A family affair…

My mom was completely lost. I had tried once again to reach out to my brother and once again I was rejected. It was starting to look very hopeless. There was one thing I left out of my last post. The excuse my brother gave me for not coming to the party was because he and his wife were going to be artificially inseminated that day. Yup that’s right. They were trying to have a baby. The marriage certificate wasn’t enough to lock my brother down, she wanted to make sure he was tied to her for life. They hadn’t even reached their first anniversary. Haven’t even hit the sixth month mark and already they’re trying to have a baby. 
I don’t think Satan really wanted a baby. There were a few occurrences prior to their wedding that made me think it. I remember going to a barbecue right after my brother walked in. I had left my son with my mom that day. She asked where he was and I told her I needed a break for the day. She thought I had walked away and I heard her say, “kids are cute, as long as they aren’t yours. I am never changing another diaper.” When she turned around and realized I was sitting there she said “just kidding” but I don’t think she was. At some point my brother told me that she didn’t think she could have kids. When I asked him why he told me because she only had half of one ovary. I never heard of such a thing. 
Anyway the prospect of a baby being born was making my mom even more sick. Satan didn’t even honor my brother by taking our last name. She opted instead to keep the last name of her ex-husband. She told my brother she had to keep her ex’s name because of her job. She is an insurance sales rep. not a celebrity. She’s hardly the only woman on the planet who’s had to go through the inconvenience of making up new business cards and changing her email address. I think she just wanted to keep her ex’s name as a status symbol. He is a high up executive of a major fast food franchise chain. In an Italian/American family it is in insult if the woman doesn’t take the man’s last name. My aunts were all upset when one of their sister in laws opted to hyphenate her name (which was traditional in her puerto-Rican culture) but no one seems to think it was a problem. 
Speaking of my aunt’s, they tie into this story as well and you will see that when I finally get up to current times. I have to give you a little history here so you can get the feel for the family dynamics. As I have mentioned my mom is one of 6 kids which consists of Four girls and two boys. The oldest of them is my uncle Rich* (*names have been changed), then comes Aunt Bea. My mom is third in line followed by her sister Debbie and her other brother Peter and her youngest sister, Dana. When my grandpa passed away back in the late 90’s everyone someone had to step up as the “head” of the family. The glue, if you will. My grandmother is not the authoritative, take charge type. My uncle Rich lives too far away. He is the only one who doesn’t reside on Long Island and so the next in line is my Aunt Bea. Aunt Bea is the one who usually hosts all the parties we have. Her and her husband Bob are do it yourselfers and over the years they built a home that was made for entertaining. Bea and Bob are one of those rare couples that have been together since my aunt was middle school aged. They were practically connected at the hips. My aunt never goes anywhere without Bob. They come as a two for one deal. 
Back in the early 90’s my mom’s kidneys suddenly failed. It was a major hardship on her and our family, especially seeing that at the time my mom was the bread winner in the house. Previous to that my dad owned a liquidation store, similar to Big Lots but bigger. His store folded in the early 90’s during the recession and so my mom found employment at Kmart. She worked her way up from a cashier, to the service desk and she supported our family on a salary just above minimum wage. She had to go on dialysis. She worked full time and did dialysis three times a week for four hours a pop, after work. For a year she did this until one day Aunt Bea decided to donate her kidney to my mom. They went for testing and ended up being a match. My mom had her transplant in July of 1993. I will forever be grateful for my aunt for doing such a selfless act of kindness for my mom. Dialysis is not a long term solution for kidney patients. Had she not gotten the transplant, eventually my mom’s health would’ve declined and she possibly would’ve died. The other option was to put your name on a list and wait for a cadaver donor. After a year of watching my mom lay on the couch and sleep after work, we had her back. I can never thank her enough for her gift. 
Along with the six aunt’s and uncles in my mom’s family, there were twelve grandchildren, 8 girls and four boys. I am the fourth oldest. Ahead of me is my brother, my cousin Benny and the oldest girl Nicole. Below me is my cousin Gianna. Gianna was the youngest cousin for the longest time and then suddenly in 89 there was a baby boom! We were blessed with 7 more beautiful cousins. My cousins Tina and Adriana were born in 89, the next year came Sara and Nino, then James and then last but not least Belinda and Corie.

You following? Lol! It’s a lot, I know. 
Growing up my cousins were more like brothers and sisters than they were cousins. When we got old enough to drive we were able to hang out more often without our parents around. The majority of my family lives in one neighborhood while my parents decided to move to a town about 15 miles east of them. I always made it a point to keep close contact with all my cousins. Specifically I was closest with Aunt Bea and Uncle Bob’s kids, Benny and Gianna. They were the closest in age to me and my brother. Benny was four years older than me, my brother a year younger than him. Gianna was two years younger than me. 
I used to pick up my younger cousins and bring them shopping and to the mall. I always told all of the kids that they can come to me with any problems they were having and they didn’t have to worry about me telling their parents. So long as what they were telling me wasn’t serious, harmful or life threatening, I’d keep it to myself. I never expected to hear what I heard. One day one of my younger girl cousins who was 15 at the time, came to me and told me that Benny, our oldest male cousin was molesting her. I was in shock but knew she was telling me the truth. I myself had a few creepy encounters with Benny over the years. 

I had to make a choice. One that I knew was going to devastate my family. I had to tell her parents so I could put an end to it and prevent any of my other girl cousins from being victimized by him too. 
Her secret came out and subsequently Benny was arrested and charged with child molestation. He was facing up to 7 years in prison and a life time on the sex offenders registry. I was completely appalled at the way my family behaved following this secret being exposed. The victim was treated like shit because Bea and Bob are the doers, the givers and her parents were the takers. The “committee” all had it out for the victim’s mother. They never liked her and so they vilified her and her daughter and they were shunned by the entire family. The crazy part is, no one doubted the story’s truth. They just chose sides and then turned it around on the victim’s mother and acted like they were the victims. My aunt was trying to be a voice for her daughter and my family just didn’t want to hear the truth…..a running theme as you will see in my upcoming blog posts. 
The story is very long and complicated and it would take me another 20 blog posts to fully explain but I don’t want to focus too much on it because this blog is about Narcissists and other cluster B disorders and their effects on the families they marry into, not pedophiles! The whole purpose of me bringing it up is to illustrate to give you the back story as to why things things got to where they are at today with me and my family. 
I had always felt my Aunt Bea had it out for me since I was the one who blew the whistle on her son. She has tons me through the years that she harbors no hard feelings but her actions have said otherwise. I get it, shooting the messenger is much easier than accepting your son is lowlife who is capable of such horrible acts. Her and my uncle blame everyone else. It’s the victim’s fault, she kept coming over to their house, it’s the mother’s fault, she called the police, the father’s fault, he cost them $25,000 to keep their son of of jail. The blame is never placed where it actually belongs which is on my cousin who was 28-29 at the time. He knew damn that sex with a minor is illegal and that sex with your own cousin just incestuous and wrong. 
As I explained earlier in my posts, my mom was very hurt and upset over this whole situation and so she turned to her family for support. At times my aunts jumped in and involved themselves. That’s the problem with coming from a close knit family. There is a complete lack of boundaries. Everyone is too involved in everyone else’s business. When I was younger and I messed up, my whole family would know within hours of my mistake. While most kids only had to deal with their parents, I had to explain myself not only to my parents but to various aunts and uncles. Back then it was probably good because it kept me from getting myself into some really bad trouble but as a grown woman, it would be nice if people didn’t overstep boundaries. 

 

Anyway, my Aunt Bea seemed to be enjoying the fact that there was someone that I don’t like and doesn’t like me, and she was infiltrating my inner circle. She friend requested Satan on Facebook. My mom got a little angry with her for that. Satan had taken six weeks to respond to my mother’s friend request, she accepted it and then deleted her shortly after. Till this day she only has a small selection of my family on Facebook. Only those who kiss her ass. 
Aunt Bea is one of those people who’s lives revolve around her image. Personally I find it nauseating. She’s also one of those crazy dance moms. My cousin Gianna was in dance pretty much as soon as she could walk. From that point on, both my aunt and uncle devoted all their time to her and her dance stuff. I hate that world, it’s not my cup of tea. I don’t like all the emphasis it puts on smiling and being pretty. My cousin acts like he word is her stage. So does my aunt. I think my aunt lives vicariously through her. The worst thing in the world for someone like her is Facebook. It gives her a platform. A place to act like she’s this positive, caring, thoughtful person. When really she’s self absorbed, hateful and malicious. A perfect friend for Satan….. 

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “A family affair…

  1. Emerald February 1, 2017 / 5:33 am

    I’ve read your entire blog in one sitting. I’ve just left my extremely narcissistic ex who was emotionally and physically abusive and it’s been hell trying to figure out if I was the messed up person. Like he really got deep into my psyche using spirituality against me. I honestly feel like I’ve been spiritually abused. Reading your blog has helped me immensely. I am basically your brother, except thank GOD I did not marry nor have children.
    Please don’t stop writing, you are doing a huge service to the world exposing these fuckers for what they really are.
    I’ve been hoovered back in multiple times and his favorite thing was his health conditions. He would say he just had a heart attack cuz he missed me when I left and all this bull sh*t. And it worked every time. I’m still reeling from the damages but I love your blog. I’m seriously thinking of creating a blog myself because my story is so unbelievable at times.

    Liked by 1 person

    • just4getjodi February 2, 2017 / 6:12 am

      Firstly I want to say thank you. Second I’m so sorry that you had to deal with one of these evil assholes. I can relate on a personal level as well. I too dated a person like this. I was young though. He was my first long term boyfriend. I started dating him during the last few months of my senior year in High School. I felt like I was a prisoner. It took me a very long time to snap out of his spell. I think that’s part of what makes me so angry about my brother’s situation. I remember after him and I broke up I read an article in Cosmopolitan about emotionally abusive relationships. They listed out all the red flags. I couldn’t believe he showed almost every single one. From that day on I took no chances. I learned the signs and as soon as I started dating a guy if he showed even one, I broke it off. I will tell you this, while it took me a long time to feel normal again, it made me a lot tougher and so I almost should thank him! You will get there too one day. Don’t let what that asshole did to you, dictate the rest of your life. Take your time, work through it. Process each and everything. It may help to write in a journal. That’s one of the reasons I’m writing this blog. It’s helping me process all this stuff. Being an outsider looking in now is so different. I think it’s a big thing that you identified with my brother. That’s half the battle. A lot of the times we get sucked into these things and we shut out everyone else. It’s hard to admit we’ve been duped by someone. Don’t be ashamed. You did nothing wrong. You were being a normal person and opening your heart up to another human being. It just happened to be a not so good one. If you ever need to talk don’t hesitate to reach out.

      I will keep writing so long as people keep reading. What has been written so far is actually the tame part of the story. It gets so, so, so much worse.

      Like

Comments are closed.