(Please see my previous posts so the story will make sense)
My mom ended up in the hospital again in early march and I was feeling very overwhelmed. I know my family was trying to help us out with all this “second opinion” stuff but it was getting to be too much. My brother seemed to suddenly jump into action and start setting up the appointment for the second opinion at Sloan Kettering about my mom’s cancer. My mom didn’t want to go because she didn’t feel well enough to go and I could tell but she was feeling pressured.
I know I’m going to sound like some paranoid crazy freak here but I found my brother and Satan’s sudden interest in my mom’s health kind of strange. I mean they literally went from doing nothing to planning her trip to Sloan kettering. I was a little annoyed because my brother wasn’t communicating with me about it at all. I was also annoyed at the way my aunt Bea had gone about informing my brother and the fact that phone call she had with Satan really bothered me too. It was just arranged how they went from completely unconcerned to very concerned over night. We had known she was sick and struggling for months now with this cancer and it wasn’t until that phone call with my aunt that they finally started to show concern for my mom.
I wasn’t alone. My husband also found it strange and so one day in conversation, me and my husband realized that we had both been thinking the same exact thing. As I said many times here on this blog, my mom was very depressed and angry over the fact that me and my brother were estranged. She went from not being crazy about Satan, to loathing her as if she were some type of pariah. It had to be a year or so before she even got sick, me and my mom were talking about her cousin Kara that lived in Florida. My mom was her god mother and even though there was so many miles between them, my mom and her remained close. Kara’s father had passed away when she was around 25. Her mother started going to parents without partners meetings and eventually she met this guy named Bob. Bob happened to be loaded! He was a real estate investor and had made himself quite a bit of money. He had different houses up and down the east coast and her mother and him were constantly traveling. Bob and her got married but eventually he passed away. He had kids but they didn’t speak to him and so he decided to leave his small fortune to Kara’s mom. Well it was probably the same year that my brother and Satan met, Kara’s mom also sadly passed away. She was down in Florida with Kara when she passed. Kara also had a sister named Lola who still lived here. When someone passes and has a will they most notify all next of kin that the will has been submitted to probate. Lola received her notification and to her surprise she had been completely cut out of the will which meant that Kara . No one knows for sure why their mom would’ve cut Lola from the will but I’m sure she had good reasons.
Anyway during my conversation with my mom my mom comes out and says, “I’m telling you, at first I didn’t understand how my aunt could’ve done that to her daughter but she was at the point that she was seriously considering taking your brother off of my will too because I don’t want his wife having any of my money.”. I told my mom she was crazy, a) for even worrying about her will but B) because of she did that she’d be guaranteeing that my brother and I never speak again. I told her if she did that I would give him half anyway because I am not going to want to have any problems with him. I watch enough Dateline and 48 hours to know what money and greed drives people to do. My mom then told me that at the very least, she wanted to put me as executor of her will because she didn’t trust Satan and didn’t want her in her affairs. My mom would go on to tell this to just about everyone she talked to in the next few years.
So going back to the conversation that my husband and I had about Satan, her phone call with my aunt Bea and my brother’s and her sudden interest in her healthcare, we speculated that my aunt Bea had warned my brother that my mom was thinking of disinheriting him and that he should step it up and start taking a more active roll in her healthcare to ensure that didn’t happen. We could’ve been totally wrong about it but given the circumstances over the past two and a half years, it was just very odd. Up until that point they hardly even asked how she was. My mom would go weeks at a time not hearing from my brother. They would come for the rare obligatory visits in the hospital by beyond that, they offered no help whatsoever. Everything fell on me.
I wrote to my Aunt Sue and sort of vented about Aunt Bea to her. This wasn’t the first time she had done some weird and kind of shady shit behind my back. My aunt Sue who’s one of the few women in my family who’s opinion I truly respect wrote back to me and sort of made it seem like a was crazy for thinking my Aunt Bea was conspiring against me. She was trying to give me advice but at the time my head was too fucked up to handle it because I had so much of it coming my way that I took at as she was saying that I wasn’t doing what I should’ve been doing for my mom and that I wasn’t understanding how serious her illness was. I got angry and kind of snapped back at her because I felt like all I was doing was trying to help her and take care of her. I took my anger out on her and it wasn’t right. She was the only one truly trying to help me.
At this point in time, I was starting to feel like I was living in some twilight zone. I was doing everything in my power to help my mom and yet my family was talking to me as if I wasn’t doing enough or it was my fault she was getting worse. I felt like every time I vented about my brother not helping or being there, l was told that I was focusing on the wrong things and that I needed to focus on my mom. Meanwhile I was focused on my mom but I was also getting extremely stressed being the only one who was really there and physically helping. It took me a long time to see this but I realized that I had every right to worry about, be upset about or be hurt about what was going on. My family was trying to control my feelings and tell me I was crazy for feeling the way I did and I was just sick of it. It was my life and I had to live it and I had no choice but to deal with the things that god gave me.