Settling the estate -The sickness shines through… part 4

While I was able to see my brother’s email, it wasn’t helping me much because he was using a new email address. As I was going through all the emails between him and his wife I saw an email in there where she had made up a username and password for some health account they were going to share. That was when I lightbulb went off and on a whim, I decided to try that password with the new email address. Waiting for the next page to load after hitting the submit button was more suspenseful than an Alfred Hitchcock movie. I clenched my jaw and fists waiting while the loading bar slightly went across the screen. Seconds later, I was in!

I know how crazy this all sounds and what’s more crazy is that I can’t explain how any of this came to me except for that somewhere up there in the clouds, someone was helping me. If I had to guess, I’d say it’s my mom and dad. Of the two of them, I think it was my dad even more. I often wonder what how he’d feel if he was alive during all of this. I think things would’ve been quite different. My dad always had it out for my brother. When I was younger I never understood why my dad was so hard on my brother, but now I can see why. I’ve come to realize that in the last few years that my dad’s sometimes harsh opinions about people were right. I used to get mad at my dad when he made negative comments about my brother and certain people in my family. At times I felt like he was too judgmental but now I see why that was because everything he said, has been nothing but the truth. He knew exactly who in my family was real and who was full of shit.

Anyway, back to the email. There wasn’t much in way of email in the account because it was created shortly before we signed our papers to be executors. What I was able to see though was that it was in fact my brother and his wife who was operating the account. She would write stuff to me, email herself from the account from her regular email and then edit it and send it to me. It was 100% proof that she was the sole operator of the account, still obviously I couldn’t use it as proof. In a sense it only made things more frustrating for me and I needed a way to prove it was her outside of hacking into their account and so I did what any detective would do….I went to the internet.

The only way to see someone’s IP address via an email was to look at the email header. In the header it gives you certain info but most email providers like gmail, block the users private IP address, and since my brother used outlook, his IP was also blocked. I consider myself somewhat computer savvy but reading these email headers was definitely a little above my skill level and so I decided to post the header on a message board and ask if anyone saw anything else that could identify the person who was sending the emails. Within minutes I got a reply from someone saying that they didn’t see any identifying info however there were several other ways to get the information that I’m looking for. One of those ways was by using an email tracker. This person, whomever he or she was, instantly became my knight in shining….internet font.

This is how it works, you sign up in their site where they have an interface in which you can send emails through. When you send an email through their interface, there is a small, invisible image embedded in the body of the email. That image somehow records data from the recipient…don’t ask me how, it just does! Every time someone opens up your email it will record information such as the device the person is using (i.e.; iPhone, iPad, computer), what browser or what email service they’re using, (i.e.; gmail, internet explorer, Mozilla Firefox) and most importantly what internet service they’re connected to, (i.e.; time warner, Verizon, Sprint). It also gives a host of other information as well, such as how long the person read your email (or had it opened for), the time it was opened and it even tells you the weather….just in case you were wondering. Each time an email is opened, you are emailed a report from the site with all the aforementioned information. If the email is forwarded you will get a report with the new recipient’s info.

Now in the days prior to this, I decided to send my emails to the email address I knew my brother to have for the last few years. I could see that my brother read the email, but I got a response back from the new email address where “he” told me that, his old address was no longer active (strange though because “he” got my email and replied to it, hmmmmm šŸ¤” ) and from then on out, any emails I sent to the old account, we’re going to be forwarded to the new account. From then on, every email I sent, I copied it to both accounts.

It was the day before Labor Day weekend when I signed up on the site called whoreadme.com and sent my very first email through the tracker and within minutes, I got my very first report from an email I sent to his “new” account. Sure enough I open the report and what does it say? Well it told me that the person who had opened my email was connected to Liberty Mutual’s servers. Well that’s funny, my brother doesn’t work at Liberty Mutual….but his wife does! A few seconds later I got a report from the email I sent to his old account and that report also told me that someone who was connected to Liberty Mutual’s servers. I didn’t need the proof to know his wife was the one writing the emails but now I at least had something that showed her involvement. Throughout that day I continued to email back and forth and through the next few weeks I used the service and every report I got back, was from her, at Liberty Mutual and over those weeks I started to realize that my brother wasn’t even reading my emails AT ALL. Now keep in mind, I can see ALL of their email activity because I had the passwords to both accounts. My brother is a software developer and so I could see over Labor Day weekend, he somehow figured out a way to send any of my emails, and ONLY my emails, directly to his deleted folder in his regular email account. They were also being forwarded to the “new” account. So every time I sent an email i would go into his account and see it sitting in the deleted folder, unread.

I just want to put into perspective how completely fucked up this all is, for anyone who hasn’t read my entire blog. My mother and I had absolutely NO relationship with his wife. Prior to my mom’s death on November 20th 2016, she had only been in our lives since April, 2013, when we met her for the very first time. By the time they were engaged in October 2013, we had only met her a handful of times and of those times, we probably only sat down and really talked to her on a one on one basis, twice. I had a fight with my brother in early November, 2013 and later that same month, my mom had a huge blowout with them (which can be heard here). I did not speak to my brother from then on. My mom continued to fight with them on a somewhat regular basis, until after their daughter was born in April 2015. That May my mom finally confronted his wife and they had a blowout over the phone (which could be heard here). We found out my mom had cancer in November of 2015. At that point in time my mom had just started to get her relationship back on track with my brother. The day after Christmas 2015 was the first time my mom had physically seen my brother in years and exchanged gifts for a holiday. I took my mom to the emergency room that night. She was at their house when I called her after speaking with her doctor and told her that she needed to go to the ER. They let her get in her car and drive to my house that night. They didn’t even come to the ER with us, nor did they call to check in to see how she was the next day. My mom had to call my brother and inform them. They saw her sporadically from then on out and basically had zero involvement in caring for her while she was sick. She had major surgery in February and was in the hospital for about a week and they only came to visit twice. It wasn’t until late February, 2016 that I tried for the last time to reconcile with my brother and for the first time since 2013, we all met up at my mom’s house and hung out together. They didn’t start getting “involved” with her care until August of 2016, and if you go back and read my older posts, you’ll see why I say, “involved” with quotation marks. The point is, these people wanted NOTHING to do with her until it was pretty clear that she was dying. They had no problem whatsoever with me doing EVERYTHING prior to her death. His wife did not give a flying FUCK about my mom and it was blatantly clear and it wasn’t until my mom was diagnosed with a rare, aggressive form of untreatable cancer that she even started to converse with my mom.

If you look at my mom’s phone it speaks volumes to the nature of their “relationship”. Firstly, my mom didn’t even have his wife’s name programmed into her phone. In her text messages, I can only identify its her by her phone number. My mom saved every text between them and you can actually see that from the time they got married, all their texts were arguments. There’s then a huge gap of time from 2014 on where there’s no texts and then suddenly in 2016 you see all these texts from my brother’s wife, like they were best friends. There’s no real conversations though. His wife sent pictures of the baby and my mom would reply, “how cute”. There was nothing of any substance between them.

The point is here, is that my mom and her didn’t have a relationship. My mom made it abundantly clear to everyone she knew that she didn’t want my brother’s wife involved in her affairs. When I say everyone knew this, I mean EVERYONE….including my brother and so for him to just completely disregard what my mom wanted, I cannot have any respect for him. The fact that he just completely bowed out of the settling of my mother’s estate and let his wife handle it, goes to show how sick this relationship really is.

To be continued…..

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Settling the estate – unavailable….forever – Part 2

It had been almost ten days since my attorney had received a decree in the mail and we were anxiously awaiting the letters that he had ordered. My brother re-sent an old email to me because I hadn’t responded to it the first time he sent it. Although my attorney told me to wait until we had the official letters, I decided to reply to my brother. I asked him when he’d be available to meet in person so we can discuss what we had to do to settle my mother’s estate.

I should preface this with reminding the reader that, for years prior my brother was not “allowed” to talk to me. When people here the words “not allowed” associated with a grown man, they don’t understand it and they question me, “what do you mean he’s not allowed to talk to you?”. Let me explain, I don’t think he’s ever been specifically told by his wife that he isn’t allowed to talk to me. People….I mean Narcissists like her do not control people in such a direct way. It’s not so much that she tells him he’s not allowed, but probably more like she shows him that he’s not allowed. My mother and I have clearly been a bone of contention between them since they got engaged. My brother once told me that she was threatened by the closeness of our relationship and that he had to show her the love he had for her and the love he had for us was different, and that there was enough to go around. I’m sure any mention of him reconciling with me has brought on rages from her that make the Incredible Hulk look like a scared little bunny rabbit. It’s those outbursts and rages that most likely control my brother. His own fear of them is what disallows him from being able to talk to me. When you are in an emotionally abusive relationship, you start to avoid certain things in your life that you know will trigger your abuser. You in turn start avoiding things you once found normal because you want to avoid the abuse. If you just walk the straight line, (on eggshells of course) you could avoid setting them off. That is most likely what has stopped him from speaking to me for the past few years. So when I say he’s “not allowed”, that is what I mean.

Anyway, I knew since we had added the stipulation to our agreement that we cannot have other people stand in place of us, that it was going to be hard. Satan has to control his interactions with everyone in his life. This included my mom. As they started to cozy up with her more and more the sicker she got in that last year, Satan slowly started to take over. It got to a point where my mom actually told me that she hardly talked to my brother anymore and that Satan was the one who called her and made all of the plans. I knew trying to isolate my brother for a conversation was going to be difficult, if not impossible. I tried to text him a few times but never got responses back and so when I suggested we meet up to discuss settling the estate, I wasn’t very surprised when he replied saying, “I will be unavailable to meet in person as I will be handling the estate via email and/or my attorney. Per my attorney, I will only be needed in person to open the bank account and attend the closing.”

I was already highly suspicious that my brother was not the one I was communicating with through these emails but after receiving this, I was 99.9% sure it was not him. When I really sat back and thought of how sick this all really was, it was at that moment that I realized that everything I thought about my brother being in an emotionally abusive and controlling relationship, with a narcissist was 100% true. I mean we are talking about closing out my mom’s existence here on earth. In an ideal world, something like this should bring two siblings, especially two siblings who have now lost BOTH of their parents, closer together. Settling my mother’s estate was hard enough in and of itself, but I can see now that my “brother” had no intentions of making it any easier, and in fact his only intention was to make it harder. I know for a fact that if Satan wasn’t in the picture, things would be totally different. This person who I was emailing back and forth with, wasn’t my brother. This person was cold, emotionless, shallow and all business. This person didn’t have a soul.

I was so angry. Once again, my brother was breaking the rules. I knew it wasn’t him writing the emails to me, but me thinking that, based off intuition alone wasn’t enough. I needed to find a way to prove it wasn’t him. To this day, I cannot understand why he signed that agreement if he had no intentions of following it, from day one. If he knew he wasn’t going to be able to communicate with me, he should’ve backed out.

The rest of the email took on a very nasty tone and again, it gave me more assurance that my brother wasn’t the one writing it. My suggestion of meeting up, clearly triggered this person and I could see the anger starting to boil over when I read this, “I have twice sent you copies of bills that I’ve paid and that need to be paid. Please send me the same from your end. If email isn’t good for you, you can send them to me via USPS.

Please email me your questions and concerns and that you wanted to discuss. I will review them and consult my attorney if needed, then send you my response.” .

I didn’t ask them to send me any lists and again, sending lists at this point was just a waste of time since we couldn’t actually do anything. The courts give creditors 6 months from the day letters are issued to make claims against the estate. There is no rush to do anything. I consulted with my attorney about these things and he told me every time that there was no rush and that me and my brother would have to speak in person or over the phone at some point.

At this point I was already getting annoyed by the tone in which I was being spoken to in. I wanted so badly to prove it wasn’t my brother I was speaking to. If I could prove that he was allowing his wife to conduct estate business, thusly breaking the legal agreement we signed, I could possibly get him removed as executor. I started to research ways to prove it. One way was looking at emails headers. I sat there one night and printed out several of his emails and compared the Information in the headers, but since my brother’s email provider blocks the user’s private IP, that was useless. Then one night, I got desperate. Oddly enough I was in my bathroom getting ready for bed when I started to think to myself, god I wish could just get into his email account. At this point, even for my own peace of mind I wanted to know for sure it wasn’t him. That was when it hit me. I can’t describe it in any other way than divine intervention….a five letter word and three digit number just sort of downloaded into my head. I grabbed my phone off the counter thinking there was no way it was right, but it was worth a shot. I went to my brother’s email provider’s website and typed in his email address and the password that had appeared in my mind as if I were claircognizant.

Before I go on, I want to say that I normally do NOT condone violating other people’s privacy. It is wrong and it is illegal. Period. I probably can’t say much to not make myself look like a total asshole right now, but hear me out. These two people had put me through so much already. Between giving my dying mother panic attacks, harassing her non-stop about her “wishes”, her healthcare proxy and her will, invading her privacy multiple times without her knowledge or consent, planting cameras in her house, calling the police on me when they were caught stealing stuff (including her painkillers) from her house, lying to my family, lying and pretending she didn’t have a will so they could control her estate and make sure they got more than me, making the last three years of her life miserable, talking to her and treating her like she was shit and everything they were about to put me through, I didn’t and still don’t, feel like they deserve respect for their privacy. If I have to pay for it one day, I will, but I won’t regret it. Normal people do not do the things they have done. They are criminals. They are evil, manipulative pieces of shit and with that said….I pressed the enter button and watched the status bar slowly pass by….. I was in….

To be continued

Settling the estate- access granted- Part 3

I thought long and hard about sharing this part of the story. Part of me didn’t want to. I know I could get In some SERIOUS trouble if I were ever to get caught, and if I do, I deserve whatever comes my way. Ultimately I decided, if I’m not honest and don’t show my faults in this, then I’m wasting my time. This is what these people called narcissist drive us to. It’s called “crazymaking” and his wife’s life mission became doing just that to me. I couldn’t believe what I saw. Everything I thought for months prior to then was true. My brother wrote me two emails from his regular account that year. The first one I received was in December, right after he flat out lied and signed a sworn affidavit saying that he did a diligent search for a will and determined that to the best of his knowledge, no will existed, and then entered that petition to be the administrator of my mom’s estate, knowing damn well, she had a will. I knew by reading that email, that he didn’t write it and now I could see that I was right. He didn’t write it. I see an email from his wife where she wrote it and sent it to him and he copied and pasted it into a new email and sent it to me. I can also see that he never even attempted to reach out to the attorney that had the original copy of my mom’s will until AFTER I had filed it in the courts. He lied and told everyone that he reached out to the attorney, but the guy was dead.

I could also see that my brother was trying to set me up. He and his wife couldn’t wait to get my mom in her urn. On the very same day she died, they made an appointment at the funeral home. Her body wasn’t even cold yet but then again, what do I expect from two people who had someone from the funeral home come up to the hospital while she was still alive to plan her funeral? Anyway, that day, Satan who’s a (crooked) Insurance agent, said that she had her “underwriters” run my mom’s name and supposedly all three of my mom’s life insurance policys had lapsed. My brother called up my husband and urged him to tell me to take out as much money as I could from her bank accounts before they were frozen. I had my mom’s bank card because in the weeks prior, when she was in the hospital, she gave it to me to pick up a few things from her. We knew something was fishy that day, but in the rare event they were being truthful, it was a risk I was willing to take to properly memorialize my mom. She deserved the best. I went to the ATM and withdrew $800 the day she died and then went back at midnight that same day, and withdrew another $800, making it $1600 in total. I spent this money on food, eating utensils, plates, cups, etc for my family to eat between viewings. I also purchased materials to hang photos at her wake. Whatever was left over, went to pay the woman who lived across the street, and cared for her dogs, during that last month she was in the hospital. This woman, who is now a very good friend of mine, went way above and beyond the call of duty, not only helping to care for my mom’s dogs, (which is how she makes a living) but also just as a friend. I had receipts for everything except for about $40 in which I spent at a drugstore buying spray to give to the mortician to cover up the greys that had grown in while my mom was in the hospital and some nail polish and lipstick for them to put on her. Well in his email, I saw an email between him, his wife and my aunts where he planned to use that against me in court, as if I had stolen the money for my own personal gain, even though he knew damn well what that money was spent on, and that he was the one who told me to take it. I even have texts to prove he was well aware of it.

I couldn’t ever believe my brother, the guy I grew up with, the comic book nerd who sat in our basement playing video games and computer games for hours on end. The same guy I used to hang out with and laugh with, was now trying to plot against me and get me into trouble for “stealing” money that HE told me to take out! I can’t really explain what that does to you on the inside to see something like that. It’s one thing to think it, but it’s another thing to see it with your own eyes…..but there it was. It was all him too. He was the one who wrote it and sent it to the others. I was in shock. How could my own family plot against me like that? After all I did for him, I was in shock.

I couldn’t sleep that night. I typed his wife’s name into the search bar and I can see emails between them that went way back to when they first got together and got married. This sick bitch was selling him a life insurance policy before they were even married and putting herself as the beneficiary. I can even see emails between them from way back when my brother came to my house, shortly after they got married and he had a temporary moment of clarity. I can actually see her hoovering him back in with the promise that she will go to counseling with him. She even picks the counselor they will see. Shortly after she is sending him vacation destination ideas and such, to fully suck him back in. It was sick. I saw these disgusting, cheesy, mushy emails my brother was writing her, professing his unyielding love for her and she replies by saying we (meaning her and her daughter from one of her two previous marriages) love you too. She can’t even say, “I love you.”. She uses the kid to rope him in and pull at his heart strings by telling him how good of a father figure he is to her. It was sick. So, so, so, so sick. What was more sick is I can see several emails alluding to the fact that she may be pregnant, long before they were married.

For so long I knew my brother and his wife were up to something and now I could see everything. His wife was, as I thought, running the show. She was the one writing all of the emails and contacting all of the companies. After I had made my objection to my aunts being the executors of my mom’s estate I can see that she had gotten in contact with someone at the bank where my mom had her accounts, for my aunts to go and open up an estate account. She even filed for a EIN Number in my aunt’s name. All which shouldn’t have been happening since my aunts were never officially appointed as executors by the court and therefore never received letters. What shocked me more than anything to see was that my aunts were totally going along with all of it. They both were WAY MORE than WELL AWARE, that my mom disliked my brother’s wife and did not want her involved in her affairs.

If nothing more, seeing all of this was assurance that I was on the write path in life and going completely “no contact” with my aunts was the right choice. Not only were my aunts participating in shady business with my brother and his wife, but I now had solid proof that they were the ones responsible for further driving the wedge between us, and they continue doing it to this day. I cannot for the life of me understand their lack of conscience in doing the things they do. Again, more than anyone, these two aunts were more than well aware of how upsetting this all was to my mom and how much my brother and I not talking, hurt her. I guess her feelings didn’t matter since she was dead. They justified not talking to me by saying that my mom “complained” about me. I’m sure she did, I was the only one who was truly there for her and I’m sure there were many times I got on her nerves. She also probably complained about me and the fact that I was still holding a great deal of anger against my brother, and what I have to say about that is that my mom was not aware of many of the things that went on while she was in the hospital and especially during the last 2 weeks of her life. Once I was told by a doctor that my mom’s cancer had advanced to a terminal stage and that her best option was going on hospice, I stopped talking about my brother with her. In fact, even before then I tried to keep my conversations with her about him, minimal. I knew what this was all doing to her and she didn’t need the extra bullshit.

To be continued in my next post.

Settling the estate – Into the frying pan – Part 1

I haven’t updated this blog in quite some time. When I started this blog it was something that was to be therapeutic to me. It was a way for me to get out my thoughts and feelings and my experiences dealing with someone who I thought was a narcissist. As time as gone on, my opinion of her being a narcissist isn’t an opinion anymore….it’s a FACT. She IS a narcissist. She is a sociopath. From the time I last updated this blog about when I got my papers till now, my life got so hectic and chaotic, and my stress levels went so high, I was barely sleeping. I still don’t really know how I got through the last 6 months of my life. I was on a rollercoaster ride from hell with the most crazed, mentally depraved, sadistic monster I have ever met.

I’m going to bring you all back to right before I got my papers which in legal terms are called Letters Testamentary. For purposes of this blog, I’m going to refer to them as, “the letters” or just “letters”, to save time typing. Anyway, my mom’s first birthday in heaven was approaching and absolutely nothing had been done to settle her estate. My attorney’s had written up an agreement for us that my aunts were going to renounce their roles as executors and my brother and I would stand in place of them. In that agreement my attorney added a stipulation that one executor cannot do anything without the approval of the other. We also agreed we were responsible for our own legal fees, but more importantly, we added a very much needed stipulation that said, that we must carry out all of our executorial duties in our own personal capacity, and that no-one can stand in our place. This excluded the help of professional like attorneys and accountants.

We added that last stipulation because up until that point, it was more than clear that my brother’s wife thought she was running the show. Every time I’d make calls to different companies, I would be told that she, Satan, had already called. It infuriated me, but more so than that, it went against everything my mom wanted. For years prior to her death; even before she knew she was sick, she was telling basically anyone who would listen that she didn’t want my brother’s wife entangled in her affairs. At that time, when we all signed that agreement, I knew it was going to be difficult, but even then, I couldn’t foresee the crazy shit I was going to have to deal with.

It was the days before my mom’s Birthday, July 24th to be exact, when I received my first email from my brother. We had not had contact of ANY kind since our altercation at my mom’s house back in December 2016. The only other contact we had was an email that he had sent me back in March 2017, which was basically him trying to strong arm me into dropping my objection to my Aunts being the executors of my mom’s estate. I never answered that email. The latest one was a short email basically asking me what ideas I have as far as my mom’s estate went. Although it was only a small paragraph or two, I could just tell in the way it was written, it wasn’t my brother in whom authored it. To me it was written in a way that a used car salesman would speak to try to feel you out before he clobbers you over the head with reasons as to why you need to buy the most expensive car on the lot.

A screen shot of the first email I received from my brother on July 24th, 2017.

Later that day I went to read my husband the email my brother had sent me and so I opened the email app on my phone and started typing my brother’s email address in the search bar. Up popped two old emails from my brother but the new one wasn’t there. I thought it was strange and so I backed up a few letters, and that was when I realized… in the suggested search list, there were two different email addresses, both in my brother’s name. For instance let’s say his name was Tom Smith. His regular email was TomSmith@email.com but this new email was ThomasJSmith@email.com. I thought it was rather strange seeing that my brother had been using the first email for almost a decade prior. Why all of the sudden would he make a new email address? That would inconvenience his whole life and for someone as tech savvy as him, who’s whole life revolves around his computer, his phone and his Apple Watch, it would be devastating. The two emails I had gotten from him since my mom’s passing, were sent from his regular account, but now suddenly he was using this new one. I was already suspicious about the way the email was written, but this sudden creation of a new email only raised my suspicions.

I decided to write back to my brother and let him know what exactly my ideas were. I basically told him what my attorney told me was to happen after we received our letters, and how we needed to do things like open an estate account and collect her assets. I even named the accounts so he didn’t think he was going to get one over on me. In the past, my brother had told my husband that he didn’t think I was capable of handling the estate and that I had a tendency to put things on the back burner. Basically in his head, I was still some irresponsible 16 year old. He had no idea who I even was. I had taken care of our mother, by myself in the last year while he was slacking off, drinking at the bars with his wife and going to yankee games. I wanted it to be more than clear to him that I had known exactly what was going on and what we had to do. I also wanted him to know that I had already taken several steps to secure the assets. I paid the homeowners insurance and kept the property manicured and safe. Most importantly though, under the advice of my attorney, to assure I was speaking to my brother and not his wife, I told him that we’d have to meet up at some point to discuss how we were going to do things and what needed to be done. He told me that there’s no way an estate can be settled over email. He never answered me back.

A few days later, it was my mom’s birthday and my mom’s cousin owns a house on the beach, in a small community known as Ocean Beach, on Fire Island, had requested a mass in my mother’s name at the local church, on her birthday. She had asked me if I wanted to go, months in advance. Back when she had invited me, she also asked me how I’d feel about the rest of my mom’s family and my brother being invited as well. I felt like I was being put in a really awkward position and so I explained to her that I was not really comfortable being around my family at that time. I told her that my aunts and such would probably benefit more from a mass than I would because they are religious and I am not. I basically declined her invitation but told her I really appreciated the sentiment and the fact that she respected me enough to ask me. The truth is, there was no way in hell I wanted to sit with those phonies and watch them cry their crocodile tears over my mother, in the house of god. The only ones that ended up going was Aunt Bea, her husband, and my brother and his family. Aunt Debbie had a prior engagement, but had she not, she probably would’ve been more than happy to be the “third” wheel. God, I would’ve loved to be a fly on the wall that day. Instead of surrounding myself with fake people, I decided to spend the day with my husband and son and do things in memory of my mom. We went to her house and looked around and reminisced about days past when she was here. Then later we ate some Mexican food because that’s what my mom always wanted every year for her birthday. It was a very sad day for me and I didn’t really feel like being around anyone anyway. My mom would’ve turned 63 on her birthday that year. She was way too young to be gone.

The following day, July 31st, I got another email from my brother. This time around he completely disregarded anything that I said and instead tried to take charge. He basically reiterated what I had already told him and he started sending me lists of bills that needed to be paid, and asking me for lists of bills and such. He had already filed for an EIN Number (basically a tax ID number that’s used after you die, in place of your social security number) which he shouldn’t have done because we didn’t even have our papers yet. He also told me he had some checks that were sent to my mom, but again, how was he getting those if he wasn’t the executor yet? Things got weird when he started asking if I had this specific form that he needed to get the auto insurance bill lowered, called an FS6. I mean only an insurance agent, which is what Satan does for a living, would know that kind of stuff, and I have no idea why he’d even think I’d have that, seeing that I couldn’t do anything with her car after it got repossessed. He attached two lists to his email. One was a list of bills that needed to be paid and the other was a list of bills he claims he paid and was seeking reimbursement for. I had previously heard that he had laid out $12,000 for the estate for all the bills he had paid but in reality it was less than $2000 because he only paid one month worth of bills. Regardless, there was really no point of doing any of this because we didn’t have the letters yet. At the very end, he told me that one of my mom’s neighbors had expressed an interest in buying the house and that it would be better for us to sell it without using a real estate broker. That was an idea I was totally uncomfortable with, especially since I was dealing with two dishonest and sneaky people. Also, I was in contact with almost all of the neighbors and none of them were interested in buying her house.

I reached out to my attorney and told him that after receiving both of these emails, I had an uneasy feeling because it seemed as if my brother had jumped the gun and started taking steps to settle the estate before we even had the letters. I also expressed my concerns regarding the communication and how I could tell it wasn’t my brother in whom I was speaking with, due to the tone of the emails, the lists he attached and the fact that he suddenly created a new email address. None of this represents the brother I once knew. My attorney advised me to once again suggest meeting in person, since my brother didn’t acknowledge me saying that in the first email, but he advised me to wait until we got the letters. This way, if my brother refused to meet up with me or talk to me, it could be used against him with the courts. Before we were officially appointed, it wouldn’t really matter. My attorney also told me that he received a decree in the mail and ordered 10 official copies of the letters, and that they would be at his office any day. I took his advice and sat back and waited.

Ten days went by and suddenly on August 9th, I received another email from my brother, and since I had never responded to his previous email, he decided to resend me the same exact email, only he changed the first paragraph. In the first email, he told me the Court was still waiting for my signed oath but in the second email, he changed it to vaguely tell me that the court had all the necessary paperwork and that we “should” be set to go. As my attorney advised me to do, I wrote back to him saying only this. “After we receive the letters, please let me know if a day and time that you are available to discuss these matters.”.

Those were probably the two last amicable emails that were written back and forth. From then on out it became a shit Storm of epic proportions……

To be Continued…….

Finally….I got my papersĀ 

I was going to post this on a Facebook group for those of us who are grieving our parents, but I decided to post it here instead since I can post it anonymously. Since I wanted to update this blog anyway with where things are at now, I figured I’d give you all a summary of what’s been going on in the last few months. I plan to update more regularly. Anyway here is where things currently stand. 

Finally, after 9 months of fighting, I am the executor on my mom’s estate….well co-executor. It’s a really long story, but I had to fight to get that title. It’s something I know my mom wanted me to have, but just didn’t have the time to give me. Her house sat there for 9 months and finally I can go in it and take what I want without feeling like I’m doing something wrong. Getting rid of her house is going to be so hard for me. It’s my childhood home. My parents moved in there April of 1981, almost exactly a month after I was born. For the first few months after she passed, it was still there and it gave me some kind of comfort and made me feel close to her. As time wore on and spiders and other bugs became the main occupants of the now vacant home, I started to dread going there to check on it. I am having a really hard time now with all of this. I feel like my grief was on hold for 9 months because to me going through her stuff and clearing out her house is a necessary part of the process. 

What makes things worse is that I have been estranged from my brother for 4 years. He married someone who I believe is a real deal, clinical, certified narcissistic psychopath. She completely destroyed our relationship. She hates me. She hates me because she knows I have her number. Not only did she destroy our relationship but she destroyed the one between him and my mom. They treated her like sh*t when she was well and it wasn’t until she was diagnosed with a rare form of aggressive cancer, that all of the sudden she wanted to act friendly with my mom. That was only so she can get into my mom’s personal financial business and estimate how much if her money her and my brother would be getting. They put me through complete hell while my mom was dying in the hospital that last month of life. They invaded her privacy in multiple occasions without her consent. They lied to her, manipulated her and made her feel bad about making me her healthcare proxy. They harassed her about getting her affairs in order even though they knew damn well they were in order. My mom didn’t want to talk about her cancer, let alone accept the fact that she was dying. They even went so far as planting a camera in her house and threatening to sue me when when I removed it! Those two a-holes left her high and dry when she came home from having an 8″ mass and her kidney removed. The night I brought her to the ER for the last time, they were in the city at a comedy show. Their lives went on as if nothing was going on. Mine didn’t. I suffered every second along side her the whole way through, to the very end. 
I had no choice really but to be co-executor with my brother. My mom’s will actually named two of her sisters who have also been charmed by the sociopath. There’s some history there too but I’ll spare you guys the details. I knew if my aunts were executors the sociopath would still be running the show and instead of dealing with 2 a-holes I’d be dealing with four! For years prior to my mom being sick she talked about making me the executor of her will. She did not want my brother’s wife involved in her affairs and she made it well known to EVERYONE she knew, and especially her two sisters! For years she thought my brother was the executor and she wanted to have that changed. To this day I do not know why she thought that. I was in shock the first time I saw her will and saw her sisters named. 
After my mom passed my brother tried to bypass her will and become administrator of her estate. I believe he had this plan in action well before she died and my aunts were in on it with him. He lied to an attorney, and perjured himself by signing documents saying that to his best knowledge, no will existed. My attorney told me in his 40+ years in law, he NEVER saw anyone file a petition for administration that fast after someone dies. My brother knew damn well that my mom had a will and I had the text messages to prove it. I had to hunt down the lawyer who wrote my mom’s will in 1996. I finally found him and filed her will putting my brother’s admin attempt to a grinding halt. I was ok with my aunts doing it until one day I caught my brother and his wife removing boxes of stuff from my mom’s house. His wife had the nerve to call the police on ME for being on MY property, while she was tresspassing! They told the cop that my aunts told them they could take what they wanted! My aunts hadn’t even entered their paperwork at that point in time and it still took them another two months before they actually filed. At that point I knew I had to object to their appointment as executors. 
I entered an objection in court to my aunts being executors. In the meanwhile my brother and his wife diverted all the mail to their house and told me they were paying all of the bills until an estate account was established. That wasn’t the case at all. They just didn’t want me to know what was going on. By the grace of god back when my mom was in the hospital earlier in the year; she told me to hide some paperwork in her closet after I caught them snooping the first time. Luckily I was able to call all the utilities and stuff and pay the past due bills to keep the house going until someone was appointed. 
After I filed my objection, after months of not talking to me, my brother and aunts started to reach out to me and tried to scare and bully me into dropping my objection, threatening to stop paying bills and let the house become abandoned and occupied by squatters. They had no idea I already had the info and paid the bills. They even went so far as to try to get to me by harassing other family members to deliver their messages. I was NOT dropping my objection. No way in HELL. I knew I had a good chance of winning and so finally I responded to all of the threats telling my “aunts” (I don’t even like to dignify them with that title anymore) that if they really cared about my mom’s hard earned money as they claimed they did, they’d step back and let my brother and I handle everything. Sure enough three days later my attorney called me and told me my aunts agreed to resign. 
It still took another few months to get all the paperwork in with the courts. I had severe anxiety during those months. Finally, last week I received my letters of testamentary. I am still in hell. Part of the agreement we signed when my aunts resigned was a stipulation we added that my brother had to act on his own and carry all his executor duties, in his own capacity. Why did we add this? Well two days before my mom died, he signed over power of attorney to his wife so she can be a stand in administrator of my mom’s estate, and act in place of him. 
They signed the agreement but that hasn’t stopped his wife from thinking she is in charge. Instead of being a woman and stepping aside, what does she do? After he signed his oath as executor, she creates a new email in his name and starts sending me these bs emails like she is in charge and I am her assistant or something. My attorney has told me that my “brother” cannot refuse to communicate with me any other way aside from email. He will not meet with me in person or call me on the phone. They are collecting assets and not even telling me what they’re doing, once again trying to keep me in the dark. They are idiots. Me and my mom were best friends. I know everything that was going on in her life. I will NEVER be in the dark about her. It’s so obvious my brother is not writing the emails. The manipulative, controlling and demanding undertone is not him. The argumentativeness is not him. The lack of heart and care is not him…..and that’s what I find most disturbing. They are not grieving. I am. My brother told me the other day he wanted to have the house sold before the school year and before the winter show doesn’t have to pay another oil bill. We are inheriting a pretty decent chunk of change. The few hundred for the oil bill will be nothing in comparison to what we are getting. They don’t even want to hire a real estate agent to sell the house. They want to milk every penny out of the estate that he possibly can. He has no interest in anything in the house. Not even for his daughter to have something of her grandmothers. I am so disappointed in him.As he lives in his large half million dollar home, in an upper middle class neighborhood and drives his expensive truck, he worries about saving a few bucks off her last months insurance. It’s disturbing. He is a mere shell of who he once was. My mother’s wishes, which he is WELL aware of, aren’t even of any importance to him. It’s all about money…..nothing more, nothing less. 
I on the other hand am having a very hard time letting go. I’m not looking to squander assets but I want to take time and do things with care. I want to go through my mom’s house and look at everything. This was my childhood home. There are 35 years worth of memories in that home. My dad passed away in 2006 and so that house is really all that’s left of our family. I thought about keeping it and renting it out but I don’t even know if that’s feasible. My husband has no interest in being a landlord and I can’t say I blame him. We cared for her house and our own for the past four years. We sacrificed the last year of our lives to care for her. My husband has been more of a son to my mom than my own brother. We need a break. My husband also doesn’t want to live in my mom’s house because it’s in the town we grew up in. Unfortunately I cannot be selfish as much as I want to be. I have to do what’s best for my family and not just myself. I am beside myself. I really am. 
Not only did I lose my mom this year, I also lost my brother and half of my extended family. My grief counselor told me during our last session that I have ALL of the factors that complicate grief, and those are, the age of the decedent, the closeness of the relationship and a lack of family support. There was one other but I forget it. I often wonder if my brother is even grieving. I wonder if he misses my mom at all. He treated her like dirt for the last three years of her life. At one time, like him and I, they had a very close relationship. I’ve even questioned if maybe my brother is also a narcissist, just like his wife. When I think back on the rest of his life I don’t think so. I think that’s who he is forced to be because he cannot be himself anymore. I don’t even think he knows who he is anymore. 

Finally….I got my papersĀ 

I was going to post this on a Facebook group for those of us who are grieving our parents, but I decided to post it here instead since I can post it anonymously. Since I wanted to update this blog anyway with where things are at now, I figured I’d give you all a summary of what’s been going on in the last few months. I plan to update more regularly. Anyway here is where things currently stand. 

Finally, after 9 months of fighting, I am the executor on my mom’s estate….well co-executor. It’s a really long story, but I had to fight to get that title. It’s something I know my mom wanted me to have, but just didn’t have the time to give me. Her house sat there for 9 months and finally I can go in it and take what I want without feeling like I’m doing something wrong. Getting rid of her house is going to be so hard for me. It’s my childhood home. My parents moved in there April of 1981, almost exactly a month after I was born. For the first few months after she passed, it was still there and it gave me some kind of comfort and made me feel close to her. As time wore on and spiders and other bugs became the main occupants of the now vacant home, I started to dread going there to check on it. I am having a really hard time now with all of this. I feel like my grief was on hold for 9 months because to me going through her stuff and clearing out her house is a necessary part of the process. 

What makes things worse is that I have been estranged from my brother for 4 years. He married someone who I believe is a real deal, clinical, certified narcissistic psychopath. She completely destroyed our relationship. She hates me. She hates me because she knows I have her number. Not only did she destroy our relationship but she destroyed the one between him and my mom. They treated her like sh*t when she was well and it wasn’t until she was diagnosed with a rare form of aggressive cancer, that all of the sudden she wanted to act friendly with my mom. That was only so she can get into my mom’s personal financial business and estimate how much if her money her and my brother would be getting. They put me through complete hell while my mom was dying in the hospital that last month of life. They invaded her privacy in multiple occasions without her consent. They lied to her, manipulated her and made her feel bad about making me her healthcare proxy. They harassed her about getting her affairs in order even though they knew damn well they were in order. My mom didn’t want to talk about her cancer, let alone accept the fact that she was dying. They even went so far as planting a camera in her house and threatening to sue me when when I removed it! Those two a-holes left her high and dry when she came home from having an 8″ mass and her kidney removed. The night I brought her to the ER for the last time, they were in the city at a comedy show. Their lives went on as if nothing was going on. Mine didn’t. I suffered every second along side her the whole way through, to the very end. 
I had no choice really but to be co-executor with my brother. My mom’s will actually named two of her sisters who have also been charmed by the sociopath. There’s some history there too but I’ll spare you guys the details. I knew if my aunts were executors the sociopath would still be running the show and instead of dealing with 2 a-holes I’d be dealing with four! For years prior to my mom being sick she talked about making me the executor of her will. She did not want my brother’s wife involved in her affairs and she made it well known to EVERYONE she knew, and especially her two sisters! For years she thought my brother was the executor and she wanted to have that changed. To this day I do not know why she thought that. I was in shock the first time I saw her will and saw her sisters named. 
After my mom passed my brother tried to bypass her will and become administrator of her estate. I believe he had this plan in action well before she died and my aunts were in on it with him. He lied to an attorney, and perjured himself by signing documents saying that to his best knowledge, no will existed. My attorney told me in his 40+ years in law, he NEVER saw anyone file a petition for administration that fast after someone dies. My brother knew damn well that my mom had a will and I had the text messages to prove it. I had to hunt down the lawyer who wrote my mom’s will in 1996. I finally found him and filed her will putting my brother’s admin attempt to a grinding halt. I was ok with my aunts doing it until one day I caught my brother and his wife removing boxes of stuff from my mom’s house. His wife had the nerve to call the police on ME for being on MY property, while she was tresspassing! They told the cop that my aunts told them they could take what they wanted! My aunts hadn’t even entered their paperwork at that point in time and it still took them another two months before they actually filed. At that point I knew I had to object to their appointment as executors. 
I entered an objection in court to my aunts being executors. In the meanwhile my brother and his wife diverted all the mail to their house and told me they were paying all of the bills until an estate account was established. That wasn’t the case at all. They just didn’t want me to know what was going on. By the grace of god back when my mom was in the hospital earlier in the year; she told me to hide some paperwork in her closet after I caught them snooping the first time. Luckily I was able to call all the utilities and stuff and pay the past due bills to keep the house going until someone was appointed. 
After I filed my objection, after months of not talking to me, my brother and aunts started to reach out to me and tried to scare and bully me into dropping my objection, threatening to stop paying bills and let the house become abandoned and occupied by squatters. They had no idea I already had the info and paid the bills. They even went so far as to try to get to me by harassing other family members to deliver their messages. I was NOT dropping my objection. No way in HELL. I knew I had a good chance of winning and so finally I responded to all of the threats telling my “aunts” (I don’t even like to dignify them with that title anymore) that if they really cared about my mom’s hard earned money as they claimed they did, they’d step back and let my brother and I handle everything. Sure enough three days later my attorney called me and told me my aunts agreed to resign. 
It still took another few months to get all the paperwork in with the courts. I had severe anxiety during those months. Finally, last week I received my letters of testamentary. I am still in hell. Part of the agreement we signed when my aunts resigned was a stipulation we added that my brother had to act on his own and carry all his executor duties, in his own capacity. Why did we add this? Well two days before my mom died, he signed over power of attorney to his wife so she can be a stand in administrator of my mom’s estate, and act in place of him. 
They signed the agreement but that hasn’t stopped his wife from thinking she is in charge. Instead of being a woman and stepping aside, what does she do? After he signed his oath as executor, she creates a new email in his name and starts sending me these bs emails like she is in charge and I am her assistant or something. My attorney has told me that my “brother” cannot refuse to communicate with me any other way aside from email. He will not meet with me in person or call me on the phone. They are collecting assets and not even telling me what they’re doing, once again trying to keep me in the dark. They are idiots. Me and my mom were best friends. I know everything that was going on in her life. I will NEVER be in the dark about her. It’s so obvious my brother is not writing the emails. The manipulative, controlling and demanding undertone is not him. The argumentativeness is not him. The lack of heart and care is not him…..and that’s what I find most disturbing. They are not grieving. I am. My brother told me the other day he wanted to have the house sold before the school year and before the winter show doesn’t have to pay another oil bill. We are inheriting a pretty decent chunk of change. The few hundred for the oil bill will be nothing in comparison to what we are getting. They don’t even want to hire a real estate agent to sell the house. They want to milk every penny out of the estate that he possibly can. He has no interest in anything in the house. Not even for his daughter to have something of her grandmothers. I am so disappointed in him.As he lives in his large half million dollar home, in an upper middle class neighborhood and drives his expensive truck, he worries about saving a few bucks off her last months insurance. It’s disturbing. He is a mere shell of who he once was. My mother’s wishes, which he is WELL aware of, aren’t even of any importance to him. It’s all about money…..nothing more, nothing less. 
I on the other hand am having a very hard time letting go. I’m not looking to squander assets but I want to take time and do things with care. I want to go through my mom’s house and look at everything. This was my childhood home. There are 35 years worth of memories in that home. My dad passed away in 2006 and so that house is really all that’s left of our family. I thought about keeping it and renting it out but I don’t even know if that’s feasible. My husband has no interest in being a landlord and I can’t say I blame him. We cared for her house and our own for the past four years. We sacrificed the last year of our lives to care for her. My husband has been more of a son to my mom than my own brother. We need a break. My husband also doesn’t want to live in my mom’s house because it’s in the town we grew up in. Unfortunately I cannot be selfish as much as I want to be. I have to do what’s best for my family and not just myself. I am beside myself. I really am. 
Not only did I lose my mom this year, I also lost my brother and half of my extended family. My grief counselor told me during our last session that I have ALL of the factors that complicate grief, and those are, the age of the decedent, the closeness of the relationship and a lack of family support. There was one other but I forget it. I often wonder if my brother is even grieving. I wonder if he misses my mom at all. He treated her like dirt for the last three years of her life. At one time, like him and I, they had a very close relationship. I’ve even questioned if maybe my brother is also a narcissist, just like his wife. When I think back on the rest of his life I don’t think so. I think that’s who he is forced to be because he cannot be himself anymore. I don’t even think he knows who he is anymore. 

Letting go of angerĀ 

Winning and letting go of anger.
I won. Yes, you read it right. I WON. My whole life I have let people take advantage of me. I have backed down, I have kept my mouth shut. I have lived my life to complete the delusions of others and I am fucking done. I was brought up to respect my family, respect my elders, respect my mom, respect my grandmother and I did just that…… for my whole life. 
I did my time. I am 36 years old. I am a grown woman. I have my own family to worry about, my own child to teach…. I was living my life for everyone else’s happiness, all the while, I was ignoring my own. I sat at family parties for years, uncomfortable and upset, because I was angry that my cousin Benny was there and the cousin whom he violated and victimized, wasn’t. I sat there angry at my aunts, uncles and cousins because they chose to ignore what was really happening. I was angry with myself for not having the strength and courage to fully stand up for what I believed in. Years later, I was angry at my brother. Angry for him promising my dad he would be the “man” of the house, and then leaving me to do all the hard stuff. I was angry that he turned his back on us and refused to stand up to his wife. I was angry that he didn’t value our relationship and I felt used. I was angry that he was out enjoying his life while I watched my mom suffer mentally, Of emotionally and in the last year, physically. At times I was even angry with my mom. Angry that she allowed my brother to walk all over her, mistreat her and allow his wife to talk to her like she didn’t matter. I was angry that she was depressed. I was angry that she let him ruin her life. Angry that she couldn’t accept reality for what it was. Angry that she didn’t take care of herself. Angry that she became complicit with her health. I was so fucking angry.
At this time last year, during the last week of July, I knew it was the beginning of the end, and in more ways than one. My mom was starting to go downhill and fast, and it was also this time of year when I finally revealed to her what was going on between me and my aunts. I had never reached the level of stress, worry and anxiety that I was in, at that point in time. I just couldn’t handle anything more, not even the smallest worry or upset. It was a pivotal moment in my life because the last week of July, last year where I finally surrendered and started being true to myself. 
Satan, my brother’s wife decided to have a party for their then 1 year 4 month old baby on July 30th, the day of my mom’s birthday. She had four months and could’ve had a party for the kid on any one of those days in between but she decided to steal my mother’s last birthday. God forbid my mom have all the attention on her for an entire day. Oh no, that can’t happen. She sent invitations out without even making mention that it was also my mom’s birthday that day as well. Of course at that time no one knew my mom would be gone another four months after that, but it was pretty clear that the year prior for her was no walk in the park and that her health was on a steady decline. That’s how narcissists like Satan do things. It’s back handed and passive aggressive. It’s veiled in a nice gesture. Because for those of us who see right through people like Satan, we know how to read between the lines. Those who don’t will think it’s “sweet” because she buys my mom a small personal cake and gives her 30 seconds of attention. (and that’s exactly how much time was spent acknowledging her that day). When something fucked up is cloaked in shiny glittery rainbows, it’s hard to see the deeper meaning behind it. Satan is vindictive and she will stop at nothing to get her vindication. 
That party was the first party I was invited to since my brother moved in with her, and I know that the only reason I was invited was because Satan was not letting her “investment” (aka my mom and her assets) slip away that easy. Three years prior to that day, there was little to no relationship between Satan and my mom. I would say that about 97% of their interaction in that span of time, was them arguing and yelling at one another. Whatever shit they had in the last few months of my mom’s life was exactly that, shit. It was so phony, on both ends. My brother had threatened my a few months before her tumor was discovered that if she didn’t get on board with his wife, she wouldn’t see her grandkids. My mom wasn’t about to not love an innocent child and so she pretended so she can have some type of connection. Satan doesn’t allow full blown connections though. 
My mom was upset with me about not going to the party and trust me when I say, I felt terrible that I wasn’t going to be there on her actual birthday. It upset me to know she was going to be sad there without me, but I just needed a break. I was on the front lines with her fighting this battle against cancer since December of 2015, while my brother and his wife were off getting drunk and going to Puerto Rico. I needed a day to myself but moreso I had reached a breaking point. I no longer had the energy to put into things that weren’t making me happy and so for the first time in a really long time, I put myself first. 
Pretty much from that day forward I started to live a life that was truer to myself. I still loved and respected my mom, but my relationships with other members in my family were starting to become so toxic that my need for sanity was starting outweigh my respect. I tolerated enough for her. I put so much energy into her and trying to make her happy and I did it to the detriment of my own well being. I knew she was getting worse and there was no way I was going to be able to take care of her in the way she deserved will all of this other baggage weighing me down. I had to let go. 
That last month of her life that she spent in the hospital, that was when I really started to see things clearly. Nothing will bring the dysfunction out of your family more than dealing with losing one of its members. I tried one last time for her and it blew up in my face. While it was the most confusing, emotionally taxing and horrifying rollercoaster ride of my life, and I felt like I couldn’t tell up from down, at the same time, I never saw things more clearly in my life. My aunts showed me what kind of people they were and what was important to them. My brother and his wife made it clear that the only thing they were interested in was there inheritance. My mom was secondary. While some of the people in my life feel sorry for me that my family is “mistreating” me and not being supportive, I am thanking god. It was a gift. He showed me the light. He set me free. I no longer have to tip toe around and worry about hurting anyone’s feelings. I don’t have to feel anxiety. I don’t have to be angry with them. I can live my life and be free. I can feel the way I want to feel without being judged and ridiculed. I realized that it doesn’t matter how much good I’ve done in my life and how much I was there for them. I can be an amazing person 99% of the time, but with my family, that 1% that you fuck up is going to override the other 99% of good. That fuck up is going to be your defining factor. Because I stood up for myself, I became the villain? 
After my mom passed and I got into a huge fight with my aunt Debbie where she said all this horrible shit to me, and then my objecting to my mom’s will and them being executors, I was just counting down the days until I could finally expose them and tell the world what frauds they were. I will admit, I had plans to destroy their lives and reputations. I thought of everything from making a video and exposing every detail on Facebook for all their friends,family and coworkers to see. I wanted to go all out. I mean I have stuff on them that can make them look like the biggest assholes possible. Especially my aunt Debbie. I wanted to share it with the world. I was so fucking angry. 

Since I was a kid, my worst fear was losing my mom and for the entire year of 2016, I was living my worst fear and they did nothing but make it even worse than it already was. How do you fuck with someone at a time like that? How could my aunt Bea and Uncle Bob use the death of my mother as means to get back at me for exposing their child molester son? How does my Aunt Debbie tell me I made my mom miserable and I didn’t let her die with “peace in her heart”, knowing that I was the only one that was always there for her, that she could always count on? There was a time when me and her had a great relationship. I confided in her and she confided in me. We would spend hours on the phone talking about my mom and how depressed she was, how fucked up my brother was and Aunt Debbie would tell me how lucky my mom was to have me. Now all of the sudden I ruined her life? It doesn’t make sense. 
 I spent the last 8 months of my life quietly and patiently waiting for this day to come, and trust me, in this last 8 months they tried so, so, so, so hard to get me to come out. I kept ignoring. In the past, I overshared my feelings. If something was bothering me, I had to tell everyone I knew about it. Back in July of last year, I went completely silent. I fell off the grid, so to speak. I completely stopped sharing with everyone in my family. I stopped reacting to their shit. I continued to keep my eyes focused on the prize, being there for my mom. I used my husband as an outlet. After my mom died, I started to use this blog as my outlet. It’s anonymous. The chances of them finding it are very small. Even if they do, they cannot prove it’s about them. 
After all the deflection, the denial, the, manufacturing of lies, the shit talking, the hate campaigning, bullying and intimidating, I couldn’t wait to have my day, but as time went on……….something magical happened. Me not talking to them or about them and reacting to them gave me better results. The less I responded the more angry they got. The more angry they got, the harder they tried to pull me out. Since they couldn’t reach me directly, they started to try different means of getting to me. They started to get other people involved, and by doing so, they made themselves look like hateful and heartless assholes. I didn’t need to expose them. They exposed themselves. The other members in my family who weren’t involved finally opened their eyes and they wanted no part of it, and so in turn, they distanced themselves. People have their number. A few other family members even decided to erase them of social media and it was reasons that had nothing to do with my situation. 
Here I am 8 months later and the need for revenge and the anger has dissipated. Through self reflection, therapy and lots of thinking, I have realized that it isn’t even worth my time. People like my aunts and Satan, they live their lives for this shit. They love causing chaos and they are looking for fights. The more you come back at them, you are just feeding them more fuel to continue doing what their doing. You are empowering them and giving them more ammunition and supply. You are breathing life into them. You are giving them a topic to discuss with their friends and family at the dinner table. You are letting them control your life. Fear = control. 
In order to want to hurt someone like that there has to be a level of care there. Wanting the person to know how they hurt you is you telling them that they are important enough to care what they think. I don’t give a flying fuck anymore what they think. I don’t want them to even get the slightest in I give a shit or that I am sweating them in any way. I have reached the point where I have no problem in them because I don’t care about them anymore. Their opinions of me mean nothing. I care more what a rock thinks of me than what they think.
Does it still hurt sometimes? Yes Does that feeling to hurt them the way they hurt me, still creep up from time to time? Yes. I wouldn’t be human if it didn’t cross my mind here and there. There are some days I want to drive my car to their houses and give them all a baseball bat to the face but at the end of the day, none of them is worth my freedom, my time or my energy. I will not give them the freedom that they so desperately crave. Not gonna happen. 
Today I went to my lawyer’s office and I signed my oath to be executor of my mom’s estate. I fought long and hard for this. I won. My mom would be proud. I know she would be. I miss her so much. 

Say cheese! Ā šŸ§€Ā 

Say Cheese! šŸ§€ 
I was telling someone the story today about what my brother and his succubus of a wife, Satan and what they put me and my mom through during the last month of my mom’s life, while she was in the hospital. I didn’t share the story with many, as it was not going to make any differences, nor would it help me in any way. After telling the story again, it hit me again and I realized how truly and deeply fucked up it was. It showed me how truly twisted Satan was. Now that I’ve had seven months to reflect, I feel as if I’m looking at the world with a different set of eyes. My vision is no longer being clouded by my anger. I have had time to process, rationalize and gain clarity. I am still angry, but I’m not seething. I’m able to put my anger aside and really think of what was going on. 
If you didn’t read my previous post about the camera, I will explain it here. My mom was in the hospital for about two weeks, dying of stage 4 kidney cancer. One day while I was up at the hospital, my mom randomly comes out and tells me that Satan told her she won this thing called the Nest. It’s a thermostat that you can control from any smartphone, when you are away from home. Not only did Satan win this hi-tech thermostat, it also came with an accompanied security camera. If that’s not amazing enough Satan was feeling generous that day and decided she wanted to GIVE her prize to my mom, because she didn’t need it. My mom told me she thought it was strange and that she didn’t want a camera in her house. I couldn’t have agreed more. It was extremely strange. First off, what type of “contest” did she enter that was giving away hi-tech thermostats? Secondly, why would Satan just want to gift my mom, whom she wasn’t even that close with, $450 worth of stuff, for no reason? It was extremely weird. 
Because Satan is a sociopathic narcissist, I take everything she says with a grain of salt. As we know, they went to my mom’s house one Saturday afternoon under the pretense that they were going to put the covers on her A/C wall units. The neighbor texted me that day and told me that my brother and Satan were at the house and they brought a friend along. I went there to confront them. Remember, these are 2 people who NEVER came to my mom’s house to do anything for her and all of the sudden, that she’s in the hospital in severely bad shape, they want to help. Once I got there they were gone and that was when I discovered the camera, sitting atop my piano, in my mom’s living room, with the trained on my old bedroom where my mom kept her safe. 
Re-telling this story made me angry about it all over again because when I thought about how they manipulated my mom, I realized how truly evil it all was. As I said, my mom was in really bad shape at that point in time and it was beyond clear to anyone who saw her. She had lost the ability to walk and control her bowels and bladder. They put her on oxygen because she was having trouble breathing from her severe anemia. To make matters worse, her transplanted kidney failed after 25 years and she needed to start on dialysis treatments again. Worst of all was we know knew that her cancer had spread beyond the kidney where it originated, via her lymphatic system. It was everywhere, in her lungs, her stomach and even on her tailbone and a bone in her leg. The prognosis was grim at best and it was becoming clear that she was rapidly declining and death was coming. During that time the doctor also spoke to me and told me that my mom was terminally ill and that they were suggesting she go on hospice. She had enough shit to worry about. She didn’t need a fucking camera in her house or a new thermostat. She needed her son to be there and to stop harassing her about getting her affairs in order.
The fact that Satan completely mislead her, is what I find the most disturbing. The way she presented it to my mom was that she won the thermostat in a contest and didn’t need it. She used the thermostat as her selling point, and the camera was secondary, kind of an added on bonus. When I discovered the camera; I checked the wall and sure enough her old dial thermostat was still there. Not only was the thermostat not installed, they didn’t even bring it wit them. The box for the thermostat was tucked away in a spare bedroom that she used as an office. When they went there to set up the camera, they didn’t tell my mom until afterwards. 
I had to fix my mom’s iPad one day because their stupid Nest app froze it. I brought it home and once I got it back up and running, I was able to get into the nest app. The app is a paid service. You must pay a monthly fee to be able to view and save your videos. The account was under my brother’s name and my mom was added as a guest of his, which meant he had full access to the camera. He proved that he would be checking up on it because later that night he went to my mom’s house (for the second time that day); and discovered the camera was missing, and so he text me asking why I took the camera that he GAVE to mom. If he was really giving it to her for any good reason, he would’ve let her sign up for her own account. They proved that they were just lending it to her until she died by threatening to bring me and my husband to court and sue us over it. 
I think what pisses me off the most was the intent. To this day I don’t know the exact reason why they planted the camera. What haunts me is wondering what reason they gave her for putting the camera in her house? She never told me, which leads me to believe it’s probably some bullshit lie they made up about me. I was completely confused while all of this shit was happening. I had asked my mom several times why they put the camera in there and she couldn’t even answer my question. At that point in time I really felt like there was NO ONE I could trust. Even my own mother. I started to think that maybe she was in on something with them. Maybe she was hiding something from me. Maybe she was falling for their fake care and concern for her. It just wasn’t making sense. 
In retrospect, I believe they put that camera in there to control me. They wanted me to know Things are starting to come together now and make sense. My brother told me and my husband at the funeral parlor, that my Uncle Bob had been advising him the whole entire time. A few days prior to that during an argument between him and I, he told me that he knew I was “trying to get [my mom] to write him out of her will.”. While that wasn’t even true, it could’ve only came from one source, Aunt Bea and Uncle Bob. Prior to the last few weeks of my mom’s hospital stay, Aunt Bea and Uncle Bob were pretty much the only family members that were friendly with my brother and his wife. Them telling my brother and Satan that was what ignited the fire under their asses to make sure he got his half of her estate. My brother is also an asshole for even believing my mother would EVER do anything like that. He and his wife verbally abused her me disrespected her for three years straight. They sent her into a horrible downward spiral and gave her horrible anxiety and depression, and look, my mom was STILL willing to have a relationship with them. My mom would never do something like that and my brother should’ve known better. Him believing it was because of his own guilt that he unquestionably carries with him for hurting her so badly. 
I do not think I could ever forgive my brother for what he put my mom through in the last month of her life. She deserved better. She deserved to die in a peaceful, stress free, drama free environment. For years I blamed Satan but at the end, my brother is just as much responsible as she is. He didn’t have to go along with her crazy plans but he did. I think the camera is a testament to the evilness of narcissists . It shows how they will stop at NOTHING to win. Satan is probably so used to getting her way. Her scare tactics and manipulations probably work on other people but they do not work on me. She has met her match. 

Now hiring, new family scapegoat.Ā 

I’ve always felt different than a lot of the women in my family. I attribute that to my mom because she had grown up with three sisters and always felt like the black sheep. I was a tom boy as a kid and preferred hanging out with my brother and my cousin Benny at family parties over my female cousins. It wasn’t until recently that I realized i didn’t just feel different, I was different. I just have a different way of seeing things and viewing the world. It doesn’t mean I’m better than them, it just means I am different. 

Back in 2005 when the story came out that my older cousin Benny (who was in his late 20’s) had been sexually molesting one of our younger female cousins, I have felt tension between me and many members of my family, especially my Aunt Bea and Uncle Bob, Benny’s parents I think they blamed me for the embarrassment their family suffered as a result of the story coming to light. 
I was 24 at the time when the victim came to me and told me what was going on. That was an incredibly powerful secret and I was forced to make one of the most difficult decisions in my life. Either I tell her secret or risk more girls in the family being victimized. I really didn’t know how to handle the situation and so I reached out to get opinions from the people I trusted the most. Unfortunately they also lacked the know-how when it came to handling these types of situations and so they reached out to others for the same exact reason. Before you knew it, the whole family was involved in this crisis. 
When you have a really close extended family like the one I had, it’s hard to keep secrets. Growing up, I hid a lot from my mom because I knew my mom was always going to tell everyone what happened. My aunts and uncles always preached forgiveness, unconditional love and loyalty to the family, but those things go out the window, when something like his happens. Before I told anyone, I knew the magnitude of secret like this could potentially ruin the family. Naively, I believed it could be settled within the confines of our own family. Unfortunately this wasn’t the case.
I was not happy with the way things turned out. Not only was my cousin victimized she lost her entire family. The situation became something completely different than what it actually was. It became about who’s liked more and who does more for who. The fact that a little girl was victimized got completely lost in all the bullshit. I felt different than most of my family and when the topic came up, I had no problems discussing how I felt, even of how I felt was not how everyone else felt. The only ones who saw eve to eye on my was my Aunt Dana and her husband. 

That situation changed so much about me, but what’s more is it changed the way I looked at my family and likewise for them.
No one has ever exactly said that they blame me or are angry with me, but they also didn’t say they weren’t. All I knew was after that day, the way I was treated by certain members of my family was different. I earned a reputation as a big mouth because I wasn’t afraid to share my feelings and how wrong I thought it was that the victim was being re-victimized, time and time again, by the rest of her family. They blamed EVERYTHING on my Aunt Annie; the victim’s mother. It was all HER fault. Similar to what happened to me in the last year, my aunt was dealing with an extremely emotional and traumatic situation and my aunts overstepped their boundaries, causing my aunt Annie to lash out at them. Once my aunt Annie lashed out, that was it. It was all over. No one tried to call her and reason with her. No one apologized to her for being insensitive. Instead, they lit the torches up and grabbed the pitchforks. 
I am completely convinced that my Aunt Bea is a narcissist and my Aunt Debbie is one of her flying monkeys. They did the same thing to me that they did to my Aunt Annie. They intrusively overstepped boundaries and didn’t respect me, during a time I was going through the most emotionally devastating thing in my life. I said some words, I spit some truth at them, and it bruised their fragile little egos and because I didn’t apologize or kiss their asses, I became the bad guy. I am now the family scapegoat and EVERYTHING that goes wrong in their lives, is MY FAULT. 
I want to share with you guys some of the shit I have been blamed for in the last few months. From what I’ve read, this is typical in families where personality disorders exist. This is all stuff I’ve heard from other family members and most of it came from my aunt Bea. Although I have not interacted with them in slightly over a year, they are still blaming me for everything. . Their avoidance of talking to me and/or dealing with me is because they have guilt about things. Instead of facing their own guilt and shortcomings, they deflect everything on me.
Aunt Bea claims I robbed her of “precious moments” with my mom and she is angry with me for “leaving the hospital room” when her and my Aunt Debbie came to visit mom. 
This is just total and utter bullshit. I didn’t rob her of anything. I was not up at the hospital 24/7. There was plenty of time that she could’ve jumped in her car and drove out here by herself to spend quality, alone time with my mom. My aunt Bea cannot function without her husband and will only drive locally by herself. Anything out of the 5 mile radius of her town, she needs my uncle Bob to drive her. She could’ve driven herself to my mom’s house at anytime when she was home and spent the day with her but she always had to wait for my uncle. That is NOT my fault. The same goes for Aunt Debbie. She hardly made it to see my mom in the hospital. She would come once or twice a week at the same time as Aunt Bea. To. E honest, I was seriously shocked that she wasn’t there way more. Aunt Debbie is a very independent woman. She was a single mother for years and ran a household and worked a full-time job. 
As far as me leaving the hospital room while she was there…..I made a very conscious decision to do that and there were various reasons why. For starters there was tension there and my mom was already aware of the tension. For her sake, I felt it was better if I left so that she didn’t have to feel uncomfortable. I also didn’t want to be blamed for breathing down anyone’s neck and/or not allowing them time with my mom. They deserved private time with her too. Also, although I wasn’t there 24/7 I did spend the majority of my time there and so it was nice to get a break when someone else came to keep her company. I knew I was going to be blamed for something either way and so I went with the route that made ME the most comfortable. She only has herself to blame if she didn’t get enough time with my mom. She told my husband that she’d be at the hospital more, but she had to go home and feed her dogs. She has a grown adult daughter and son-in-law, living in an apartment adjacent to her house. I’m

Sure they could’ve filled in here and there and fed her dogs. It’s a sad excuse and while sometimes I like animals better than I like people, her and my mom supposedly were the closest of all the sisters. 
I am also blamed for my mom being angry with both her and my Aunt Debbie. Again, this is just total bullshit. My mom had been angry with my Aunt Bea since before she even knew she had cancer and it was because of the way Aunt Bea spoke to her and how Aunt Bea completely disregarded her feelings. When my mom died I found several argumentative messages between them. This all started with Aunt Bea being friends with my brother’s wife, who I call, Satan whom my mom and I were not getting along with. on Facebook. My mom felt like Aunt Bea wasn’t being supportive of her. Satan unfriended my mom on Facebook way back in the very beginning around the time my brother and her got married. My mom felt it was wrong of Aunt Bea to be friends with Satan on Facebook and to be complimenting her by commenting her on all her photos. Aunt Bea was well aware of all the fighting and disrespectfulness Satan showed towards my mom. My mom felt like my aunt B was sending a message to Satan that she thought my mom was an asshole too. Aunt B was made aware by several people, several times that what she was doing was upsetting my mom but she continued to do it. She had a choice to stop. She he had a choice to support her sister but she chose not to. To make matters worse she got in several arguments with my mom both on the phone and via Facebook messages. My mom would hang up with her and call me to complain about how Aunt Bea would make her feel like she was a horrible mother for being angry with her son. 
Probably one of the most ridiculous reasons that they are upset with me for, is because supposedly I upset my mother. Apparently my mom “complained” about me to them. Whatever it was, it was just a mother venting. We were so close that we were bound to get on one another’s nerves, and guess what? I complained about her too. It is called life. If I had to take a guess at what she was talking about, I would have to say it was all this bullshit with my brother. Im not going to lie, as hard as I tried to keep it out of her hospital room there were days it was obviously taking a toll on me and I brought it into her room. I was always real with my mom and so it was hard not to discuss those things. My mom didn’t want to deal with it. She didn’t want to deal with anything…her cancer, her kidney failure and me and my brother being estranged. She didn’t want to hear the very legitimate reasons I had because she wanted to die thinking we’d be ok and we’d be there for one another. Regardless of what my mom complained about, I know what I did and didn’t do to her. There’s nothing that she could’ve said about me that could excuse them or justify the way they’ve been treating me 
For a long time I started to think that maybe something was wrong with me. Maybe I was a horrible person. Maybe I was this animal who was going around starting shit with people for no good reason. It took me a very long time to come to the place where I am now, and where I am now is that I know I am not 100% to blame. I do bear responsibility and mostly for the way I reacted to things. In some cases I may have over reacted. I don’t want to make excuses but the reality was, I was dealing with the overwhelming stress of watching my mother die a slow and painful death. My mind wasn’t right. The fact that my aunts have absolutely no compassion for that is beyond appalling.
They can no longer blame my aunt Annie for the breakdown and deterioration of the family. She hasn’t been around in over a decade. Naturally someone had to step into her place as the new family scapegoat. They can keep pointing the blame on me for as long as they want because I truly believe in and one day the universe will get them back worse than I ever could.