A broke narcissist is evil but one that has money….diabolical. Everything is a grooming tool for narcissists (and sociopaths/psychopaths/borderlines etc) used to manipulate people……who are not considered people by the narcissists because the narcissist’s life is one giant game of chess. This is especially true during what is known as the “love bombing” phase. The end goal, is to meet you, make you fall in love with them by reflecting all of the characteristics you look for in another human being, and then and lock you down into a relationship so they can eventually gain full and complete control of you and keep you locked away in their toy chest to treat you like their own personal Barbie doll. The sooner they get you to commit, the better. They cannot keep the charade up for too long and so the sooner they trap you, the better. There’s many ways they go about doing this and I am going to discuss them here and give you examples, so keep your eyes opened for some of the keywords I use…there’s going to be a quiz at the end….I’m kidding.
A common thing that the narcissist will do is they will try to isolate you from friends and family. They want all encompassing control over your life, and they cannot do that when there is people in your world who may point out reality to you and tell you that what they are doing is wrong, and you deserve better. I remember watching this video on YouTube where the narrator states that “narcissists hate, those who they cannot control.” Any one or thing that takes your focus off of them is no good and must be eliminated immediately. As I discussed in my last post, triangulation is one way the narcissist uses to isolate you. Splitting is also a part of that too and it means that they can only see things in terms of black and white, good or bad. Splitting is described this way on Wikipedia, ” Most often the narcissist does this as an attempt to stabilize their sense of self positivity in order to preserve their self-esteem, by perceiving themselves as purely upright or admirable and others who do not conform to their will or values as purely wicked or contemptible.” They cannot accept that a person may have flaws but can also have many redeeming qualities. People are either all good or all bad. The narcissist will then go through your friends and family with a fine toothed comb and pick out the friends who they deem as evil.
Another way narcissists win your love is by gift giving and bribery. I have seen this mentioned in a lot of articles I have read about narcs and other cluster b personalities but I’ve never seen it expanded on. The fight between my mom and Satan happened around the 17th of November. In the weeks following the fight with my mom, and leading up to their Valentine’s Day wedding, Satan was getting really worried about her narcissistic supply (my brother) getting away. She obviously knew she made a major boo-boo.
She threatened to call the wedding off several times during that three month period and so since she refused to accept blame or take responsibility for her outlandish demands, she resorted to some of her proven methods that she’s most likely used many times in the past, buying gifts. My brother never had money. He drove old hand-me-down cars for most of his life. I even sold him one of my old cars for a ridiculously cheap price because I felt bad that he was always driving these junkers. A year or so prior to meeting Satan he was finally able to buy his own new car. It was the first car that he actually got to pick out himself and buy. He loved that car. It was a Dodge Charger. My brother was very into 60’s and 70’s music and given the Charger had that retro muscle car vibe, he thought it was the perfect car for him. His dream car though was a Dodge Challenger. Every time we’d see one, he’s comment about one day being able to afford one.
One day I get a text from my mom and I open it up to see a photo of my brother standing next to a charcoal gray, (low-end classed) Mercedes, with a caption that read, “thank you for my wedding gift, I love it.”. Satan leased him a Mercedes. She convinced my brother that his Charger’s transmission was going and so she told him to get rid of it and she purchased the Mercedes for him. Mercedes are beautiful cars, there is no question about that but looking at my brother standing next to it, it just doesn’t fit. I’m not saying my brother is not worthy of a Mercedes, I just don’t think it’s his type of car. I know if he had a choice he would’ve went for a cool sports car like the Challenger. The picture also upset me because it was like his last piece of autonomy was taken away. Satan took over everything he owned be either putting it in her name or making him discard or sell it. The car was the last thing he had that was his. That is a lot of sacrifice for a girl you didn’t even know for a year yet but ultimately it was his life and his choice and I guess who would pass up a free Mercedes? The Mercedes was Satan’s way of distracting my brother away from all the drama she caused with his family. How can my brother possibly be mad at her after such a grand gesture of love? Buying gifts is Satan’s way of escaping responsibility. She would do this continuously throughout their courtship. She even told us one night how she brought all her friends and ex’s away on all expense paid vacations and purchased them cars. How do you say no to someone who’s spending all this money on you? She not only did it to everyone else in her life but she tried it with me as well.
It was Christmas Eve that year and I was wrapping all my son’s presents. I decided to take a break and so I stepped out onto my porch to have a cigarette. I open my front door and immediately I was thrown off by this white shiny object sitting in my wicker chair. Upon further inspection I noticed it was a garbage bag filled with Christmas presents. I opened up the bag and peeked inside to see if the gifts had tags on them. I see the tags are written out to me and my son, in Satan’s handwriting and it says, “from [my brother]. Her name was not on the gifts. The next morning my mom called me and told me that she too received a bag of gifts. There was one gift for her and one for my grandmother. The gift for my mom, like mine and my son’s gifts were signed only from my brother but my grandmother’s gift said, “from [my brother] and Satan.”
Maybe I am wrong but the fact that she didn’t sign the gifts for either me or my mom and only signed her name on my grandmother’s gift was her making a very bold and clear statement to us. That she was giving us gifts but she did so reluctantly. Now I’m not usually like this but the gifts that were purchased for me and my son were almost offensive. I knew my brother didn’t pick them out. My son two very cheaply made baby toys and she left the price tags on them. They were both under $10. I know it’s the thought that counts and that was the problem. The gifts looked as if absolutely no thought was put into them. As for me, my brother has purchased me and ulta gift card every year for the past decade. This year “he” purchased me a decorative glass bowl from pier one imports along with a bag of potpourri. I can say with 100% certainty that my brother didn’t go into pier one imports and buy that. Hell I don’t even think he’s ever been in any pier one imports. The bowl didn’t really match any of the rooms in my house and I thought it was an odd choice considering the fact that I had a 12 month old son, who had been walking since he was 10 months old and was into everything! Any mom should know that glass and toddlers don’t mix. I could just envision my son eating the potpourri right out of the bowl and then smashing it on the ground when he was done.
In retrospect, maybe I was wrong for what I did next but I did not feel right accepting gifts from them at that point in time. It had been almost two full months since I had talked to my brother, at that point. The last normal conversation we had was before Halloween. A gift wasn’t going to make up of two months of us not talking. It wasn’t going to solve anything. I wasn’t holding out for an apology. By this time I had already sensed that Satan was a narcissist. I did however expect that since me and my brother were both raised in a home where we talked out our problems, that we’d have some type of discussion on how to move forward.
I wrote my brother and email the next day thanking him and telling him that I appreciated the gesture. I also told him that I didn’t feel right accepting gifts from them at all and so I told him since he got my son a gift, it wasn’t necessary to buy me one. I politely told him that I was going to give it back to him and that he should buy himself something with the money. He never answered my email.
I didn’t actually return the gift to him for another week or so and this is where I was really wrong but I drove to their house in the middle of the day when I knew they’d be at work and I left the gift on their front porch. The sticker was that I had placed the bowl in its box and put the box in the same bag my dress came in which adorned the stores name where I purchased it. Looking back, I am better than that. I shouldn’t have stooped to Satan’s level. Live and learn though…
(To be continued in my next post)