Crossing the line….

It was going into the second full day my mom was in the hospital. I had to bring my son on a field trip for school that morning. It was his first field trip ever. I felt wrong going but I had to do it for him. I wanted to try to keep his life as normal as possible while this was going on. He was only three years old and didn’t need to feel the stress which I’m sure he inevitably felt anyway. It was a short trip to a local public farm and so I was ok that we were only 20 minutes away from the hospital if anything happened. My mom was still in pretty severe pain but they had decided to give her a pain pump to better control it. She was at least able to lay down and relax a little. 
We had been at the pumpkin farm for about a half hour and I got a text from my brother. His texts were weird to me sometimes. I had trouble telling if I was actually talking to him or not. That is how much my brother had changed in the years since he had met Satan. I could never tell if I was talking to him or her. He asked me if I had seen anything in the report when I had picked up the MRI disk the previous night. I told him I did,but that I was on a field trip with my son and couldn’t really speak at the moment. I also told him that I’d call him as soon as I got to my car. This is where things got weird to me. He responded back that he was really worried and would prefer I gave him the short version “now” and tell him the details when I could talk because he was, “really worried.” I didn’t understand why suddenly he was “really worried” when all along I had been telling him how bad of shape she was in and he didn’t seem to show that much concern. Also the way he worded it was just weird to me. It just wasn’t like my brother to be pushy like that, at all. I easily could’ve not answered him until I got in the car but I didn’t want to be accused of withholding info and so I told him real quick that they thought there was a tumor on her spine. I asked him to not say anything to my mom until the doctors told her. 
When the trip was over, I called him as soon as I got my son in the car and explained to him what happened and how I figured it all out. His tune was suddenly different. He was acting as if I was wrong and he almost got argumentative with me about it and told me to wait and see what the doctors said. I kept repeating to him that I was 99% sure but he kept arguing. I didn’t want to bicker with him so o just agreed and told him I’d be heading to the hospital later that day. 
Sure enough, a while later my mom called and told me the very same news. She sounded surprisingly ok with it. I don’t know if it was the dilaudin or what but I didn’t expect her to sound so calm about it. She also informed me that they wanted to do a blast of radiation on it to shrink it down in hopes of alleviating the pain. Shortly after I spoke to her they were going to bring her down to the radiation area to tattoo her so they can pinpoint the correct spot to shoot the radiation. Before we hung up the phone, she asked me if I had called the social worker at the hospital. I told her that I didn’t and after I said that she then says, “I didn’t think so…… I knew it…..I was [Satan].”. Apparently the social worker had come in to my moms room that afternoon and told her that her daughter in law had been calling, inquiring into whether or not my mom had a healthcare proxy and if so, who it was. My mom told me that she told the girl not to give her ANY information. I asked my mom for the social worker’s number and called her when we hung up. The social worker explained to me that Satan had called more than a few times asking about the healthcare proxy. In fact her exact words were, “she’s been calling and calling, all day.”.
I was totally confused and angry as fuck. That was TOTALLY none of Satan’s business whether or not my mom had a healthcare proxy and who it was. I was really pissed off and felt like she was way overstepping her boundaries. As bad as I wanted to call her up and tell her the fuck off, I resisted and instead decided to go a different route. I text my girlfriend who was a nurse in the unit my mom was in whether or not doctors and hospital personnel were allowed to give information to non-blood relatives. My friend told me that they shouldn’t but if the patient consents, they could. I explained briefly what was going on and why it was weird and so she informed me that they had the healthcare proxy forms at the nurses station and that when I came in later that night she’d give me one to fill out with my mom. 
I know this may sound crazy and so hear me out but I do not know Satan all that well. When push comes to shove, she is a virtual stranger to me. After catching her and my brother in my moms house, going through her safe, her bills and her financial statements, back in August, I do not trust her. Especially since I believe I already didn’t trust her but that made me really side eye her. I don’t know what her intentions are. For almost three years this girl treated my mom like total dog shit. She broke our family apart and kept my brother away from us. My mom cried, begged and pleaded with her to make amends and she vehemently refused. My mom then gets diagnosed with a rare form of cancer that doesn’t respond to treatment and all of the sudden, like a light switch, she decides to start acting friendly? Do you see where I’m going here? This girl sees my mom as her cash cow. She’s an investment. She knew my mom was sitting on a little nest egg and she wanted to ensure my brother (aka, her) was going to get what he(she) was “entitled” to. Maybe even a little more if she played her cards right. I had no idea what her intentions were by worrying about who my mom’s healthcare proxy was but I can ensure you, after being the main and pretty much only caretaker, of my mom, there was no way in HELL I was going to put my mom’s life in her hands! Allowing my brother that much power meant giving her the power. They weren’t going to not be around for three years and then all of the sudden think they can make crucial medical decisions with my mom’s life. Over. My. Dead. Body. Again, I know this may sound crazy but I thought to myself, maybe they are so worried about me being the healthcare proxy because they are scared I’m going to keep my mother alive! (Therefore delaying their inheritance from reaching their pockets). 
That night my brother and Satan came up to the hospital. I have never so badly wanted to jump across the room and choke her to death but that wasn’t an option. I swear she was purposely trying to piss me off that night. She kept mentioning how she spoke to this doctor and that doctor and how my mom has so many doctors and it’s confusing. That was the one thing that used to make me laugh about Satan. She had no concept of how close me and my mom were. She would talk in my presence like her and my mom were BFF’s and try to make it like she was helping my mom so much. I don’t think she can even comprehend the type of relationship my mom and I have because she is completely incapable of forming those types of close relationships with ANYONE in her life, let alone her mother. As much as it annoyed me when she did this, I had to laugh it off because she was just making herself look like a fool. 
I was trying to show my mom pictures of my son’s field trip from earlier that day and so as my mom is looking through them, Satan wouldn’t stop shoving her phone in between my moms face and my phone to show her pictures of her daughter. That’s the kind of person she is. She cannot wait her turn. She just kept talking and talking. When she’s around she makes people feel tense. One of my moms roommates from her previous hospital stay dubbed Satan Niagra Falls. My mom and her started talking one day and my mom told the roomie she wasn’t crazy about Satan and so the roomie told my mom that her and her daughter were whispering on the other side of the curtain about how Satan’s voice was all they heard and her nonstop talking was driving them crazy. The woman told my mom she compared it to a waterfall that just kept going and going. She was right. She just doesn’t shut up and nothing she talks about has any substance. She seems to have no sense of the atmosphere around her either. It’s a hospital and should be a calm environment but she doesn’t sense that. She’s all neurotic and hyper just talking and talking, like she’s at a social club. It’s bizarre. 
I remember I had to pee really bad while they were there that night but I didn’t want to leave the room and so I waited until they left. My girlfriend, the nurse came in the room shortly after with the healthcare proxy form. I didn’t want to have to do it but I was just really concerned about Satan. My mom explained to my friend how we didn’t like her but that I had nothing to worry about, that Satan wasn’t a threat . My mom didn’t get it. I was worried because she was on a very powerful pain killer and Satan is the type of person to take advantage of someone when they’re in a weakened or vulnerable state. I wasn’t going to let that happen. So long as I was around I was going to protect my mom. 
The job of a healthcare proxy is to convey the wishes of a patient should the patient become incapacitated and unable to speak for themselves. For example, if for some reason, my mom needed to be put on a breathing machine or artificial life support, the healthcare proxy would tell the doctors whether or not the patient would want that. Obviously these things should be discussed between the patient and the proxy beforehand but if they aren’t, then it’s the healthcare proxy’s job to act in the best interest of the patient. That’s it. Not exactly the title you strive to have in life. As we were looking at the paperwork I realized there was a primary and secondary and so I told my mom to put my brother down. Years ago it may have been the other way around and it would’ve been my brother, solely based on the fact that he was older, but since he became completely unreliable in the last three years, and left me to care for my mom alone, it was me. 
(To be continued in my next post) 

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