Settling the estate Part 7: little sister is watching

My Brother’s wife was not happy that I was not complying with her ridiculous demands. I was fighting back and letting her know that I was not going to lay down and let her walk all over me the way my brother lets her. At this point in time I had all the proof I needed to know that my brother was not the one authoring these emails to me. Although my brother’s behavior changed immensely the more indoctrinated he became in Satan’s world, there are some fundamental things about a person that don’t change no matter what they go through in life. My brother has never been a leader nor has he had a “take charge” personality. In fact, my brother has always been someone who’s unsure, indecisive, and kind of needs to be told what to do in certain situations. In the past, there were many times my brother would call me seeking out advice or approval for a decision he was making. This is probably why women like Satan prey upon men like him. Now suddenly I was to believe my brother was the person coming up with all these crazy plans, making lists and spreadsheets, and throwing orders and demands around? No. The new him was the polar opposite of the old him. This was to be believed by me in addition to the fact that “he” demanded we only speak via email, coupled with the fact that he refused to meet in person and had me blocked on his phone, and insisted I only call his home phone, even during the day while he was at work, which made no sense. I was forced to leave messages on his answering machine in which he’s retrieve periodically, throughout the day, while working at his “demanding” web developer job! As my mom always used to say, “if it walks like a duck, and talks like a duck, it’s a duck!”, but in this case it was a vulture whom I liked to refer to as Satan.

At this point in time I knew that she was the one writing the emails and I had proof that validated it 100% to me, but in court, I could not use that proof and so I needed another way to prove it was her writing the emails. I was so sick of the condescending tone of her emails. I was desperate to prove it was her. You see when we signed the agreement in the very beginning it was clear to me and my attorneys that my brother was going to give us a hard time. Our plan was, or at least my attorneys made it seem like it was, to have my brother knocked out as executor for misconduct. My attorneys told me to keep records in which I did. I knew I’d have to show them some type of proof that my brother was breaking the agreement he signed by allowing his wife to assume his identity, and email not only me, but everyone else involved in the estate. She used the email to communicate with the banks, loan companies, utilities, whatever. I had proof of this, but the proof I had could not be used. Let’s just say the way I got the proof wasn’t a way in which I was comfortable sharing. It was so frustrating because I knew for 100% fact that she was operating the email. I knew for 100% fact that they were lying to my face. I needed to find a way to prove it that I can give to my attorneys, and so I signed up on this message board where people discussed topics like this. That was when I got a suggestion from someone to use this thing called an email tracker.

The email tracker is totally legal and legit. Companies use similar trackers for marketing purposes. This is how it works…

you have to sign up on the website, www.whoreadme.com. It’s completely free. You use their email interface (although there is a way you can use your regular email provider, i.e., Gmail; outlook, yahoo, etc.) to send your emails. The interface adds a small invisible image the size of one pixel that cannot be seen by the recipient. When you send your email through this tracker it looks as if it’s just a regular email coming from your email address, to the average recipient. When the email is opened by the recipient, the pixel sized image in the email somehow records data from the recipient. How it does that, I don’t know, but it does! As soon as the email is opened, you will receive a report from http://www.whoreadme.com. Below is a sample report.

A sample of the report you get from whoreadme that gives information about the recipient such as their IP address, ISP, etc.

As you can see the report contains various types of information, like the IP address of the recipient, their location, their ISP (internet service provider, i.e., Comcast, Verizon, road runner, etc) how long they read the email or had it opened, what type of browser they were using to read the email (i.e., google chrome, safari, gmail etc), their operating system, and what type of device they’re using to view the email, (i.e., iPhone, Android, iPad, windows computer, etc.)

My last regular email to my brother was sent on August 30th, 2016 11:42am, after leaving him a voicemail on his home phone.

Ps I called twice yesterday, left a voicemail, text you and emailed you twice, no answer. Please provide me with the name of the additional life insurance policy on my mom. Also the [investment account] email and password was changed. Please provide me with it. Thank you.

Thank you.

Sent from my iPhone

I got a prompt reply from my “brother” who was at “work” at his demanding job, exactly 5 minutes later at 11:47am.

I will get you this information when I get home. I am at work now. 

I didn’t do anything on [investment account]. I received an email from them asking me to accept online access, and I did. Since I completed my form with separate contact information, I assumed that I would have separate access. I see no reason why this wouldn’t be the case, as we will have separate online access to [bank in which estate account was at]. 

I suggest you contact [investment firm] for assistance in setting up online access. This will likely be a moot point since we are just going to make a full withdrawal and deposit it to [estate account]. 

I sent my first email using the email tracker on August 31, 2017 to let him know I was trying to get in contact with him. I sent this email to his new email account only. It was 6:08pm and so my brother was not at work at that time.

My email read:

I tried to text you today twice. This is the fifth or so time I am asking. Please give me the name of the other life insurance policy.

have a great day.

I anxiously awaited to get my first report from the tracker. From that report I could see someone using an IPhone was reading the email, but it looked to be that they were home. At 8:09pm I got this as a reply:

I will send you the documents in a timely manner. I don’t have them with me. 

Have you contacted the realtor regarding listing my mom’s house yet?

Has your attorney provided my attorney with a breakdown of the reimbursements you are claiming yet?  Again, I will need to review them before signing the check. 

Going forward, expenses should not be paid out-of-pocket with the expectation that the Estate will reimburse them, as an Estate account has been opened. 

I also called the town to find out of there is a CO for the porch at my mom’s house and found out that there is not. The realtor had asked about this. We will need to start the process of obtaining one. This includes applying for one, having the home inspected after providing the survey and building plans. Then, a list of deficiencies will be issued if necessary. If there are no deficiencies, the CO can be issued. This can be a time-consuming process. 

If you are having trouble reaching me, I can be reached at the contact information below. 

Via mail:

[she wrote out their home address]

Via phone:

(Xxx) XXX-XXXX

[she gave me their HOME phone number]

Via email:

[she gave me the email address to the new email account in which I obviously already knew!]

I have to point out that this was all part Satan’s little game that she played with me. It was obvious she thought she was smarter than me, and that I was some type of clueless housewife that doesn’t understand how adult life works, but once she realized that I did have a grasp she kept adding information to try to overwhelm me. This is typical of narcissists. They are habitual “one uppers”. They need to make people feel as if they know everything and you are beneath them. All I asked for in my email was the information about the life insurance policy in which I had asked about several times, and she kept evading giving me the information, for whatever reason. There was no need to bring up the CO (certificate of occupancy) for my mom’s porch, the list of reimbursements in (which I had already told her several times that I gave it to my attorney), and all the other things. Also, take note of how she had to control the communication between me and my brother by telling me that if I wanted to contact him it had to be by regular USPS snail mail, their home phone number (not my brother’s cell phone) and the email address in which she already knew I had because we were speaking through it!

Speaking of the CO for my mom’s porch, the mention of it and her lecture about how you get one rang a bell in my head. A week or so before my mom died, she started to say things to me that let me know my brother and his wife were trying to manipulate her, the same way they tried to manipulate my husband into thinking I’m incompetent and clueless. After years of telling me that she wanted me (and just about everyone else she talked to) to take care of her affairs when she died, my mom suddenly started to doubt me and told me that she “didn’t know if I could handle it all by myself.”. When I asked her what she meant by that, she told me that she was worried that I wouldn’t ask my brother for help if I needed it, and she specifically used the CO for her porch as an example. Prior to then, my Mom NEVER doubted me, EVER. My mom knew I was very capable and that if I didn’t know how to do something I would figure it out. My mom used to joke around to her friends and family and tell them that I was the “son she never had”. I was sickened when I came to this realization. It sickened me enough my brother and his wife relentlessly hounded her about getting her affairs, as she lied there dying, but to try to manipulate someone against the closest person to them, so they could reap the benefits, it enraged me. Just think of what type of sick fuck you need to be, to take advantage of someone while they’re lying in the most vulnerable of positions that a human being can be in! She is a demon with absolutely NO moral compass. This along with many things that I wondered about while my mom was still alive, came to light during this process, because Satan would unknowingly give herself up.

I didn’t bother to respond to her email that night, in fact I don’t even know if I saw it that night. The next day was the 1st of September, and the Thursday before Labor Day. At 11:06am I logged into the tracker’s website and replied to her email. To make it look like a legit reply that was coming from my email, I added “re:” to the subject line and copied the previous correspondence in the body of the email. I typed up my letter and pressed send. Again I only had sent this one the new email address. It read:

• I don’t need documents.  A name and policy number will be fine.

•  I’ll call the real estate agent in a timely manner. I know [real estate agent], he was friends with my ex. Thanks for picking him.

• Don’t worry about signing my check right now. I’m not in a rush for it.

• Ok, I haven’t paid anything except for the landscaper, which I will continue to pay because it’s easier.

• I’m well aware of the lack of CO for my mom’s porch.  I grew up there for my entire life.

• Oh is your cell phone is broken or something? That’s so weird that you can’t to talk to me when you are alone and can only talk from your house phone, or through this new email. It’s almost as if  someone is monitoring your interaction with with me. Hope everything is ok.

You should probably get your cell phone looked at though, because it would be in the best interest of the estate, that I could get in contact with you at ALL TIMES, not just when you are home.  Maybe you have the, “my phone works for email but nothing else virus”. I would get that looked at asap.

As for other things. IF you happen to go by my mom’s house tonight, please don’t leave another mess.  I am bringing my [grandmother] there tomorrow to look at the bed.  It will be upsetting enough that the house is vacant and still a mess from last time. There’s no need to further upset her.  Oh and to answer your question about the delivery charge to the estate, I’d never do that. It’s my [grandmother]. I don’t need to be reimbursed with my own money for her. I can pay out of pocket, but thanks.

[me]

After hitting the send button on my

Email I went straight to my inbox to get the report…… I had struck GOLD!!!!

The first report I got back telling me that My brother’s wife was at the very least, accessing my brother’s emails!

There it was, plain as day. The report came back saying that the email was accessed by someone using an iPhone, who was connected to Allstate Insurance’s ( *company name has been changed for privacy reasons) which is where my brother’s wife works! Finally, I had something I could legally use in court to show my attorney, but not before I got a few more reports to assure it was her, because I knew she’d make up some type of excuse that my brother was there for some stupid reason. At the same time this confirmed what I already knew, along with everything else, that I was 100% sure my brother’s wife was the person I was speaking with this whole time.

Almost a half an hour later, @ 11:29 am I received this reply.

Glad you know [real estate agent]. Let me know when you speak with him.

If you insist in paying for the landscaper out of your pocket, save the bills and payment receipts for reimbursement. 

Since you already know about the CO, you know how difficult and time-consuming it can be to remedy. Have you taken any steps to start the process yet?

My cell phone is fully functional. I have a very demanding job, like most executors. As I’ve stated numerous times, I use my lunch break to handle Estate matters. Just because I am co-executor, that does not mean that I have to be available to you 24/7. The contact information I’ve provided is more than sufficient to get a timely response from me. 

I was already well aware that you are bringing [my grandmother] to the house. As for the mess you say I left, I saw your pictures and they were nonsense. It would have taken less time to pick up the one paper and leaf than it did to snap pictures. We both know your old bedroom has been a mess since before mom passed away. And I don’t even know what I’m looking at with the hamper and bedroom. This is the last time I’ll address this. 

She absolutely hated that I was giving right back to her, what she was dishing out to me! Satan was not going to tell me how things were going to be done and I wanted her to know it. Once again she is giving me instructions as if I was a child of hers. Again, she asks about the CO and now wants to know if I had taken any steps. This was another one of her tactics she used where she tried to make me look stupid and incompetent. There was so much to do before obtaining a CO for my mom’s porch,and I had asked my attorney who was on the zoning board for my mom’s town for over 2 decades, and he advised me to wait until the house was listed to see if it was even needed. If so, he then advised me that we would need to hire an expediter to obtain one. Once again, at this point in time I had only had the papers that legally allowed me to do any of this stuff, for 9 days. As a mother of a 3 year old who was starting preschool for the first time that year, I could only do so much in a week and two days.

Like most narcissists, Satan’s biggest downfall in situations like these is thinking she’s smarter than everyone, and that no one else thinks beyond the words she is saying. She believes that just because she puts something in writing, it’s the gospel truth. Here she is pretending to be my brother and stating that he “has a very demanding job”, yet he is writing these lengthy emails and replying within minutes of me sending them. She also needs to throw in the veiled insult towards me by saying “like most executors do”, to I guess say that I’m less worthy because I chose to stay home with my son. This was one of many jabs she’d take at me, about it. The funny part is, I specifically remember the second time I met her which was the first time she had ever been to my house; where she sat at my kitchen table and told me how when she was married to her ex (her second ex-husband, that is) that she had quit her job and stayed home. In fact, She was bragging about how she lived in this huge house and was home alone all day and would just sit there and spend all his money. That was one of the many things she said that made me side eye her.

The part about this email that I found most infuriating was the last part where she has the nerve to tell me that it would’ve taken less time to clean up HER mess, than it would to take a photo! When she denied knowing what mess I was referring to in an earlier email, I sent pictures along with my reply. This says a lot about who she is and really shows her complete lack of empathy, respect and consideration for other people. It’s disgusting. She also tries to justify it by saying the “room was a mess since before my mom passed”. Yes the room was cluttered and wasn’t the most organized room in my mom’s house, due to the fact it was a spare room that no one lived in, but the toys in there were all in the baskets. Thar doesn’t mean to disrespect it and make it WORSE! They picked out toys their daughter wanted and left the rest for me to clean. On a side note, I found it odd that my brother left his first train set behind. I would think he would’ve wanted it for sentimental value.

Also note the last sentence there where she tells me that this will be the “last time” she addresses the issue. That is because like all narcissists, she cannot accept responsibility for anything, and when narcissists are confronted with their wrongdoing, this is one of the many ways in which they control the conversation so they can evade it. Satan’s need for complete control is insatiable.

After exchanging those emails it hit me that while this was almost 100% full proof that she was at least reading the emails, I also needed to prove that my brother wasn’t reading them, and so from that point in time I started to send every email to both my brother’s regular account and the one Satan was operating. I needed to send another email and so I made up a reason to send one. So at 11:20am I sent a p.s. email to my brother’s regular email that was one sentence long, just so I can see if he was opening the emails from a different location on his email account. As soon as it was opened on the other end I got a report back from the tracking website and to my surprise the email sent to my brother’s regular email account, was also opened up by someone at *Allstate insurance. Then I remembered that a few days earlier my brother said he was going to redirect any emails I sent to his regular account to the new one. With that said, I tried to send him an email to his work email address so I can prove her was at work while he wife was accessing emails but I guess security is super tight where he works because their email server rejected the email.

A portion of an email sent to me from my brother that states he will forward any emails that I send to his regular account, to the new account that his wife was operating.

Saturday Sept 2nd was the beginning of the Labor Day weekend and I knew I was going to have wait to collect more evidence that I could show my attorneys. I continued emailing back and forth with my brother throughout the weekend using the tracker and sending all emails to both accounts. Since both my brother and his wife were connected to WiFi and the 4G networks on their phones, and their IP addresses were changing constantly depending on where they were and what service they were using, and it wasn’t much help. I knew I’d have to wait until work started the following week, but I soon found out that evil didn’t stop working on Labor Day Weekend….

To be continued….

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Settling the estate Part 6: Power Struggles

I was really starting to get fed up with the way I was being spoken to in these emails. I was done communicating with my brother’s wife. None of what was being said and how it was being said, sounded anything like the way my brother speaks. If it was him talking to me like that, things would be different, but I knew it wasn’t him. I really wanted to be on my best behavior and try to remain professional but in my mind I was not talking to my brother and so I started to address the emails as if I wasn’t talking to my brother. I also wanted her to know, she was not going to boss me around. Me and my brother are different people. I don’t allow that kind of shit. No one is going to push me around and think it’s ok and so the next day on August 28th, 2017 I wrote back to her. Being that in sarcastic by nature I knew I

Ok 👌🏻. I was confused. So I should send it to the email that you  created right after signing the stipulation of settlement?  I was confused which one you were using. All your emails prior to that date were from your regular account (the one you used for the last 5 years or more) . I sent an email there the other day and you promptly responded so I was confused. Thanks for clearing that up for me. ✔️✔️

• no one “refused” to go to the bank. If you really think it’s necessary to have the courts intervene,  7 days after I got the appropriate documentation to allow me to act as executor, that’s your call. Just know it’s going to cost a lot of money for you and I, and further delay the estate from being settled. If you are really looking to work in the “best interest” of the estate, that would not be the way to do it. I wanted to consult  with my attorney first and today was the only day he had available.  I have a right to do so both as an executor and as a beneficiary. I am going to the bank tomorrow. 

• on that note, I have to ask, why are you holding the checks hostage? Why can’t I see them or hold them? Why can’t you send me at the very least, send me a copy? I have a right to see them as CO-executor. Since you refuse to communicate with me in any other way besides email, and refuse to do things together as a team, as  CO-executors should, it’s going to hold everything up. It’s my fiduciary responsibility to make sure things are being done correctly and in line of what the courts require. You go and do things without telling me until AFTER, then you leave me with no choice but to investigate, consult with my attorney and make sure things are being done properly and legally. So if you want to know the honest truth, your evasiveness, refusal to answer  certain questions and address certain topics, along with your vague emails, and demanding tone etc, are what is holding up the estate.  So is typing these lengthy, bullet formatted, emails back and forth. The same thing can be accomplished in 4 minutes over the phone.  There is no law that says things have to be done in YOUR immediate timeframe. “Timely” doesn’t mean instantly or when you say so. It means things are to be done in a reasonable amount of time. Having 99% of the estate settled in 7 days isn’t reasonable. I am acting in accordance as an executor and doing ALL of the things I am supposed to be doing. If you are so worried about having things done in a “timely” manner,  since I am completing the process of opening the estate account, I thought it would make more sense for me to deposit the checks into the account when I go, instead of waiting for your “lunch break” to do everything. I am home every day, and can go to the bank at any time.  I was just trying to be proactive and work efficiently, in a timely manner. I thought it would help speed up the process so we can “immediately” pay the estate debts off, like you planned. I have every right to see everything pertaining to the estate as CO-executor.  

• While we’re at it, it’s “co” executor. That means we have the same level of decision making power and responsibility. Please ask your attorney what the prefix “co”, means, in this context. If you need help I can assist you in finding the definition.

• as per my attorney’s advice, the house does NOT need to be listed immediately and especially not before my mother’s personal affects are taken out. Giving strangers access to valuables in the house is NOT in the best interest of the estate. Whoever told you that has misinformed you. The house that I live in was also part of an estate. The listing photos online showed it completely empty. If you disagree, call your attorney & tell him to call mine. 

• the [cancer insurance] denial letters you have are from November of last year when I was trying to submit the claims online and kept getting an error message. It has the dates right on the letters from when the claims were denied. Obviously I know how to submit the claim, as i am sure you can see in the monthly bank statements you’ve been receiving of my mom’s since December of last year, Aflac paid the approx.  $20,000 claim for when my mom was hospitalized 8/1/16 to 8/28/16 . I don’t need your assistance, but thank for offering. I didn’t submit or try to submit any recent claims so if you’re receiving letters recently,  maybe you were trying to submit claims. 

• the PO box address is [redacted] in and you’re more than welcome to come to my house and pick up the key if you want it. You can also change the addresses on whatever is coming to your home and send the rest of the mail there so we both have access. Thanks. 

• please give me the name of the real estate agent that you would like to use so I can contact them as well, with any questions I have.   Your attorney doesn’t do real estate, as he told my attorney today, so that’s not much of a compromise. It kind of has to be my attorney by default….. or we can waste money on yet ANOTHER attorney.  We can discuss who is going to list the house over the phone. What happened to your buyer? 

• I already have a “comp”. I said appraisal because that was the term my attorney used on the phone with me. They are not “free”,  Nothing in this world is free. You are taking someone’s time up. Usually the broker expects you to list with them. Still there is no need to get four.  that’s a little excessive and a waste of time. The prices aren’t going to vary too much between agencies because they’re all using the same information to get their prices. I took the real estate courses and was licensed.1 I know how it works. If you want to waste time getting that many, be my guest.  Yours is a little higher than mine, but [my brother] can call me and we can discuss listing prices. 

also, I need the name of the other life insurance company, instead of a vague mention of its existence. I cannot do anything with that. Back on Nov. 20th you told me that your “underwriters” ran my mom’s life insurance policies and they all lapsed except one, which is the one we used to pay the funeral. As you can imagine, I am confused at this news that there is an additional policy. Also, I’m pretty sure it said [insurance company name] on the funeral bill and not whatever  name you said. Maybe I am wrong. I’ll have to investigate that as well. 

• As I said before, with all of the money I will be reimbursed with, I gave my attorney the list, receipts, cancelled checks and/or supporting bank statements.  Sorry, but I am not sharing anything with my personal banking information on it, with you because I don’t know who I am talking to through this email, since this is not the address I have known “you” to use for the last five or more years. You can have your attorney contact my attorney for information, regarding that. Just FYI, your list, you need to provide copies of receipts and cancelled checks (front and back), not just ones you wrote out and the billing statement, in order for you to be reimbursed. Just thought I’d let you know. 

• as for the [car loan holder] check….so when you changed the address on the [car] account back before April, you changed it to an address that didn’t exist, and now the check is lost? That’s not good. 

Thank you, 

[me]

Ps. Human to human, if you go to my mom’s house, please do not leave a mess again. I would not walk In your house and do that. You cut the lock off her shed, which was completely unnecessary and somehow pulled one of the window boxes off. I assume  you were using it to give yourself some leverage while you cut the lock. Those are pretty heavy duty locks. Instead of going through all that trouble, you could’ve called me and asked me where the key was and I would’ve told you. Also, you threw papers on the floor and left a mess all over the dining room table and in my old bedroom, plus you left all sorts of lights on that don’t need to be on. Let’s keep the bills down. That’s in the best interest of the estate. Please treat my mother’s house with some respect. Some of us are also grieving as we go through this process. Just because she isn’t here anymore it doesn’t mean we stop acting like human beings. 

Sent from my iPhone

I was lucky to have my mom’s neighbors/my friends looking out for me. They were all well aware of the situation between my mom and I, and my brother and his wife. My mom had told them all the story. She told everyone the story. Everyone knew how my mom felt about my brother’s wife. It was no secret. It was amazing because for three years prior to my mom’s death, my brother and his wife were NEVER at her house. In fact, my brother didn’t even have a key to my mom’s house for almost an entire year before my mom died. She had broken the key off in the lock the winter prior to us finding out she had cancer, and she had to get a new lock and key. Since my brother never came by, she never gave him a copy. It wasn’t until after her diagnosis that she finally gave him a copy.

My mom’s neighbors alerted me one day that my brother was over the house and he and his wife were removing things from my moms house. I had been there in the days prior removing things as well and trying to get the house cleaned up so we can list it. There was no rule that my brother got first dibs on the items in the house. There were things in there I wanted like a mirror that hung by our front door that my mom had for my whole life. I also wanted one of her kitchen chairs. My mom had the same chairs from when I was a kid and my dad never sat in the den with us. He always watched TV in the kitchen sitting on those chairs. It was his favorite spot and so I wanted to keep one to remember him by. Anyways when I went back to the house I noticed that my brother and his wife took some of the cleaning supplies and so I left them a note asking that they please don’t take anymore cleaning supplies, so I could clean and empty the house. Satan, being the cheap millionaire she is, was taking cleaning supplies and even took my mom’s toilet paper!

I came back to the house the next day and this is what I saw…..

A note I left for my brother and his wife because I had noticed they took thing that I needed in order for me to clean as we agreed to. The note read, “please do not remove anymore packing items, cleaning supplies, cleaning implements, or anything else one may need for the cleaning and/or packing of the house” and yes I was being sarcastic by making bullet points as Satan did in all of her emails.

When I wrote the note, I grabbed a small stack of printer paper and left the note on top, on my mom’s kitchen table, when I came the next day someone had swiped the note off the table and all the paper with it, and just left it there. No class at all.

My note can be seen along with the other papers strewn about the floor. It was left on the table and appears that someone swiped it off the table in a fit of rage and left it on the floor.

Satan helped herself to my mom’s stuff. I could see someone went through her room. They dumped out her hospital bag in her bed and left the clothes all over her bed. Satan took some of my mom’s planters as well. Because the house was empty for 8 or so months the some of her plants died. It looks like they took the plant out of the pot and left all the dead plant debris on my mom’s dining room table, like the pigs they are.

Dead plant material left on my mom’s dining room table.
My mom’s dirty pajamas from the hospital that they dumped out on her bed as they went through her hospital bags.

This here is a perfect example of the lengths Satan will go through to keep me and my brother from speaking. As I said in my email, they brought bolt cutters with them and cut the master lock off her shed! There was absolutely no need to do that. If they couldn’t find the key a simple phone call to me would’ve solved the problem. Instead they cut through a lock and in the process, they broke the window box off the shed.

A photo of the lock that my brother and his wife cut off my mom’s shed in order to gain access to it.

A photo of the window box that my brother broke while trying to cut the lock of my mom’s shed.

Satan is a piece of shit, but my brother is an ever bigger piece of shit for allowing her to disrespect my mother’s house and me like that. That’s a narcissist for you though. They don’t give a shit. They don’t care that someone is grieving. They don’t care if you’re the one who has to clean it up. They don’t care that someone is dead. My note asking them to leave cleaning products pissed her off and so she decided to shit all over me.

The next day, Aug. 29, 2017 she sent me multiple emails. The first one was this at 7:56am in the morning: (pay close attention to the parts I underlined)

Please see images of checks attached. I will deposit once account is open.  I met with 2 real estate agents for free. Here is one [real estate agent] (xxx) xxx-xxxx. He would like to show house this week. You can go to every showing to let him in and to make sure nothing is touched. Please call him today. 

P.S.  Your phone seems “to” have “been” infected “with” some sort of malware “that” inserts “quotes” around words “at” odd intervals.

[“brother”]

Then came this at 8:15am:

[me], 

Please find attached either cancelled checks or online statements if they were ACH.  Please review once again. 

Please provide a list without proof of all bills you have paid for my review.  I will only need proof if anything looks out of ordinary. 

[“brother”]

I replied back at 11:03 am with:

Well the house is in no shape to show it after the mess you left. Please call and cancel. I’ll have my attorney call you. You don’t just go and make appointments without informing me. 

And my “brother” who has that demanding job, he replied back exactly 7 minutes later at 11:10am with this..

I haven’t made any appointments and I don’t know what mess you’re talking about. I’m not going to argue back and forth about it either. 

I only asked that you call him so that we can make arrangements so that he CAN show the house. Again, no appointments or showings have been set. We haven’t even signed any contracts to list the house with him yet, as you probably remember from your real estate licensing courses.

You can have your attorney contact my attorney, not me directly. And again, call [real estate agent] so that we can take the next steps to have the house listed for sale to begin the process. 

pay close attention to the “I’m not going to argue back and forth about it either”.

The top portion of this photo was taken from a book about narcissistic behavior. As you can see in the 2 examples below it, Satan was TEXTBOOK in her behavior.

The funny thing is, they actually did go and sign a contract with that agent without telling me.

I responded back to her at 11:13am

No idea what AHC is but ok. Are you the attorney for the estate? I don’t need to give you anything as per my attorney. My lawyer will determine if anything looks “out of the ordinary.” 

You see the thing with Narcissists like Satan is they try to talk and sound like they’re so important. She has to use all her insurance sales person terminology. She acts like she’s so highly educated. Anyone can become an insurance sales agent like her. A high school diploma or equivalent is all that’s required.

At 11:36am while “my brother” was still at that demanding job of his, he replied…

ACH – Automated Check Clearing house. It’s an electronic check. 

And no, I’m not an attorney for the Estate, but you need my signature on the check. I’m not going to sign a reimbursement check without a breakdown of what is being reimbursed. 

And here we go. Here is the first of the threats to not sign checks. Again, this is so characteristic of her. At that point, I was not even seeking reimbursement for any money I laid out, yet she demanded I handed her lists for it.

In the meanwhile, I went down to the bank and completed opening the account. I tried to text my brother from the bank, but I could see because my messages were coming back green that he had me blocked, once again. On an iPhone, messages are automatically sent through apple’s messaging system, iMessage, if the system detects it’s going to another iPhone, and when messages are blue that means they went through iMessage. When a message comes back green, it means either the recipient doesn’t have an iPhone, turned iMessage off (and their messages are going through their service providers SMS), or…..has you blocked! So if people want to know if someone has blocked them on their iPhone, this is one way you find out! I knew my brother blocked me because he told me he was going to months prior.

Texts I sent to my brother from the bank, which prove he had me blocked on his phone.

I was completely fed up at this point in time. This demon seed again, was not going to tell me how I was going to settle MY MOTHER’S estate. I knew I needed to come up with a plan in order to get Satan out of the picture…:.

To be continued

Settling the estate part 5 this is unsettling.

I was FURIOUS after receiving that “follow up” email from my brother. It was just completely unnecessary to send that to me. I can tell Satan, (my brother’s wife) was getting angry that I wasn’t just lying back and letting her push me around like she does with everyone else in her life. I was sick of her telling me how things were going to be done and what was in the “best interest of the estate”. Trust me when I say, NOTHING they wanted to do was in the best interest of the “estate”. Everything was in their THEIR best interest. That’s all they were concerned about from day one. Satan did not give one flying fuck that my mom had passed away, that I was grieving, that this was extremely hard for me. She just wanted that money, and she wanted it A.S.A.P.! I didn’t even reply to her email.

I finally got my corrected copies of the Letters of Administration in August 23, 2017. After over 8 months of fighting I was able to prove I was an executor of my mother’s estate. It was bittersweet. I knew my mom would’ve been happy to know that at least one person cared to carry out her wishes in the way she wanted. I thank god I fought for it. I can’t even imagine how things would’ve went had I not been involved at all. The one and only thing I wanted from day one was to be able to go through her house and preserve what little was left of my family. People will often say they are just objects but when you lose both of your parents and you and your sibling are split apart, those things become extremely invaluable. My mom was very sentimental, as am I, and I knew there were items in her home that she wouldn’t want to be just tossed away like they were worthless.

In the meanwhile my brother had gone to the bank without me and started the process of opening the estate account, which he shouldn’t have done. He didn’t tell me he had gone there until afterwards. He also went to my mom’s Bank and closed out her account and took all the money without telling me. There was nothing he could do with the checks but still, it was wrong of him to go without me and inform me AFTER he did it. My brother would not compromise with me whatsoever it was either his way or no way.

He sent me this email on August 24, 2017 at 2:35pm in the afternoon (while he was at his “demanding job”)

[me]:

I’ve gone to BNB and signed what I need to sign in order to open the Estate account. I’ve also provided an original Death Certificate.

The only things that they now need to open the account are the original, corrected Letters Testamentary and your information and signature. Please to provide the corrected letters when you go to the Bank.

If you complete and send over the attached form in advance of going to [the bank], you should be in and out of the bank in five minutes as I was.

Please let me know once you’ve been able to go to the bank to complete the opening of the account.

[brother]

I was so annoyed. Once again my “brother” thought he was just going to railroad me. He thought I was clueless and completely incompetent and so I wanted to surprise him that I was being proactive about the estate and doing what had to be done, so

I sent my “brother” this email later that night, on August 24th, but I REFUSED to send it to the new fake email address that I knew his wife was wife was operating, and so instead I sent it to the email address I had known my brother to have for the last few years. It was the same email address he had emailed me from earlier in the year before we were executors. I had already told him I knew I wasn’t talking to him over that email. My email read:

From: [me]

[mailto: [my emailaddress.net]

Sent: Thursday, August 24, 2017 10:27 PM

To: [mybrother’s regular email address]

Subject: Estate Progress Report

[brother],

I got your email the other day. I’ve been busy working on things that must be done for the estate.

• I went to [investment firm #1] today and began the process of opening an estate account. You need to go there and provide them with your social security number and signature.

• thank you for ordering mommy’s health records, but that isn’t necessary. I already have the proper documentation needed in order to file her [cancer insurance]claim.

• spoke with [bank personnel] at [a different investment firm] and provided my information for her to send me documents.

• we will need to speak about consolidating all accounts into one where both signatures are required for any transactions.

• as per my attorney’s advice, I opened a PO box and had mommy’s mail forwarded to it. You can have a key. I listed you as someone who can also access the box if need be.

• I spoke to [car company] about the $9000 check that was delivered to [his attorney’s address] where your attorney’s old office was, prior to the decision his federal case. Whomever supplied a letter to [car loan holder] that your attorney was representing the estate way back when I filed my objection, they need to call them and tell them that there is another attorney and executor whom is allowed to retain info for the estate.

• as per our conversation on 8/22, I have started to clear out and clean the house. I will provide you with a list of any items I have removed, please provide me with yours too. If you go there please do not remove anymore packing and/or cleaning supplies.

•I have contacted 2 home appraisers as you previously requested. I do not think it’s necessary to pay for  four separate appraisals as two is more than enough. I also contacted an agent and real estate attorney. My attorney strongly advised against selling the house privately as it is NOT in the best interest of the estate.

• I have contacted various family members about giving [our grandmother] mommy’s bed if you are still on with that.  I have pick up and delivery arranged for when the time comes.

• just for your records, I got in touch with [human resources person] regarding mommy’s 401, her profit sharing and group life insurance. As you are, I am waiting for his reply

• I went to chase and got printout statements for all four of her accounts

• I paid the outstanding balance for her Landscaping.

• I am in touch with General Utilities regarding her outstanding balance with them.

• I will be paying part of the the PSEG bill since there hasn’t been a payment since Since June and I would rather not see the electric turned off.

Please see the two attached lists I have included. I am still working on preparing detailed lists and figures with my attorney, including my reimbursements with receipts and supporting bank statements.

With Regards,
[me]

I wanted my brother and his wife to know that although they tried very hard to keep me in the dark about my mother’s finances, I was well informed about them and I was doing my homework. One of the things I discovered not about them, but about their attorney was quite shocking and I discovered it totally by accident. My attorney was trying to get in touch with him and he wasn’t hearing back. I was just curious one day so I typed their attorney’s name into google. I was shocked when the first result to pop up was a .pdf of a legal document where he was the defendant. Apparently he and a few of his buddies got involved in some type of supplement business and they decided to pull a Ponzi scheme of sorts where they sold bogus stocks for a bogus company to people. It seemed he was in hot shit with the Federal Trade Commission and had to pay restitution in the tune of 4 MILLION dollars! You can’t make this shit up! I later found out Satan of course was the one who retained this scumbag. Birds of a feather flock together I suppose.

I didn’t get a response to my email but instead two days later on August 26th, at 9:00am on a Saturday morning, I got another email from my brother that read:

[me],

Advising again that I have already completed my portion for [the bank] to open up the estate account. Since Saturday is the only day you can go I would assume it would be completed today.

Thank you for going to [bank my mom had her accounts at] first it made me obtaining the certified checks very quick and easy.  It was just over $26K. Once you have notified me that the estate account is open at [bank], I will process a for deposit only for these checks. They will clear in one day. Please provide me with the account #.

I will follow up later regarding other estate issues.

[brother]

First off, I never said Saturday was the only day I could go. I just said it was more convenient for me. I offered to go after work hours one day during the week but that wasn’t good enough for them because Satan cannot allow my brother to go anywhere without her, that doesn’t have a definitive time limit. God forbid him and I spoke to one another.

I woke up late and missed the Bank that Saturday morning. The next day was Sunday, August 27th, and so I didn’t bother to respond to her. Later that night however I received an email from her. I’m going to share a portion of the email in screen shots because I want you to see exactly how she formatted it…. the beginning portion read…

[me]

I’ve only just received this email as you are sending it to an account that I no longer use.  Please send it to the [fake email account ran by Satan] account as this is my active account.  Going forward, your emails will be redirected to that account so that I don’t miss them.

First let me address some main issues:

• ­I did not request that you get an appraisal on the house.  I requested that you get two comps/market analysis on the house, as I am getting comps on the house as well (See my prior email of 8/22).  A market analysis is something that a realtor will give you to estimate an appropriate listing price for a house based on recent sales (comps) and listings of similar houses in the similar neighborhoods.  These are free!!  An appraisal will cost upwards of around $400.00. The buyer of the house will pay for an appraisal as a part of getting a mortgage to buy the house. The Estate should not, and won’t cover the cost of an appraisal.  Please cancel your appointment and make appointments with realtors to get comps.  If you insist on getting an appraisal instead of a comp, that will be a cost that will come out of your pocket.

• As per your email you are stating that you refuse to proceed to open an estate account unless I drop off checks at your house.  That is completely unacceptable.  Please consult with your attorney immediately.  If you refuse to conduct estate business in a timely matter, we will leave it up to the court to decide.  There is no need to have those checks in your possession prior to opening an estate account.  When you plan on going to [the bank], please advise of date and time and I will bring signed checks to the teller at that point.  Once again, if you continue to refuse to conduct estate business timely, I will request it be taken out of your hands.  An estate account is of utmost importance at this time.

• I have already contacted 2 real estate agents which both suggest listing at $349,000.  One of which offered a reduced commission of 3% instead of the standard 4%.  Please be advised that any delay on your part would also be considered refusal or delay of estate business.  The house needs to be listed ASAP.  It does not need to be emptied first.  Please remember this is in the best interest of the estate.

• If you would like to use your choice of attorney and my choice of agent, that could be a fair compromise.  Consult with your attorney.

**Please see my comments below in red.

Thank you,

[“my brother”]

Below is how she addressed the things I wrote in my email…

Clearly she was IRATE that I had been taking action to start settling the estate. This is coming from someone who was trying to get her hands on my mom’s money 3 days after she passed. To say I was fucking infuriated after reading this email, was an understatement. There was NO NEED WHATSOEVER to speak to me like this. For starters, if my email went to an address that was no longer used, how the fuck did you see it? Take note that she tells me my emails are going to be forwarded to the “other” account because it will be relevant in the future. She did request I get an appraisal and so I contacted an appraiser. The condescending tone this whole entire email is just so not my brother. It’s just not how he speaks AT ALL, even when he’s angry. The threats to take “estate business out of my hands”; they way she marked up my email like she is some sort of teacher, the demands that I “contact my attorney IMMEDIATELY”, all of it had HER written all over it. She was obviously very, very upset that I am not a pussy like my brother is. I had to laugh too at some of the stuff she was saying because she was completely clueless. The “rejection” letters she got, those were MONTHS old. While my mom was in the hospital during her last month of life, she asked me to file a claim for her with her cancer insurance company because she wanted to have money to pay bills since she was not working, and not collecting any type of disability. I tried to file the claims online but the company’s website was giving me trouble. That is why, she got the rejection letters. I eventually was able to fax my mom’s claim and clearly since my Brother and his wife were collecting all her mail, they could see in her bank statements that the claim did in fact, go through, and money was deposited in her account from the insurance company. Also, the rejection letters clearly state when the claim was filed and they could clearly see it was from before my mom passed. This was something Satan, the narcissist did throughout the whole process of settling this estate. She would try to create this narrative that I was completely incompetent. I guess so she had “proof” to show the court?

Her need for control and malignant, overt narcissism was really starting to shine. I want you to also take note of how she tells me to “mail the key for the P.O. Box” and proceeds to give me their home address. They live 7.5 miles away from me. It’s about a 10-15 minute ride. My brother’s job is 3 miles away from me. I easily could drop the key off to him at work, or driven to their house, like NORMAL siblings would do, and vice versa, but she was insisting I waste time and money mailing it to them. I mean it’s just so ridiculous. She denies that she controls my brother yet she can’t even let us meet at the Bank or exchange a key, for fucks sake!

The last thing I want you to take note of is the mention of the “additional life insurance policy.”. The day my mom died and I was forced by them to go immediately to the funeral home to plan her wake services, I was told by my brother’s wife who was unfortunately there, that my mom had three life insurance policies and all but one had lapsed due to non-payment. The next day they called my husband and told him to tell me that I should take as much money out of my mom’s account because all three policies had now lapsed and that we weren’t going to have money to pay her funeral. In my vulnerable state I went against my better judgement, because I had a feeling they were lying and I took $1600 out of my mom’s account through the ATM. Then magically the next day, it was, oops we were wrong! The one policy didn’t lapse. As you can see; she even mentions it and that it paid for the funeral so you can imagine how surprised I was that I was now being told there was an “additional life insurance policy”. This was the third mention of it too. It was mentioned it once in the very first email to me and again in the second. She just had to point out how I was “wrong” too. As you will see in the next few posts, she used this information to torture me.

I was fed up at this point in time. Realistically we were only a few days into settling this estate and already it was a fucking nightmare.

To be continued….

Settling the Estate part 4, you only get one phone call…..

Under normal circumstances I never would’ve had a problem with my brother’s spouse helping settle my mom’s estate. In fact I often imagined how things would’ve been had Satan not been in the picture. I think had he still been with his ex, things would’ve gone a lot smoother and there’s no question we all would’ve worked as a team. I cannot for the life of me understand why Satan felt the need to control my mom’s estate, or even the need to be involved. There is absolutely nothing fun about finalizing someone’s existence on paper. All she cared about from day one, was the nice chunk of change my brother was going to inherit. Things could’ve been totally different and even somewhat civil had she approached everything in a different manner. Like most narcissists, Satan had a massive amount of entitlement. She thinks just because she’s married to my brother, she automatically gets our respect. She thinks because she is his wife, she had a right to control every aspect of his life, including his interactions with his family. That’s because she had my brother convinced since day one that she was the most intelligent person on the planet and that she has experience doing anything and everything you can think of. In fact, I recently listened to a tape of her and my mom arguing back from when her and my brother first got engaged and our relationship went south. At that point in time she had only been around for a little over 6 months and had met my extended family on only one occasion, yet she is talking about my family as if she is already part of it. The part I have the most trouble with is that this woman treated my mother horribly for over 2 years prior to her death. She spoke to my mom like she was a worthless piece of dirt, and it wasn’t just once or twice. It’s evidenced in a collection of nasty texts and recorded arguments. She only started to treat my mom a little better only a few months before my mom found the mass on her kidney. My mom did not care for Satan at all but began at that point to tolerate her just so she could see her granddaughter.

Although the relationship became somewhat amicable between her and my mom in the last 8 months or so of my mom’s life, my mom couldn’t stand Satan and her feelings about her were no secret, especially to her family. My mom’s two closest sisters act like they didn’t know how my mom felt. That is another thing I still cannot wrap my head around. My family thinks I am somehow in the wrong for not wanting to her involved in my mom’s affairs. For starters, my mom made it more than abundantly clear that she didn’t want her involved either. Also, looking at it from my point of view, Satan is essentially a stranger to me. I never had any type of relationship with her because I never got time to build one and to be quite honest, it was clear that she had no interest in building one from the very beginning. With that said, I’d love to ask my family, why is it ok that I have to be forced to discuss and negotiate my mother’s estate with a dishonest stranger in whom I didn’t care for or trust? She is a proven liar. Why should Satan get my respect? I tried to be amicable with her. I tried to tolerate her, but time and time again she overstepped boundaries by doing things like, invading my mother’s privacy, planting cameras in her house, lying to and manipulating my mother while she lie on her death bed etc. Maybe I am wrong but I cannot just forget the way she treated my mom for all those years, especially since there was never any sort of apology, culpability or even so much as an acknowledgment on her end, that she was shitty to my mom. I’m sorry, but I think I have good reason to not trust this person and to not want to deal with her. Everything she had shown me was not just negative but straight up devious.

I wanted Satan to know that I knew she was the person writing those emails to me. I assume their attorney finally got in touch with them because the next email I got from my brother was “him” saying that he had tried to call me. He left me his number but it wasn’t his cellphone number. It ended up the number he gave me was the landline number at their house. That was the only number I was allowed to call. I’m sure this was so Satan could intercept and screen my phone calls before my brother called me back. Every time I tried to call it, I got their answering machine. I called my brother back for what ended up being the only and only time I actually physically spoke to him during the entire year that we were co-executors. You can listen to the phone call on YouTube by clicking here.

It was clear from this call that my brother was being coached by his wife. The call only helped to confirm my suspicions that my brother was not the one writing the emails. I brought up several issues that were discussed in the emails, and he had no idea what I was talking about. My brother also recorded this call, and reportedly in his copy his wife can be heard writing furiously with a sharpie marker, banging the table to get his attention and whispering responses in his ear. Again, I know how my brother normally acts and speaks and I could tell that he was being coached. This is why Satan did not want us speaking on the phone or in person. It was too hard for her to control the conversation that way. My brother NEVER was a good liar, and in fact, it was a running joke in our household because he was so terrible at it. When he started smoking at age 16 he didn’t even bother lying to my parents about it. Instead, he walked into the kitchen one day and slammed a pack of Marlboro reds on the table and said, “Mom and dad, I smoke now.”. Ever since he met Satan, he’s been forced to lie, but as his sister, I can still tell when he’s lying. I can hear the hesitation in his voice after I ask questions and I can tell by his hostile reactions to my questions.

I also want to address the fact that you can clearly hear that I’m annoyed as well in this phone call. I really tried to keep my cool but at this point in time it was extremely hard for me. This was after months and months of lies and sneaky behavior, plus the fact that they were trying to act as if they were the estate bosses, and I was some sort of minion. They didn’t care that I was in “control” when my mom was sick. They didn’t care that I was the main care taker. They didn’t help with ANYTHING substantial while she was sick, but now suddenly they felt entitled to not only help, but to completely control everything and boss me around. All the prior bullshit really bothered me, but I think what bothered me the most was the complete lack of emotion from my brother. Not once throughout this whole process did I hear him express any type of sorrow or grief about my mom. In fact she was hardly ever mentioned. There were times I tried to pull emotions out and I expressed how sad I was, and how hard this was for me, but all I got in return was cold, unemotional, robotic responses. That was because I wasn’t talking to my brother. Still, even in this phone call he is so cold. His only concern was getting his money. He was completely unbothered by the fact that we had to part with our childhood home and everything in it. I feel sorry for my brother. I pity him. I cannot imagine not being able to be vulnerable in front of my husband. It’s clear that my brother cannot show any weakness in front of his wife. During the last two days of my mom’s life it became evident to me. When Satan was around he would just sit there with this blank look on his face. When she finally left that last night to go to the party she was hosting at her house (I can’t make this shit up!) I saw him cry for the first time. When she wasn’t there I saw tears. My friend who was also my mom’s nurse that night said she came in at one point and my brother was in my mom’s room alone, bawling his eyes out. I want to believe that the brother I once knew is somewhere inside and that he’s not the cold, empty shell he has to be when Satan is around. It’s so disheartening to see someone that you’ve known your whole life to be sensitive and caring, turn into an emotionless robot. I hate Satan. She stole my brother’s soul and completely destroyed it.

Because Satan can’t leave well enough alone, the next day I received another bullshit, formally written, bullet formatted unnecessary e-mail from my “brother”, to “follow-up” on our call that read:

Subject: Estate Follow-up – Conversation of 8/21/2017

[me]:

 

Per our conversation last night:

• I‘ve attached email that I received from the bank regarding opening the Estate account.  I’ve already forwarded my information to the bank, and I will drop off the originals that I have prior to the opening of the account.  As I have repeatedly stated, I am only available Monday through Friday on my lunch break.  I am not available any Saturdays and this is non-negotiable.  Upon closing the [bank] accounts and receiving certified / bank checks, the estate account will be opened and bills will be paid immediately on site.

• I will forward you the email from the accountant.  She will send us her fee and mail us tax returns for signature.

• You said that you will make the claim for [my mother’s cancer insurance] I will send you her medical records once I receive them.  Please send me a copy of the claim.

• Have you forwarded the mail yet?

• I will contact the investment accounts and get the necessary paperwork.

• I’ve contacted [my mother’s job] regarding the profit-sharing plan.

• [water supply company] is sending a current bill to me.

• [loan company] is sending me account information.

• I sent a certified death certificate and an original letter to her life insurance company as they have requested it numerous times, so that they can pay the death benefit.

• Please obtain two comps from local realtors for the house.  I will do the same.  A private sale is always in the best interest of the Estate.  The house does not need to be emptied at all before it can be offered for sale.  We will have plenty of time to clean it out before the closing.  Paying any more bills on the house is not in the best interest of the Estate.

• I will take my personal items from the house.  I will give you an opportunity to object to any non-personal items that I’d like to take.  I’ve already stated that I’d like to take the utility wagon from the shed.

• Per the Stipulation of Settlement, as co-executors the approval of both of us is required to take any action on the Estate.  That does not mean that we both physically need to be present to complete all actions, as long as written approval to act is provided.  Documents that require two signatures can be signed in counterparts.  Please consult your attorney if you have any questions about this.

 

Thank you,

 

[brother]

I was COMPLETELY. FUCKING. FED. UP. Satan had to go…..

To be continued……..

Settling the estate, Part 3 lies, lies and alibis

Prior to receiving our letters of administration to be executors of my mother’s estate, my brother signed an agreement, as did I, that read:

“That all business is to be transacted by the EXECUTORS in their PERSONAL capacity, and NO surrogate shall have the authority to ACT IN PLACE of one or the other executor…”.

This did not include the help of professionals like attorneys, accountants, realtors, etc. my attorneys added this specifically to make Satan’s power of Attorney over my brother completely useless in this context but of course like all narcissists, Satan doesn’t like playing by the rules.

The agreement signed by both me, my brother and my aunts. All identifying info has been redacted.

People have a certain way about them when they express themselves that can be detected even in writing. I know how my brother talks and articulates himself. I know how he acts. I know how he is. I know there are certain things I can say to him that will trigger him. I know that the person I was talking to via this new email address was not him.

Starting the day after my mom’s wake every single place I called in regards to my mother would tell me that they had already spoken to Satan. I called her bank, her money market accounts, her cell phone provider, etc., and everyone said they had already spoken to Satan and they called her by name. Even though she never legally took my brother’s last name, she was conveniently using it to make these calls so it sounded like she was the child of my mother. Why was this stranger calling up on my mom’s behalf? The most sickening part of all of this was that my so-called Aunts were WELL AWARE of the fact that my mom did not want my brother’s wife involved in her affairs, yet they all sat there and supported her being involved. Not only did they support her but they actually encouraged it.

My attorneys were aware of my concerns that my brother had made a new email address and that I didn’t think I was speaking to him, and so their advice to me was to wait until we had received the letters of administration, and to ask him if we can meet up somewhere to discuss the estate. Although I didn’t have the letters yet, I did not want to be accused of not communicating, and so I wrote back suggesting we meet up somewhere in order to discuss things, and in response to my email this is what I got back.

“I will be unavailable to meet person as I will be handling most of the estate via email and/or my attorney. Per my attorney, I will only be needed in person to open the bank account and to attend the closing. 

I have twice sent you copies of bills that I’ve paid and bills that need to be paid. Please send me the same from your end. If email isn’t good for you, you can send them to me via USPS.  

Please email me your questions and or concerns that you wanted to discuss. I will review them and consult my attorney if needed, then send you my response.”

At this point it was becoming more and more clear that my brother was not the person in whom I was speaking with. The fact I can tell by the way he was speaking, coupled with his refusal meet with me in person or talk on the phone, strongly suggested that it was Satan who was acting as a wizard of oz,of sorts, hiding behind the curtain of a fake email address. I printed my brother’s email and took it to my attorney’s office and on August 18th 2017, I sent my brother this email.

[brother], 

I just sat down with my attorney who called your attorney while I was there. Your attorney agreed that we need to meet up to discuss how this estate is going to be settled as CO-executors. I already asked you when you can meet up and was told you would be “unavailable” and your attorney advised you that you’d only need to be present to open the bank account and for the closing. That is not what he just told my attorney on the phone. He also informed us that you received ten official copies of the letters yet you never responded to my email where I told you I didn’t have copies. You never informed me that you had copies. I just want to remind you that you signed an agreement. Please pay close attention to numbers 2 & 3 on that agreement. We HAVE to do this together and communicate. If you are looking to save money by not hiring a real estate agent and wanted to get money off the last months insurance, your refusal to communicate with me is going to cost more than any amount we can save. We are both on the letters. Let’s not waste mom’s hard earned money on lawyer’s, as you said when you emailed me back in March. I have a pretty flexible schedule so please let me know when you can meet up so we can start settling this estate the right way and get it done in a timely manner so we can move on with our lives.

P.s If you want to talk you can also call me. (XXX) XXX-XXXX that is much easier for me as I do not check my emails often. 

[me]

I had expressed in an earlier emailthat I had never received the copies of the letters that my attorneys had ordered. This was a whole other mess I had to investigate on my own. My brother sent me his first email on July 31st. I never replied. On August 9th he resent the same email only he edited the first paragraph from, “I spoke with my attorney this past week. He advised that all surrogate court is waiting for is your original signature on

the settlement agreement, which your lawyer stated you would be signing shortly. The papers will be issued shortly after they get it, I assume” to vaguely say, “The court has all the papers and everything is set to go now.”. The fact that he had edited the first paragraph made me question why he did so and so I decided to call the surrogates court myself and I found out that ten copies of the letters had been sent to my brother’s attorney by accident, instead of mine. I had sent an email to my brother stating that I didn’t have the letters yet and my “brother” opted not to tell me that he had received them. Instead he vaguely wrote that everything was “set to go”. After that I had to go on a wild goose chase to get myself copies of the papers. I realized my name was spelled incorrectly, and so I had to make multiple trips back and fourth to the surrogates court in order to get that corrected. When I told my brother his copies were no good he refused to turn them in. He told me he had already given them out to some bill collectors but he wouldn’t tell me exactly who.

In my email I also pointed out numbers 2&3 of the agreement (see above)which were the paragraph I pasted above about each executor having to do all transactions in their own capacity, and another paragraph in which stated that we were both responsible for our own legal fees. This means that the money we paid to our attorneys came out of our pockets and not the estate. I was trying to point out that every time we had to call our attorneys for stupid nonsense like my brother’s refusal to speak to me, we were being charged for it. My brother did not seem to care however. In response to my email I received this from my “brother”….

“[me],

Yesterday, I received the certificates I requested. I would assume you would have requested your own copies. I will bring one for the bank and an extra one for you when we meet at [the bank] to open up an estate account. I will make an appointment at the [the bank] near my office, as I will be doing this on my lunch break. Once again, please send me the bills that need to be paid and also an itemized bill for what you have paid for the estate to date. I have sent you my copies twice. 

For the mail, I suggest we do change-of-addresses on all known accounts and creditors. Then, we can do a mail forward for everything else. We can either get a P.O. Box, or just have it forwarded to your address. 

Since most of the bills already come to my address and you have online access to those accounts, I’ll continue to receive them. You can have all the investments go to yours and provide me with online access. Feel free to call the investments and change address.

I would suggest meeting at the bank to open the estate account and get the bills paid, then we can take it from there. Paying the outstanding balances is the most pressing matter. 

Again please send me the list you have including address, account numbers and amounts due. I will write out envelopes for each and the bank can issue checks that day. Once I have your list, I will make the appropriate appointment. 

Thank you,

[my brother]”

Ugh, reading these emails again is getting my blood boiling. As you can see he was evading the whole part where I said that his attorney said that we needed to discuss these matters in person. He completely glazed right past it. The business like, robotic manner that this letter is written in is so bizarre, in and of itself. That is not the way my brother speaks or writes. This is the way in which all these emails were written. There was absolutely no emotion involved.

My brother was being very pushy. He was demanding that I give him a list of bills in which I paid and other bills that needed to be paid, meanwhile they had all the mail. My attorney’s advised me to go over all bills before paying them to make sure the claims are valid. I had no access to the bills since my brother was illegally stealing the mail since the day my mom passed. He was going online, pretending to be my mom, and doing illegal mail holds , and then authorizing himself to retrieve the mail at the post office. Basically he was impersonating my mom. He never informed the post office that my mom had passed. My attorney advised opening a PO box that we would both have access to. At first my brother fought it but now he was suddenly saying open it and have the mail forwarded there. This was a constant theme throughout the estate. “He” would say one thing and then completely change his mind days later. He even admits most of the bills were already coming to his house, which they shouldn’t have been. My brother was also demanding we pay the outstanding bills the same day we opened the bank account. He couldn’t even wait for the account to be opened and for the checks to come in the mail. He wanted the Bank to give us a few handwritten “starter checks”. I didn’t have any lists to give him at that point and my attorneys advised that there was no need for me to give them anything, especially since I still didn’t have my letters, and that they would take care of it. As far as my “online” access, I only had online access to my mom’s accounts because she gave me her email and passwords. I was not about to give them to these two sneaky liars. They were already in her mail. That was all they needed.

I knew my brother was not behind this email. My brother would never offer to write envelopes out and bring them to the bank! It was so ridiculous and completely unnecessary to do. This email has Satan written all over it. It’s written as if she’s the boss who is delegating tasks. This is a typical narcissist move. She’s telling me what I can do and what she is going to do. She has complete control although she’s trying to make it appear as if it equal by telling me I’m welcome to do, x,y,and z. She was basically assigning all the remedial tasks to me in an attempt to keep me busy and make me feel like I’m doing something. I don’t know what my brother told Satan about me but in the next few weeks I could see that she had no idea what type of person I am. She was about to see.

To be continued in the next post…..

Settling the Estate, part 2

Once again it has been some time since I last updated this blog. In a nut shell, since the day I received letters of administration, from that point on, my life became an absolute and utter living fucking hell. I thought caring for my mom was stressful and it was……extremely, but settling an estate with a person like my brother’s wife who completely lacks empathy, compassion, humility, integrity, honesty and a moral compass, was complete and utter torture. I much rather be waterboarded than to ever have to deal with that demon again.

I had always thought since day one that my brother’s wife was a narcissist, but after all I’ve been through, I am now convinced that she is a full blown, legitimate, certified, clinical psychopath, with heavy narcissistic traits, and my brother has been fully indoctrinated into her sick, twisted and sadistic world. Years ago I saw him as a poor defenseless and naive victim, but now my empathy for him is completely lost. I have done extensive reading about personality disorders, co-dependents, enabling, toxic people, high conflict people, etc etc and I now understand that my brother in some way is responsible for the abuse, because he allows it to continue. When I look back to 2 months after his wedding when he showed up unannounced on my front door step, while in the midst of psychotic, shit-storm of an argument with his wife, and confessed to me that he thought she had borderline personality disorder, and had been “researching” it for weeks, I realize that he at that point in time had choice. Due to the timing of all of this, being only 2 months after they officially and legally became a committed union, I assume that this was the time you read about in so many articles about emotional abusers, that the mask finally slipped, and Satan started showing her true colors. At that point in time, even though she caused all that drama before their wedding, he wasn’t still fully engulfed in the fog and for whatever reason, he had a brief moment of clarity and acknowledged that there was something deeply wrong with her that he couldn’t handle. Sure enough though, as all narcissists do, she somehow sweet talked him with the promise to change and to see a marriage counselor (of her choosing of course) she “Hoovered” him back in, but there was an acknowledgement of her illness and that’s my whole point here. At that point in time while it would’ve been completely inconvenient, he could’ve easily got out of the marriage, and even possibly had it annulled. Sure he would’ve had to start all over, but it would’ve been a lot easier. He had more support, there were no real financial ties except his car, and most importantly no children. His heart would’ve been broken but he would’ve healed. Instead of walking away though, he made a clear and conscious CHOICE to not only try to work things out with her, but to actively start trying to have a child with her…..because you know, that solves everything. He decided to take an already unhealthy, toxic and messy situation and make it even more messy by adding an innocent child into the mix. He guaranteed himself that this woman is going to run his life on some level; for the rest of his life, even if she leaves him. Their poor kid didn’t ask to be born into this shit and shame on my brother for forcing it upon her.

When my brother told me that he believed his wife had Borderline personality disorder right away I started to read up on it to maybe gain some type of understanding of why things happened the way they did. The bulk of articles on the subject warn the reader, who is most likely the victim of their abuse, to run and run fast and to not look back. I found very few articles where there was empathy towards this person. In the end, Bordelines, Narcissists, sociopaths, psychopaths etc, all fall under the same category in the DSM (the book psychologists use to diagnose) and they all have overlapping traits, with slight variations from one other. The label itself doesn’t matter, because when you read about being in intimate relationships with any of them, the consensus is the same. You are looking towards a future of gaslighting, splitting, manipulation, taking all of the blame and worst of all, intense emotional abuse. My brother read all of this shit and for some reason decided to stick it out. That’s is why my sympathy for him is non-existent. My brother clearly has his own issues. What exactly they are, I don’t know, but I do know the one thing that probably drives him into controlling relationships with emotionally unstable women is that he is insecure with himself and feels he cannot do any better than what he can get. In other words, his expectations of women are low because his self-esteem is low. My brother, in my opinion is in an extremely emotionally and psychologically abusive relationship and due to the stigma that is attached to men being the victims, he is in complete denial about it. It’s a shame because men are afraid to reach out for help and admit that they are being browbeat by an abusive woman. Satan has fully altered his reality and the sickest part is that my brother actually still believes that he is in full control of his life.

My family only reinforces his delusional beliefs by ignoring and enabling him and his wife, by sitting on the sidelines quietly. (While some actively encourage the toxic behavior). What they fail to understand though is that I saw things, heard things and even witnessed things that were red flags, right from the beginning. What they feel to realize is that all abusers and all victims share a set characteristics that can be noticed by the outside world. I saw a lot of them from day one. I too was in a similar relationship and there were certain things my brother would do in the first few months of their relationship that I recognized myself doing when I was in that relationship. I saw a stark change in my brother’s overall behavior and demeanor whenever she was around. Even when she wasn’t around I could still detect something was wrong. My brother is very quiet when there’s something bothering him. I can tell when something is wrong with him within seconds of seeing him. I know what worry, fear and anxiety look like on his face. I know when he feels uncomfortable. Hell I can even tell when he’s trying to fake that everything is ok. After a lifetime of being around someone you don’t even need them to speak or express themselves to know something isn’t right. Their facial expressions and body language say it all.

The times I did see my brother during the first 6 months of his relationship while she wasn’t around, I could tell he was fighting with her. He’d be glued to his phone texting back and forth with her, all quiet and off in his own little world. Other ways I could tell something was off was that my brother started trying to sensor me too. He would ask me not to discuss certain topics or to hide things from her. That is not normal. He feared her reaction to things and seemed to be always walking on eggshells to avoid confrontation. Watching my brother change in these ways was scary to me. After a while he stated sounding like he was joining a cult. He no longer expressed his own ideas and opinions. Everything was, “well Satan says this is a good idea..”, or “Satan says i should do this.”, or “Satan knows because she’s been there and done that.”. That was all part of him being indoctrinated and brainwashed into thinking she knew best in every situation, always.

I don’t know how my family expects me not to feel a certain type of way about his wife. What they don’t get is that it wasn’t one or two little things. It’s a compilation of many different factors that made me worry about him and caused a complete lack of trust in his wife. When you see someone completely losing control, freedom and isolating themselves it is a scary thing to witness. I don’t know if maybe even with them they don’t get how a woman can be abusive. Maybe it’s because both my aunt Debbie and my Aunt Bea share in some of these toxic and abusive traits that Satan possesses, themselves and they fail to recognize that they are indeed abusive.

I don’t know but what I do know is that I don’t have to put up with toxic and abusive behavior from ANYONE. What I do know is that everything I believed was happening when my mom was sick, was really happening and that’s why my family refuses to face me. Facing me means facing the truth. Facing me means facing their own wrongdoings. It means facing that their lies and with that said, I will never talk to any of them, ever again.

Finally….I got my papers 

I was going to post this on a Facebook group for those of us who are grieving our parents, but I decided to post it here instead since I can post it anonymously. Since I wanted to update this blog anyway with where things are at now, I figured I’d give you all a summary of what’s been going on in the last few months. I plan to update more regularly. Anyway here is where things currently stand. 

Finally, after 9 months of fighting, I am the executor on my mom’s estate….well co-executor. It’s a really long story, but I had to fight to get that title. It’s something I know my mom wanted me to have, but just didn’t have the time to give me. Her house sat there for 9 months and finally I can go in it and take what I want without feeling like I’m doing something wrong. Getting rid of her house is going to be so hard for me. It’s my childhood home. My parents moved in there April of 1981, almost exactly a month after I was born. For the first few months after she passed, it was still there and it gave me some kind of comfort and made me feel close to her. As time wore on and spiders and other bugs became the main occupants of the now vacant home, I started to dread going there to check on it. I am having a really hard time now with all of this. I feel like my grief was on hold for 9 months because to me going through her stuff and clearing out her house is a necessary part of the process. 

What makes things worse is that I have been estranged from my brother for 4 years. He married someone who I believe is a real deal, clinical, certified narcissistic psychopath. She completely destroyed our relationship. She hates me. She hates me because she knows I have her number. Not only did she destroy our relationship but she destroyed the one between him and my mom. They treated her like sh*t when she was well and it wasn’t until she was diagnosed with a rare form of aggressive cancer, that all of the sudden she wanted to act friendly with my mom. That was only so she can get into my mom’s personal financial business and estimate how much if her money her and my brother would be getting. They put me through complete hell while my mom was dying in the hospital that last month of life. They invaded her privacy in multiple occasions without her consent. They lied to her, manipulated her and made her feel bad about making me her healthcare proxy. They harassed her about getting her affairs in order even though they knew damn well they were in order. My mom didn’t want to talk about her cancer, let alone accept the fact that she was dying. They even went so far as planting a camera in her house and threatening to sue me when when I removed it! Those two a-holes left her high and dry when she came home from having an 8″ mass and her kidney removed. The night I brought her to the ER for the last time, they were in the city at a comedy show. Their lives went on as if nothing was going on. Mine didn’t. I suffered every second along side her the whole way through, to the very end. 
I had no choice really but to be co-executor with my brother. My mom’s will actually named two of her sisters who have also been charmed by the sociopath. There’s some history there too but I’ll spare you guys the details. I knew if my aunts were executors the sociopath would still be running the show and instead of dealing with 2 a-holes I’d be dealing with four! For years prior to my mom being sick she talked about making me the executor of her will. She did not want my brother’s wife involved in her affairs and she made it well known to EVERYONE she knew, and especially her two sisters! For years she thought my brother was the executor and she wanted to have that changed. To this day I do not know why she thought that. I was in shock the first time I saw her will and saw her sisters named. 
After my mom passed my brother tried to bypass her will and become administrator of her estate. I believe he had this plan in action well before she died and my aunts were in on it with him. He lied to an attorney, and perjured himself by signing documents saying that to his best knowledge, no will existed. My attorney told me in his 40+ years in law, he NEVER saw anyone file a petition for administration that fast after someone dies. My brother knew damn well that my mom had a will and I had the text messages to prove it. I had to hunt down the lawyer who wrote my mom’s will in 1996. I finally found him and filed her will putting my brother’s admin attempt to a grinding halt. I was ok with my aunts doing it until one day I caught my brother and his wife removing boxes of stuff from my mom’s house. His wife had the nerve to call the police on ME for being on MY property, while she was tresspassing! They told the cop that my aunts told them they could take what they wanted! My aunts hadn’t even entered their paperwork at that point in time and it still took them another two months before they actually filed. At that point I knew I had to object to their appointment as executors. 
I entered an objection in court to my aunts being executors. In the meanwhile my brother and his wife diverted all the mail to their house and told me they were paying all of the bills until an estate account was established. That wasn’t the case at all. They just didn’t want me to know what was going on. By the grace of god back when my mom was in the hospital earlier in the year; she told me to hide some paperwork in her closet after I caught them snooping the first time. Luckily I was able to call all the utilities and stuff and pay the past due bills to keep the house going until someone was appointed. 
After I filed my objection, after months of not talking to me, my brother and aunts started to reach out to me and tried to scare and bully me into dropping my objection, threatening to stop paying bills and let the house become abandoned and occupied by squatters. They had no idea I already had the info and paid the bills. They even went so far as to try to get to me by harassing other family members to deliver their messages. I was NOT dropping my objection. No way in HELL. I knew I had a good chance of winning and so finally I responded to all of the threats telling my “aunts” (I don’t even like to dignify them with that title anymore) that if they really cared about my mom’s hard earned money as they claimed they did, they’d step back and let my brother and I handle everything. Sure enough three days later my attorney called me and told me my aunts agreed to resign. 
It still took another few months to get all the paperwork in with the courts. I had severe anxiety during those months. Finally, last week I received my letters of testamentary. I am still in hell. Part of the agreement we signed when my aunts resigned was a stipulation we added that my brother had to act on his own and carry all his executor duties, in his own capacity. Why did we add this? Well two days before my mom died, he signed over power of attorney to his wife so she can be a stand in administrator of my mom’s estate, and act in place of him. 
They signed the agreement but that hasn’t stopped his wife from thinking she is in charge. Instead of being a woman and stepping aside, what does she do? After he signed his oath as executor, she creates a new email in his name and starts sending me these bs emails like she is in charge and I am her assistant or something. My attorney has told me that my “brother” cannot refuse to communicate with me any other way aside from email. He will not meet with me in person or call me on the phone. They are collecting assets and not even telling me what they’re doing, once again trying to keep me in the dark. They are idiots. Me and my mom were best friends. I know everything that was going on in her life. I will NEVER be in the dark about her. It’s so obvious my brother is not writing the emails. The manipulative, controlling and demanding undertone is not him. The argumentativeness is not him. The lack of heart and care is not him…..and that’s what I find most disturbing. They are not grieving. I am. My brother told me the other day he wanted to have the house sold before the school year and before the winter show doesn’t have to pay another oil bill. We are inheriting a pretty decent chunk of change. The few hundred for the oil bill will be nothing in comparison to what we are getting. They don’t even want to hire a real estate agent to sell the house. They want to milk every penny out of the estate that he possibly can. He has no interest in anything in the house. Not even for his daughter to have something of her grandmothers. I am so disappointed in him.As he lives in his large half million dollar home, in an upper middle class neighborhood and drives his expensive truck, he worries about saving a few bucks off her last months insurance. It’s disturbing. He is a mere shell of who he once was. My mother’s wishes, which he is WELL aware of, aren’t even of any importance to him. It’s all about money…..nothing more, nothing less. 
I on the other hand am having a very hard time letting go. I’m not looking to squander assets but I want to take time and do things with care. I want to go through my mom’s house and look at everything. This was my childhood home. There are 35 years worth of memories in that home. My dad passed away in 2006 and so that house is really all that’s left of our family. I thought about keeping it and renting it out but I don’t even know if that’s feasible. My husband has no interest in being a landlord and I can’t say I blame him. We cared for her house and our own for the past four years. We sacrificed the last year of our lives to care for her. My husband has been more of a son to my mom than my own brother. We need a break. My husband also doesn’t want to live in my mom’s house because it’s in the town we grew up in. Unfortunately I cannot be selfish as much as I want to be. I have to do what’s best for my family and not just myself. I am beside myself. I really am. 
Not only did I lose my mom this year, I also lost my brother and half of my extended family. My grief counselor told me during our last session that I have ALL of the factors that complicate grief, and those are, the age of the decedent, the closeness of the relationship and a lack of family support. There was one other but I forget it. I often wonder if my brother is even grieving. I wonder if he misses my mom at all. He treated her like dirt for the last three years of her life. At one time, like him and I, they had a very close relationship. I’ve even questioned if maybe my brother is also a narcissist, just like his wife. When I think back on the rest of his life I don’t think so. I think that’s who he is forced to be because he cannot be himself anymore. I don’t even think he knows who he is anymore. 

Finally….I got my papers 

I was going to post this on a Facebook group for those of us who are grieving our parents, but I decided to post it here instead since I can post it anonymously. Since I wanted to update this blog anyway with where things are at now, I figured I’d give you all a summary of what’s been going on in the last few months. I plan to update more regularly. Anyway here is where things currently stand. 

Finally, after 9 months of fighting, I am the executor on my mom’s estate….well co-executor. It’s a really long story, but I had to fight to get that title. It’s something I know my mom wanted me to have, but just didn’t have the time to give me. Her house sat there for 9 months and finally I can go in it and take what I want without feeling like I’m doing something wrong. Getting rid of her house is going to be so hard for me. It’s my childhood home. My parents moved in there April of 1981, almost exactly a month after I was born. For the first few months after she passed, it was still there and it gave me some kind of comfort and made me feel close to her. As time wore on and spiders and other bugs became the main occupants of the now vacant home, I started to dread going there to check on it. I am having a really hard time now with all of this. I feel like my grief was on hold for 9 months because to me going through her stuff and clearing out her house is a necessary part of the process. 

What makes things worse is that I have been estranged from my brother for 4 years. He married someone who I believe is a real deal, clinical, certified narcissistic psychopath. She completely destroyed our relationship. She hates me. She hates me because she knows I have her number. Not only did she destroy our relationship but she destroyed the one between him and my mom. They treated her like sh*t when she was well and it wasn’t until she was diagnosed with a rare form of aggressive cancer, that all of the sudden she wanted to act friendly with my mom. That was only so she can get into my mom’s personal financial business and estimate how much if her money her and my brother would be getting. They put me through complete hell while my mom was dying in the hospital that last month of life. They invaded her privacy in multiple occasions without her consent. They lied to her, manipulated her and made her feel bad about making me her healthcare proxy. They harassed her about getting her affairs in order even though they knew damn well they were in order. My mom didn’t want to talk about her cancer, let alone accept the fact that she was dying. They even went so far as planting a camera in her house and threatening to sue me when when I removed it! Those two a-holes left her high and dry when she came home from having an 8″ mass and her kidney removed. The night I brought her to the ER for the last time, they were in the city at a comedy show. Their lives went on as if nothing was going on. Mine didn’t. I suffered every second along side her the whole way through, to the very end. 
I had no choice really but to be co-executor with my brother. My mom’s will actually named two of her sisters who have also been charmed by the sociopath. There’s some history there too but I’ll spare you guys the details. I knew if my aunts were executors the sociopath would still be running the show and instead of dealing with 2 a-holes I’d be dealing with four! For years prior to my mom being sick she talked about making me the executor of her will. She did not want my brother’s wife involved in her affairs and she made it well known to EVERYONE she knew, and especially her two sisters! For years she thought my brother was the executor and she wanted to have that changed. To this day I do not know why she thought that. I was in shock the first time I saw her will and saw her sisters named. 
After my mom passed my brother tried to bypass her will and become administrator of her estate. I believe he had this plan in action well before she died and my aunts were in on it with him. He lied to an attorney, and perjured himself by signing documents saying that to his best knowledge, no will existed. My attorney told me in his 40+ years in law, he NEVER saw anyone file a petition for administration that fast after someone dies. My brother knew damn well that my mom had a will and I had the text messages to prove it. I had to hunt down the lawyer who wrote my mom’s will in 1996. I finally found him and filed her will putting my brother’s admin attempt to a grinding halt. I was ok with my aunts doing it until one day I caught my brother and his wife removing boxes of stuff from my mom’s house. His wife had the nerve to call the police on ME for being on MY property, while she was tresspassing! They told the cop that my aunts told them they could take what they wanted! My aunts hadn’t even entered their paperwork at that point in time and it still took them another two months before they actually filed. At that point I knew I had to object to their appointment as executors. 
I entered an objection in court to my aunts being executors. In the meanwhile my brother and his wife diverted all the mail to their house and told me they were paying all of the bills until an estate account was established. That wasn’t the case at all. They just didn’t want me to know what was going on. By the grace of god back when my mom was in the hospital earlier in the year; she told me to hide some paperwork in her closet after I caught them snooping the first time. Luckily I was able to call all the utilities and stuff and pay the past due bills to keep the house going until someone was appointed. 
After I filed my objection, after months of not talking to me, my brother and aunts started to reach out to me and tried to scare and bully me into dropping my objection, threatening to stop paying bills and let the house become abandoned and occupied by squatters. They had no idea I already had the info and paid the bills. They even went so far as to try to get to me by harassing other family members to deliver their messages. I was NOT dropping my objection. No way in HELL. I knew I had a good chance of winning and so finally I responded to all of the threats telling my “aunts” (I don’t even like to dignify them with that title anymore) that if they really cared about my mom’s hard earned money as they claimed they did, they’d step back and let my brother and I handle everything. Sure enough three days later my attorney called me and told me my aunts agreed to resign. 
It still took another few months to get all the paperwork in with the courts. I had severe anxiety during those months. Finally, last week I received my letters of testamentary. I am still in hell. Part of the agreement we signed when my aunts resigned was a stipulation we added that my brother had to act on his own and carry all his executor duties, in his own capacity. Why did we add this? Well two days before my mom died, he signed over power of attorney to his wife so she can be a stand in administrator of my mom’s estate, and act in place of him. 
They signed the agreement but that hasn’t stopped his wife from thinking she is in charge. Instead of being a woman and stepping aside, what does she do? After he signed his oath as executor, she creates a new email in his name and starts sending me these bs emails like she is in charge and I am her assistant or something. My attorney has told me that my “brother” cannot refuse to communicate with me any other way aside from email. He will not meet with me in person or call me on the phone. They are collecting assets and not even telling me what they’re doing, once again trying to keep me in the dark. They are idiots. Me and my mom were best friends. I know everything that was going on in her life. I will NEVER be in the dark about her. It’s so obvious my brother is not writing the emails. The manipulative, controlling and demanding undertone is not him. The argumentativeness is not him. The lack of heart and care is not him…..and that’s what I find most disturbing. They are not grieving. I am. My brother told me the other day he wanted to have the house sold before the school year and before the winter show doesn’t have to pay another oil bill. We are inheriting a pretty decent chunk of change. The few hundred for the oil bill will be nothing in comparison to what we are getting. They don’t even want to hire a real estate agent to sell the house. They want to milk every penny out of the estate that he possibly can. He has no interest in anything in the house. Not even for his daughter to have something of her grandmothers. I am so disappointed in him.As he lives in his large half million dollar home, in an upper middle class neighborhood and drives his expensive truck, he worries about saving a few bucks off her last months insurance. It’s disturbing. He is a mere shell of who he once was. My mother’s wishes, which he is WELL aware of, aren’t even of any importance to him. It’s all about money…..nothing more, nothing less. 
I on the other hand am having a very hard time letting go. I’m not looking to squander assets but I want to take time and do things with care. I want to go through my mom’s house and look at everything. This was my childhood home. There are 35 years worth of memories in that home. My dad passed away in 2006 and so that house is really all that’s left of our family. I thought about keeping it and renting it out but I don’t even know if that’s feasible. My husband has no interest in being a landlord and I can’t say I blame him. We cared for her house and our own for the past four years. We sacrificed the last year of our lives to care for her. My husband has been more of a son to my mom than my own brother. We need a break. My husband also doesn’t want to live in my mom’s house because it’s in the town we grew up in. Unfortunately I cannot be selfish as much as I want to be. I have to do what’s best for my family and not just myself. I am beside myself. I really am. 
Not only did I lose my mom this year, I also lost my brother and half of my extended family. My grief counselor told me during our last session that I have ALL of the factors that complicate grief, and those are, the age of the decedent, the closeness of the relationship and a lack of family support. There was one other but I forget it. I often wonder if my brother is even grieving. I wonder if he misses my mom at all. He treated her like dirt for the last three years of her life. At one time, like him and I, they had a very close relationship. I’ve even questioned if maybe my brother is also a narcissist, just like his wife. When I think back on the rest of his life I don’t think so. I think that’s who he is forced to be because he cannot be himself anymore. I don’t even think he knows who he is anymore. 

Letting go of anger 

Winning and letting go of anger.
I won. Yes, you read it right. I WON. My whole life I have let people take advantage of me. I have backed down, I have kept my mouth shut. I have lived my life to complete the delusions of others and I am fucking done. I was brought up to respect my family, respect my elders, respect my mom, respect my grandmother and I did just that…… for my whole life. 
I did my time. I am 36 years old. I am a grown woman. I have my own family to worry about, my own child to teach…. I was living my life for everyone else’s happiness, all the while, I was ignoring my own. I sat at family parties for years, uncomfortable and upset, because I was angry that my cousin Benny was there and the cousin whom he violated and victimized, wasn’t. I sat there angry at my aunts, uncles and cousins because they chose to ignore what was really happening. I was angry with myself for not having the strength and courage to fully stand up for what I believed in. Years later, I was angry at my brother. Angry for him promising my dad he would be the “man” of the house, and then leaving me to do all the hard stuff. I was angry that he turned his back on us and refused to stand up to his wife. I was angry that he didn’t value our relationship and I felt used. I was angry that he was out enjoying his life while I watched my mom suffer mentally, Of emotionally and in the last year, physically. At times I was even angry with my mom. Angry that she allowed my brother to walk all over her, mistreat her and allow his wife to talk to her like she didn’t matter. I was angry that she was depressed. I was angry that she let him ruin her life. Angry that she couldn’t accept reality for what it was. Angry that she didn’t take care of herself. Angry that she became complicit with her health. I was so fucking angry.
At this time last year, during the last week of July, I knew it was the beginning of the end, and in more ways than one. My mom was starting to go downhill and fast, and it was also this time of year when I finally revealed to her what was going on between me and my aunts. I had never reached the level of stress, worry and anxiety that I was in, at that point in time. I just couldn’t handle anything more, not even the smallest worry or upset. It was a pivotal moment in my life because the last week of July, last year where I finally surrendered and started being true to myself. 
Satan, my brother’s wife decided to have a party for their then 1 year 4 month old baby on July 30th, the day of my mom’s birthday. She had four months and could’ve had a party for the kid on any one of those days in between but she decided to steal my mother’s last birthday. God forbid my mom have all the attention on her for an entire day. Oh no, that can’t happen. She sent invitations out without even making mention that it was also my mom’s birthday that day as well. Of course at that time no one knew my mom would be gone another four months after that, but it was pretty clear that the year prior for her was no walk in the park and that her health was on a steady decline. That’s how narcissists like Satan do things. It’s back handed and passive aggressive. It’s veiled in a nice gesture. Because for those of us who see right through people like Satan, we know how to read between the lines. Those who don’t will think it’s “sweet” because she buys my mom a small personal cake and gives her 30 seconds of attention. (and that’s exactly how much time was spent acknowledging her that day). When something fucked up is cloaked in shiny glittery rainbows, it’s hard to see the deeper meaning behind it. Satan is vindictive and she will stop at nothing to get her vindication. 
That party was the first party I was invited to since my brother moved in with her, and I know that the only reason I was invited was because Satan was not letting her “investment” (aka my mom and her assets) slip away that easy. Three years prior to that day, there was little to no relationship between Satan and my mom. I would say that about 97% of their interaction in that span of time, was them arguing and yelling at one another. Whatever shit they had in the last few months of my mom’s life was exactly that, shit. It was so phony, on both ends. My brother had threatened my a few months before her tumor was discovered that if she didn’t get on board with his wife, she wouldn’t see her grandkids. My mom wasn’t about to not love an innocent child and so she pretended so she can have some type of connection. Satan doesn’t allow full blown connections though. 
My mom was upset with me about not going to the party and trust me when I say, I felt terrible that I wasn’t going to be there on her actual birthday. It upset me to know she was going to be sad there without me, but I just needed a break. I was on the front lines with her fighting this battle against cancer since December of 2015, while my brother and his wife were off getting drunk and going to Puerto Rico. I needed a day to myself but moreso I had reached a breaking point. I no longer had the energy to put into things that weren’t making me happy and so for the first time in a really long time, I put myself first. 
Pretty much from that day forward I started to live a life that was truer to myself. I still loved and respected my mom, but my relationships with other members in my family were starting to become so toxic that my need for sanity was starting outweigh my respect. I tolerated enough for her. I put so much energy into her and trying to make her happy and I did it to the detriment of my own well being. I knew she was getting worse and there was no way I was going to be able to take care of her in the way she deserved will all of this other baggage weighing me down. I had to let go. 
That last month of her life that she spent in the hospital, that was when I really started to see things clearly. Nothing will bring the dysfunction out of your family more than dealing with losing one of its members. I tried one last time for her and it blew up in my face. While it was the most confusing, emotionally taxing and horrifying rollercoaster ride of my life, and I felt like I couldn’t tell up from down, at the same time, I never saw things more clearly in my life. My aunts showed me what kind of people they were and what was important to them. My brother and his wife made it clear that the only thing they were interested in was there inheritance. My mom was secondary. While some of the people in my life feel sorry for me that my family is “mistreating” me and not being supportive, I am thanking god. It was a gift. He showed me the light. He set me free. I no longer have to tip toe around and worry about hurting anyone’s feelings. I don’t have to feel anxiety. I don’t have to be angry with them. I can live my life and be free. I can feel the way I want to feel without being judged and ridiculed. I realized that it doesn’t matter how much good I’ve done in my life and how much I was there for them. I can be an amazing person 99% of the time, but with my family, that 1% that you fuck up is going to override the other 99% of good. That fuck up is going to be your defining factor. Because I stood up for myself, I became the villain? 
After my mom passed and I got into a huge fight with my aunt Debbie where she said all this horrible shit to me, and then my objecting to my mom’s will and them being executors, I was just counting down the days until I could finally expose them and tell the world what frauds they were. I will admit, I had plans to destroy their lives and reputations. I thought of everything from making a video and exposing every detail on Facebook for all their friends,family and coworkers to see. I wanted to go all out. I mean I have stuff on them that can make them look like the biggest assholes possible. Especially my aunt Debbie. I wanted to share it with the world. I was so fucking angry. 

Since I was a kid, my worst fear was losing my mom and for the entire year of 2016, I was living my worst fear and they did nothing but make it even worse than it already was. How do you fuck with someone at a time like that? How could my aunt Bea and Uncle Bob use the death of my mother as means to get back at me for exposing their child molester son? How does my Aunt Debbie tell me I made my mom miserable and I didn’t let her die with “peace in her heart”, knowing that I was the only one that was always there for her, that she could always count on? There was a time when me and her had a great relationship. I confided in her and she confided in me. We would spend hours on the phone talking about my mom and how depressed she was, how fucked up my brother was and Aunt Debbie would tell me how lucky my mom was to have me. Now all of the sudden I ruined her life? It doesn’t make sense. 
 I spent the last 8 months of my life quietly and patiently waiting for this day to come, and trust me, in this last 8 months they tried so, so, so, so hard to get me to come out. I kept ignoring. In the past, I overshared my feelings. If something was bothering me, I had to tell everyone I knew about it. Back in July of last year, I went completely silent. I fell off the grid, so to speak. I completely stopped sharing with everyone in my family. I stopped reacting to their shit. I continued to keep my eyes focused on the prize, being there for my mom. I used my husband as an outlet. After my mom died, I started to use this blog as my outlet. It’s anonymous. The chances of them finding it are very small. Even if they do, they cannot prove it’s about them. 
After all the deflection, the denial, the, manufacturing of lies, the shit talking, the hate campaigning, bullying and intimidating, I couldn’t wait to have my day, but as time went on……….something magical happened. Me not talking to them or about them and reacting to them gave me better results. The less I responded the more angry they got. The more angry they got, the harder they tried to pull me out. Since they couldn’t reach me directly, they started to try different means of getting to me. They started to get other people involved, and by doing so, they made themselves look like hateful and heartless assholes. I didn’t need to expose them. They exposed themselves. The other members in my family who weren’t involved finally opened their eyes and they wanted no part of it, and so in turn, they distanced themselves. People have their number. A few other family members even decided to erase them of social media and it was reasons that had nothing to do with my situation. 
Here I am 8 months later and the need for revenge and the anger has dissipated. Through self reflection, therapy and lots of thinking, I have realized that it isn’t even worth my time. People like my aunts and Satan, they live their lives for this shit. They love causing chaos and they are looking for fights. The more you come back at them, you are just feeding them more fuel to continue doing what their doing. You are empowering them and giving them more ammunition and supply. You are breathing life into them. You are giving them a topic to discuss with their friends and family at the dinner table. You are letting them control your life. Fear = control. 
In order to want to hurt someone like that there has to be a level of care there. Wanting the person to know how they hurt you is you telling them that they are important enough to care what they think. I don’t give a flying fuck anymore what they think. I don’t want them to even get the slightest in I give a shit or that I am sweating them in any way. I have reached the point where I have no problem in them because I don’t care about them anymore. Their opinions of me mean nothing. I care more what a rock thinks of me than what they think.
Does it still hurt sometimes? Yes Does that feeling to hurt them the way they hurt me, still creep up from time to time? Yes. I wouldn’t be human if it didn’t cross my mind here and there. There are some days I want to drive my car to their houses and give them all a baseball bat to the face but at the end of the day, none of them is worth my freedom, my time or my energy. I will not give them the freedom that they so desperately crave. Not gonna happen. 
Today I went to my lawyer’s office and I signed my oath to be executor of my mom’s estate. I fought long and hard for this. I won. My mom would be proud. I know she would be. I miss her so much. 

Say cheese!  🧀 

Say Cheese! 🧀 
I was telling someone the story today about what my brother and his succubus of a wife, Satan and what they put me and my mom through during the last month of my mom’s life, while she was in the hospital. I didn’t share the story with many, as it was not going to make any differences, nor would it help me in any way. After telling the story again, it hit me again and I realized how truly and deeply fucked up it was. It showed me how truly twisted Satan was. Now that I’ve had seven months to reflect, I feel as if I’m looking at the world with a different set of eyes. My vision is no longer being clouded by my anger. I have had time to process, rationalize and gain clarity. I am still angry, but I’m not seething. I’m able to put my anger aside and really think of what was going on. 
If you didn’t read my previous post about the camera, I will explain it here. My mom was in the hospital for about two weeks, dying of stage 4 kidney cancer. One day while I was up at the hospital, my mom randomly comes out and tells me that Satan told her she won this thing called the Nest. It’s a thermostat that you can control from any smartphone, when you are away from home. Not only did Satan win this hi-tech thermostat, it also came with an accompanied security camera. If that’s not amazing enough Satan was feeling generous that day and decided she wanted to GIVE her prize to my mom, because she didn’t need it. My mom told me she thought it was strange and that she didn’t want a camera in her house. I couldn’t have agreed more. It was extremely strange. First off, what type of “contest” did she enter that was giving away hi-tech thermostats? Secondly, why would Satan just want to gift my mom, whom she wasn’t even that close with, $450 worth of stuff, for no reason? It was extremely weird. 
Because Satan is a sociopathic narcissist, I take everything she says with a grain of salt. As we know, they went to my mom’s house one Saturday afternoon under the pretense that they were going to put the covers on her A/C wall units. The neighbor texted me that day and told me that my brother and Satan were at the house and they brought a friend along. I went there to confront them. Remember, these are 2 people who NEVER came to my mom’s house to do anything for her and all of the sudden, that she’s in the hospital in severely bad shape, they want to help. Once I got there they were gone and that was when I discovered the camera, sitting atop my piano, in my mom’s living room, with the trained on my old bedroom where my mom kept her safe. 
Re-telling this story made me angry about it all over again because when I thought about how they manipulated my mom, I realized how truly evil it all was. As I said, my mom was in really bad shape at that point in time and it was beyond clear to anyone who saw her. She had lost the ability to walk and control her bowels and bladder. They put her on oxygen because she was having trouble breathing from her severe anemia. To make matters worse, her transplanted kidney failed after 25 years and she needed to start on dialysis treatments again. Worst of all was we know knew that her cancer had spread beyond the kidney where it originated, via her lymphatic system. It was everywhere, in her lungs, her stomach and even on her tailbone and a bone in her leg. The prognosis was grim at best and it was becoming clear that she was rapidly declining and death was coming. During that time the doctor also spoke to me and told me that my mom was terminally ill and that they were suggesting she go on hospice. She had enough shit to worry about. She didn’t need a fucking camera in her house or a new thermostat. She needed her son to be there and to stop harassing her about getting her affairs in order.
The fact that Satan completely mislead her, is what I find the most disturbing. The way she presented it to my mom was that she won the thermostat in a contest and didn’t need it. She used the thermostat as her selling point, and the camera was secondary, kind of an added on bonus. When I discovered the camera; I checked the wall and sure enough her old dial thermostat was still there. Not only was the thermostat not installed, they didn’t even bring it wit them. The box for the thermostat was tucked away in a spare bedroom that she used as an office. When they went there to set up the camera, they didn’t tell my mom until afterwards. 
I had to fix my mom’s iPad one day because their stupid Nest app froze it. I brought it home and once I got it back up and running, I was able to get into the nest app. The app is a paid service. You must pay a monthly fee to be able to view and save your videos. The account was under my brother’s name and my mom was added as a guest of his, which meant he had full access to the camera. He proved that he would be checking up on it because later that night he went to my mom’s house (for the second time that day); and discovered the camera was missing, and so he text me asking why I took the camera that he GAVE to mom. If he was really giving it to her for any good reason, he would’ve let her sign up for her own account. They proved that they were just lending it to her until she died by threatening to bring me and my husband to court and sue us over it. 
I think what pisses me off the most was the intent. To this day I don’t know the exact reason why they planted the camera. What haunts me is wondering what reason they gave her for putting the camera in her house? She never told me, which leads me to believe it’s probably some bullshit lie they made up about me. I was completely confused while all of this shit was happening. I had asked my mom several times why they put the camera in there and she couldn’t even answer my question. At that point in time I really felt like there was NO ONE I could trust. Even my own mother. I started to think that maybe she was in on something with them. Maybe she was hiding something from me. Maybe she was falling for their fake care and concern for her. It just wasn’t making sense. 
In retrospect, I believe they put that camera in there to control me. They wanted me to know Things are starting to come together now and make sense. My brother told me and my husband at the funeral parlor, that my Uncle Bob had been advising him the whole entire time. A few days prior to that during an argument between him and I, he told me that he knew I was “trying to get [my mom] to write him out of her will.”. While that wasn’t even true, it could’ve only came from one source, Aunt Bea and Uncle Bob. Prior to the last few weeks of my mom’s hospital stay, Aunt Bea and Uncle Bob were pretty much the only family members that were friendly with my brother and his wife. Them telling my brother and Satan that was what ignited the fire under their asses to make sure he got his half of her estate. My brother is also an asshole for even believing my mother would EVER do anything like that. He and his wife verbally abused her me disrespected her for three years straight. They sent her into a horrible downward spiral and gave her horrible anxiety and depression, and look, my mom was STILL willing to have a relationship with them. My mom would never do something like that and my brother should’ve known better. Him believing it was because of his own guilt that he unquestionably carries with him for hurting her so badly. 
I do not think I could ever forgive my brother for what he put my mom through in the last month of her life. She deserved better. She deserved to die in a peaceful, stress free, drama free environment. For years I blamed Satan but at the end, my brother is just as much responsible as she is. He didn’t have to go along with her crazy plans but he did. I think the camera is a testament to the evilness of narcissists . It shows how they will stop at NOTHING to win. Satan is probably so used to getting her way. Her scare tactics and manipulations probably work on other people but they do not work on me. She has met her match.