Settling the estate Part 6: Power Struggles

I was really starting to get fed up with the way I was being spoken to in these emails. I was done communicating with my brother’s wife. None of what was being said and how it was being said, sounded anything like the way my brother speaks. If it was him talking to me like that, things would be different, but I knew it wasn’t him. I really wanted to be on my best behavior and try to remain professional but in my mind I was not talking to my brother and so I started to address the emails as if I wasn’t talking to my brother. I also wanted her to know, she was not going to boss me around. Me and my brother are different people. I don’t allow that kind of shit. No one is going to push me around and think it’s ok and so the next day on August 28th, 2017 I wrote back to her. Being that in sarcastic by nature I knew I

Ok 👌🏻. I was confused. So I should send it to the email that you  created right after signing the stipulation of settlement?  I was confused which one you were using. All your emails prior to that date were from your regular account (the one you used for the last 5 years or more) . I sent an email there the other day and you promptly responded so I was confused. Thanks for clearing that up for me. ✔️✔️

• no one “refused” to go to the bank. If you really think it’s necessary to have the courts intervene,  7 days after I got the appropriate documentation to allow me to act as executor, that’s your call. Just know it’s going to cost a lot of money for you and I, and further delay the estate from being settled. If you are really looking to work in the “best interest” of the estate, that would not be the way to do it. I wanted to consult  with my attorney first and today was the only day he had available.  I have a right to do so both as an executor and as a beneficiary. I am going to the bank tomorrow. 

• on that note, I have to ask, why are you holding the checks hostage? Why can’t I see them or hold them? Why can’t you send me at the very least, send me a copy? I have a right to see them as CO-executor. Since you refuse to communicate with me in any other way besides email, and refuse to do things together as a team, as  CO-executors should, it’s going to hold everything up. It’s my fiduciary responsibility to make sure things are being done correctly and in line of what the courts require. You go and do things without telling me until AFTER, then you leave me with no choice but to investigate, consult with my attorney and make sure things are being done properly and legally. So if you want to know the honest truth, your evasiveness, refusal to answer  certain questions and address certain topics, along with your vague emails, and demanding tone etc, are what is holding up the estate.  So is typing these lengthy, bullet formatted, emails back and forth. The same thing can be accomplished in 4 minutes over the phone.  There is no law that says things have to be done in YOUR immediate timeframe. “Timely” doesn’t mean instantly or when you say so. It means things are to be done in a reasonable amount of time. Having 99% of the estate settled in 7 days isn’t reasonable. I am acting in accordance as an executor and doing ALL of the things I am supposed to be doing. If you are so worried about having things done in a “timely” manner,  since I am completing the process of opening the estate account, I thought it would make more sense for me to deposit the checks into the account when I go, instead of waiting for your “lunch break” to do everything. I am home every day, and can go to the bank at any time.  I was just trying to be proactive and work efficiently, in a timely manner. I thought it would help speed up the process so we can “immediately” pay the estate debts off, like you planned. I have every right to see everything pertaining to the estate as CO-executor.  

• While we’re at it, it’s “co” executor. That means we have the same level of decision making power and responsibility. Please ask your attorney what the prefix “co”, means, in this context. If you need help I can assist you in finding the definition.

• as per my attorney’s advice, the house does NOT need to be listed immediately and especially not before my mother’s personal affects are taken out. Giving strangers access to valuables in the house is NOT in the best interest of the estate. Whoever told you that has misinformed you. The house that I live in was also part of an estate. The listing photos online showed it completely empty. If you disagree, call your attorney & tell him to call mine. 

• the [cancer insurance] denial letters you have are from November of last year when I was trying to submit the claims online and kept getting an error message. It has the dates right on the letters from when the claims were denied. Obviously I know how to submit the claim, as i am sure you can see in the monthly bank statements you’ve been receiving of my mom’s since December of last year, Aflac paid the approx.  $20,000 claim for when my mom was hospitalized 8/1/16 to 8/28/16 . I don’t need your assistance, but thank for offering. I didn’t submit or try to submit any recent claims so if you’re receiving letters recently,  maybe you were trying to submit claims. 

• the PO box address is [redacted] in and you’re more than welcome to come to my house and pick up the key if you want it. You can also change the addresses on whatever is coming to your home and send the rest of the mail there so we both have access. Thanks. 

• please give me the name of the real estate agent that you would like to use so I can contact them as well, with any questions I have.   Your attorney doesn’t do real estate, as he told my attorney today, so that’s not much of a compromise. It kind of has to be my attorney by default….. or we can waste money on yet ANOTHER attorney.  We can discuss who is going to list the house over the phone. What happened to your buyer? 

• I already have a “comp”. I said appraisal because that was the term my attorney used on the phone with me. They are not “free”,  Nothing in this world is free. You are taking someone’s time up. Usually the broker expects you to list with them. Still there is no need to get four.  that’s a little excessive and a waste of time. The prices aren’t going to vary too much between agencies because they’re all using the same information to get their prices. I took the real estate courses and was licensed.1 I know how it works. If you want to waste time getting that many, be my guest.  Yours is a little higher than mine, but [my brother] can call me and we can discuss listing prices. 

also, I need the name of the other life insurance company, instead of a vague mention of its existence. I cannot do anything with that. Back on Nov. 20th you told me that your “underwriters” ran my mom’s life insurance policies and they all lapsed except one, which is the one we used to pay the funeral. As you can imagine, I am confused at this news that there is an additional policy. Also, I’m pretty sure it said [insurance company name] on the funeral bill and not whatever  name you said. Maybe I am wrong. I’ll have to investigate that as well. 

• As I said before, with all of the money I will be reimbursed with, I gave my attorney the list, receipts, cancelled checks and/or supporting bank statements.  Sorry, but I am not sharing anything with my personal banking information on it, with you because I don’t know who I am talking to through this email, since this is not the address I have known “you” to use for the last five or more years. You can have your attorney contact my attorney for information, regarding that. Just FYI, your list, you need to provide copies of receipts and cancelled checks (front and back), not just ones you wrote out and the billing statement, in order for you to be reimbursed. Just thought I’d let you know. 

• as for the [car loan holder] check….so when you changed the address on the [car] account back before April, you changed it to an address that didn’t exist, and now the check is lost? That’s not good. 

Thank you, 

[me]

Ps. Human to human, if you go to my mom’s house, please do not leave a mess again. I would not walk In your house and do that. You cut the lock off her shed, which was completely unnecessary and somehow pulled one of the window boxes off. I assume  you were using it to give yourself some leverage while you cut the lock. Those are pretty heavy duty locks. Instead of going through all that trouble, you could’ve called me and asked me where the key was and I would’ve told you. Also, you threw papers on the floor and left a mess all over the dining room table and in my old bedroom, plus you left all sorts of lights on that don’t need to be on. Let’s keep the bills down. That’s in the best interest of the estate. Please treat my mother’s house with some respect. Some of us are also grieving as we go through this process. Just because she isn’t here anymore it doesn’t mean we stop acting like human beings. 

Sent from my iPhone

I was lucky to have my mom’s neighbors/my friends looking out for me. They were all well aware of the situation between my mom and I, and my brother and his wife. My mom had told them all the story. She told everyone the story. Everyone knew how my mom felt about my brother’s wife. It was no secret. It was amazing because for three years prior to my mom’s death, my brother and his wife were NEVER at her house. In fact, my brother didn’t even have a key to my mom’s house for almost an entire year before my mom died. She had broken the key off in the lock the winter prior to us finding out she had cancer, and she had to get a new lock and key. Since my brother never came by, she never gave him a copy. It wasn’t until after her diagnosis that she finally gave him a copy.

My mom’s neighbors alerted me one day that my brother was over the house and he and his wife were removing things from my moms house. I had been there in the days prior removing things as well and trying to get the house cleaned up so we can list it. There was no rule that my brother got first dibs on the items in the house. There were things in there I wanted like a mirror that hung by our front door that my mom had for my whole life. I also wanted one of her kitchen chairs. My mom had the same chairs from when I was a kid and my dad never sat in the den with us. He always watched TV in the kitchen sitting on those chairs. It was his favorite spot and so I wanted to keep one to remember him by. Anyways when I went back to the house I noticed that my brother and his wife took some of the cleaning supplies and so I left them a note asking that they please don’t take anymore cleaning supplies, so I could clean and empty the house. Satan, being the cheap millionaire she is, was taking cleaning supplies and even took my mom’s toilet paper!

I came back to the house the next day and this is what I saw…..

A note I left for my brother and his wife because I had noticed they took thing that I needed in order for me to clean as we agreed to. The note read, “please do not remove anymore packing items, cleaning supplies, cleaning implements, or anything else one may need for the cleaning and/or packing of the house” and yes I was being sarcastic by making bullet points as Satan did in all of her emails.

When I wrote the note, I grabbed a small stack of printer paper and left the note on top, on my mom’s kitchen table, when I came the next day someone had swiped the note off the table and all the paper with it, and just left it there. No class at all.

My note can be seen along with the other papers strewn about the floor. It was left on the table and appears that someone swiped it off the table in a fit of rage and left it on the floor.

Satan helped herself to my mom’s stuff. I could see someone went through her room. They dumped out her hospital bag in her bed and left the clothes all over her bed. Satan took some of my mom’s planters as well. Because the house was empty for 8 or so months the some of her plants died. It looks like they took the plant out of the pot and left all the dead plant debris on my mom’s dining room table, like the pigs they are.

Dead plant material left on my mom’s dining room table.
My mom’s dirty pajamas from the hospital that they dumped out on her bed as they went through her hospital bags.

This here is a perfect example of the lengths Satan will go through to keep me and my brother from speaking. As I said in my email, they brought bolt cutters with them and cut the master lock off her shed! There was absolutely no need to do that. If they couldn’t find the key a simple phone call to me would’ve solved the problem. Instead they cut through a lock and in the process, they broke the window box off the shed.

A photo of the lock that my brother and his wife cut off my mom’s shed in order to gain access to it.

A photo of the window box that my brother broke while trying to cut the lock of my mom’s shed.

Satan is a piece of shit, but my brother is an ever bigger piece of shit for allowing her to disrespect my mother’s house and me like that. That’s a narcissist for you though. They don’t give a shit. They don’t care that someone is grieving. They don’t care if you’re the one who has to clean it up. They don’t care that someone is dead. My note asking them to leave cleaning products pissed her off and so she decided to shit all over me.

The next day, Aug. 29, 2017 she sent me multiple emails. The first one was this at 7:56am in the morning: (pay close attention to the parts I underlined)

Please see images of checks attached. I will deposit once account is open.  I met with 2 real estate agents for free. Here is one [real estate agent] (xxx) xxx-xxxx. He would like to show house this week. You can go to every showing to let him in and to make sure nothing is touched. Please call him today. 

P.S.  Your phone seems “to” have “been” infected “with” some sort of malware “that” inserts “quotes” around words “at” odd intervals.

[“brother”]

Then came this at 8:15am:

[me], 

Please find attached either cancelled checks or online statements if they were ACH.  Please review once again. 

Please provide a list without proof of all bills you have paid for my review.  I will only need proof if anything looks out of ordinary. 

[“brother”]

I replied back at 11:03 am with:

Well the house is in no shape to show it after the mess you left. Please call and cancel. I’ll have my attorney call you. You don’t just go and make appointments without informing me. 

And my “brother” who has that demanding job, he replied back exactly 7 minutes later at 11:10am with this..

I haven’t made any appointments and I don’t know what mess you’re talking about. I’m not going to argue back and forth about it either. 

I only asked that you call him so that we can make arrangements so that he CAN show the house. Again, no appointments or showings have been set. We haven’t even signed any contracts to list the house with him yet, as you probably remember from your real estate licensing courses.

You can have your attorney contact my attorney, not me directly. And again, call [real estate agent] so that we can take the next steps to have the house listed for sale to begin the process. 

pay close attention to the “I’m not going to argue back and forth about it either”.

The top portion of this photo was taken from a book about narcissistic behavior. As you can see in the 2 examples below it, Satan was TEXTBOOK in her behavior.

The funny thing is, they actually did go and sign a contract with that agent without telling me.

I responded back to her at 11:13am

No idea what AHC is but ok. Are you the attorney for the estate? I don’t need to give you anything as per my attorney. My lawyer will determine if anything looks “out of the ordinary.” 

You see the thing with Narcissists like Satan is they try to talk and sound like they’re so important. She has to use all her insurance sales person terminology. She acts like she’s so highly educated. Anyone can become an insurance sales agent like her. A high school diploma or equivalent is all that’s required.

At 11:36am while “my brother” was still at that demanding job of his, he replied…

ACH – Automated Check Clearing house. It’s an electronic check. 

And no, I’m not an attorney for the Estate, but you need my signature on the check. I’m not going to sign a reimbursement check without a breakdown of what is being reimbursed. 

And here we go. Here is the first of the threats to not sign checks. Again, this is so characteristic of her. At that point, I was not even seeking reimbursement for any money I laid out, yet she demanded I handed her lists for it.

In the meanwhile, I went down to the bank and completed opening the account. I tried to text my brother from the bank, but I could see because my messages were coming back green that he had me blocked, once again. On an iPhone, messages are automatically sent through apple’s messaging system, iMessage, if the system detects it’s going to another iPhone, and when messages are blue that means they went through iMessage. When a message comes back green, it means either the recipient doesn’t have an iPhone, turned iMessage off (and their messages are going through their service providers SMS), or…..has you blocked! So if people want to know if someone has blocked them on their iPhone, this is one way you find out! I knew my brother blocked me because he told me he was going to months prior.

Texts I sent to my brother from the bank, which prove he had me blocked on his phone.

I was completely fed up at this point in time. This demon seed again, was not going to tell me how I was going to settle MY MOTHER’S estate. I knew I needed to come up with a plan in order to get Satan out of the picture…:.

To be continued

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Settling the estate part 5 this is unsettling.

I was FURIOUS after receiving that “follow up” email from my brother. It was just completely unnecessary to send that to me. I can tell Satan, (my brother’s wife) was getting angry that I wasn’t just lying back and letting her push me around like she does with everyone else in her life. I was sick of her telling me how things were going to be done and what was in the “best interest of the estate”. Trust me when I say, NOTHING they wanted to do was in the best interest of the “estate”. Everything was in their THEIR best interest. That’s all they were concerned about from day one. Satan did not give one flying fuck that my mom had passed away, that I was grieving, that this was extremely hard for me. She just wanted that money, and she wanted it A.S.A.P.! I didn’t even reply to her email.

I finally got my corrected copies of the Letters of Administration in August 23, 2017. After over 8 months of fighting I was able to prove I was an executor of my mother’s estate. It was bittersweet. I knew my mom would’ve been happy to know that at least one person cared to carry out her wishes in the way she wanted. I thank god I fought for it. I can’t even imagine how things would’ve went had I not been involved at all. The one and only thing I wanted from day one was to be able to go through her house and preserve what little was left of my family. People will often say they are just objects but when you lose both of your parents and you and your sibling are split apart, those things become extremely invaluable. My mom was very sentimental, as am I, and I knew there were items in her home that she wouldn’t want to be just tossed away like they were worthless.

In the meanwhile my brother had gone to the bank without me and started the process of opening the estate account, which he shouldn’t have done. He didn’t tell me he had gone there until afterwards. He also went to my mom’s Bank and closed out her account and took all the money without telling me. There was nothing he could do with the checks but still, it was wrong of him to go without me and inform me AFTER he did it. My brother would not compromise with me whatsoever it was either his way or no way.

He sent me this email on August 24, 2017 at 2:35pm in the afternoon (while he was at his “demanding job”)

[me]:

I’ve gone to BNB and signed what I need to sign in order to open the Estate account. I’ve also provided an original Death Certificate.

The only things that they now need to open the account are the original, corrected Letters Testamentary and your information and signature. Please to provide the corrected letters when you go to the Bank.

If you complete and send over the attached form in advance of going to [the bank], you should be in and out of the bank in five minutes as I was.

Please let me know once you’ve been able to go to the bank to complete the opening of the account.

[brother]

I was so annoyed. Once again my “brother” thought he was just going to railroad me. He thought I was clueless and completely incompetent and so I wanted to surprise him that I was being proactive about the estate and doing what had to be done, so

I sent my “brother” this email later that night, on August 24th, but I REFUSED to send it to the new fake email address that I knew his wife was wife was operating, and so instead I sent it to the email address I had known my brother to have for the last few years. It was the same email address he had emailed me from earlier in the year before we were executors. I had already told him I knew I wasn’t talking to him over that email. My email read:

From: [me]

[mailto: [my emailaddress.net]

Sent: Thursday, August 24, 2017 10:27 PM

To: [mybrother’s regular email address]

Subject: Estate Progress Report

[brother],

I got your email the other day. I’ve been busy working on things that must be done for the estate.

• I went to [investment firm #1] today and began the process of opening an estate account. You need to go there and provide them with your social security number and signature.

• thank you for ordering mommy’s health records, but that isn’t necessary. I already have the proper documentation needed in order to file her [cancer insurance]claim.

• spoke with [bank personnel] at [a different investment firm] and provided my information for her to send me documents.

• we will need to speak about consolidating all accounts into one where both signatures are required for any transactions.

• as per my attorney’s advice, I opened a PO box and had mommy’s mail forwarded to it. You can have a key. I listed you as someone who can also access the box if need be.

• I spoke to [car company] about the $9000 check that was delivered to [his attorney’s address] where your attorney’s old office was, prior to the decision his federal case. Whomever supplied a letter to [car loan holder] that your attorney was representing the estate way back when I filed my objection, they need to call them and tell them that there is another attorney and executor whom is allowed to retain info for the estate.

• as per our conversation on 8/22, I have started to clear out and clean the house. I will provide you with a list of any items I have removed, please provide me with yours too. If you go there please do not remove anymore packing and/or cleaning supplies.

•I have contacted 2 home appraisers as you previously requested. I do not think it’s necessary to pay for  four separate appraisals as two is more than enough. I also contacted an agent and real estate attorney. My attorney strongly advised against selling the house privately as it is NOT in the best interest of the estate.

• I have contacted various family members about giving [our grandmother] mommy’s bed if you are still on with that.  I have pick up and delivery arranged for when the time comes.

• just for your records, I got in touch with [human resources person] regarding mommy’s 401, her profit sharing and group life insurance. As you are, I am waiting for his reply

• I went to chase and got printout statements for all four of her accounts

• I paid the outstanding balance for her Landscaping.

• I am in touch with General Utilities regarding her outstanding balance with them.

• I will be paying part of the the PSEG bill since there hasn’t been a payment since Since June and I would rather not see the electric turned off.

Please see the two attached lists I have included. I am still working on preparing detailed lists and figures with my attorney, including my reimbursements with receipts and supporting bank statements.

With Regards,
[me]

I wanted my brother and his wife to know that although they tried very hard to keep me in the dark about my mother’s finances, I was well informed about them and I was doing my homework. One of the things I discovered not about them, but about their attorney was quite shocking and I discovered it totally by accident. My attorney was trying to get in touch with him and he wasn’t hearing back. I was just curious one day so I typed their attorney’s name into google. I was shocked when the first result to pop up was a .pdf of a legal document where he was the defendant. Apparently he and a few of his buddies got involved in some type of supplement business and they decided to pull a Ponzi scheme of sorts where they sold bogus stocks for a bogus company to people. It seemed he was in hot shit with the Federal Trade Commission and had to pay restitution in the tune of 4 MILLION dollars! You can’t make this shit up! I later found out Satan of course was the one who retained this scumbag. Birds of a feather flock together I suppose.

I didn’t get a response to my email but instead two days later on August 26th, at 9:00am on a Saturday morning, I got another email from my brother that read:

[me],

Advising again that I have already completed my portion for [the bank] to open up the estate account. Since Saturday is the only day you can go I would assume it would be completed today.

Thank you for going to [bank my mom had her accounts at] first it made me obtaining the certified checks very quick and easy.  It was just over $26K. Once you have notified me that the estate account is open at [bank], I will process a for deposit only for these checks. They will clear in one day. Please provide me with the account #.

I will follow up later regarding other estate issues.

[brother]

First off, I never said Saturday was the only day I could go. I just said it was more convenient for me. I offered to go after work hours one day during the week but that wasn’t good enough for them because Satan cannot allow my brother to go anywhere without her, that doesn’t have a definitive time limit. God forbid him and I spoke to one another.

I woke up late and missed the Bank that Saturday morning. The next day was Sunday, August 27th, and so I didn’t bother to respond to her. Later that night however I received an email from her. I’m going to share a portion of the email in screen shots because I want you to see exactly how she formatted it…. the beginning portion read…

[me]

I’ve only just received this email as you are sending it to an account that I no longer use.  Please send it to the [fake email account ran by Satan] account as this is my active account.  Going forward, your emails will be redirected to that account so that I don’t miss them.

First let me address some main issues:

• ­I did not request that you get an appraisal on the house.  I requested that you get two comps/market analysis on the house, as I am getting comps on the house as well (See my prior email of 8/22).  A market analysis is something that a realtor will give you to estimate an appropriate listing price for a house based on recent sales (comps) and listings of similar houses in the similar neighborhoods.  These are free!!  An appraisal will cost upwards of around $400.00. The buyer of the house will pay for an appraisal as a part of getting a mortgage to buy the house. The Estate should not, and won’t cover the cost of an appraisal.  Please cancel your appointment and make appointments with realtors to get comps.  If you insist on getting an appraisal instead of a comp, that will be a cost that will come out of your pocket.

• As per your email you are stating that you refuse to proceed to open an estate account unless I drop off checks at your house.  That is completely unacceptable.  Please consult with your attorney immediately.  If you refuse to conduct estate business in a timely matter, we will leave it up to the court to decide.  There is no need to have those checks in your possession prior to opening an estate account.  When you plan on going to [the bank], please advise of date and time and I will bring signed checks to the teller at that point.  Once again, if you continue to refuse to conduct estate business timely, I will request it be taken out of your hands.  An estate account is of utmost importance at this time.

• I have already contacted 2 real estate agents which both suggest listing at $349,000.  One of which offered a reduced commission of 3% instead of the standard 4%.  Please be advised that any delay on your part would also be considered refusal or delay of estate business.  The house needs to be listed ASAP.  It does not need to be emptied first.  Please remember this is in the best interest of the estate.

• If you would like to use your choice of attorney and my choice of agent, that could be a fair compromise.  Consult with your attorney.

**Please see my comments below in red.

Thank you,

[“my brother”]

Below is how she addressed the things I wrote in my email…

Clearly she was IRATE that I had been taking action to start settling the estate. This is coming from someone who was trying to get her hands on my mom’s money 3 days after she passed. To say I was fucking infuriated after reading this email, was an understatement. There was NO NEED WHATSOEVER to speak to me like this. For starters, if my email went to an address that was no longer used, how the fuck did you see it? Take note that she tells me my emails are going to be forwarded to the “other” account because it will be relevant in the future. She did request I get an appraisal and so I contacted an appraiser. The condescending tone this whole entire email is just so not my brother. It’s just not how he speaks AT ALL, even when he’s angry. The threats to take “estate business out of my hands”; they way she marked up my email like she is some sort of teacher, the demands that I “contact my attorney IMMEDIATELY”, all of it had HER written all over it. She was obviously very, very upset that I am not a pussy like my brother is. I had to laugh too at some of the stuff she was saying because she was completely clueless. The “rejection” letters she got, those were MONTHS old. While my mom was in the hospital during her last month of life, she asked me to file a claim for her with her cancer insurance company because she wanted to have money to pay bills since she was not working, and not collecting any type of disability. I tried to file the claims online but the company’s website was giving me trouble. That is why, she got the rejection letters. I eventually was able to fax my mom’s claim and clearly since my Brother and his wife were collecting all her mail, they could see in her bank statements that the claim did in fact, go through, and money was deposited in her account from the insurance company. Also, the rejection letters clearly state when the claim was filed and they could clearly see it was from before my mom passed. This was something Satan, the narcissist did throughout the whole process of settling this estate. She would try to create this narrative that I was completely incompetent. I guess so she had “proof” to show the court?

Her need for control and malignant, overt narcissism was really starting to shine. I want you to also take note of how she tells me to “mail the key for the P.O. Box” and proceeds to give me their home address. They live 7.5 miles away from me. It’s about a 10-15 minute ride. My brother’s job is 3 miles away from me. I easily could drop the key off to him at work, or driven to their house, like NORMAL siblings would do, and vice versa, but she was insisting I waste time and money mailing it to them. I mean it’s just so ridiculous. She denies that she controls my brother yet she can’t even let us meet at the Bank or exchange a key, for fucks sake!

The last thing I want you to take note of is the mention of the “additional life insurance policy.”. The day my mom died and I was forced by them to go immediately to the funeral home to plan her wake services, I was told by my brother’s wife who was unfortunately there, that my mom had three life insurance policies and all but one had lapsed due to non-payment. The next day they called my husband and told him to tell me that I should take as much money out of my mom’s account because all three policies had now lapsed and that we weren’t going to have money to pay her funeral. In my vulnerable state I went against my better judgement, because I had a feeling they were lying and I took $1600 out of my mom’s account through the ATM. Then magically the next day, it was, oops we were wrong! The one policy didn’t lapse. As you can see; she even mentions it and that it paid for the funeral so you can imagine how surprised I was that I was now being told there was an “additional life insurance policy”. This was the third mention of it too. It was mentioned it once in the very first email to me and again in the second. She just had to point out how I was “wrong” too. As you will see in the next few posts, she used this information to torture me.

I was fed up at this point in time. Realistically we were only a few days into settling this estate and already it was a fucking nightmare.

To be continued….

Settling the Estate part 4, you only get one phone call…..

Under normal circumstances I never would’ve had a problem with my brother’s spouse helping settle my mom’s estate. In fact I often imagined how things would’ve been had Satan not been in the picture. I think had he still been with his ex, things would’ve gone a lot smoother and there’s no question we all would’ve worked as a team. I cannot for the life of me understand why Satan felt the need to control my mom’s estate, or even the need to be involved. There is absolutely nothing fun about finalizing someone’s existence on paper. All she cared about from day one, was the nice chunk of change my brother was going to inherit. Things could’ve been totally different and even somewhat civil had she approached everything in a different manner. Like most narcissists, Satan had a massive amount of entitlement. She thinks just because she’s married to my brother, she automatically gets our respect. She thinks because she is his wife, she had a right to control every aspect of his life, including his interactions with his family. That’s because she had my brother convinced since day one that she was the most intelligent person on the planet and that she has experience doing anything and everything you can think of. In fact, I recently listened to a tape of her and my mom arguing back from when her and my brother first got engaged and our relationship went south. At that point in time she had only been around for a little over 6 months and had met my extended family on only one occasion, yet she is talking about my family as if she is already part of it. The part I have the most trouble with is that this woman treated my mother horribly for over 2 years prior to her death. She spoke to my mom like she was a worthless piece of dirt, and it wasn’t just once or twice. It’s evidenced in a collection of nasty texts and recorded arguments. She only started to treat my mom a little better only a few months before my mom found the mass on her kidney. My mom did not care for Satan at all but began at that point to tolerate her just so she could see her granddaughter.

Although the relationship became somewhat amicable between her and my mom in the last 8 months or so of my mom’s life, my mom couldn’t stand Satan and her feelings about her were no secret, especially to her family. My mom’s two closest sisters act like they didn’t know how my mom felt. That is another thing I still cannot wrap my head around. My family thinks I am somehow in the wrong for not wanting to her involved in my mom’s affairs. For starters, my mom made it more than abundantly clear that she didn’t want her involved either. Also, looking at it from my point of view, Satan is essentially a stranger to me. I never had any type of relationship with her because I never got time to build one and to be quite honest, it was clear that she had no interest in building one from the very beginning. With that said, I’d love to ask my family, why is it ok that I have to be forced to discuss and negotiate my mother’s estate with a dishonest stranger in whom I didn’t care for or trust? She is a proven liar. Why should Satan get my respect? I tried to be amicable with her. I tried to tolerate her, but time and time again she overstepped boundaries by doing things like, invading my mother’s privacy, planting cameras in her house, lying to and manipulating my mother while she lie on her death bed etc. Maybe I am wrong but I cannot just forget the way she treated my mom for all those years, especially since there was never any sort of apology, culpability or even so much as an acknowledgment on her end, that she was shitty to my mom. I’m sorry, but I think I have good reason to not trust this person and to not want to deal with her. Everything she had shown me was not just negative but straight up devious.

I wanted Satan to know that I knew she was the person writing those emails to me. I assume their attorney finally got in touch with them because the next email I got from my brother was “him” saying that he had tried to call me. He left me his number but it wasn’t his cellphone number. It ended up the number he gave me was the landline number at their house. That was the only number I was allowed to call. I’m sure this was so Satan could intercept and screen my phone calls before my brother called me back. Every time I tried to call it, I got their answering machine. I called my brother back for what ended up being the only and only time I actually physically spoke to him during the entire year that we were co-executors. You can listen to the phone call on YouTube by clicking here.

It was clear from this call that my brother was being coached by his wife. The call only helped to confirm my suspicions that my brother was not the one writing the emails. I brought up several issues that were discussed in the emails, and he had no idea what I was talking about. My brother also recorded this call, and reportedly in his copy his wife can be heard writing furiously with a sharpie marker, banging the table to get his attention and whispering responses in his ear. Again, I know how my brother normally acts and speaks and I could tell that he was being coached. This is why Satan did not want us speaking on the phone or in person. It was too hard for her to control the conversation that way. My brother NEVER was a good liar, and in fact, it was a running joke in our household because he was so terrible at it. When he started smoking at age 16 he didn’t even bother lying to my parents about it. Instead, he walked into the kitchen one day and slammed a pack of Marlboro reds on the table and said, “Mom and dad, I smoke now.”. Ever since he met Satan, he’s been forced to lie, but as his sister, I can still tell when he’s lying. I can hear the hesitation in his voice after I ask questions and I can tell by his hostile reactions to my questions.

I also want to address the fact that you can clearly hear that I’m annoyed as well in this phone call. I really tried to keep my cool but at this point in time it was extremely hard for me. This was after months and months of lies and sneaky behavior, plus the fact that they were trying to act as if they were the estate bosses, and I was some sort of minion. They didn’t care that I was in “control” when my mom was sick. They didn’t care that I was the main care taker. They didn’t help with ANYTHING substantial while she was sick, but now suddenly they felt entitled to not only help, but to completely control everything and boss me around. All the prior bullshit really bothered me, but I think what bothered me the most was the complete lack of emotion from my brother. Not once throughout this whole process did I hear him express any type of sorrow or grief about my mom. In fact she was hardly ever mentioned. There were times I tried to pull emotions out and I expressed how sad I was, and how hard this was for me, but all I got in return was cold, unemotional, robotic responses. That was because I wasn’t talking to my brother. Still, even in this phone call he is so cold. His only concern was getting his money. He was completely unbothered by the fact that we had to part with our childhood home and everything in it. I feel sorry for my brother. I pity him. I cannot imagine not being able to be vulnerable in front of my husband. It’s clear that my brother cannot show any weakness in front of his wife. During the last two days of my mom’s life it became evident to me. When Satan was around he would just sit there with this blank look on his face. When she finally left that last night to go to the party she was hosting at her house (I can’t make this shit up!) I saw him cry for the first time. When she wasn’t there I saw tears. My friend who was also my mom’s nurse that night said she came in at one point and my brother was in my mom’s room alone, bawling his eyes out. I want to believe that the brother I once knew is somewhere inside and that he’s not the cold, empty shell he has to be when Satan is around. It’s so disheartening to see someone that you’ve known your whole life to be sensitive and caring, turn into an emotionless robot. I hate Satan. She stole my brother’s soul and completely destroyed it.

Because Satan can’t leave well enough alone, the next day I received another bullshit, formally written, bullet formatted unnecessary e-mail from my “brother”, to “follow-up” on our call that read:

Subject: Estate Follow-up – Conversation of 8/21/2017

[me]:

 

Per our conversation last night:

• I‘ve attached email that I received from the bank regarding opening the Estate account.  I’ve already forwarded my information to the bank, and I will drop off the originals that I have prior to the opening of the account.  As I have repeatedly stated, I am only available Monday through Friday on my lunch break.  I am not available any Saturdays and this is non-negotiable.  Upon closing the [bank] accounts and receiving certified / bank checks, the estate account will be opened and bills will be paid immediately on site.

• I will forward you the email from the accountant.  She will send us her fee and mail us tax returns for signature.

• You said that you will make the claim for [my mother’s cancer insurance] I will send you her medical records once I receive them.  Please send me a copy of the claim.

• Have you forwarded the mail yet?

• I will contact the investment accounts and get the necessary paperwork.

• I’ve contacted [my mother’s job] regarding the profit-sharing plan.

• [water supply company] is sending a current bill to me.

• [loan company] is sending me account information.

• I sent a certified death certificate and an original letter to her life insurance company as they have requested it numerous times, so that they can pay the death benefit.

• Please obtain two comps from local realtors for the house.  I will do the same.  A private sale is always in the best interest of the Estate.  The house does not need to be emptied at all before it can be offered for sale.  We will have plenty of time to clean it out before the closing.  Paying any more bills on the house is not in the best interest of the Estate.

• I will take my personal items from the house.  I will give you an opportunity to object to any non-personal items that I’d like to take.  I’ve already stated that I’d like to take the utility wagon from the shed.

• Per the Stipulation of Settlement, as co-executors the approval of both of us is required to take any action on the Estate.  That does not mean that we both physically need to be present to complete all actions, as long as written approval to act is provided.  Documents that require two signatures can be signed in counterparts.  Please consult your attorney if you have any questions about this.

 

Thank you,

 

[brother]

I was COMPLETELY. FUCKING. FED. UP. Satan had to go…..

To be continued……..

Settling the estate, Part 3 lies, lies and alibis

Prior to receiving our letters of administration to be executors of my mother’s estate, my brother signed an agreement, as did I, that read:

“That all business is to be transacted by the EXECUTORS in their PERSONAL capacity, and NO surrogate shall have the authority to ACT IN PLACE of one or the other executor…”.

This did not include the help of professionals like attorneys, accountants, realtors, etc. my attorneys added this specifically to make Satan’s power of Attorney over my brother completely useless in this context but of course like all narcissists, Satan doesn’t like playing by the rules.

The agreement signed by both me, my brother and my aunts. All identifying info has been redacted.

People have a certain way about them when they express themselves that can be detected even in writing. I know how my brother talks and articulates himself. I know how he acts. I know how he is. I know there are certain things I can say to him that will trigger him. I know that the person I was talking to via this new email address was not him.

Starting the day after my mom’s wake every single place I called in regards to my mother would tell me that they had already spoken to Satan. I called her bank, her money market accounts, her cell phone provider, etc., and everyone said they had already spoken to Satan and they called her by name. Even though she never legally took my brother’s last name, she was conveniently using it to make these calls so it sounded like she was the child of my mother. Why was this stranger calling up on my mom’s behalf? The most sickening part of all of this was that my so-called Aunts were WELL AWARE of the fact that my mom did not want my brother’s wife involved in her affairs, yet they all sat there and supported her being involved. Not only did they support her but they actually encouraged it.

My attorneys were aware of my concerns that my brother had made a new email address and that I didn’t think I was speaking to him, and so their advice to me was to wait until we had received the letters of administration, and to ask him if we can meet up somewhere to discuss the estate. Although I didn’t have the letters yet, I did not want to be accused of not communicating, and so I wrote back suggesting we meet up somewhere in order to discuss things, and in response to my email this is what I got back.

“I will be unavailable to meet person as I will be handling most of the estate via email and/or my attorney. Per my attorney, I will only be needed in person to open the bank account and to attend the closing. 

I have twice sent you copies of bills that I’ve paid and bills that need to be paid. Please send me the same from your end. If email isn’t good for you, you can send them to me via USPS.  

Please email me your questions and or concerns that you wanted to discuss. I will review them and consult my attorney if needed, then send you my response.”

At this point it was becoming more and more clear that my brother was not the person in whom I was speaking with. The fact I can tell by the way he was speaking, coupled with his refusal meet with me in person or talk on the phone, strongly suggested that it was Satan who was acting as a wizard of oz,of sorts, hiding behind the curtain of a fake email address. I printed my brother’s email and took it to my attorney’s office and on August 18th 2017, I sent my brother this email.

[brother], 

I just sat down with my attorney who called your attorney while I was there. Your attorney agreed that we need to meet up to discuss how this estate is going to be settled as CO-executors. I already asked you when you can meet up and was told you would be “unavailable” and your attorney advised you that you’d only need to be present to open the bank account and for the closing. That is not what he just told my attorney on the phone. He also informed us that you received ten official copies of the letters yet you never responded to my email where I told you I didn’t have copies. You never informed me that you had copies. I just want to remind you that you signed an agreement. Please pay close attention to numbers 2 & 3 on that agreement. We HAVE to do this together and communicate. If you are looking to save money by not hiring a real estate agent and wanted to get money off the last months insurance, your refusal to communicate with me is going to cost more than any amount we can save. We are both on the letters. Let’s not waste mom’s hard earned money on lawyer’s, as you said when you emailed me back in March. I have a pretty flexible schedule so please let me know when you can meet up so we can start settling this estate the right way and get it done in a timely manner so we can move on with our lives.

P.s If you want to talk you can also call me. (XXX) XXX-XXXX that is much easier for me as I do not check my emails often. 

[me]

I had expressed in an earlier emailthat I had never received the copies of the letters that my attorneys had ordered. This was a whole other mess I had to investigate on my own. My brother sent me his first email on July 31st. I never replied. On August 9th he resent the same email only he edited the first paragraph from, “I spoke with my attorney this past week. He advised that all surrogate court is waiting for is your original signature on

the settlement agreement, which your lawyer stated you would be signing shortly. The papers will be issued shortly after they get it, I assume” to vaguely say, “The court has all the papers and everything is set to go now.”. The fact that he had edited the first paragraph made me question why he did so and so I decided to call the surrogates court myself and I found out that ten copies of the letters had been sent to my brother’s attorney by accident, instead of mine. I had sent an email to my brother stating that I didn’t have the letters yet and my “brother” opted not to tell me that he had received them. Instead he vaguely wrote that everything was “set to go”. After that I had to go on a wild goose chase to get myself copies of the papers. I realized my name was spelled incorrectly, and so I had to make multiple trips back and fourth to the surrogates court in order to get that corrected. When I told my brother his copies were no good he refused to turn them in. He told me he had already given them out to some bill collectors but he wouldn’t tell me exactly who.

In my email I also pointed out numbers 2&3 of the agreement (see above)which were the paragraph I pasted above about each executor having to do all transactions in their own capacity, and another paragraph in which stated that we were both responsible for our own legal fees. This means that the money we paid to our attorneys came out of our pockets and not the estate. I was trying to point out that every time we had to call our attorneys for stupid nonsense like my brother’s refusal to speak to me, we were being charged for it. My brother did not seem to care however. In response to my email I received this from my “brother”….

“[me],

Yesterday, I received the certificates I requested. I would assume you would have requested your own copies. I will bring one for the bank and an extra one for you when we meet at [the bank] to open up an estate account. I will make an appointment at the [the bank] near my office, as I will be doing this on my lunch break. Once again, please send me the bills that need to be paid and also an itemized bill for what you have paid for the estate to date. I have sent you my copies twice. 

For the mail, I suggest we do change-of-addresses on all known accounts and creditors. Then, we can do a mail forward for everything else. We can either get a P.O. Box, or just have it forwarded to your address. 

Since most of the bills already come to my address and you have online access to those accounts, I’ll continue to receive them. You can have all the investments go to yours and provide me with online access. Feel free to call the investments and change address.

I would suggest meeting at the bank to open the estate account and get the bills paid, then we can take it from there. Paying the outstanding balances is the most pressing matter. 

Again please send me the list you have including address, account numbers and amounts due. I will write out envelopes for each and the bank can issue checks that day. Once I have your list, I will make the appropriate appointment. 

Thank you,

[my brother]”

Ugh, reading these emails again is getting my blood boiling. As you can see he was evading the whole part where I said that his attorney said that we needed to discuss these matters in person. He completely glazed right past it. The business like, robotic manner that this letter is written in is so bizarre, in and of itself. That is not the way my brother speaks or writes. This is the way in which all these emails were written. There was absolutely no emotion involved.

My brother was being very pushy. He was demanding that I give him a list of bills in which I paid and other bills that needed to be paid, meanwhile they had all the mail. My attorney’s advised me to go over all bills before paying them to make sure the claims are valid. I had no access to the bills since my brother was illegally stealing the mail since the day my mom passed. He was going online, pretending to be my mom, and doing illegal mail holds , and then authorizing himself to retrieve the mail at the post office. Basically he was impersonating my mom. He never informed the post office that my mom had passed. My attorney advised opening a PO box that we would both have access to. At first my brother fought it but now he was suddenly saying open it and have the mail forwarded there. This was a constant theme throughout the estate. “He” would say one thing and then completely change his mind days later. He even admits most of the bills were already coming to his house, which they shouldn’t have been. My brother was also demanding we pay the outstanding bills the same day we opened the bank account. He couldn’t even wait for the account to be opened and for the checks to come in the mail. He wanted the Bank to give us a few handwritten “starter checks”. I didn’t have any lists to give him at that point and my attorneys advised that there was no need for me to give them anything, especially since I still didn’t have my letters, and that they would take care of it. As far as my “online” access, I only had online access to my mom’s accounts because she gave me her email and passwords. I was not about to give them to these two sneaky liars. They were already in her mail. That was all they needed.

I knew my brother was not behind this email. My brother would never offer to write envelopes out and bring them to the bank! It was so ridiculous and completely unnecessary to do. This email has Satan written all over it. It’s written as if she’s the boss who is delegating tasks. This is a typical narcissist move. She’s telling me what I can do and what she is going to do. She has complete control although she’s trying to make it appear as if it equal by telling me I’m welcome to do, x,y,and z. She was basically assigning all the remedial tasks to me in an attempt to keep me busy and make me feel like I’m doing something. I don’t know what my brother told Satan about me but in the next few weeks I could see that she had no idea what type of person I am. She was about to see.

To be continued in the next post…..

Settling the Estate, part 2

Once again it has been some time since I last updated this blog. In a nut shell, since the day I received letters of administration, from that point on, my life became an absolute and utter living fucking hell. I thought caring for my mom was stressful and it was……extremely, but settling an estate with a person like my brother’s wife who completely lacks empathy, compassion, humility, integrity, honesty and a moral compass, was complete and utter torture. I much rather be waterboarded than to ever have to deal with that demon again.

I had always thought since day one that my brother’s wife was a narcissist, but after all I’ve been through, I am now convinced that she is a full blown, legitimate, certified, clinical psychopath, with heavy narcissistic traits, and my brother has been fully indoctrinated into her sick, twisted and sadistic world. Years ago I saw him as a poor defenseless and naive victim, but now my empathy for him is completely lost. I have done extensive reading about personality disorders, co-dependents, enabling, toxic people, high conflict people, etc etc and I now understand that my brother in some way is responsible for the abuse, because he allows it to continue. When I look back to 2 months after his wedding when he showed up unannounced on my front door step, while in the midst of psychotic, shit-storm of an argument with his wife, and confessed to me that he thought she had borderline personality disorder, and had been “researching” it for weeks, I realize that he at that point in time had choice. Due to the timing of all of this, being only 2 months after they officially and legally became a committed union, I assume that this was the time you read about in so many articles about emotional abusers, that the mask finally slipped, and Satan started showing her true colors. At that point in time, even though she caused all that drama before their wedding, he wasn’t still fully engulfed in the fog and for whatever reason, he had a brief moment of clarity and acknowledged that there was something deeply wrong with her that he couldn’t handle. Sure enough though, as all narcissists do, she somehow sweet talked him with the promise to change and to see a marriage counselor (of her choosing of course) she “Hoovered” him back in, but there was an acknowledgement of her illness and that’s my whole point here. At that point in time while it would’ve been completely inconvenient, he could’ve easily got out of the marriage, and even possibly had it annulled. Sure he would’ve had to start all over, but it would’ve been a lot easier. He had more support, there were no real financial ties except his car, and most importantly no children. His heart would’ve been broken but he would’ve healed. Instead of walking away though, he made a clear and conscious CHOICE to not only try to work things out with her, but to actively start trying to have a child with her…..because you know, that solves everything. He decided to take an already unhealthy, toxic and messy situation and make it even more messy by adding an innocent child into the mix. He guaranteed himself that this woman is going to run his life on some level; for the rest of his life, even if she leaves him. Their poor kid didn’t ask to be born into this shit and shame on my brother for forcing it upon her.

When my brother told me that he believed his wife had Borderline personality disorder right away I started to read up on it to maybe gain some type of understanding of why things happened the way they did. The bulk of articles on the subject warn the reader, who is most likely the victim of their abuse, to run and run fast and to not look back. I found very few articles where there was empathy towards this person. In the end, Bordelines, Narcissists, sociopaths, psychopaths etc, all fall under the same category in the DSM (the book psychologists use to diagnose) and they all have overlapping traits, with slight variations from one other. The label itself doesn’t matter, because when you read about being in intimate relationships with any of them, the consensus is the same. You are looking towards a future of gaslighting, splitting, manipulation, taking all of the blame and worst of all, intense emotional abuse. My brother read all of this shit and for some reason decided to stick it out. That’s is why my sympathy for him is non-existent. My brother clearly has his own issues. What exactly they are, I don’t know, but I do know the one thing that probably drives him into controlling relationships with emotionally unstable women is that he is insecure with himself and feels he cannot do any better than what he can get. In other words, his expectations of women are low because his self-esteem is low. My brother, in my opinion is in an extremely emotionally and psychologically abusive relationship and due to the stigma that is attached to men being the victims, he is in complete denial about it. It’s a shame because men are afraid to reach out for help and admit that they are being browbeat by an abusive woman. Satan has fully altered his reality and the sickest part is that my brother actually still believes that he is in full control of his life.

My family only reinforces his delusional beliefs by ignoring and enabling him and his wife, by sitting on the sidelines quietly. (While some actively encourage the toxic behavior). What they fail to understand though is that I saw things, heard things and even witnessed things that were red flags, right from the beginning. What they feel to realize is that all abusers and all victims share a set characteristics that can be noticed by the outside world. I saw a lot of them from day one. I too was in a similar relationship and there were certain things my brother would do in the first few months of their relationship that I recognized myself doing when I was in that relationship. I saw a stark change in my brother’s overall behavior and demeanor whenever she was around. Even when she wasn’t around I could still detect something was wrong. My brother is very quiet when there’s something bothering him. I can tell when something is wrong with him within seconds of seeing him. I know what worry, fear and anxiety look like on his face. I know when he feels uncomfortable. Hell I can even tell when he’s trying to fake that everything is ok. After a lifetime of being around someone you don’t even need them to speak or express themselves to know something isn’t right. Their facial expressions and body language say it all.

The times I did see my brother during the first 6 months of his relationship while she wasn’t around, I could tell he was fighting with her. He’d be glued to his phone texting back and forth with her, all quiet and off in his own little world. Other ways I could tell something was off was that my brother started trying to sensor me too. He would ask me not to discuss certain topics or to hide things from her. That is not normal. He feared her reaction to things and seemed to be always walking on eggshells to avoid confrontation. Watching my brother change in these ways was scary to me. After a while he stated sounding like he was joining a cult. He no longer expressed his own ideas and opinions. Everything was, “well Satan says this is a good idea..”, or “Satan says i should do this.”, or “Satan knows because she’s been there and done that.”. That was all part of him being indoctrinated and brainwashed into thinking she knew best in every situation, always.

I don’t know how my family expects me not to feel a certain type of way about his wife. What they don’t get is that it wasn’t one or two little things. It’s a compilation of many different factors that made me worry about him and caused a complete lack of trust in his wife. When you see someone completely losing control, freedom and isolating themselves it is a scary thing to witness. I don’t know if maybe even with them they don’t get how a woman can be abusive. Maybe it’s because both my aunt Debbie and my Aunt Bea share in some of these toxic and abusive traits that Satan possesses, themselves and they fail to recognize that they are indeed abusive.

I don’t know but what I do know is that I don’t have to put up with toxic and abusive behavior from ANYONE. What I do know is that everything I believed was happening when my mom was sick, was really happening and that’s why my family refuses to face me. Facing me means facing the truth. Facing me means facing their own wrongdoings. It means facing that their lies and with that said, I will never talk to any of them, ever again.

Settling the estate – Into the frying pan – Part 1

I haven’t updated this blog in quite some time. When I started this blog it was something that was to be therapeutic to me. It was a way for me to get out my thoughts and feelings and my experiences dealing with someone who I thought was a narcissist. As time as gone on, my opinion of her being a narcissist isn’t an opinion anymore….it’s a FACT. She IS a narcissist. She is a sociopath. From the time I last updated this blog about when I got my papers till now, my life got so hectic and chaotic, and my stress levels went so high, I was barely sleeping. I still don’t really know how I got through the last 6 months of my life. I was on a rollercoaster ride from hell with the most crazed, mentally depraved, sadistic monster I have ever met.

I’m going to bring you all back to right before I got my papers which in legal terms are called Letters Testamentary. For purposes of this blog, I’m going to refer to them as, “the letters” or just “letters”, to save time typing. Anyway, my mom’s first birthday in heaven was approaching and absolutely nothing had been done to settle her estate. My attorney’s had written up an agreement for us that my aunts were going to renounce their roles as executors and my brother and I would stand in place of them. In that agreement my attorney added a stipulation that one executor cannot do anything without the approval of the other. We also agreed we were responsible for our own legal fees, but more importantly, we added a very much needed stipulation that said, that we must carry out all of our executorial duties in our own personal capacity, and that no-one can stand in our place. This excluded the help of professional like attorneys and accountants.

We added that last stipulation because up until that point, it was more than clear that my brother’s wife thought she was running the show. Every time I’d make calls to different companies, I would be told that she, Satan, had already called. It infuriated me, but more so than that, it went against everything my mom wanted. For years prior to her death; even before she knew she was sick, she was telling basically anyone who would listen that she didn’t want my brother’s wife entangled in her affairs. At that time, when we all signed that agreement, I knew it was going to be difficult, but even then, I couldn’t foresee the crazy shit I was going to have to deal with.

It was the days before my mom’s Birthday, July 24th to be exact, when I received my first email from my brother. We had not had contact of ANY kind since our altercation at my mom’s house back in December 2016. The only other contact we had was an email that he had sent me back in March 2017, which was basically him trying to strong arm me into dropping my objection to my Aunts being the executors of my mom’s estate. I never answered that email. The latest one was a short email basically asking me what ideas I have as far as my mom’s estate went. Although it was only a small paragraph or two, I could just tell in the way it was written, it wasn’t my brother in whom authored it. To me it was written in a way that a used car salesman would speak to try to feel you out before he clobbers you over the head with reasons as to why you need to buy the most expensive car on the lot.

A screen shot of the first email I received from my brother on July 24th, 2017.

Later that day I went to read my husband the email my brother had sent me and so I opened the email app on my phone and started typing my brother’s email address in the search bar. Up popped two old emails from my brother but the new one wasn’t there. I thought it was strange and so I backed up a few letters, and that was when I realized… in the suggested search list, there were two different email addresses, both in my brother’s name. For instance let’s say his name was Tom Smith. His regular email was TomSmith@email.com but this new email was ThomasJSmith@email.com. I thought it was rather strange seeing that my brother had been using the first email for almost a decade prior. Why all of the sudden would he make a new email address? That would inconvenience his whole life and for someone as tech savvy as him, who’s whole life revolves around his computer, his phone and his Apple Watch, it would be devastating. The two emails I had gotten from him since my mom’s passing, were sent from his regular account, but now suddenly he was using this new one. I was already suspicious about the way the email was written, but this sudden creation of a new email only raised my suspicions.

I decided to write back to my brother and let him know what exactly my ideas were. I basically told him what my attorney told me was to happen after we received our letters, and how we needed to do things like open an estate account and collect her assets. I even named the accounts so he didn’t think he was going to get one over on me. In the past, my brother had told my husband that he didn’t think I was capable of handling the estate and that I had a tendency to put things on the back burner and not follow through. Basically in his head, I was still some irresponsible 16 year old. He had no idea who I even was. I had taken care of our mother, by myself in the last year while he was slacking off, drinking at the bars with his wife and going to yankee games. He also didn’t want my grief holding up his money.

Anyway, I wanted it to be more than clear to him that I had known exactly what was going on and what we had to do. I also wanted him to know that I had already taken several steps to secure the assets. I paid the homeowners insurance and kept the property manicured and safe. Most importantly though, under the advice of my attorney, to assure I was speaking to my brother and not his wife, I told him that we’d have to meet up at some point to discuss how we were going to do things and what needed to be done. He told me that there’s no way an estate can be settled over email. My brother completely evaded my suggestion of meeting up.

A few days later, it was my mom’s birthday and my mom’s cousin owns a house on the beach, in a small community known as Ocean Beach, on Fire Island, had requested a mass in my mother’s name at the local church, on her birthday. She had asked me if I wanted to go, months in advance. Back when she had invited me, she also asked me how I’d feel about the rest of my mom’s family and my brother being invited as well. I felt like I was being put in a really awkward position and so I explained to her that I was not really comfortable being around my family at that time. I told her that my aunts and such would probably benefit more from a mass than I would because they are religious and I am not. I basically declined her invitation, but told her I really appreciated the sentiment and the fact that she respected me enough to ask me. The truth is, there was no way in hell I wanted to sit with those phonies and watch them cry their crocodile tears over my mother, in the house of god. The only ones that ended up going was Aunt Bea, her husband, and my brother and his family. Aunt Debbie had a prior engagement, but had she not, she probably would’ve been more than happy to be the “third” wheel. God, I would’ve loved to be a fly on the wall that day.

Instead of surrounding myself with fake people, I decided to spend the day with my husband and son and do things in memory of my mom. We went to her house and looked around and reminisced about days past when she was here. Then later we ate some Mexican food because that’s what my mom always wanted every year for her birthday. It was a very sad day for me and I didn’t really feel like being around anyone anyway. My mom would’ve turned 63 on her birthday that year. She was way too young to be gone.

The following day, July 31st, I got another email from my brother. This time around he completely disregarded anything that I said and instead tried to take charge. He basically reiterated what I had already told him and he started sending me lists of bills that needed to be paid, and asking me for lists of bills and such. He had already filed for an EIN Number (basically a tax ID number that’s used after you die, in place of your social security number) which he shouldn’t have done because we didn’t even have our papers yet. He also told me he had some checks that were sent to my mom, but again, how was he getting those if he wasn’t the executor yet? Things got weird when he started asking if I had this specific form that he needed to get the auto insurance bill lowered, called an FS6. I mean only an insurance agent, which is what Satan does for a living, would know that kind of stuff, and I have no idea why he’d even think I’d have that, seeing that I couldn’t do anything with her car after it got repossessed. He attached two lists to his email. One was a list of bills that needed to be paid and the other was a list of bills he claims he paid and was seeking reimbursement for. I had previously heard that he had laid out $12,000 for the estate for all the bills he had paid but in reality it was less than $2000 because he only paid one month worth of bills. Regardless, there was really no point of doing any of this because we didn’t have the letters yet, and again I was advised by my attorney that we don’t pay bills or claims against the estate right away to ensure they were valid claims. At the very end of his email, my brother told me that one of my mom’s neighbors had expressed an interest in buying the house and that it would be better for us to sell it without using a real estate broker. That was an idea I was totally uncomfortable with, especially since I was dealing with two dishonest and sneaky people. Sure it would’ve been nice to make the extra money,but again, my attorney advised me that in this situation it was a bad idea. Also, I was in contact with almost all of the neighbors and none of them were interested in buying her house.

I reached out to my attorney and told him that after receiving both of these emails, I had an uneasy feeling because it seemed as if my brother had jumped the gun and started taking steps to settle the estate before we even had the letters. I also expressed my concerns regarding the communication and how I could tell it wasn’t my brother in whom I was speaking with, due to the tone of the emails, the lists he attached and the fact that he suddenly created a new email address. None of this represents the brother I once knew. My attorney advised me to once again suggest meeting in person, since my brother didn’t acknowledge me saying that in the first email, but he advised me to wait until we got the letters. This way, if my brother refused to meet up with me or talk to me, it could be used against him with the courts. All though it wouldn’t matter until we received our letters. My attorney also told me that he received a decree in the mail and ordered 10 official copies of the letters, and that they would be at his office any day. I took his advice and sat back and waited.

Ten days went by and suddenly on August 9th, I received another email from my brother, and since I had never responded to his previous email, he decided to resend me the same exact email, only he changed the first paragraph. In the first email, he told me the Court was still waiting for my signed oath but in the second email, he changed it to vaguely tell me that the court had all the necessary paperwork and that we “should” be set to go. As my attorney advised me to do, I wrote back to him saying only this. “After we receive the letters, please let me know if a day and time that you are available to discuss these matters.”.

Those were probably the two last amicable emails that were written back and forth. From then on out it became a shit Storm of epic proportions……

To be Continued…….

The road to Freedom part 6 of 6. 

If you haven’t already, read parts one, two, three, four and five of this series. 

My lawyer called me with good news finally. My Aunts had decided to renounce their roles as executors of my mom’s estate. I sincerely couldn’t believe it. I wanted to jump up and click my heels in celebration. This meant two less assholes I had to deal with. It also meant a lot more, which I’ll get to in a bit. 
How it was going to work was, my lawyer was going to write up the agreement that would state that my aunts were going to resign. Then it would request me and my brother would become co-executors….but there was one more thing. My lawyer was going to also add in a stipulation that no one could stand in place of me or my brother. This meant Satan could shove her power of attorney form for my brother, up her ass. It is completely useless here. 
It was now the late may. My lawyer wrote up the agreement and I went down to his office to sign it. After that we waited weeks. I started to get nervous that they weren’t going to sign. Finally I found out that my couldn’t seem to get in contact with their lawyer. He wasn’t returning calls. After several times of me asking for updates, and so I wondered if that was just my lawyer making excuses or if that was really the case. I know this sounds crazy but, I was going to try to call their lawyers office and see if I could get him on the phone. I wasn’t going to talk to him . I searched his name on google so I could get his number. As I’m looking I see this PDF in my search results, with his name on it. I opened it up and found the biggest surprise I can imagine. Apparently their lawyer and some of his buddies of his decided it would be a good idea to come up with a fake medical marijuana company and sell fake stocks to people! All in all they made over $8 million dollars! I shit you not. This guy is in some pretty deep shit and owes the Feds over $4million, so he may be a bit of trouble. A few days later I decided to drive by his office and I had realized that his law practice was no longer in business. Upon further investigating, I found that he was working for some other law firm. 
Later that week my lawyer finally spoke to him and he promised to have the signed contracts over to him by the end of the week and by the end of the week he had finally sent it over. I hadn’t heard from my attorney and I started to wonder if everything was going ok. Our court dates were nearing and so last week reached out to my attorney to find out what was going on. Apparently their asshole lawyer, convinced my lawyer that it was ok to submit copies to the surrogates court. That’s not the case. The court wants original signatures and so that’s what we are waiting on today. 
As I have written this last series of posts, I look back and realize how differently I feel today as opposed to just 7 months ago. Going no contact with the people who’ve I depended on for my whole entire life hasn’t been easy. At the same time, I have realized how strong I am. I have made it through the hardest thing in my life, with basically no support except for my cousin Nikki, who has become an amazing friend and source of strength for me. Even though their paperwork hasn’t been fully accepted and admitted to the courts, I find myself feeling this calming sense of relief, just knowing it’s in the works. A HUGE weight has been lifted off my shoulders. For the past seven months I haven’t really been able to deal with my grief how can I with all this bullshit going on in my life? 
I know my mom would be terribly upset with the way things have turned out. I promised her on her last night here in earth that I’d fix things. I know one of her biggest worries was me being alone and having no one support me. On the other side, I think if my mom could see things from where she is, she would not only understand my choices but she’d support them. I hope she knows I’m ok. That I am going to survive and that going no contact with almost half of my family, was the best decision I’ve ever made. 
When you step outside of a situation you gain a better perspective. I have built my own, new little support system. I see a grief counselor and only surround myself with those who will listen and validate me. Through those channels, I have realized that the way my “family” operates isn’t healthy. In fact it’s very toxic. Normal families are not up in one another’s business like this. In real life I refuse to dignify my aunts and uncle with those titles anymore. My “aunts”, especially my aunt Debbie, display some serious characteristics of someone with a personality disorder. She is a stalker and continued to stalk not only me but the many other people she has harshly and cruelly x’d out of her life. I cannot associate myself with someone like that. 
I’d like to end this post off by talking about how I have evolved over the last seven months. I was so angry for so long. I mean I have carried anger towards my aunts and parts of my family now for over a decade. This goes all the way back to when Aunt Bea’s son molested my other cousin. I realize now that my Aunt Debbie and Aunt Bea played the biggest roles in that situation and I blame them for the way everything turned out. My Aunt Debbie had always disliked the victim’s mother and so she used her daughters molestation as a way to fuel her hate campaign against her. That’s what aunt Debbie does. When she doesn’t like someone, she can’t just quietly dislike them by herself. She needs to build up an army to go against them. She brainwashes everyone around her. That’s exactly what she did to the victim’s mother and it’s exactly what she was trying to do to me, however it backfired in her face, this time.
Anyway, i veered off there but I was so angry with them for soooo long and I was anxiously waiting for the day that I could expose them for the hideous creatures they are. I had so many plans in mind like, writing them nasty letters or making a video about all the crazy shit they did, and posting it on Facebook. I felt like I needed to publicly expose them for the frauds they are, but as time went on, I realized that I didn’t need to do any of that. Their own actions and words to other people made them look more like assholes than my words ever could. 
I have lost the desire to “get back at them”. Ultimately I realized they aren’t worth my time. You cannot make deaf people listen. Telling someone off and letting them know exactly what you think about them, involves a small amount of care. You have to care what those people think. I don’t give a rats ass anymore. I don’t care enough about them to let them know what I think. They thrive on drama and attention and I’m not giving them either. That is part of why I created this blog. It gives me an outlet to vent and get out my feelings about them without them even knowing. It’s all anonymous and there’s a better chance of being struck by lightening than there is a narcissist trying to understand themselves and other human beings. This type of blog simply wouldn’t captivate their attention. 

The road to freedom part 5 of 6

If you haven’t already, read parts one, two, three & four of this series. 

It had been over six months since I had spoken to my aunts or my brother and his wife, whom I affectionately refer to as Satan. (I hope you see the sarcasm there). 

I had ignored every attempt of theirs to try and get to me to, “come out of my face”, as my cousin Nikki would say. That’s what they were expecting from me because in the past year of my life, that’s how I reacted to the stupid bullshit from them. Little did they know though, I had taken on a new way of dealing with them and that was to go completely “no contact” and ignore them, but for the month and a half following my mom’s car being repossessed by the bank, the letters and the constant harassment of my Aunt Dana, I decided it was time to make a move. 
As I mentioned a few posts back, I objected to my aunts being the executors of my mom’s will. The purpose of me doing that was to rattle their cages. The ultimate goal was to make things difficult enough that my aunts would just give up. Two months had passed since my objection was filed, and it was nearing the time of our first court date where all the involved parties were being deposed. I started to get nervous because my aunts were being very stubborn and seemed to have all intentions of fighting me, and carrying out their executive duties. I had ignored all the attempts to get me to back down, but since they decided to continuously harass my Aunt Dana with this stupid bullshit, I finally cracked. Trying to make my life miserable was one thing, but bullying her with this bullshit, it was completely fucked up. 
I called my lawyer and asked if I could write to them. He told me yes, so long as I didn’t say or do anything illegal or threatening. I had no plan doing anything if the sorts and so I sat down and opened the notes app on my phone. It took me a bit, but I sat down and tried to write them a letter. I didn’t want the letter to sound confrontational in the least bit, but I wanted them to know I meant business, and that I wasn’t about to suck it up, back down or give in to their shit. Also, if they were going to dance with the devil (my brother’s wife) and my brother, then they should know who they’re dancing with,  and how they’ve been lying, not only to me, but most likely to them and everyone else. I was sick of all the shit being talked about me and the lies they were spreading and so I finally decided to set the record straight. Just as my brother did, I sent it to the entire family only I used the CC option, because I wanted him to know that everyone was going to know what a liar he was, and so this is what I wrote. (In my original letter I  included evidence in the form of texts and screen shots which aren’t shown here) 

Debbie and Bea
I am writing this letter because I would like to clear up a few things that I have been hearing and seeing in the past few weeks. I also want to explain to you why I am objecting to my mom’s will and what I am trying to accomplish. 
As far as my objection goes, as you can see in the court documents, my objection basically says that there is a conflict of interest as far as your representation goes. [my brother] used [his lawyer] when he improperly filed for Letters of Administration. You guys
are also using him to file your petitions, and that’s a conflict of interest. None of this was ever discussed with me who by all intents and purposes, shares a 50% interest in the estate. I filed my mom’s will, based on two facts, one being because that is the PROPER thing to do when someone dies, testate. She had a will and [my brother] knew this prior to filing his affidavit that claimed he did diligent search for a will and determined none existed. As you can see from the court documents he was lying. Secondly, I filed the will because I wanted a document in the courts that stated that my mom’s wishes were to divide up her assets 50/50 between her two children. Who the executors were was completely irrelevant at that point in time. My mom and dad paid [family lawyer] to draft their wills for a reason, to protect me and my brother and their assets. Why would we want to pretend there was no will? 

My personal objection to you two being executors, which doesn’t matter as much in legal sense, is that I tried to reach out to you a total of five times after I filed the will and neither of you responded. I haven’t spoken to either of you in a total of 6 months. Clearly you have continued communication with my brother. You are all using the same lawyer and he and his family are invited over for holidays, friends on Facebook, etc. with that said, I am supposed to think my opinion will matter when it comes to making decisions for the estate, when no one will speak to me, no matter how cordially I approach you? I’m sorry, but I am not taking that chance. Those are my mother’s things too. It’s
bad enough her car was already repossessed after I was being told ALL of the bills were being paid. (See attached email from my brother). I have done extensive reading and research and have a full understanding of the estate process. Also, my lawyer has about 30+ years experience in these types of matters, and he has thoroughly explained to me the my options and the possible consequences and outcomes, again in which I fully understand. I may be wrong but it’s my personal belief that neither of you have even personally dealt with [their lawyer] and instead you are communicating with him by proxy. Had you been in contact with him then you’d probably know all of what I’m about to say. 
I don’t know who informed you that I was looking to hire a public administrator but that is not what I am hoping for. What I am hoping for is to make things fair for BOTH people who have a shared interest in the estate, me and [my brother] 

. I am not looking for anything more than my 50% share and to have some say in what happens to her belongings and property. That 50% gives me every right to know what’s going on. My lawyer has already explained this to [their lawyer] in phone calls, over the last two Fridays. Contrary to what you believe, the ball is entirely in your court at this point in time. It seems your lawyer hasn’t fully explained your options. If you both truly are concerned with my mother’s hard earned money and property, as you allege to be, and you don’t want to see her assets being squandered and wasted on lawyers, you both can very easily assure that doesn’t happen. You do have the option to resign as executors and that would help expedite the process, assuring no more assets are wasted. In that event, my attorney and [my brother’s] attorney would then amicably agree, and request that the courts appoint me and [my brother] as co-executors. If you want to do something that “really matters” for my mom, that would be your best option. [my brother] and I are grown adults. In 1996 when my mom and dad wrote their wills there was no way they could foresee the breakdown and deterioration of our relationships. If you’d like to hear what my mom’s real and more current last wishes were, you are more than welcome to contact the lawyer who came up to the hospital. He is granted to work pro-bono with cancer patients at [hospital’s name] hospital, his name is [hospital lawyer’s] and he can be reached at [phone number and name of law firm]. Her wishes as of November 10th, 2016 were to make [my brother] and I, co-executors, unfortunately she died before that could happen. Since me and [my brother] are grown adults and neither of you have any interest in her estate, and do not plan on being compensated for your service, then there should be no reason as to why you wouldn’t step aside and let him and I handle it. If you choose to pursue your roles as executors then it will be dragged out until next November, and there is no doubt about it. In an email sent to me a few weeks ago, [my brother] seemed very confident that I was going to lose my objection. Just know, if I was going to lose my objection and I had no chance, the judge easily could’ve denied my objection right then and there and appointed you as executors. If we don’t hear back from you in a timely manner then we are going to make a motion to have a temporary public administrator appointed so that the bills that have been piling up for the last four months, can finally be paid. He or she will be compensated for their service at a rate of 1-3% of the entire value of my mom’s estate. The decision is up to you. Just know that should you chose to fight my objection it is going to be very costly for all the involved parties. 

Thank you,

[me] 


Ps. As far as the bills go, they have NOT been being paid by my brother, that is yet another lie. After the car was repossessed, I started to look into everything. I cannot see the bills because the billing addresses have been changed. My mom’s car address has been being sent to [their lawyer’s address] . The rest are
going to [my brother’s address] I was unaware of this until recently. Had I been able to see the statements, I would’ve made sure my mom’s car didn’t get repossessed. Since [their lawyer] was receiving the bills, he can be held liable. I do plan on checking with the Bar Association if that’s even ok for him to do. I spent three days making phone calls and requesting statements. As far as I can see the only bills that he had paid was possibly 2 months of the homeowners insurance. I paid the past due balance that was due in March 20th and the rest of the balance for the year so the house in insured until next March. The only other bill that was paid was the electric. No other bills have been paid. If [my brother] has been paying bills, why is every single bill in default? You can see the attached statements.”



My brother told my aunts that he and Satan had already laid out $12,000 and that’s why they could no longer keep up with the bills. I would love to see an accounting for that amount of money because they sure didn’t lay it out to pay bills of any sort for my mom’s estate. They are full of shit. I’m sure they paid some retainer fees for their attorney, as did I, but if they’re more than $3000, they got majorly ripped off! Anyway, that’s not my problem. I didn’t tell them to lie and say my mom didn’t have a will. They damn well knew she did and my brother told my husband he was going to file for letters of admin, whether I agreed to it or not. He can go fuck himself, if he thinks he will be getting any of that back! I am so utterly disappointed in the person my brother has become. The old him would NEVER do ANY of this. 
After that letter was sent it was like dead silence. They all fell off the grid. Aunt Dana’s phone stopped ringing and there was nothing but crickets for miles. At the very least, I shut them up. A few days later, on a Friday afternoon, I got a phone call from my lawyer. He had spoken to their lawyer and was told that they were going to write up an agreement that my aunts were going to renounce their roles as executors. I won…

The road to freedom part 4 of 6

If you didn’t read parts 1,2 & 3 I would suggest doing so before reading here, here and here



My brother and Aunts were doing everything in their power to try to get me to drop my objection to my aunts being the executors of my mom’s will. Clearly they were worried about something.
It was only three days after I got my brother’s letter that I received a text from my mom’s neighbor telling me that there was a flatbed truck in my mom’s driveway, and her car was being repossessed. For whatever reason, I didn’t see the text right away, and by time I did the car was long gone. The neighbor however, was kind and thoughtful enough to ask the driver if she can get the personal belongings from the inside of the car and he allowed her to do so. 
As anyone can imagine, I was confused. Back in early December my brother sent me a letter where he stated that he would be paying all the bills until an estate account was established. He specifically named the “car note” amongst others things, and said he was paying them.  That’s when a lightbulb went off and I went back to his most recent letter where he wrote that the car was going to be repossessed. I raised an eyebrow to that when I had originally read the letter. How is the car getting repossessed if he was paying it and also, how did he even know the car was about to get repossessed? Also why was there a $600 balance with the oil company when he said he was paying for the oil? 
This all raised a lot more questions and so I decided to seriously start looking into things. I started off with my mom’s car and called the loan company. I wanted to know where it was, if and how we can get it back, as well as when the last time a payment was made towards it. After giving my mom’s info,  the man answered my question by telling me that I needed to speak to Satan, my brother’s wife, because she had all of the info, and he couldn’t tell me anything. I don’t know if I could adequately articulate how infuriating that was to hear. I started to get a little emotional on the phone and I asked the guy how she, who’s an in-law, was able to get the info, but me, her flesh and blood daughter, who owns half of the car, can’t get any info. He told me that she supplied some type of documentation, either a power of attorney or proof that she was the  executor. I started getting even more angry because if they received any such documents, they were false. I explained to him that there was no executors or anyone for the estate, and so no one should be able to talk to them. 
I was so angry when I hung up the phone that day. I tried to call back and speak to a different person…..four different people actually…….in four separate calls, and eventually I was able to find out that since my brother’s name is on the death certificate, they could speak with him, so she, Satan,  supplied her “power of attorney” over my brother. Quite honestly I was hoping they had forged documents. It would’ve put an end to them doing anymore shady shit. 
I was really frustrated at this point with the lack of answers I was getting, and then I suddenly realized that I could possibly view her bill online. My mom let me use her email and passwords sometimes for some subscriptions services she has and so I tried those on the loan company’s website. I gained access to her account, but since it was now in collections, none of the info was displayed. The only thing I was able view was her profile information and that’s when I noticed that someone had changed the billing address from my mom’s address to my brother’s and Aunts’ attorney’s  office. I couldn’t even believe it. Their lawyer was receiving her mail and illegally giving it to them to open. 
For months I also wondered where all of her mail was going. It was still coming to the house for a few weeks after she passed, but one day it just suddenly stopped. Technically no one should be allowed to forward the mail. I wondered if it was just in hold at the post office, but when I went to the post office, I hit another dead end where they couldn’t give me any info. I should’ve known better than to trust my brother’s word that he was taking care of everything, but since they were hiding the mail, I was unable to see anything. That same week I got a collection call from my mom’s oil company. The man that called was actually very nice and easy to talk to. He informed me that my brother gave him my number and told him I am taking care of all the bills!. It was just more manipulation, bullying and pressuring for me to drop my objection. I also got a call from another loan company looking for money. I now knew that I had to look into every account my brother said he was paying and sure enough, NONE were paid since the beginning of November and those payments were made by my mom, herself. As far as I was able to tell, he may have paid one month of homeowners insurance and gave the electric company (who is very lenient) $100 or so to keep the lights on. At the most, he laid out a couple of hundred dollars. More lies from him and Satan. 

I didn’t respond to either of the two letters I received. Since they couldn’t get a reaction out of me that way, they tried a different route. They tried manipulating my aunt Dana, my mom’s youngest sister,  instead because they knew her and I still had a good relationship. At that time my aunt Dana was dealing with enough of her own personal bullshit. She had a lot of really serious shit going on in her household. Worst of all was my uncle’s health issues. He had a stroke earlier in the year and he was having all sorts of other problems. He was getting a double hip replacement the day after Easter, but that didn’t stop aunt Debbie from calling my aunt Dana and arguing with her about me and all this other petty nonsense, like aunt Dana’s daughter, unfriending Aunt Bea, Aunt Debbie and a few others on Facebook. They were trying to use aunt Dana to manipulate and scare me, and so every time her and I spoke, I was hearing more and more bullshit.
Again, none of this shit was ANYONE else’s business. My Aunt Debbie was going crazy because she thought my mom’s personal belongings were still in the car. She was also freaking out because I had the keys to my mom’s car, at my house. I took the keys back when she first died because I figured if someone broke into the house, they could steal her car too. It’s called, protecting the assets. She was telling my aunt Dana that the car was getting auctioned off during the first week of April and that it was going to cost us tons of money for the lost keys and stuff. She also told my aunt that my mom’s house was going to go into foreclosure because of some (small) home equity loan she had out. I mean there was just so much bullshit going on, it wasn’t even funny. 

The biggest problem was that both my brother and my aunts completely underestimate me. They think I am just some dumb ass, stay at home mom who has no idea what goes on in the grown up world. They couldn’t be more wrong about me. I knew most of what they were saying was bullshit. First off I had all the personal stuff from my mom’s car and it was all useless crap. Second, there was absolutely nothing I could do to stop the car from being auctioned off. She thought it was going to cost us money. I knew my mom had very little left on her loan and if anything we’d break even. As for her house foreclosing, that wasn’t going to happen! My mom owned her home free and clear. She had paid off her mortgage after my dad passed in 2006. She took out a small home equity loan a few years ago to remodel her bathroom. It was less than $10,000 and she had paid at least half off. A small home equity loan wouldn’t cause her house to “foreclose”. A lien would be placed on the property until the loan was paid off. She also brought up the taxes. My mom had paid half her yearly taxes and we had three years before we got penalized. It was all bullshit and scare tactics in an attempt to manipulate me, once again into dropping my objection. 
A month or so had passed since my objection was filed and they were really starting to wear on my nerves. I have to say, I am pretty damn proud of myself for not reacting to their shit or adding anymore fuel to the fire. It was extremely hard for me to bite my tongue and not tell them what disgraceful assholes they really were. The old me definitely would’ve went ballistic and ripped them to shreds by now, but I have taken on a new approach to dealing with these toxic assholes. I am no longer going to be their supply. The best part in all of this was that I really didn’t have to say anything to anyone about them. They were doing a pretty good job at showing people how ugly they were, all on their own. 
One day my aunt Dana called me to tell me that my grandmothers bed was broken. Back when my died and we were at her house between the viewings for her wake, without thinking it would be a problem, I told her she could have my mother’s bed. I sincerely didn’t think my brother would want to sleep in her bed, and I wasn’t giving up my king sized mattress for a queen, and so I didn’t see the problem. After all, I can say with almost 100% certainty that my mom would want my grandmother to have it. A few days later my brother told me that I can’t just be “giving things away.”. He also told my husband that “everything has a price tag” including the bed. He is a sick fuck. 

Then after my brother lied and tried to bypass my mom’s will by improperly filing for letters of administration, he wrote me a letter and acted as if it was his idea to give my grandmother the bed. Again, sick fuck. 

My aunt Dana asked me if I could write a letter giving permission for my grandmother to take the bed, and she told me she was going to ask my brother to do the same. I hung up with her and wrote her a letter, but I tried to make it sound as “lawyer like” as I could. I would agree to the bed being given away so long as my brother agreed too, and I would need his consent before fully agreeing. I didn’t want him to try to find any loops holes where he could later claim I stole the bed and owe him money or something…..although how much do used beds go for these days? Well surprise, surprise, my brother didn’t respond to my aunt. It took him a few days and when he finally did talk to her he told her that since I was holding everything up in court, he wasn’t going to give his permission to let my grandmother take the bed. Another manipulative move to try and use my grandmother to guilt me into dropping my objection. What kind of asshole punishes their grandmother like that? Well, I guess the same asshole who threatens their mother that she won’t see her grandchild unless she kisses his crazy wife’s ass. 
At this point in time I have to admit. They all started to get to me. They were non-stop harassing my aunt Dana, and I think that’s what was pissing me off more than anything. Aunt Dana was trying to care for her ailing husband amongst other very serious issues, and they had absolutely no respect for her. They just kept at it. Calling her up, talking shit about me, fighting with her and arguing with her. I know EXACTLY what it’s like because they did the same thing to me to me when I was trying to care for my dying mother. I wanted and needed to put a stop to it. 
Please see part 5 for the rest of the story. 

The road to Freedom part 3 of 6

If you didn’t read Part one and Part two of this series, I would suggest you do before reading this one. If you didn’t, I’ll catch you up. My brother had finally found out that I was objecting to my aunts being appointed as executors of my mom’s estate and he sent me (and other family members) a manipulative letter to try and scare, guilt and bully me into dropping my objection. I will discuss that further in my next post. 
A day or so after I got my brother’s letter, I also received a letter from my Aunt Bea. Of all people I don’t know why she or any of them thought she was going to be the “voice of reason” to me, because it’s no secret that she isn’t my favorite family member. It’s so ridiculous that it’s almost not worth sharing here, but since I shared my brother’s letter, I should share hers too because it is another load of useless horse shit and it shows how manipulative these people are. I’ve explained this before, but my aunt Bea is sort of an invalid. She’s not the brightest bulb in the box. She sort of lives in a bubble of her own creation. She lives in a world where everything is perfect, and people are dancing on rainbows and riding unicorns. She does not live in reality like the rest of us. She would never be able to handle independently managing her own life, let alone trying to settle an estate. She’s one of those women who relies way too heavily on her husband. He does just about everything to for. I will never forget a few years ago having a conversation with her about this store that’s in the next county over from us and she told me she’d have to wait for my uncle to bring her there because she has never driven on the main highway where we live. We live on a small island and that highway is the pretty much the main artery to get where you’re going. I couldn’t believe she has never driven on it by herself in the 35+ years she’s lived here. With that said, I wasn’t expecting her to be doing much as the executor of my mom’s will and so she wrote me this letter, which was a really (really, really, really) dumbed down version of my brother’s letter. 

“[my name] 

I’m writing you to assure you that everything is going to be alright.

I understand that you have suddenly objected to Aunt Debbie and I being the executors of your Mom’s will. When you submitted the will you showed confidence that our intentions were to carry out her will and wishes. You were right. We loved your Mom. There isn’t anything we wouldn’t have done for her when she was here. She loved you both and it was her will to have US handle her estate. This is our last chance to do something that really matters for her.

Your Mom worked so hard for what she had in life. She didn’t want to give up work….even at the very end! She amazed the hell out of me! She never took the easy way out. She would want to see you bothenjoy that hard earned money. I don’t think she would be too keen on unnecessarily hiring someone to carry out her wishes. Just know too that the people you are looking to hire don’t have any love invested and the end result wouldn’t change.


Trust in the loyalty we have to our family. Both Aunt Debbie and I would never treat you unfairly…nor do we have the power to. We will always be connected whether we want to be or not. Just remember we all have one thing in common. We Love your Mom very much and we are ALL broken hearted that she has left us. 

Aunt Bea”



There is so much to say about this short letter. First off, I love how she thinks I’m actually going to feel “assured” solely by her words. I hadn’t talked to her or any of them in over 5 months, at this point in time. I had reached out quite a few times, but they ignored me each time. Suddenly when I got you buy the balls, you want to talk? Also, I don’t know how me entering my mom’s will “showed confidence” in her and my Aunt Debbie. I entered the will, ummmmm, because that’s what you do when someone dies and they have a will! I also entered the will because it was a legal document that stated my brother and I were to split everything 50/50. Who the executors were, was completely irrelevant at that point in time. 

Trust in the loyalty we have to our family.”

Of the whole letter this part probably irks me the most “You were right. We loved your Mom. There isn’t anything we wouldn’t have done for her when she was here. She loved you both and it was her will to have US handle her estate. This is our last chance to do something that really matters for her.”. They “loved her so much” and there “wasn’t anything they wouldn’t have done for her while she was here”???? Is she kidding? They didn’t do shit for her! She’d do anything, except try to help me talk to her about depression, except spending more time with her, except trying to get through to her, except SHOWING HER SOME GOD DAMN LOVE AND SUPPORT, but yeah….nothing you wouldn’t do. The most infuriating of all is the last sentence there. “This is our last chance to do something that really matters for her.“. They had plenty of chances to do something that mattered for her while she was here but they did NOTHING. She is gone now and so nothing they do will matter to her anymore. Fuck her. Why does she deserve a chance? Why is that MY problem. 
I’ll skip the whole paragraph about her hard earned money, but I’ll say this…her hard earned money is none of her’s or anyone else’s fucking business. Period.
I guess my Aunt Bea thinks that just because she’s saying something, it makes it true. How can I trust in the “loyalty” in our family when loyalty doesn’t exist in it? She wouldn’t know what loyalty was if it kicked her in the vagina. She states they’d never treat me unfairly…..I guess ignoring my attempts to reach out amicably is “fair”? I guess using the same lawyer as my brother without consulting with me is “fair”? I guess having my brother over for holidays and not me is “fair”? I guess blocking me on Facebook and all other social media platforms is also “fair”? I mean is she fucking kidding me with this bullshit about being fair? If they didn’t have the power to royally fuck me over, my lawyer wouldn’t have wasted his time writing an objection for me and entering it into court. The line about is being connected for ever is creepy and a very scary thought. So fucking manipulative. Notice that no where in there do they say they love me. She couldn’t even write “love, Aunt Bea” at the end. 
A year or so ago, my brother’s letter and her letter may have broken me, but I was determined to keep fighting for myself, and my mother’s memory. They weren’t going to push me around this time. 

After receiving these letters, shit really started to pop off and I will continue discussing it in my next post…