Settling the estate part 5 this is unsettling.

I was FURIOUS after receiving that “follow up” email from my brother. It was just completely unnecessary to send that to me. I can tell Satan, (my brother’s wife) was getting angry that I wasn’t just lying back and letting her push me around like she does with everyone else in her life. I was sick of her telling me how things were going to be done and what was in the “best interest of the estate”. Trust me when I say, NOTHING they wanted to do was in the best interest of the “estate”. Everything was in their THEIR best interest. That’s all they were concerned about from day one. Satan did not give one flying fuck that my mom had passed away, that I was grieving, that this was extremely hard for me. She just wanted that money, and she wanted it A.S.A.P.! I didn’t even reply to her email.

I finally got my corrected copies of the Letters of Administration in August 23, 2017. After over 8 months of fighting I was able to prove I was an executor of my mother’s estate. It was bittersweet. I knew my mom would’ve been happy to know that at least one person cared to carry out her wishes in the way she wanted. I thank god I fought for it. I can’t even imagine how things would’ve went had I not been involved at all. The one and only thing I wanted from day one was to be able to go through her house and preserve what little was left of my family. People will often say they are just objects but when you lose both of your parents and you and your sibling are split apart, those things become extremely invaluable. My mom was very sentimental, as am I, and I knew there were items in her home that she wouldn’t want to be just tossed away like they were worthless.

In the meanwhile my brother had gone to the bank without me and started the process of opening the estate account, which he shouldn’t have done. He didn’t tell me he had gone there until afterwards. He also went to my mom’s Bank and closed out her account and took all the money without telling me. There was nothing he could do with the checks but still, it was wrong of him to go without me and inform me AFTER he did it. My brother would not compromise with me whatsoever it was either his way or no way.

He sent me this email on August 24, 2017 at 2:35pm in the afternoon (while he was at his “demanding job”)

[me]:

I’ve gone to BNB and signed what I need to sign in order to open the Estate account. I’ve also provided an original Death Certificate.

The only things that they now need to open the account are the original, corrected Letters Testamentary and your information and signature. Please to provide the corrected letters when you go to the Bank.

If you complete and send over the attached form in advance of going to [the bank], you should be in and out of the bank in five minutes as I was.

Please let me know once you’ve been able to go to the bank to complete the opening of the account.

[brother]

I was so annoyed. Once again my “brother” thought he was just going to railroad me. He thought I was clueless and completely incompetent and so I wanted to surprise him that I was being proactive about the estate and doing what had to be done, so

I sent my “brother” this email later that night, on August 24th, but I REFUSED to send it to the new fake email address that I knew his wife was wife was operating, and so instead I sent it to the email address I had known my brother to have for the last few years. It was the same email address he had emailed me from earlier in the year before we were executors. I had already told him I knew I wasn’t talking to him over that email. My email read:

From: [me]

[mailto: [my emailaddress.net]

Sent: Thursday, August 24, 2017 10:27 PM

To: [mybrother’s regular email address]

Subject: Estate Progress Report

[brother],

I got your email the other day. I’ve been busy working on things that must be done for the estate.

• I went to [investment firm #1] today and began the process of opening an estate account. You need to go there and provide them with your social security number and signature.

• thank you for ordering mommy’s health records, but that isn’t necessary. I already have the proper documentation needed in order to file her [cancer insurance]claim.

• spoke with [bank personnel] at [a different investment firm] and provided my information for her to send me documents.

• we will need to speak about consolidating all accounts into one where both signatures are required for any transactions.

• as per my attorney’s advice, I opened a PO box and had mommy’s mail forwarded to it. You can have a key. I listed you as someone who can also access the box if need be.

• I spoke to [car company] about the $9000 check that was delivered to [his attorney’s address] where your attorney’s old office was, prior to the decision his federal case. Whomever supplied a letter to [car loan holder] that your attorney was representing the estate way back when I filed my objection, they need to call them and tell them that there is another attorney and executor whom is allowed to retain info for the estate.

• as per our conversation on 8/22, I have started to clear out and clean the house. I will provide you with a list of any items I have removed, please provide me with yours too. If you go there please do not remove anymore packing and/or cleaning supplies.

•I have contacted 2 home appraisers as you previously requested. I do not think it’s necessary to pay for  four separate appraisals as two is more than enough. I also contacted an agent and real estate attorney. My attorney strongly advised against selling the house privately as it is NOT in the best interest of the estate.

• I have contacted various family members about giving [our grandmother] mommy’s bed if you are still on with that.  I have pick up and delivery arranged for when the time comes.

• just for your records, I got in touch with [human resources person] regarding mommy’s 401, her profit sharing and group life insurance. As you are, I am waiting for his reply

• I went to chase and got printout statements for all four of her accounts

• I paid the outstanding balance for her Landscaping.

• I am in touch with General Utilities regarding her outstanding balance with them.

• I will be paying part of the the PSEG bill since there hasn’t been a payment since Since June and I would rather not see the electric turned off.

Please see the two attached lists I have included. I am still working on preparing detailed lists and figures with my attorney, including my reimbursements with receipts and supporting bank statements.

With Regards,
[me]

I wanted my brother and his wife to know that although they tried very hard to keep me in the dark about my mother’s finances, I was well informed about them and I was doing my homework. One of the things I discovered not about them, but about their attorney was quite shocking and I discovered it totally by accident. My attorney was trying to get in touch with him and he wasn’t hearing back. I was just curious one day so I typed their attorney’s name into google. I was shocked when the first result to pop up was a .pdf of a legal document where he was the defendant. Apparently he and a few of his buddies got involved in some type of supplement business and they decided to pull a Ponzi scheme of sorts where they sold bogus stocks for a bogus company to people. It seemed he was in hot shit with the Federal Trade Commission and had to pay restitution in the tune of 4 MILLION dollars! You can’t make this shit up! I later found out Satan of course was the one who retained this scumbag. Birds of a feather flock together I suppose.

I didn’t get a response to my email but instead two days later on August 26th, at 9:00am on a Saturday morning, I got another email from my brother that read:

[me],

Advising again that I have already completed my portion for [the bank] to open up the estate account. Since Saturday is the only day you can go I would assume it would be completed today.

Thank you for going to [bank my mom had her accounts at] first it made me obtaining the certified checks very quick and easy.  It was just over $26K. Once you have notified me that the estate account is open at [bank], I will process a for deposit only for these checks. They will clear in one day. Please provide me with the account #.

I will follow up later regarding other estate issues.

[brother]

First off, I never said Saturday was the only day I could go. I just said it was more convenient for me. I offered to go after work hours one day during the week but that wasn’t good enough for them because Satan cannot allow my brother to go anywhere without her, that doesn’t have a definitive time limit. God forbid him and I spoke to one another.

I woke up late and missed the Bank that Saturday morning. The next day was Sunday, August 27th, and so I didn’t bother to respond to her. Later that night however I received an email from her. I’m going to share a portion of the email in screen shots because I want you to see exactly how she formatted it…. the beginning portion read…

[me]

I’ve only just received this email as you are sending it to an account that I no longer use.  Please send it to the [fake email account ran by Satan] account as this is my active account.  Going forward, your emails will be redirected to that account so that I don’t miss them.

First let me address some main issues:

• ­I did not request that you get an appraisal on the house.  I requested that you get two comps/market analysis on the house, as I am getting comps on the house as well (See my prior email of 8/22).  A market analysis is something that a realtor will give you to estimate an appropriate listing price for a house based on recent sales (comps) and listings of similar houses in the similar neighborhoods.  These are free!!  An appraisal will cost upwards of around $400.00. The buyer of the house will pay for an appraisal as a part of getting a mortgage to buy the house. The Estate should not, and won’t cover the cost of an appraisal.  Please cancel your appointment and make appointments with realtors to get comps.  If you insist on getting an appraisal instead of a comp, that will be a cost that will come out of your pocket.

• As per your email you are stating that you refuse to proceed to open an estate account unless I drop off checks at your house.  That is completely unacceptable.  Please consult with your attorney immediately.  If you refuse to conduct estate business in a timely matter, we will leave it up to the court to decide.  There is no need to have those checks in your possession prior to opening an estate account.  When you plan on going to [the bank], please advise of date and time and I will bring signed checks to the teller at that point.  Once again, if you continue to refuse to conduct estate business timely, I will request it be taken out of your hands.  An estate account is of utmost importance at this time.

• I have already contacted 2 real estate agents which both suggest listing at $349,000.  One of which offered a reduced commission of 3% instead of the standard 4%.  Please be advised that any delay on your part would also be considered refusal or delay of estate business.  The house needs to be listed ASAP.  It does not need to be emptied first.  Please remember this is in the best interest of the estate.

• If you would like to use your choice of attorney and my choice of agent, that could be a fair compromise.  Consult with your attorney.

**Please see my comments below in red.

Thank you,

[“my brother”]

Below is how she addressed the things I wrote in my email…

Clearly she was IRATE that I had been taking action to start settling the estate. This is coming from someone who was trying to get her hands on my mom’s money 3 days after she passed. To say I was fucking infuriated after reading this email, was an understatement. There was NO NEED WHATSOEVER to speak to me like this. For starters, if my email went to an address that was no longer used, how the fuck did you see it? Take note that she tells me my emails are going to be forwarded to the “other” account because it will be relevant in the future. She did request I get an appraisal and so I contacted an appraiser. The condescending tone this whole entire email is just so not my brother. It’s just not how he speaks AT ALL, even when he’s angry. The threats to take “estate business out of my hands”; they way she marked up my email like she is some sort of teacher, the demands that I “contact my attorney IMMEDIATELY”, all of it had HER written all over it. She was obviously very, very upset that I am not a pussy like my brother is. I had to laugh too at some of the stuff she was saying because she was completely clueless. The “rejection” letters she got, those were MONTHS old. While my mom was in the hospital during her last month of life, she asked me to file a claim for her with her cancer insurance company because she wanted to have money to pay bills since she was not working, and not collecting any type of disability. I tried to file the claims online but the company’s website was giving me trouble. That is why, she got the rejection letters. I eventually was able to fax my mom’s claim and clearly since my Brother and his wife were collecting all her mail, they could see in her bank statements that the claim did in fact, go through, and money was deposited in her account from the insurance company. Also, the rejection letters clearly state when the claim was filed and they could clearly see it was from before my mom passed. This was something Satan, the narcissist did throughout the whole process of settling this estate. She would try to create this narrative that I was completely incompetent. I guess so she had “proof” to show the court?

Her need for control and malignant, overt narcissism was really starting to shine. I want you to also take note of how she tells me to “mail the key for the P.O. Box” and proceeds to give me their home address. They live 7.5 miles away from me. It’s about a 10-15 minute ride. My brother’s job is 3 miles away from me. I easily could drop the key off to him at work, or driven to their house, like NORMAL siblings would do, and vice versa, but she was insisting I waste time and money mailing it to them. I mean it’s just so ridiculous. She denies that she controls my brother yet she can’t even let us meet at the Bank or exchange a key, for fucks sake!

The last thing I want you to take note of is the mention of the “additional life insurance policy.”. The day my mom died and I was forced by them to go immediately to the funeral home to plan her wake services, I was told by my brother’s wife who was unfortunately there, that my mom had three life insurance policies and all but one had lapsed due to non-payment. The next day they called my husband and told him to tell me that I should take as much money out of my mom’s account because all three policies had now lapsed and that we weren’t going to have money to pay her funeral. In my vulnerable state I went against my better judgement, because I had a feeling they were lying and I took $1600 out of my mom’s account through the ATM. Then magically the next day, it was, oops we were wrong! The one policy didn’t lapse. As you can see; she even mentions it and that it paid for the funeral so you can imagine how surprised I was that I was now being told there was an “additional life insurance policy”. This was the third mention of it too. It was mentioned it once in the very first email to me and again in the second. She just had to point out how I was “wrong” too. As you will see in the next few posts, she used this information to torture me.

I was fed up at this point in time. Realistically we were only a few days into settling this estate and already it was a fucking nightmare.

To be continued….

Settling the Estate part 4, you only get one phone call…..

Under normal circumstances I never would’ve had a problem with my brother’s spouse helping settle my mom’s estate. In fact I often imagined how things would’ve been had Satan not been in the picture. I think had he still been with his ex, things would’ve gone a lot smoother and there’s no question we all would’ve worked as a team. I cannot for the life of me understand why Satan felt the need to control my mom’s estate, or even the need to be involved. There is absolutely nothing fun about finalizing someone’s existence on paper. All she cared about from day one, was the nice chunk of change my brother was going to inherit. Things could’ve been totally different and even somewhat civil had she approached everything in a different manner. Like most narcissists, Satan had a massive amount of entitlement. She thinks just because she’s married to my brother, she automatically gets our respect. She thinks because she is his wife, she had a right to control every aspect of his life, including his interactions with his family. That’s because she had my brother convinced since day one that she was the most intelligent person on the planet and that she has experience doing anything and everything you can think of. In fact, I recently listened to a tape of her and my mom arguing back from when her and my brother first got engaged and our relationship went south. At that point in time she had only been around for a little over 6 months and had met my extended family on only one occasion, yet she is talking about my family as if she is already part of it. The part I have the most trouble with is that this woman treated my mother horribly for over 2 years prior to her death. She spoke to my mom like she was a worthless piece of dirt, and it wasn’t just once or twice. It’s evidenced in a collection of nasty texts and recorded arguments. She only started to treat my mom a little better only a few months before my mom found the mass on her kidney. My mom did not care for Satan at all but began at that point to tolerate her just so she could see her granddaughter.

Although the relationship became somewhat amicable between her and my mom in the last 8 months or so of my mom’s life, my mom couldn’t stand Satan and her feelings about her were no secret, especially to her family. My mom’s two closest sisters act like they didn’t know how my mom felt. That is another thing I still cannot wrap my head around. My family thinks I am somehow in the wrong for not wanting to her involved in my mom’s affairs. For starters, my mom made it more than abundantly clear that she didn’t want her involved either. Also, looking at it from my point of view, Satan is essentially a stranger to me. I never had any type of relationship with her because I never got time to build one and to be quite honest, it was clear that she had no interest in building one from the very beginning. With that said, I’d love to ask my family, why is it ok that I have to be forced to discuss and negotiate my mother’s estate with a dishonest stranger in whom I didn’t care for or trust? She is a proven liar. Why should Satan get my respect? I tried to be amicable with her. I tried to tolerate her, but time and time again she overstepped boundaries by doing things like, invading my mother’s privacy, planting cameras in her house, lying to and manipulating my mother while she lie on her death bed etc. Maybe I am wrong but I cannot just forget the way she treated my mom for all those years, especially since there was never any sort of apology, culpability or even so much as an acknowledgment on her end, that she was shitty to my mom. I’m sorry, but I think I have good reason to not trust this person and to not want to deal with her. Everything she had shown me was not just negative but straight up devious.

I wanted Satan to know that I knew she was the person writing those emails to me. I assume their attorney finally got in touch with them because the next email I got from my brother was “him” saying that he had tried to call me. He left me his number but it wasn’t his cellphone number. It ended up the number he gave me was the landline number at their house. That was the only number I was allowed to call. I’m sure this was so Satan could intercept and screen my phone calls before my brother called me back. Every time I tried to call it, I got their answering machine. I called my brother back for what ended up being the only and only time I actually physically spoke to him during the entire year that we were co-executors. You can listen to the phone call on YouTube by clicking here.

It was clear from this call that my brother was being coached by his wife. The call only helped to confirm my suspicions that my brother was not the one writing the emails. I brought up several issues that were discussed in the emails, and he had no idea what I was talking about. My brother also recorded this call, and reportedly in his copy his wife can be heard writing furiously with a sharpie marker, banging the table to get his attention and whispering responses in his ear. Again, I know how my brother normally acts and speaks and I could tell that he was being coached. This is why Satan did not want us speaking on the phone or in person. It was too hard for her to control the conversation that way. My brother NEVER was a good liar, and in fact, it was a running joke in our household because he was so terrible at it. When he started smoking at age 16 he didn’t even bother lying to my parents about it. Instead, he walked into the kitchen one day and slammed a pack of Marlboro reds on the table and said, “Mom and dad, I smoke now.”. Ever since he met Satan, he’s been forced to lie, but as his sister, I can still tell when he’s lying. I can hear the hesitation in his voice after I ask questions and I can tell by his hostile reactions to my questions.

I also want to address the fact that you can clearly hear that I’m annoyed as well in this phone call. I really tried to keep my cool but at this point in time it was extremely hard for me. This was after months and months of lies and sneaky behavior, plus the fact that they were trying to act as if they were the estate bosses, and I was some sort of minion. They didn’t care that I was in “control” when my mom was sick. They didn’t care that I was the main care taker. They didn’t help with ANYTHING substantial while she was sick, but now suddenly they felt entitled to not only help, but to completely control everything and boss me around. All the prior bullshit really bothered me, but I think what bothered me the most was the complete lack of emotion from my brother. Not once throughout this whole process did I hear him express any type of sorrow or grief about my mom. In fact she was hardly ever mentioned. There were times I tried to pull emotions out and I expressed how sad I was, and how hard this was for me, but all I got in return was cold, unemotional, robotic responses. That was because I wasn’t talking to my brother. Still, even in this phone call he is so cold. His only concern was getting his money. He was completely unbothered by the fact that we had to part with our childhood home and everything in it. I feel sorry for my brother. I pity him. I cannot imagine not being able to be vulnerable in front of my husband. It’s clear that my brother cannot show any weakness in front of his wife. During the last two days of my mom’s life it became evident to me. When Satan was around he would just sit there with this blank look on his face. When she finally left that last night to go to the party she was hosting at her house (I can’t make this shit up!) I saw him cry for the first time. When she wasn’t there I saw tears. My friend who was also my mom’s nurse that night said she came in at one point and my brother was in my mom’s room alone, bawling his eyes out. I want to believe that the brother I once knew is somewhere inside and that he’s not the cold, empty shell he has to be when Satan is around. It’s so disheartening to see someone that you’ve known your whole life to be sensitive and caring, turn into an emotionless robot. I hate Satan. She stole my brother’s soul and completely destroyed it.

Because Satan can’t leave well enough alone, the next day I received another bullshit, formally written, bullet formatted unnecessary e-mail from my “brother”, to “follow-up” on our call that read:

Subject: Estate Follow-up – Conversation of 8/21/2017

[me]:

 

Per our conversation last night:

• I‘ve attached email that I received from the bank regarding opening the Estate account.  I’ve already forwarded my information to the bank, and I will drop off the originals that I have prior to the opening of the account.  As I have repeatedly stated, I am only available Monday through Friday on my lunch break.  I am not available any Saturdays and this is non-negotiable.  Upon closing the [bank] accounts and receiving certified / bank checks, the estate account will be opened and bills will be paid immediately on site.

• I will forward you the email from the accountant.  She will send us her fee and mail us tax returns for signature.

• You said that you will make the claim for [my mother’s cancer insurance] I will send you her medical records once I receive them.  Please send me a copy of the claim.

• Have you forwarded the mail yet?

• I will contact the investment accounts and get the necessary paperwork.

• I’ve contacted [my mother’s job] regarding the profit-sharing plan.

• [water supply company] is sending a current bill to me.

• [loan company] is sending me account information.

• I sent a certified death certificate and an original letter to her life insurance company as they have requested it numerous times, so that they can pay the death benefit.

• Please obtain two comps from local realtors for the house.  I will do the same.  A private sale is always in the best interest of the Estate.  The house does not need to be emptied at all before it can be offered for sale.  We will have plenty of time to clean it out before the closing.  Paying any more bills on the house is not in the best interest of the Estate.

• I will take my personal items from the house.  I will give you an opportunity to object to any non-personal items that I’d like to take.  I’ve already stated that I’d like to take the utility wagon from the shed.

• Per the Stipulation of Settlement, as co-executors the approval of both of us is required to take any action on the Estate.  That does not mean that we both physically need to be present to complete all actions, as long as written approval to act is provided.  Documents that require two signatures can be signed in counterparts.  Please consult your attorney if you have any questions about this.

 

Thank you,

 

[brother]

I was COMPLETELY. FUCKING. FED. UP. Satan had to go…..

To be continued……..

Settling the estate, Part 3 lies, lies and alibis

Prior to receiving our letters of administration to be executors of my mother’s estate, my brother signed an agreement, as did I, that read:

“That all business is to be transacted by the EXECUTORS in their PERSONAL capacity, and NO surrogate shall have the authority to ACT IN PLACE of one or the other executor…”.

This did not include the help of professionals like attorneys, accountants, realtors, etc. my attorneys added this specifically to make Satan’s power of Attorney over my brother completely useless in this context but of course like all narcissists, Satan doesn’t like playing by the rules.

The agreement signed by both me, my brother and my aunts. All identifying info has been redacted.

People have a certain way about them when they express themselves that can be detected even in writing. I know how my brother talks and articulates himself. I know how he acts. I know how he is. I know there are certain things I can say to him that will trigger him. I know that the person I was talking to via this new email address was not him.

Starting the day after my mom’s wake every single place I called in regards to my mother would tell me that they had already spoken to Satan. I called her bank, her money market accounts, her cell phone provider, etc., and everyone said they had already spoken to Satan and they called her by name. Even though she never legally took my brother’s last name, she was conveniently using it to make these calls so it sounded like she was the child of my mother. Why was this stranger calling up on my mom’s behalf? The most sickening part of all of this was that my so-called Aunts were WELL AWARE of the fact that my mom did not want my brother’s wife involved in her affairs, yet they all sat there and supported her being involved. Not only did they support her but they actually encouraged it.

My attorneys were aware of my concerns that my brother had made a new email address and that I didn’t think I was speaking to him, and so their advice to me was to wait until we had received the letters of administration, and to ask him if we can meet up somewhere to discuss the estate. Although I didn’t have the letters yet, I did not want to be accused of not communicating, and so I wrote back suggesting we meet up somewhere in order to discuss things, and in response to my email this is what I got back.

“I will be unavailable to meet person as I will be handling most of the estate via email and/or my attorney. Per my attorney, I will only be needed in person to open the bank account and to attend the closing. 

I have twice sent you copies of bills that I’ve paid and bills that need to be paid. Please send me the same from your end. If email isn’t good for you, you can send them to me via USPS.  

Please email me your questions and or concerns that you wanted to discuss. I will review them and consult my attorney if needed, then send you my response.”

At this point it was becoming more and more clear that my brother was not the person in whom I was speaking with. The fact I can tell by the way he was speaking, coupled with his refusal meet with me in person or talk on the phone, strongly suggested that it was Satan who was acting as a wizard of oz,of sorts, hiding behind the curtain of a fake email address. I printed my brother’s email and took it to my attorney’s office and on August 18th 2017, I sent my brother this email.

[brother], 

I just sat down with my attorney who called your attorney while I was there. Your attorney agreed that we need to meet up to discuss how this estate is going to be settled as CO-executors. I already asked you when you can meet up and was told you would be “unavailable” and your attorney advised you that you’d only need to be present to open the bank account and for the closing. That is not what he just told my attorney on the phone. He also informed us that you received ten official copies of the letters yet you never responded to my email where I told you I didn’t have copies. You never informed me that you had copies. I just want to remind you that you signed an agreement. Please pay close attention to numbers 2 & 3 on that agreement. We HAVE to do this together and communicate. If you are looking to save money by not hiring a real estate agent and wanted to get money off the last months insurance, your refusal to communicate with me is going to cost more than any amount we can save. We are both on the letters. Let’s not waste mom’s hard earned money on lawyer’s, as you said when you emailed me back in March. I have a pretty flexible schedule so please let me know when you can meet up so we can start settling this estate the right way and get it done in a timely manner so we can move on with our lives.

P.s If you want to talk you can also call me. (XXX) XXX-XXXX that is much easier for me as I do not check my emails often. 

[me]

I had expressed in an earlier emailthat I had never received the copies of the letters that my attorneys had ordered. This was a whole other mess I had to investigate on my own. My brother sent me his first email on July 31st. I never replied. On August 9th he resent the same email only he edited the first paragraph from, “I spoke with my attorney this past week. He advised that all surrogate court is waiting for is your original signature on

the settlement agreement, which your lawyer stated you would be signing shortly. The papers will be issued shortly after they get it, I assume” to vaguely say, “The court has all the papers and everything is set to go now.”. The fact that he had edited the first paragraph made me question why he did so and so I decided to call the surrogates court myself and I found out that ten copies of the letters had been sent to my brother’s attorney by accident, instead of mine. I had sent an email to my brother stating that I didn’t have the letters yet and my “brother” opted not to tell me that he had received them. Instead he vaguely wrote that everything was “set to go”. After that I had to go on a wild goose chase to get myself copies of the papers. I realized my name was spelled incorrectly, and so I had to make multiple trips back and fourth to the surrogates court in order to get that corrected. When I told my brother his copies were no good he refused to turn them in. He told me he had already given them out to some bill collectors but he wouldn’t tell me exactly who.

In my email I also pointed out numbers 2&3 of the agreement (see above)which were the paragraph I pasted above about each executor having to do all transactions in their own capacity, and another paragraph in which stated that we were both responsible for our own legal fees. This means that the money we paid to our attorneys came out of our pockets and not the estate. I was trying to point out that every time we had to call our attorneys for stupid nonsense like my brother’s refusal to speak to me, we were being charged for it. My brother did not seem to care however. In response to my email I received this from my “brother”….

“[me],

Yesterday, I received the certificates I requested. I would assume you would have requested your own copies. I will bring one for the bank and an extra one for you when we meet at [the bank] to open up an estate account. I will make an appointment at the [the bank] near my office, as I will be doing this on my lunch break. Once again, please send me the bills that need to be paid and also an itemized bill for what you have paid for the estate to date. I have sent you my copies twice. 

For the mail, I suggest we do change-of-addresses on all known accounts and creditors. Then, we can do a mail forward for everything else. We can either get a P.O. Box, or just have it forwarded to your address. 

Since most of the bills already come to my address and you have online access to those accounts, I’ll continue to receive them. You can have all the investments go to yours and provide me with online access. Feel free to call the investments and change address.

I would suggest meeting at the bank to open the estate account and get the bills paid, then we can take it from there. Paying the outstanding balances is the most pressing matter. 

Again please send me the list you have including address, account numbers and amounts due. I will write out envelopes for each and the bank can issue checks that day. Once I have your list, I will make the appropriate appointment. 

Thank you,

[my brother]”

Ugh, reading these emails again is getting my blood boiling. As you can see he was evading the whole part where I said that his attorney said that we needed to discuss these matters in person. He completely glazed right past it. The business like, robotic manner that this letter is written in is so bizarre, in and of itself. That is not the way my brother speaks or writes. This is the way in which all these emails were written. There was absolutely no emotion involved.

My brother was being very pushy. He was demanding that I give him a list of bills in which I paid and other bills that needed to be paid, meanwhile they had all the mail. My attorney’s advised me to go over all bills before paying them to make sure the claims are valid. I had no access to the bills since my brother was illegally stealing the mail since the day my mom passed. He was going online, pretending to be my mom, and doing illegal mail holds , and then authorizing himself to retrieve the mail at the post office. Basically he was impersonating my mom. He never informed the post office that my mom had passed. My attorney advised opening a PO box that we would both have access to. At first my brother fought it but now he was suddenly saying open it and have the mail forwarded there. This was a constant theme throughout the estate. “He” would say one thing and then completely change his mind days later. He even admits most of the bills were already coming to his house, which they shouldn’t have been. My brother was also demanding we pay the outstanding bills the same day we opened the bank account. He couldn’t even wait for the account to be opened and for the checks to come in the mail. He wanted the Bank to give us a few handwritten “starter checks”. I didn’t have any lists to give him at that point and my attorneys advised that there was no need for me to give them anything, especially since I still didn’t have my letters, and that they would take care of it. As far as my “online” access, I only had online access to my mom’s accounts because she gave me her email and passwords. I was not about to give them to these two sneaky liars. They were already in her mail. That was all they needed.

I knew my brother was not behind this email. My brother would never offer to write envelopes out and bring them to the bank! It was so ridiculous and completely unnecessary to do. This email has Satan written all over it. It’s written as if she’s the boss who is delegating tasks. This is a typical narcissist move. She’s telling me what I can do and what she is going to do. She has complete control although she’s trying to make it appear as if it equal by telling me I’m welcome to do, x,y,and z. She was basically assigning all the remedial tasks to me in an attempt to keep me busy and make me feel like I’m doing something. I don’t know what my brother told Satan about me but in the next few weeks I could see that she had no idea what type of person I am. She was about to see.

To be continued in the next post…..

Settling the Estate, part 2

Once again it has been some time since I last updated this blog. In a nut shell, since the day I received letters of administration, from that point on, my life became an absolute and utter living fucking hell. I thought caring for my mom was stressful and it was……extremely, but settling an estate with a person like my brother’s wife who completely lacks empathy, compassion, humility, integrity, honesty and a moral compass, was complete and utter torture. I much rather be waterboarded than to ever have to deal with that demon again.

I had always thought since day one that my brother’s wife was a narcissist, but after all I’ve been through, I am now convinced that she is a full blown, legitimate, certified, clinical psychopath, with heavy narcissistic traits, and my brother has been fully indoctrinated into her sick, twisted and sadistic world. Years ago I saw him as a poor defenseless and naive victim, but now my empathy for him is completely lost. I have done extensive reading about personality disorders, co-dependents, enabling, toxic people, high conflict people, etc etc and I now understand that my brother in some way is responsible for the abuse, because he allows it to continue. When I look back to 2 months after his wedding when he showed up unannounced on my front door step, while in the midst of psychotic, shit-storm of an argument with his wife, and confessed to me that he thought she had borderline personality disorder, and had been “researching” it for weeks, I realize that he at that point in time had choice. Due to the timing of all of this, being only 2 months after they officially and legally became a committed union, I assume that this was the time you read about in so many articles about emotional abusers, that the mask finally slipped, and Satan started showing her true colors. At that point in time, even though she caused all that drama before their wedding, he wasn’t still fully engulfed in the fog and for whatever reason, he had a brief moment of clarity and acknowledged that there was something deeply wrong with her that he couldn’t handle. Sure enough though, as all narcissists do, she somehow sweet talked him with the promise to change and to see a marriage counselor (of her choosing of course) she “Hoovered” him back in, but there was an acknowledgement of her illness and that’s my whole point here. At that point in time while it would’ve been completely inconvenient, he could’ve easily got out of the marriage, and even possibly had it annulled. Sure he would’ve had to start all over, but it would’ve been a lot easier. He had more support, there were no real financial ties except his car, and most importantly no children. His heart would’ve been broken but he would’ve healed. Instead of walking away though, he made a clear and conscious CHOICE to not only try to work things out with her, but to actively start trying to have a child with her…..because you know, that solves everything. He decided to take an already unhealthy, toxic and messy situation and make it even more messy by adding an innocent child into the mix. He guaranteed himself that this woman is going to run his life on some level; for the rest of his life, even if she leaves him. Their poor kid didn’t ask to be born into this shit and shame on my brother for forcing it upon her.

When my brother told me that he believed his wife had Borderline personality disorder right away I started to read up on it to maybe gain some type of understanding of why things happened the way they did. The bulk of articles on the subject warn the reader, who is most likely the victim of their abuse, to run and run fast and to not look back. I found very few articles where there was empathy towards this person. In the end, Bordelines, Narcissists, sociopaths, psychopaths etc, all fall under the same category in the DSM (the book psychologists use to diagnose) and they all have overlapping traits, with slight variations from one other. The label itself doesn’t matter, because when you read about being in intimate relationships with any of them, the consensus is the same. You are looking towards a future of gaslighting, splitting, manipulation, taking all of the blame and worst of all, intense emotional abuse. My brother read all of this shit and for some reason decided to stick it out. That’s is why my sympathy for him is non-existent. My brother clearly has his own issues. What exactly they are, I don’t know, but I do know the one thing that probably drives him into controlling relationships with emotionally unstable women is that he is insecure with himself and feels he cannot do any better than what he can get. In other words, his expectations of women are low because his self-esteem is low. My brother, in my opinion is in an extremely emotionally and psychologically abusive relationship and due to the stigma that is attached to men being the victims, he is in complete denial about it. It’s a shame because men are afraid to reach out for help and admit that they are being browbeat by an abusive woman. Satan has fully altered his reality and the sickest part is that my brother actually still believes that he is in full control of his life.

My family only reinforces his delusional beliefs by ignoring and enabling him and his wife, by sitting on the sidelines quietly. (While some actively encourage the toxic behavior). What they fail to understand though is that I saw things, heard things and even witnessed things that were red flags, right from the beginning. What they feel to realize is that all abusers and all victims share a set characteristics that can be noticed by the outside world. I saw a lot of them from day one. I too was in a similar relationship and there were certain things my brother would do in the first few months of their relationship that I recognized myself doing when I was in that relationship. I saw a stark change in my brother’s overall behavior and demeanor whenever she was around. Even when she wasn’t around I could still detect something was wrong. My brother is very quiet when there’s something bothering him. I can tell when something is wrong with him within seconds of seeing him. I know what worry, fear and anxiety look like on his face. I know when he feels uncomfortable. Hell I can even tell when he’s trying to fake that everything is ok. After a lifetime of being around someone you don’t even need them to speak or express themselves to know something isn’t right. Their facial expressions and body language say it all.

The times I did see my brother during the first 6 months of his relationship while she wasn’t around, I could tell he was fighting with her. He’d be glued to his phone texting back and forth with her, all quiet and off in his own little world. Other ways I could tell something was off was that my brother started trying to sensor me too. He would ask me not to discuss certain topics or to hide things from her. That is not normal. He feared her reaction to things and seemed to be always walking on eggshells to avoid confrontation. Watching my brother change in these ways was scary to me. After a while he stated sounding like he was joining a cult. He no longer expressed his own ideas and opinions. Everything was, “well Satan says this is a good idea..”, or “Satan says i should do this.”, or “Satan knows because she’s been there and done that.”. That was all part of him being indoctrinated and brainwashed into thinking she knew best in every situation, always.

I don’t know how my family expects me not to feel a certain type of way about his wife. What they don’t get is that it wasn’t one or two little things. It’s a compilation of many different factors that made me worry about him and caused a complete lack of trust in his wife. When you see someone completely losing control, freedom and isolating themselves it is a scary thing to witness. I don’t know if maybe even with them they don’t get how a woman can be abusive. Maybe it’s because both my aunt Debbie and my Aunt Bea share in some of these toxic and abusive traits that Satan possesses, themselves and they fail to recognize that they are indeed abusive.

I don’t know but what I do know is that I don’t have to put up with toxic and abusive behavior from ANYONE. What I do know is that everything I believed was happening when my mom was sick, was really happening and that’s why my family refuses to face me. Facing me means facing the truth. Facing me means facing their own wrongdoings. It means facing that their lies and with that said, I will never talk to any of them, ever again.