If you read my posts and my story this far thank you. I got a little stuck because I am trying to figure out a way I can advance the story and also give you the full impact of why this was such a pivotal moment in my brother and my relationship. I thought about posting the recording of my mom fighting with them and blanking their names out and such but I worry with Satan. She recently threatened to press charges (I will get to that eventually) and to bring me to small claims court (again, another thing I will get to eventually). I also thought of transcribing the recording but you are talking an hour worth of dialogue. Perhaps if I were a stenographer, it wouldn’t be that bad but I’m not. At the same time, I don’t want to waste too much time on this part of the story. I’m thinking ahead and in order for people to understand the rest of the story they need to understand what happened during this fight and so for now, I think it’s best that I don’t get myself entangled in a defamation lawsuit and so I’m going to describe what happened and why it changed things so drastically.
My brother was really acting out of character at this point in time. I had felt that from day one with Satan. My brother had changed. If you look at his social media accounts there’s a very distinct change right around the time he met her. My brother was quite active on social media and specifically Instagram. Both him and I are artistically talented and so on his Instagram he had a lot of artistic photos that he took. You can see that once he met Satan he went completely off the grid and that was very unlike him. It seemed like his whole persona changed. He used to be really funny and entertaining and when Satan was around I got this sense that he felt very uncomfortable. He was quiet and serious when she was around, almost stiff and so with all of this said, him making these demands like me buying a new dress or my mom giving money for their wedding, was not normal behavior for him.
As I left off with my brother in our text battle, I told him that if he really thought my dress was that bad and was going to embarrass him and ruin his wedding album then I didn’t have to come to his wedding. My mom was very broken up about this and so in the next few weeks, she was trying to do some damage control. She didn’t want it to reach the point of no return. My brother and Satan told her to come to their house. I was really concerned about them ganging up and bullying her. I know how my brother can be and how easily my mom gives in. My dad actually told me one day that my mother fucked my brotber up by spoiling him as a child and never saying no to him the way she did with me. Anyway, Satan’s house is just how you’d imagine a heartless devil’s abode to be, uncomfortable, sterile and sparsely decorated. There was nothing welcoming about it.
My mom assured me that she was not going to let them bully her and to prove me wrong, she decided to record their conversation. While that may sound extreme to some, if you have ever dealt with a personality disordered being, than you will learn that tape recording is an invaluable tool… a sanity saver. It’s almost a necessity when you’re dealing with a person who has the ability to lie seamlessly, twist and turn even their own words to make them fit whatever argument they’re making, at the time. It also gave me a real introspective look into what Satan was really like. How she argues and deals with emotions.
My mom was at their home for a total of two and a half hours that day. The first hour of the day was filled with Satan’s incessant rambling about the wedding, her dress, her centerpieces, etc. My mom couldn’t get a word in edgewise and even when she managed to get a short phrase in there, Satan would just talk right over her. At almost exactly an hour in they sit down and eat a lunch that of course, my brother prepared. After they finish eating my brother asks my mom what is was that she wanted to talk about. My mom starts off by explaining that she just wants to clear things up. She doesn’t want to fight or argue about their wedding. She goes on to explain why she was so upset about the way my brother demanded money for their wedding when he knows her financial situation. How she is a widow, how she works two jobs and how she has a health condition that she must spend $700 a month on medication to live, etc.,etc. Satan showed her true colors and complete lack of empathy by responding that she didn’t think my brother was asking for $10,000! She made no comments about my mom’s situation. No understanding of it at all.
Now you all must understand, this whole time, Satan was vehemently denying her involvement in this. She put ALL of the blame on my brother. He was the one who had the issue with my dress. It was all his fault, she wasn’t here, she was working 40 miles away, she didn’t know anything.
The argument progressed past my mom and went into me. The next hour was completely dedicated to her spelling out reasons why I was wrong (for defending myself) . Like most narcissists their actions and words almost ALWAYS contradict one another. While Satan was saying it wasn’t her, she wasn’t home, she didn’t know anything, ETC, she told my mom that she actually went to the store where I purchased my dress, and tried the dress on herself!!!!! Let’s let that soak in for a second…… she took time out of her busy day to go to our local mall, went to the store and searched through the racks, to try on the dress that her fiancé’s sister was wearing!!! Is that creepy or what? It’s important to note here that months later, in another recorded conversation where she avoiding accountability for me and my brother being estranged, at all costs , my mom brought up the fact that she went to the store and tried it on. Satan then changed it from, “she tried it on” to “she held it up to her.”. The reason she did that is because in the original convo, my mom’s reaction to her saying that was a very bewildered, “why would you do that?”. Satan paused and said, “because after all of this happened…and she went on to change the subject back to my texts. When they don’t have the answers they will try to divert you by taking the heat off of them and putting it somewhere else.
Whether she held the dress up to her or tried it on, both are equally sick. People have analyzed it and said that she’s jealous of me. I don’t think anyone is jealous. I feel insecure is a better way to describe it. I feel like maybe she thought I would be stealing her thunder or something. It’s just crazy though because most normal people do not pay attention to what the grooms sister is wearing at the wedding. In fact, I’m pretty sure most of them are focused on the couple being married! In reality I don’t think any of this was really about a dress. It was about her finding a way to discard me because she felt threatened by me in some way.
She read my mom all of the argumentative texts between me and my brother. My brother conveniently deleted some of the texts, (which he states on the tape) and so the texts she saw started from the point that I really started to lose my shit. The beginning where I tried nicely but affirmatively to back him off, were gone. All that was left was me telling him that I didn’t have to go to their wedding if my dress was such an issue, that she looks really insecure, and that if she had a problem with me, she could come to my house and tell me to my face. She was so angry with those words I could almost feel the heat coming through my mom’s bose radio’s speakers as we listened to the recording . . I mean she was seething.
I have to put a lot of blame on my brother for this too. He had a choice every step of the way. He could’ve did some damage control. I mean I am not exaggerating when I say they argued with my mom, about my dress for an hour, that day. Firstly he could’ve told his wife he didn’t feel comfortable with telling me to return my dress. He had to know it was going to make me upset. I mean who wouldn’t be?. They have my brother and son in their bridal party and not me, and as if that’s not a slap in the face, in and of itself, now they’re going to tell me I have bad taste and will ruin their wedding album with the ONE or TWO photos I’d be in? My brother also made another stupid choice by showing her the private texts between me and him. She didn’t need to see those. (We later found out she reads ALL of his texts on a regular basis). He created this and so he holds some accountability as well.
Satan was the catalyst for the drama and I didn’t know then but what she was doing was actually a very common weapon in the narcissist/sociopath/borderline/psychopath arsenal, called “triangulation”. It’s when the narc pins two people against each other in order to manipulate, wreak havoc, control or isolate their victims. While she claimed she knew nothing about the dress until later that night, (when I showed my brother the dress) she was came up with every argument under the sun to illustrate why the dress was inappropriate for her wedding, however; she did 98% of the arguing about my dress.
At times they got pretty loud as they argued back and forth and Satan threw out all her malignant narcissist cards. She lied and twisted words in her favor. She was throwing a serious hate campaign against me and while I was angry about that, considering I only met her 8 or so times, what got me really angry was the extremely disrespectful way that she spoke to my mom. I mean she was ranting and raving, yelling, screaming and cursing at my mom. At one point things got so heated my mom broke down in tears. That didn’t stop her though. She didn’t seem to have any sympathy for my moms feelings. That was something I had a lot of trouble dealing with. I would never in a million years talk to my mother-in-law like that and I certainly wouldn’t allow my husband to talk to my mother, like that.
Things did not end on a good note that day. They ended with my mom getting fed up and walking out of their home. Nothing, absolutely NOTHING, got resolved that day. In fact from that point on, things seemed to progressively get worse. To me that day was a pivotal point in the breakdown of our relationship with my brother……
To be continued in my next post!