my brother and I were to split everything 50/50. Who the executors were, was completely irrelevant at that point in time. 

Trust in the loyalty we have to our family.”

Of the whole letter this part probably irks me the most “You were right. We loved your Mom. There isn’t anything we wouldn’t have done for her when she was here. She loved you both and it was her will to have US handle her estate. This is our last chance to do something that really matters for her.”. They “loved her so much” and there “wasn’t anything they wouldn’t have done for her while she was here”???? Is she kidding? They didn’t do shit for her! She’d do anything, except try to help me talk to her about depression, except spending more time with her, except trying to get through to her, except SHOWING HER SOME GOD DAMN LOVE AND SUPPORT, but yeah….nothing you wouldn’t do. The most infuriating of all is the last sentence there. “This is our last chance to do something that really matters for her.“. They had plenty of chances to do something that mattered for her while she was here but they did NOTHING. She is gone now and so nothing they do will matter to her anymore. Fuck her. Why does she deserve a chance? Why is that MY problem. 
I’ll skip the whole paragraph about her hard earned money, but I’ll say this…her hard earned money is none of her’s or anyone else’s fucking business. Period.
I guess my Aunt Bea thinks that just because she’s saying something, it makes it true. How can I trust in the “loyalty” in our family when loyalty doesn’t exist in it? She wouldn’t know what loyalty was if it kicked her in the vagina. She states they’d never treat me unfairly…..I guess ignoring my attempts to reach out amicably is “fair”? I guess using the same lawyer as my brother without consulting with me is “fair”? I guess having my brother over for holidays and not me is “fair”? I guess blocking me on Facebook and all other social media platforms is also “fair”? I mean is she fucking kidding me with this bullshit about being fair? If they didn’t have the power to royally fuck me over, my lawyer wouldn’t have wasted his time writing an objection for me and entering it into court. The line about is being connected for ever is creepy and a very scary thought. So fucking manipulative. Notice that no where in there do they say they love me. She couldn’t even write “love, Aunt Bea” at the end. 
A year or so ago, my brother’s letter and her letter may have broken me, but I was determined to keep fighting for myself, and my mother’s memory. They weren’t going to push me around this time. 

After receiving these letters, shit really started to pop off and I will continue discussing it in my next post…

The road to freedom Part 2 of 6

Please see part one of this post before reading here. 
If you read my post about my confrontation with my brother and Satan, his wife, at my mom’s house, then you know what happened after my brother found out that I had filed the will. If you didn’t read it, you can read it here. (Trust me, it’s a worthy read). To summarize, I caught my brother and Satan removing items from my mom’s house after she died. At that point no one was appointed as executor and no one had authority to remove items and/or tell anyone they could remove items from her home. In fact, prior to this I was told by my brother that I wasn’t allowed to take anything from the house. That night, my brother accused me of forging the letter that was sent to me along with my mom and dad’s wills, by the lawyer who wrote them. All the letter said was that I had got in contact with him and requested the original copies of the wills. What good forging that would do……well your guess is as good as mine! Basically said, my brother was pissed that his attempt to gain control over my mom’s estate and make some extra money while he’s at it, was foiled.
When I filed the will in mid December I tried reaching out to one of the named executors, my Aunt Debbie. At that point, I didn’t even bother with my Aunt Bea, the other named executor. I know my aunt Bea, and this stuff is all way over her head. I knew her participation as executor was going to be extremely limited and my Aunt Debbie was going to do most, if not all of the work. I sent aunt Debbie an email and I text her. In all I tried to reach out peacefully and amicably, five separate times to try to talk things out and move past things, so we can carry out my mom’s wishes in the way she wanted us to…….in return I got nothing but crickets. She never responded. At this point in time I was starting to get a little nervous. My Aunt Debbie and Aunt B were essentially in control of my life at this point. They were in control of my memories. They were in control of the only thing that was left of my family and I started to get really nervous. 
After the incident at my mother’s house with my brother and his wife, and then me subsequently finding out that she ran right to my aunts and they comforted her, it was over. There were just too many red flags, and it was becoming clear to me that I wasn’t going to be treated fairly. My aunts wouldn’t speak to me no matter how amicably I tried to approach them. They were even using my brother’s lawyer to represent them. It was becoming very clear to me that I was the odd man out. It was clear at this point that my aunts were on my brother’s side and not mine. They can pretend all they want, but BOTH of my aunts know who was really there for my mom. They knew how much I did for her, and they knew my brother and his wife weren’t there. They knew how my mom felt about her. They knew what my mom’s wishes were. 
Their anger for me and hatred of the truth and reality, started to over power their love and respect for my mom, and that’s when I decided that I had to take action and put a stop to this crazy shit. I voiced my concerns to my lawyer and that was when he told me that I had a right to contest the will and object to my aunts being the executors. Will contests are very costly and I knew this prior to going into this. I was not looking to piss away my inheritance, but at the same time, I wasn’t going to take that chance that my memories would be stolen from me and so when my aunts finally decided to file their paperwork in march, my lawyer filed an objection for me. 
Most likely when push came to shove, I didn’t have much on my aunts except for their negligence to protect the assets, and the fact that they were telling my brother and Satan they can go on a shopping spree in my mother’s house. The problem here was that my aunts were CLEARLY showing favoritism to my brother and refusing to communicate with me. They were having him over for dinners and holidays. They were still friends with him and his wife on Facebook (me and my husband were both blocked), and what was probably the most unfair to me was they they were all using the same legal counsel. In fact, my brother paid the retainer for the lawyer so he can file their petitions to the court. I’m not sure how any of that would’ve fared in court. Technically we had no solid proof or evidence on any wrong doing on the part of my aunts, but since they were so closely tied with my brother, who was perjuring himself and doing all sorts of other crazy shit (which I will get to shortly) it wasn’t looking good for them. The goal of me filing the objection was to sort of ruffle their feathers and rattle their cages (god, if only they were in cages….my life would be a lot easier). All joking aside, we just wanted to throw up some type of road block to make their lives more difficult. I had no intention of bringing this to litigation. 
I filed my objection in early March, sometime during the first week. Things were pretty quiet after that, for a few weeks. Boy was I anxious as I awaited to hear something back. It was like the quiet before the storm. Finally on March 30th, my cousin Nikki called me… I answer the phone and she’s like, “holy shit! Did you read that email?”. “What email?” I asked, and she was like, “Holy shit, your brother sent an email to everyone in the family.”. Sure enough I open up my inbox and here is what I saw. 
[My name]
I’ve heard that you are in the process of objecting to the Will that

you and your attorney filed in Surrogates Court, which divides mom’s

estate 50/50. Your objection will not change the settlement of the

estate, it will waste away the money she worked so hard for.  

I was under the impression that since YOU filed the Will, which names Aunt Debbie and Aunt Bea as executrices, you would sign the Waiver and Consent as I did, and Letters Testamentary would be issued

shortly. Thus an estate account would start paying all of her expenses instead of me. Since you are dragging this out with the next court date is 11/13/2017 (see attached Pre-Trial Order), I will NOT be paying any more expenses. 

Specifically: 

  • I won’t be paying the oil bill. The account has a $600+balance and no more oil will be delivered and the heat will be turnedoff. The oil will not last till 11/13/2017. 
  •  I won’t be paying the electric bill. The electric will be disconnected.
  •  I won’t be paying the water bill.
  • I won’t be paying the homeowner’s insurance for the house. Once squatters or vandals are in house no damage they cause will be covered.
  • The car payment is several months past due. The car will be repossessed.
  • Due to the house being vacant, without utilities, and apparently abandoned, it will be susceptible to vandalism, squatters and/ortheft.

I understand that you’re concerned that you’re not going to be treated fairly in the settling of the Estate. I also understand that you’re concerned that mom’s wishes aren’t going to be carried out. 
Consider that: 

  •  A Public Administrator is answerable to Surrogate’s Court and has the same fiduciary responsibilities as executrices do. If you feel that you are being treated unfairly by either, your remedy is the same; you file a complaint with Surrogates Court and they compel the Administrator or executrix to comply with the Will.
  • A Public Administrator’s is not a free public service. It will cost over $18,000, while Aunt Debbie  and Aunt Bea would be free. (Not true they could’ve collected up to 3% of the entire value of the estate) 
  • The Public Administrator ALSO hires an attorney with additional legal fees in the neighborhood of $5,000. 
  • The Estate’s attorney’s fee will be nearly $15,000 to defendagainst these objections and I imagine your attorney’s fee will be similar 
  • The sum of these fees will be at least $50,000 if not more and in the end the estate will be divided 50/50 as mom wished.
  • If you continue with this and when you lose the case in November, the Estate will NOT pay your attorney’s fees.
  • The Estate’s attorney WILL be paid by the Estate to defend against your case. Half of the fee to defend against your objections will be paid by your inheritance.  All of the fee to prosecute your objections will also be paid by you.

If you truly are concerned that mom’s wishes be carried out and that the estate’s assets not be squandered, as your sworn affidavit states, then it would be in your best interest to drop these objections and let your aunts do what mom trusted them to do!”

I have NEVER read such a load of vile bullshit in my life. I love how he thinks I’m stupid and my lawyer did not explain the consequences to me. Before I even get into it, I should explain that this email was forwarded to several other family members, which is sick. What’s even more sick, is that he BCC’d them. For anyone who’s not familiar with email language, there’s “CC” and “BCC”. When you compose an email you can send it to more than one person using the “CC” (carbon copy) box. When the email is received on the other end, they will be able to see who else the email was sent to because the names will be displayed on the header of the email. When you use “BCC” (blind carbon copy) you can send the email to multiple people but the original recipient won’t be able to see who else received the email. I had no idea you could even do this until now. Just another shady move in Satan’s playbook. 

Obviously this was not not only in an attempt to manipulate me, but them as well. I do not know if my brother alone was capable of writing such a manipulative letter. He may have worded it, but I don’t know if he’s responsible for all of the content, because of how highly manipulative it is. Personally, I believe his lawyer is an idiot if he advised him to write this. At the end of the day it doesn’t matter who wrote it. What matters was what it’s intent was. He was trying to accomplish two things here. One was obviously trying to scare, guilt and bully me into dropping my objection. The other was trying to paint me as a difficult person who’s making things hard and wasting time and money. He also wanted to make it seem as if I were trying to fight him for his half of the money, however when he sent the letter, he also attached two court documents. One of those documents clearly states what my objection is about, and NO WHERE in there does it say or even imply that I’m contesting anything that’s stated in the will. I wasn’t contesting the will. I was contesting the appointment of my aunts as the executors, which I had every right to do. I also love how he’s so confident I was going to lose my case by saying, “When you lose your case in November….”
As far as all the bullet points he shared, in the last set, his mathematics and arithmetics were completely off, according to my lawyer. I don’t know who gave him those figures, but they were way off. What’s more important than those however, are the other set in the beginning of the letter where my brother lists off everything he won’t be paying anymore and what the consequences to that will be. I will get more into that in my next post. 

The road to freedom part 1 of 6

Well, well, well, it’s been quite a while since I updated this blog. I took a break from blogging because this whole story, this life; these people…..they were sucking the life out of me. Re-telling this entire story was a lot on me emotionally. Reliving the horror that was the last year and a half of my life, it was emotionally draining. I am not just mourning the loss of my mother. It is so much more than that. I am mourning the loss of life as I once knew it. I lost so much more than just my mom. I lost my family. I lost the support system that I counted on for 34 years. I lost them somewhat by choice but nevertheless it’s still a loss and a huge adjustment. Going no contact with the people you have depended on for your whole entire life is not for the faint of heart. 
 I began to feel paralyzed in life. Like I had no control over my future, my own feelings, my grief and most importantly, the memories of my family. I felt like I was being held hostage. My anger, my disappointment, with my family was eating me alive, day and night. I was ruminating and obsessing about how I was wronged and how angry I was at my aunts, my brother, his wife and my uncle Bob. How badly I wanted to retaliate. I was obsessed with revenge. I couldn’t wait for the day that I could finally put two middle fingers in the air and say FUCK YOU, to all of them and be on my merry way………
Well that day has finally come…..sort of…….
If you’re new here or found this blog via an interwebs search I will give you a brief summary of what has taken place as far as my mom’s estate, since she has passed. Let me preface this by saying, I knew absolutely NOTHING about the estate settling process prior to my mom’s death. All I knew was that people had wills and you needed lawyers. I didn’t have time to research it, nor did I want to research it, because prior to my mom’s death, my concern was her, being with her, caring for her, protecting her, and most importantly, spending as much time as I could with her, because I knew our time here was limited. 
With that said, I didn’t think the estate settlement process was all that complicated, especially given the case that my mom had a will that stated everything was to be divided up between my brother and myself, 50/50. By all intents and purposes it should be pretty cut and dry. Well, when there’s a narcissist in the mix, it throws a narcissistic monkey wrench in all of your plans. It was two days after we said our final goodbyes, to my mom, Black Friday to be exact, that my husband got a text from my brother that read, “I saw a lawyer today, either [me] can hand over the will that names my Aunt Bea and aunt Debbie as executrix or I will be going to court on Monday to file for administration.”. I had no idea wtf any of that meant, but thanks to Professor Google, I got a crash course in the basics of estate settlement and surrogates court procedures. That Saturday, my brother followed up with a phone call to my husband, trying to manipulate him into manipulating me, to go along with whatever he was going to do. Basically he tried to convince my husband that I’m some type of lazy, irresponsible, foot dragging, teenage like, type person who was going to slow down the process and prevent him and Satan from collecting the maximum possible inheritance that they can get. I’ll admit, my husband was almost fooled because my brother, he is an intelligent person, (in some regards) and he knows how to put together a very convincing argument. I was woken up by this, that morning and I was livid because I knew EXACTLY what my brother was doing. You see when you are an executor or administrator, you are privy to collecting a “fee” for your services. It can be anywhere up to 3% of the estate and in an estate my mom’s size, you are talking an extra $15,000 – 20,000. All I could hear was my mom in the back of my head saying, “I don’t want that bitch having any of my money.”. After all I had been through, after how horribly they treated my mom for the last three years, I wasn’t about to let that happen. They did absolutely NOTHING to help her while she was sick and suffering. They just wanted to be in control because for narcissists like Satan, being in control of everything around them, is the only thing they know how to do. 
My mom and dad paid a lawyer to draft wills for them for a reason. That will was in there to protect not only my mom’s assets, but to protect me and my brother. Why would we act as if there was no will? One of the selling points my brother made to my husband was that the administration process was going to be much quicker than probating the will. That was a complete and utter lie. In a true “intestate” (death without a will) situation, because there is no will in place, and therefore no named heirs, the court needs to locate the heirs. They must do so by seeking out ALL next of kin after someone has filed for letters of administration. They do so by notifying them that “person A” has filed for letters of administration (meaning they will take on the same role as an executor). The court must then wait for each and every next of kin to respond, this can include siblings, children and surviving parents, etc.  Each has the right to object to the person becoming the administrator. Basically put, it takes just as long if not longer than probate. 
I wasn’t about to agree to anything my brother said without first speaking to a lawyer, and so I reached out to a friend who happened to work for an estate attorney, and asked if I could make an appointment. Prior to this, I thought my brother had the original copy of my mom’s will and he thought I had it. That same Friday, I tried calling the lawyer who wrote my mom’s will but no one answered. I figured they were in vacation for the holiday and would be back sometime next week. That Monday, I met with the attorney and he informed me that usually people do not keep the original copies of their own wills. What I had that I had taken from my mom’s safe (with her ok and instructions to do so) was only a copy. My lawyer informed me that it was possible to probate a copy, but it would be a little more difficult. He told me to keep trying to track down the original copy and let him know in a week or two wether or not I was able to find it. I tried calling the lawyer once again that Monday, but the number to his office just kept ringing and ringing. I wasn’t even sure that the lawyer was still in practice and so I hit the internet to search for some more info about him. I found a website under someone who had the exact same name as him but it wasn’t for a lawyer, it was for some capital finance company and so took a chance and I sent an email to the link on the site. As I kept digging, I found a PDF flyer that this person who had the same name as him, was speaking at an alumni event at a local college. They had his cellphone number listed on the flyer and so I called that. I got a generic answering machine and left a message, hoping that it was him.  
A few days later, a woman called me back and told me that she was the secretary to the person who had the same name as the lawyer. I explained my situation to her and she told me that she had to check a security deposit box and would call me back in a few days. It took almost two weeks, and me calling her a few times until finally, I got a call back that she had found the will and she’d over night it to me. I got it two days later and brought it down to my lawyer as soon as I could. 
At that point we weren’t 100% sure if my brother had actually filed for administration or not, but it didn’t really matter. A will automatically trumps any administration attempts. Ironically the same day I dropped the will of with my lawyer, I pulled into my driveway and a minute or so later, a process server pulled up in front of my house and served me with a citation that my brother had indeed filed for letters of administration….just as he said he would. My lawyer told me that he has never, in his 40+ years of law, seen ANYONE file for letters of administration that quickly after someone died…..EVER. He told me that the paperwork alone took at least 2 weeks to prepare…
Just to put this into perspective here, 

  •  My mom died on Sunday Nov. 20th. 
  • I spent the entire day preparing for her wake on, Monday the 21st. 
  •  Tuesday the 22nd Wed the 23rd was her wake services. 
  • Thursday the 25th was thanksgiving 
  • Friday the 26th was the only open business day of that week and I assume most attorneys were off. 
  • Sat the 27th and Sunday the 28th don’t count 
  • Monday the 29th thru Wednesday, December 1st were the only legitimate business days because……
  •  By Thursday December 3rd, my brother filed his petition for Letters of Administration. 

That left only 4 business days to do a “diligent Search” for the will. A diligent search would include calling lawyers and looking at public records down at the surrogate court building, amongst other things. 

My brother had no idea I had found or filed the will, but when I informed my lawyer that we had a text from my brother not only acknowledging the will, but giving specifics about who was named as executors, he had to pick his jaw up off the floor. He explained to us that when you filed for LOA (letters of Administration), you sign an affidavit that states that you did a diligent search for a will and have determined to the best of your knowledge that no will existed. Not only did my brother know a will existed, he put it in writing and sent it to us. It was like a gift from god. It really was. He perjured himself in a court of law and could’ve faced criminal charges because of it. 
Prior to my brother finding out that I had entered the will, and during the time he thought his false attempt at gaining control was a sure bet, “he” sent me this letter (and by he I mean Satan), that stated that he was taking care of everything until an estate account was established. He even went on to list specifics such as paying her “car note” (🤢), her oil bill, her homeowners and car insurances, the electric, etc. He tried to sound all professional with his words like “car note” and by saying things like, she will be assigned an FEIN number “in Leiu of a social security number”. It was written in a way to make it sound like what he was doing was very complicated and over my head. He gave me these stupid, useless facts and worded them so they sounded important and like he was keeping me “up to par” and in the loop. (The surrogate court wants to see that you are being amicable and communicative while they are determining whether or not they will appoint you as administrator). It was all a bullshit formality. He made sure to mention that our emails exchanges from then on our needed to be kept professional because they were going to be on record with the courts. 
My brother and Satan’s biggest problem here is that they both have severely underestimated me and my intelligence. My brother is an intelligent dude. I will give him that. He is book smart. He’s a fact memorizer and test taker but he can NEVER rival me on book smarts…..
This is the end of part one. Please see part 2 

Just like that, she was gone. Novemeber 20th 2016 the worst day of my life. 

The last few posts were very hard for me to write. Reading them back to myself, I can see how much I struggled. I am still grieving. As I wrote this it has barely been four months since my mom has passed. I am still in shock. I still won’t allow myself to fully go to that place where I get too deep because I am afraid of being so sad, and crying so much that I won’t be able to turn it off. From this point on in the story we are pretty much up to current times and everything I’ve been dealing with since her passing, and so once I fully catch up to present days I’m going to start talking about the grieving process and how I’m dealing with that. First though, I must finish the story and tell you all what happened in the days and weeks following her death and how crazy that all was for me. If you read any of this story, thank you. 

It was the morning of November the 20th, 2016 when my mom passed away, at 8:04 in the morning. I was the only one with her besides the nurses, who were complete strangers to me. They both looked at me and expressed their sorrow. I rubbed my mom’s arm and it was still warm. I stared to cry and said, “goodbye mama.”. The other nurse turned to me and said that they would give me a few minutes alone. For a second I panicked as if I were a little kid, that they are leaving me alone with her now lifeless body, but then I realized, this isn’t the scary part. The scary part was what I witnessed for the past month. It was just her body and her spirit had left it. It was still my mom. I thought to myself, she was finally at peace, with no more pain and I was ok. 
I got up out of the chair and paced around,  just looking at her. Her eyes were opened but looking down and I could see there was no life left in them. That is another image that is unfortunately burned into my brain. At the same time it was so scary, it was also peaceful. I found peace in knowing she didn’t have to suffer anymore and I didn’t have to watch her suffer anymore. I have never seen a person suffer in agony like that before and in so many ways. While what my dad went through was horrible, terrible, what I watched my mom go through over the course of that past year and especially in the month before she died, I cannot even find adequate words to describe it. Watching a person suffer like that will really make you question of there is a god because no human being should have to endure that much suffering. I have to believe that there’s a heaven and a place where we go on to bigger and better things because otherwise, it all seems to senseless.
I realized my family would be on their way shortly and so I decided to step out of the room to start making phone calls. I didn’t want everyone just showing up without knowing, and so the first person I called was my brother. He told me he and his wife were heading up to the hospital and would be there shortly. He also said he’d notify my aunt Debbie and Aunt Bea and I figured between them, they’d notify everyone else. I went to walk back to the room and the door was closed so I knocked. They told me to wait a moment and that they were just cleaning her up. In the meantime the on-call doctor came to talk to me. He apologized for the loss and had me sign some papers. He also asked me if I wanted an autopsy in which I declined. I’m actually sorry that I did. At times I question why things took such a drastic turn. Why my brother and his wife stayed away from the hospital for those few days before she died.

By the time I was done discussing things with him, the nurses were done. I walked into the room to see they had closed my moms eyes, neatened up the sheets and folded her arms over her chest, simarlarly to how they do it in the funeral home. They also gathered all of her belongings and put them in bags and piled the bags on the table and chairs. She had accumulated a lot of stuff in her months long stay. As I was in there I could almost here her telling me to grab her phone and her iPad before my brother and his wife got it. I knew my mom was like me and she never deleted her text messages. My brother would’ve been devastated had her read the text messages between me and her. I also knew she talked to a lot of people about what was going on and how much she hated his wife. I couldn’t do that to my mom. Even though she physically isn’t here, I felt like it was wrong. 
I walked downstairs to put them in my car and as I was on my way down my cousin Tina called me. Of all of my cousins her and I used to be the closest. Tina was Aunt Debbie’s daughter and she was an only child. I always felt bad that she didn’t have a sibling and so I sort of stepped into that role for her. We used to talk daily since the time she was a young teen.  After my mom she was probably the next person in my family that I communicated with most, but six months before my mom passed she kind of just cut off communication with me, without any explanations. There was nothing that I could think of off the top of my head that I did that would cause her to just drop me like that. In the same token I also didn’t bother to find out what was wrong. I was too busy caring for my mom. I eventually found out it was because of the letter I wrote to her mom. I was shocked. She is well aware of who her mother is and how she operates. I’ve never seen a mother and daughter at each other’s throats more than her and her mom. If my son ever spoke of me the way she spoke about her mom, I’d be really upset. Besides, I don’t think she was presented with my letter in its full context and so I almost can’t blame her for being angry. If you just read that last letter I wrote, it looks as if I’m just being a mean asshole.  That’s how my aunt operates. 
We stayed on the phone for a while. I hadn’t talked to her the whole time my mom was there except for a few texts in the very beginning, after I had accidentally called her one day. I told her all the crazy shit that was going on with my brother and his wife and how they were non-stop harassing her about seeing an eldercare lawyer and health proxies and her “wishes”. I hoped she’d share it with her mom so maybe she’d have an understanding of what was going on and why I’ve been so upset and angry. 
Eventually I saw my brother and Satan coming up to the hospital with their one and a half year old daughter. I figured I’d give them a few minutes alone with my mom, the. I told Tina I’d call her back. I walked into my mom’s room. My brother and Satan are sitting on the chairs and the baby is running around the room trying to lift up the blankets and stuff on my mom’s bed and Satan’s just sitting there talking and laughing as if she’s not sitting next to my mom’s deceased body. My brother just had this blank stare going on. I thought it was so strange and inappropriate that they even brought their baby. They always seem to find baby sitters when they want to go out to the bar but they can’t find one for now? Satan has a 14 year old daughter who could’ve looked after her. I told them I didn’t think there was any purpose for anyone in our family to come up. There was nothing for anyone to do. She was gone. The hospital was at least a half hour drive or more for the majority of my family. My brother agreed. He then turns to me and says, “oh yeah, by the way, we made an appointment at the funeral home for 3:00 today.” It was around 12:30. I had slept a total of just over 6 hours for the last three days. I hadn’t been sleeping well for long before then. I was dealing with insomnia for a long time. I explained that to him along with the fact I just wanted to go home and see my son and my husband and relax. I felt like I hadn’t seen them in a month. I was hardly ever home. I’d spend 8+ hours at the hospital each day. If I could, I’d bring my son up with me in the early afternoon and my husband would come pick him up around 3:30. Most nights, by time I got home they were both bed. I asked my brother why we couldn’t wait until the following day, like we did when my dad passed. My brother then said to me, probably one of the most fucked up things, he has said so far, “well I mean it’s thanksgiving is this Thursday.”. Was he fucking kidding? I’m sorry our mother’s death has inconvenienced your holiday. I said, “I don’t give a fuck about thanksgiving!” It’s so unimportant. My brother was always like that. He did what was convenient for him without taking anyone else into consideration. While he was at his house at a 50th Birthday party and sleeping in his nice comfy bed, I was sleeping on a shitty old piece of hospital equipment for the past two nights. If the roles were reversed I could guarantee he wouldn’t want to go that day either. 
When all was said and done he and Satan stood up and said they were leaving and they’d see me at 3:30. They just walked out. They didn’t even look at my mom, touch her, kiss her or say goodbye, while her body was still somewhat warm. They didn’t even look at her. I know she couldn’t hear them but it just showed me how emotionally unaffected then were by this. I never once saw my brother’s wife shed a tear. I saw my brother shed a few over the days prior but never when she was around. My girlfriend Kathy who was the nurse said that on that last night while I was at my house picking up my clothes and stuff, she walked in the room and was shocked to see my brother sitting there balling his eyes out, like to the point where he doing that weird breathing thing you do when you cry really hard. Of course Satan wasn’t there that night. It’s so sad that he cannot be vulnerable in front of her or show any weakness. I was happy to hear that had some human emotion left in him. Satan  on the other hand, didn’t seem the least bit upset about my mom’s departure. I know my husband cried. In our 9 years together it was the first time I ever saw him cry. 
They walked out of the room with the baby and their empty stroller and left me there to carry all of my mom’s belongings, all by myself. One of the male nurses there who I became friendly with, came in with a box of coffee for us that he paid for out of his own pocket. I felt bad telling him that no one else was coming. I have to say that the nursing staff at that hospital was phenomenal. I had become friendly with all of the nurses. I almost felt like they were my family for that month. They all treated my mom with kindness and compassion and most importantly, dignity. I felt like I was going to miss seeing them and talking to them everyday. Anyway, the male nurse who got me the coffee also went and got me an extra wide wheel chair to help he carry all the bags and belongings down to my car. It still took me two trips to get everything in my car. After the first trip I called Tina back and talked to her for about 15 minutes or so. When I came back in to get the bag I opened the door to my mom’s room and was startled to see a group of young medical students surrounding her bed. They all turned around kind of shocked to see me standing there and when they did I was able to see they had taped cotton over my mom’s eyes. The doctor, who I assume was their professor, started to apologize profusely about me having to see that. She then explained to me why they were doing that. My mom had obviously signed up to be an organ donor. Because they couldn’t use any of her organs or tissue because of the cancer, they were going to see if her eyes could be donated. The reason they needed to tape cotton to them was because so they could keep them moist. It didn’t bother me at all. In fact I was happy to see that they were going to try. I know that would’ve made her happy. 
I finally got back to my car and started to drive away from the place that had almost felt like home to me for those last few weeks. My 30 day parking pass expired that day and I had to pay for parking. It was bittersweet rolling out of there. I was happy to never have to go back but sad at the same time because I was leaving there alone. I had driven my mom home from there several times that year and now that was it. Never again would I drive her anywhere. It was a hard pill to swallow.
I got home and walked in my front door. My son came running up to me yelling, “mommy!”. My husband too. We all just say there and embraced one another and cried. We all sat down on the couch and I went over everything that had happened that day up until then. I told him I had to go to the funeral home and he agreed it was bullshit that they couldn’t wait. Neither of us could understand why they were so eager to get my mom’s wake over and done with and  on with their lives. 
As I was home I received a phone call from the place that handled donations of the eyes. The woman who answered was very pleasant to deal with. She needed some basic and background information about my mom. I ended up being on the phone with her that by time I got off, it was time for me and my husband to leave to go to the funeral home. 
We pulled up and of course my brother and Satan were already there sitting in the lobby. I needed my husband there too. Satan is very quiet when he’s around. I think she’s a little intimidated by him. It was so uncomfortable with her being there. It was like having a (demonic) stranger in the room sucking up all of the good oxygen. The funeral director was a woman, different than the woman who came up to the hospital. The first part of this meeting was completely redundant. It was exactly what we had accomplished in the hospital. She asked us basic info about my mom and once again my brother was looking at me for the answers. My husband and Satan were quietly sitting in two chairs off to the side. Then me moved on to how many days we wanted the service. At the same time I said, “one” and my brother said “two”. I wasn’t really sure why he wanted to do two, but I just went a long with it. I was much too tired and upset to argue. Then she showed us the book of Mass cards and we picked ones that had assorted pictures of flowers. My mom loved flowers. We decided to have a priest even though my mom wasn’t really all that religious. She still believed in god and I think she would’ve wanted him there for her family’s sake because a lot of my aunts and uncles are religious. 
After we wrapped up all of the details, it was time to talk money and how this was all going to be paid for, that’s when Satan jumped in. She had already apparently done her homework and knew that my mom had three life insurance policies and one of them lapsed. I was in complete shock. My husband and I looked at one another and without saying a word I know he was thinking exactly what I was thinking, “how the fuck does she even know about that shit?”. The funeral director said she’d look further into everything and see what was what.
As the funeral director was tallying the costs, my brother turns to me and says, “after here me and [satan] are heading over to [a local Irish pub]. We figured we would go there between the funeral services.”. I had went along with all their crazy bullshit up until this point but there was no way in hell I was agreeing with this. For the last two days Satan was going around telling my family members that we were going to go back to my mom’s house between the viewings. Whatever family member is was that told me that, thought it was incredibly ballsy for her to offer up my mom’s house. They also though it was a little strange. I also found it funny at she was able to lend her own home to a friend’s sister to have a 50th birthday party in, but she didn’t even offer it up for her husband’s family. Someone must of told them that was weird and so now they picked this Irish pub. I had to laugh when my brother said it, I replied to him by saying, ” [our mother’s Italian maiden name], we are Italian. There’s no way in hell we are going to [local Irish pub]. We will honor her by eating Italian food.”. I could see the smoke rising from Satan’s ears. I know she’s the one who picked that place. She is Irish through and through. St. Patrick’s day is her favorite holiday. I told him to go check out a local Italian restaurant to eat at. I wasn’t going to no pub so I could watch Satan get drunk. No thanks. 
After that it was time to go down to the show room of death, as I like to call it . . I was stunned the fist time I had been down there when we were making my dad’s funeral arrangements. It’s like a little store. The first room you walk into is all filled with urns and all these miscellaneous knick knacks and memorial items. You can really customize your wake. Then as you go through there, you enter a large showroom that’s filled with caskets that are all sitting there with their doors propped open. If there’s anything I learned from watching HBO’s six feet under, it’s that death is a business too, and this room confirmed it. 
We picked our casket and went back in the first room to look at urns since we were going to be cremating my mom. As I started to look around I noticed that not only did they have big urns, they had smaller ones too. There was one urn specifically that reminded me of something my Aunt Debbie would like. That’s when I got the idea. I again remembered my mom in her final days, that she just wanted her family and so I turned to my brother and said, we should get these for our aunt’s and uncle’s this way my mom could be with all of them. My brother agreed it was a good idea and the funeral director told us that during the wake she could pull down my mom’s siblings and our grandmother and they can pick the one’s they like. Since my mom told my aunt Debbie that she wanted her ashes mixed with my dad’s I decided to keep my dad’s urn and just add my mom’s ashes. My brother and Satan of course picked out the most expensive urn on the shelf for their house. God my mom would hate to be sitting on their mantle. 
Another thing that hit me as we were down in that room was that I didn’t remember discussing what two days exactly we would be having my mom’s wake and so I asked out loud. My brother answered, Tuesday and Wednesday. I looked at him like he had five heads. That left us with one day to find a place to go between viewings, get flowers and photos together, etc. etc. Again I had to open my mouth. I was concerned for some of my mom’s family who lived out of state, who may want to come to pay their respects. They’d need more than a day or two to make travel plans, especially given the fact that thanksgiving was that Thursday. I mentioned that to my brother and suggested waiting until the day after thanksgiving, to have the wake. Even though it would be hard, we could e at least have people the option to travel here.  His answer was that he already took Tuesday and Wednesday off from work. God forbid my mother’s death ruin his thanksgiving and his three day weekend. He’d rather waste his 2 days off from work so he could enjoy the rest of his week…..selfish fuck!
We walked out of the funeral home and Satan, still reeling about my “we are Italian” comment, ran straight to their car and didn’t say goodbye to either me or my husband. My brother stayed behind and talked with is for a few minutes. He started spewing plans of what we should do in the following days. The next day, he and Satan were going to order the flowers and go to the Italian restaurant. Then he started to go into this bullshit about just opening up my mom’s house and having an estate sale so we didn’t have to be bothered going through everything. I sat there and just looked at him dumbfounded and wondered, did he even know our mother? She actually used to go to estate sales all of the time because she would sell stuff on eBay. She always used to tell me how sad she thought it was that the family didn’t want to be bothered looking through the deceased’s stuff. She asked me never to do that if she died. I never would anyway. I know my mom was very sentimental, as am I. I want to touch and see everything she held. I want to find little treasures like a letter she wrote or card that she saved. My brother and Satan seemed like they wanted to be in control of everything……everything. 

(To be continued in the next post)